severely skittish unsocialized adult cat...please help

[senie]

OK so my girl Trixie is about 2 years old. I got her as a kitten when she was around 2 to 3 months old, she wasnt socialized when we got her and unfortunitly she was sick with servere ring worm so i had to isolate her becuase my little brother who was only coming on the weekends an was 5 at the time was also dealing with a case of ring worm from school, so to avoid further infection for either of them i kept them apart when he was here. And also my grandmother didnt really like her or the idea of having a cat in the house.

Sadly it took a couple of months for the ring worm to heal and for my grandmother to adjust to the cat, which means months of basically just me an her in the room playing so she is good with me. With my grandmother getting used to having around, but still has a love hate realtionship with her she became comfortable around her too.

Now her relationship with my little brother who has since then moved in with us an is now 6 going on 7 next week, and has behaviour issues we are working on, hasn't been a good one because he was always chasing around the house and throwing things at her and screaming at her and done some pretty means things to her in the past while i am going to say that lately he was been more relaxed around her and has basically done a 360, I don't know if it because he maturing because he about to be 7 or what but he has relaxed with her she still pretty iffy with him an even still attacks him sometimes but I have noticed lately along with his change in behaviour she has been hiding less when he home she even been playing with him a little even though she mostly tries to stay in the rooms where is not in so that's a work in progress.

So that being said I know that all that has a big part as to why she is skittish...but let me explain her behaviour...

When my brothers not here she is a normal cat she runs she play throughout the entire apartment she loves to look out the window she sits on top of the TV she annoys my mother by pushing the things off her dresser she bothers my grandmother she does her normal cat stuff that she always done...

When my brother gets home she does the same except in the room because he spends most of his time in the living room.

Here the real issue, when other people come over who don't live here you don't see her she hides under the bed she wont come out to eat or use the litter box I have to find her an bring her to the bathroom every couple of hours an bring her, her food an water an close the door for her to come out an eat it. We have had this system for the entire time we've had her. We do it everytime and has become habbit of our when there company we know the routine.

I know this is a problem but I didn't think she had it that bad until yesterday. We had family over and we were all getting ready to leave the house, my grandmother told me to take Trixie out the room because lately she has been breaking the shades on the window and no one was going to be home to watch her, so I grabbed her and I took her to the living room and she goes into full panic mood she starts crying hysterically meowing runs straight to the door of the room franticly trying to push the door open her paw was getting stuck in between the door I tried to take her an put her under the couch to see if she felt better there no she just ran back to the door meowing like crazy almost hurting herself to try and get back into the room my grandmother even tried to spray her with the water bottle that she usually runs from if you just show it to her when she scratching the chairs an she didn't even care she was getting wet she just wanted to go back into the room

I never seen her like this I didn't think the problem was that bad! so i just opened the door an let her back in because she was just so frantic. I know your probably going to say she needs a place where she can feel comfortable at all times but I'm just not in a place right now to afford my own place where she can be with just me. So I don't know how to help her but i just feel horrible that she living like this in fear and is that skittish someone please give me advice on how I can help my baby i wont give her away because she my baby she is so attached to me and I to her.. I just need some advice on what I can do...please thank you

 

[tulosai]

How long do these people come over for? Are they overnight guests? if not I'd just let her hide under the bed while they are there.  A lot of cats do this and I don't see the harm.  I would not make her come out of the room while people are still there.  Honestly, I think the solution in this case is as simple as letting her hide.

If they are overnight guests I can see where it would be a bigger issue, but in that case why not give her a litterbox and food in the room she hides in and just close the door and let her be 'safe' in there?

I don't think there is much else to be done to be honest but perhaps others will come up with ideas. 

 

[senie]

We usually just do let her hide...but lately she has been breaking our window shades so we been having to take her out the room when we leave. And sometimes they do sleep over and i have to phisically take her to the litter box..an my family dont want the litter box in the room where they sleep in

 

[soeren]

No, it's neither good nor normal for a cat to hide,  just because there are guests over. Whether it's an entire house, an apartment or just a room: it's her territory. It's ok not to come over immediately to strangers but a soon as people have settled down it is normal for a cat to welcome her guests (yeah, she owns you not the other way around). Having been chased around by your brother probably caused her anxiety toward strangers (there always is the possibility of medical issues but thats something your vet needs to tell you). Now, what he's doing is exactly right: associate good things with him. Try and supervise his playtime with the cat, give him treats to feed her (maybe even let him take over feeding her her meals), teach him how to pet her. this way you can stabilize their relationship. 

Does your cat have places throughout the home that are hers, like cat trees and scratch posts? Are there high places in the living room from which she can observe the entire room? Can she escape in any direction from these places? You should keep an open door policy, so your cat doesn't have to rely on you to get around her territory.

I do have a similar problem with my cat (she's afraid of men) and what I am doing right now is training her slowly. I have a friend who visits me specifically to spent time with her and work with her and its showing progress. 

So my advise would be first work on your cats relationship with your brother, then ask a friend over. tell this friend to completely ignore the cats presence in the beginning. Should your cat remain in her hiding spot for a long period of time try sitting down in front of her hiding spot and do this slow blinking thing cats do, when they tell, you they trust you. Do it until she blinks back, let your friend repeat the exercise. Try and let this friend draw her out with toys and treats. Try it with different people. Don't do too much in one day, rather repeat it regularly and increase the amount of time. Try and introduce a small group of people to your home, again tell them to ignore the cat completely. Eventually she should feel comfortably enough to just hang out. 

 

[senie]

Unfortunately there aren't any places in the living room that she can be high up on only in the bed room. Yesterday she came out of the room while he was home even tho she stayed mostly in the hall closet to where I was sitting she didn't go fully into the living room tho either way I think it still a little progress as far as with him... She usually walks behind the couch to get to the kitchen when he home never across the living room floor tho... But at the same time I think that little panic she had the other night messed her up more because now it seems like she constantly lookin around an over her shoulder even to eat... I don't think that her anxiety is health related because now he at school an she laying across the living room floor she playing running jumping off the couches. As far as the holding the holding an petting thing she not really into that even with me... Sooommee times she wants me to pet her but she doesn't like to be held an when I let him pet her she stiffs up an holds her ears back an makes this funny face actually. I have tried the things u said with him play time with her feed her treat he does it jus fine but then he goes right back to being mean. I noticed the other day she came out to say hi to my cousin but we where in the room so I guess she felt comfortable and once my uncle was sleeping over and she came out to the living room. And even smelled him.

 

[wamydia]

One of my adult cats is very shy and will hide when strangers first come into my house.  If they stay a while (a few hours), she will eventually settle down and come out on her own to greet them in her own way (from a distance, lol).  The more often someone comes over, the quicker she comes out to see them.  I know from experience that the worst thing I can do is to try to force her to be around strangers by picking her up and taking her into the room with them.  That just makes her panic.

It sounds like your cat is similar and in that case I would say don't try to force her to do anything (don't hold her and make her let your brother pet her or take her into rooms with strangers).  I think you have to coax her into being around people by asking people to be patient and talk to her, pet her, give treats, etc.  Until she is able to be around people, just let her stay in her room when they come over.  If you need to take her out of the room when you leave, then ask your guests to step outside and wait for you for a minute while you move the cat.  That way you solve the issue of the blinds without sending the cat into a meltdown.  And please don't squirt her with a water bottle when she is already panicked.  That will just make her even more terrified of everything.

Is it possible to make sure that your brother is only around the cat when you are there to supervise?  It sounds as if you need to make sure that you are there in order to stop any mean behavior he may try with the cat.  At least if you are supervising you can protect the cat and hopefully teach your brother what is acceptable and what is not.  I'm afraid that if your brother and your cat are left alone together you will never make any progress since you can't control what is happening when you aren't there.

 

[ruaryx]

Yes, I agree that it is perfectly normal for cats to be a little skittish when guests come over.  My cat (who I had as a kitten, was never abused, feels comfortable/confident when there aren't strangers, etc) has always been a little shy. It's just her personality.  I think it's important for kitty to have a safe room that she knows is hers.  I know that you can't afford your own place right now, but maybe you can allow her access to your room with food and litterbox and close the door when people are over.  Will she eat and use the bathroom if the door is closed?  You should cat-proof this room so that you won't have to worry about anything breaking and allow her to hide whenever she wants.