Hi everyone, I first came to this forum 4 years ago with the passing of my beloved little boy Dubs. I'm here again because I remember everyone here being kind and gentle in my time of need, and if I ever needed help it is now.
My very first companion, my best friend, and the only solid beacon of light in my life, Rudy, left me 6 days ago. Rudy ultimately died from the same thing his brother Dubs did, a saddle thrombus. Without giving you every detail, we elected to euthanize Rudy to spare him stress and suffering. His prognosis was extremely, extremely poor, and while every ounce of me wanted to try to fight for him, the chance of survival and quality of life was too low and the chance of agony for him was too great for me to subject him to it. Even if he had survived treatment the physical rehabilitation of his back legs would have been nearly impossible, he had a birth defect of one of his front legs which made him only walk on 3.
I know, 100% that I made the right call to forgo treatment, its unbearable for him to be gone but the thought of him dying alone in the hospital far away from his home is far more unbearable. My brain is trying to make me second guess myself but I know those thoughts aren't real.
I am lost now because I never thought I would live through this day. I have has to either euthanize or come to terms with the deaths of 3 pets before this, one of them horrible and traumatic, and it was Rudy who got me through. I had always said to him, "what will I do without you?" and it seems the answer is I don't know. I did okay the first 3 days after, I didn't have work and I was able to spend the time with my husband (he's been extremely supportive). I have to medicate myself to sleep, Rudy was my constant sleeping companion and for him to not be there is agonizing. Things have been getting worse since I returned to work. I work with animals, I'm a groomers assistant. I dont want to make it seems as if my clients are poor pet owners, but some of them are. While I know the universe does not work in terms of what's fair I find myself agonizing over why do these people who bring there cat in unkempt, stressed and filthy get to keep their companions and I don't? I have pet insurance, i feed a very high quality raw diet supplement it's high quality kibble, i constantly monitored Rudy's mobility for signs of arthritis, I did everything with reason for my animals and they have all been taken from me suddenly, tragically, and too early except for my dog who passed just this June.
I'm sure my writing is disjointed and random, and I'm sorry. I don't need to explain to anyone here how much Rudy meant to me, and how large the void in my life is. I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice or just a kind word, I just know I'm so lost and alone. I miss my dear friend more than I have words for. I want to go back in time, even if it's to his last day, before the blood clot settled in his legs and hold him and tell him how much he means to me.
Thank you for reading.
My very first companion, my best friend, and the only solid beacon of light in my life, Rudy, left me 6 days ago. Rudy ultimately died from the same thing his brother Dubs did, a saddle thrombus. Without giving you every detail, we elected to euthanize Rudy to spare him stress and suffering. His prognosis was extremely, extremely poor, and while every ounce of me wanted to try to fight for him, the chance of survival and quality of life was too low and the chance of agony for him was too great for me to subject him to it. Even if he had survived treatment the physical rehabilitation of his back legs would have been nearly impossible, he had a birth defect of one of his front legs which made him only walk on 3.
I know, 100% that I made the right call to forgo treatment, its unbearable for him to be gone but the thought of him dying alone in the hospital far away from his home is far more unbearable. My brain is trying to make me second guess myself but I know those thoughts aren't real.
I am lost now because I never thought I would live through this day. I have has to either euthanize or come to terms with the deaths of 3 pets before this, one of them horrible and traumatic, and it was Rudy who got me through. I had always said to him, "what will I do without you?" and it seems the answer is I don't know. I did okay the first 3 days after, I didn't have work and I was able to spend the time with my husband (he's been extremely supportive). I have to medicate myself to sleep, Rudy was my constant sleeping companion and for him to not be there is agonizing. Things have been getting worse since I returned to work. I work with animals, I'm a groomers assistant. I dont want to make it seems as if my clients are poor pet owners, but some of them are. While I know the universe does not work in terms of what's fair I find myself agonizing over why do these people who bring there cat in unkempt, stressed and filthy get to keep their companions and I don't? I have pet insurance, i feed a very high quality raw diet supplement it's high quality kibble, i constantly monitored Rudy's mobility for signs of arthritis, I did everything with reason for my animals and they have all been taken from me suddenly, tragically, and too early except for my dog who passed just this June.
I'm sure my writing is disjointed and random, and I'm sorry. I don't need to explain to anyone here how much Rudy meant to me, and how large the void in my life is. I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice or just a kind word, I just know I'm so lost and alone. I miss my dear friend more than I have words for. I want to go back in time, even if it's to his last day, before the blood clot settled in his legs and hold him and tell him how much he means to me.
Thank you for reading.