Separation Anxiety at Night

[natlguardwife]

My husband and I adopted Ash 4 months ago. He was abandoned under a dumpster in a parking lot and lived with a foster family for 3 months before we found him. He is FeLV+ and about 2-3 years old.

Like any cat, he's a terror. He climbs on things, scratches our carpet, and is generally the reason we won't get our security deposit back. None of that is concerning though, as I've lived with cats all my life.

Ash has bonded with my husband. I am acceptable if he's not home but he really wants my husband. He runs to the door as soon as he pulls in the driveway and follows him around the house.

When we are gone during the day, we find no evidence of anxiety when we get home. Nothing knocked over, nothing scratched apart, no eliminating outside of the litter box.

When we get home at the end of the day, he gets dinner (around 6), then cuddle time on the couch (which is really us on one couch and him on the other. He's not really a cuddler but wants to be in the same room). He gets at least a half hour of play time shortly before bed but he's a lazy player. It's very difficult to get him running and jumping for more than a minute at a time. Then he lays down and halfheartedly bats at the toy until he builds up another burst of crazy. Then we fill his dry food bowl before we go up to bed.
He rarely touches it, instead waiting until morning when he can devour his canned food like we haven't fed him in a week. He eats the dry food during the day, so I know its not like he doesn't like it.

The biggest problem we have is overnight. Unfortunately, letting Ash sleep in our room is not an option, since I have a special needs bird who stays in my room.
Ash will be ok for the most part when we get into bed and close the door, but inevitably he will start to cry and scratch at the door. Sometimes its not until 1AM, sometimes its an hour after we went to bed. Usually if one of us goes to the bathroom, or simply makes a noise, he'll quiet down for a little while. I truly believe he wants to know that we havent left.

We have tried using deterrents to keep him away from the door, but he's not afraid of anything except the vaccum. He has plenty of toys around and even a treat dispenser but hes lazy and doesn't even try to use it.

He gets fed wet food twice a day and dry food overnight. We are getting to our wits end here. My husband slept on the couch last night in hopes of keeping him calm. It worked, but I know its only going to make things worse in the long run, especially since my husband leaves for a 2 week training at the end of the month.

My husband is a light sleeper, so he wakes up at the slightest noise. He also has to get up early for work, so being woken up several times through the night is not helpful.

What can we do for Ash to teach him
A) We don't leave at night and always always always come back. He's with us forever now. So we have to fix this or learn to live with it.
B) Crying at the door won't get him attention. This will be the hardest one. My husband will yell or go out simply to get him to stop scratching. I'm working on him. If there's a training your husband forum on here... let me know.
C) Nighttime is for sleeping, preferably for more than 2 or 3 hours at a time.

Sorry its so long, I'm trying to give you as much info as possible. If you have any ideas, tips, tricks, or what have you.... i would greatly appreciate it.

 

[marie-josee]

Have you tried to give him one of your husband's dirty sweater at night to sleep on.  It's strange to say, but it might calm him down.  Here's why: I remember when we moved from our house and the house was empty of furniture.  We left our two cats to bring them on another trip since the move was going to be very scarry for them.  My husband left his sweater on the floor to tell them we're not gone forever.  We'll come back.  When we got back to get them, they were both sleeping on the sweater purring.

I guess my husband's scent on the sweater calmed them down.  You might want to try this.

Good luck

Marijo

 

[catlover73]

My hubby had to spend the night in the hospital a few years ago. Our cat Starbuck is very bonded to my hubby. She was very unhappy that he was not home. She was very loudly looking for him. When I laid down to go to bed she was still looking for him. I opened the door to my laundry room and threw a small pile of hubby's dirty laundry on the floor she came running in there and sat on his clothes. I was able to pet her and she calmed down. I took another piece of laundry and she followed it to the bedroom. I put a dirty t-shirt on hubby's pillow and she settled down and slept on it. I kept dirty laundry on his pillow for her until he got home. I had an extra pillow with a clean pillow case waiting to be put on the bed when he got home. He took a long weekend from work to rest. Once he started moving around in the house he realized Starbuck had carried his laundry around the house and left him gifts:

 

[slinkygirl87]

I just came across your post. Did you find anything that worked for your cat? I have been having this problem with mine ever since we moved into a new apartment about 2 months ago.

 

[Timmer]

I adopted a cat 8 years ago who was obsessed with me (as I was with him!). Problem was my other cat and he didn't get along and so she lived upstairs and he lived downstairs. I couldn't let him sleep with me every night because she deserved that privilege, too. Any time he was separated from me he screamed and cried. I lived like that for 8 years, probably getting only 5 hours sleep at night. Sometimes I did like your husband, and went and slept on the couch. Unfortunately, that is rewarding bad behavior and kitty knows how to push your buttons now. It's a tough life, I can tell you that much. My kitty passed away about 10 days ago and I miss him so much, even his meowing in the night. The only thing that worked for me was at bed time/lights out I would hit the vacuum cleaner on for about 5 seconds. He learned that when he came to the door the vacuum would go on and he stopped but...he was a much older cat. If you reward this behavior by responding, even yelling, your kitty will grow up to be an adult doing the same thing. That's my experience. They want that response. And he probably wants to sleep with you guys. I know so many people who don't let their cats in the bedroom and they have problems with them.

I like the idea that others have given you about giving him dirty laundry. That might work. It's worth a shot. There are two of you and he's bonded with your husband more than you so yes, I'd try that.

The cat isn't eating the treats most likely because he is so well fed! Two cans a day plus dry when he wants it is more than enough, so food is not going to motivate him.
What about getting more exciting interactive toys? Da Bird is a good one. Wand toys with feathers. And play an hour and a half before bed, then put out the dry food. Half an hour play before bed the cat might still be pumped up.