Should I Get Rid Of My Moms Bed Now That Shes Gone?

[terestrife]

My mom passed 6 months ago from pancreatic cancer. ive put most of her things in containers, i tossed out the drawers, as i didnt need them.

but for some reason im finding it hard to let go of her bed. just the thought of doing this makes me break down. theres no use for it, its just sitting in the living room reminding everyone of my mom being there in pain her last days. i thought of upcycling it around the house, but cant think of what to do with it. its a wooden daybed.

the thought of letting it go is hitting me so hard.

during her last days my mom wanted our home to look beautiful, so my brother and i are working hard to make it look great. the bed brings sadness to my siblings. i know i am being selfish, but i am crying as i write this at the thought of letting go of this bed. i know people will think im ridiculous, but i dont know what to do.

 

[kittens mom]

If you have no use for it would your mom have wanted it to be donated. I have found that donating something useful for someone else to be a way to let go, help someone else and honor the person or pet's life in at least a small way.

 

[terestrife]

If you have no use for it would your mom have wanted it to be donated. I have found that donating something useful for someone else to be a way to let go, help someone else and honor the person or pet's life in at least a small way.

my mom was kind of cuckoo, she loved keeping old things even if they had no use. Dont get my wrong, even though she kept lots of things, she always kept a clean home and somehow it didnt look bad. But even when she was gifted a new bed when she was ill with cancer, she still wanted to keep her old bed, just in case. lol

i think thats why i am having a hard time letting go. Because i remember her saying she would find a place for it in our home.

 

[Kieka]

My Mom and Aunt slowly went through my Grandmas possessions over two years. Everyone moves at their own pace when it comes to grief and don't doubt that dealing with possessions is part of grief.

I would try to find a different spot for it or reorganize that room to suit it being included better. If you can't figure out a way to make it work ask around and find someone who could really use it. If you can't bring yourself to do that then move it into a garage or storage until you can.

My Mom still has a dresser from her grandmother. It was my changing table and dresser as a baby. My niece used it for a while. It absolutely cannot be repainted/damaged or my Mom will freak out. When it isn't actively being used somehow it is stored and covered to protect it. It is fine to have something you can't bear let go. Just don't have a hundred something's and be one of those people we see on hoardes.

 

[kittens mom]

my mom was kind of cuckoo, she loved keeping old things even if they had no use. Dont get my wrong, even though she kept lots of things, she always kept a clean home and somehow it didnt look bad. But even when she was gifted a new bed when she was ill with cancer, she still wanted to keep her old bed, just in case. lol

i think thats why i am having a hard time letting go. Because i remember her saying she would find a place for it in our home.

Then take it apart and find a place to store it until the time is right. We often see grief as purely emotional but there are physical triggers. Sometimes putting something away for a while helps shift them in time this daybed could become a memory of your mother in a good way. Right now you can't find a place because perhaps it's painful to look at.

 

[terestrife]

My Mom and Aunt slowly went through my Grandmas possessions over two years. Everyone moves at their own pace when it comes to grief and don't doubt that dealing with possessions is part of grief.

I would try to find a different spot for it or reorganize that room to suit it being included better. If you can't figure out a way to make it work ask around and find someone who could really use it. If you can't bring yourself to do that then move it into a garage or storage until you can.

My Mom still has a dresser from her grandmother. It was my changing table and dresser as a baby. My niece used it for a while. It absolutely cannot be repainted/damaged or my Mom will freak out. When it isn't actively being used somehow it is stored and covered to protect it. It is fine to have something you can't bear let go. Just don't have a hundred something's and be one of those people we see on hoardes.

Thank you, this makes me feel a lot better. My brother, that i live with is very supportive. But i think he finds it hard to understand why i have such a hard time letting go of physical possessions. But dont worry, i gave away my moms many dressers, her clothes we shared amongst her daughters, and granddaughters. Her shoes i will donate. I dont like having unecessary things, so i cant see myself becoming like someone from hoarders. lol

i've kept furniture she loved and we actually use. its her bed i isnt used that i am struggling to give up for some odd reason. i like the idea of taking it apart and putting it away for now until i decide better.

Then take it apart and find a place to store it until the time is right. We often see grief as purely emotional but there are physical triggers. Sometimes putting something away for a while helps shift them in time this daybed could become a memory of your mother in a good way. Right now you can't find a place because perhaps it's painful to look at.

yes, i like the idea of putting it away for now. I dont know why im struggling to give up this one specific item. I can say its painful at times to look at it. My last memories of my mom, is of her in that bed, in pain. It hurts my sister to see that bed. But the thought of letting it go makes me break down. i've let go of a lot of my moms things, but im not ready yet to give up her bed.

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thank you both for being so kind and understanding, and not thinking im crazy and selfish. =(

 

[Winchester]

I'm sorry about your mom. Don't do anything until you're ready and then let it go. It was difficult for us to let go of some of our mom's stuff, too, so we waited around for a while. And then we let things go.

Or I'm wondering, I don't know how creative you are (I am not!), but you could take apart the day bed and perhaps make something else out of it? If it's wooden. Did you mother like plants? Maybe you could make a nice plant stand from the bed? Or maybe a nice shelving unit or a book case? I see all kind of things online where very creative people have managed to make really nice things from other things. Just an idea for you. And it's a way to channel your grief a little bit. You'd still have the bed, but just in a different way. (I'm sorry if I've offended you by suggesting something like this.)