Roommate Has A Cat Even Though She's Allergic But Won't Let Me Get One?

[kittyhelp1244]

so my roommate and I just moved into a new house and got a kitten because she wanted a pet even though she's allergic (super excited about it because I LOVE animals especially cats)...she brought it the very first day we could move in and has been living at home with her family since so I've been taking care of her kitten for her (which I don't mind I love the little thing) but I work a lot and occasionally have to leave the kitten alone for 5-6 hours straight. I felt bad leaving her all by herself for a long time like that because she is very social, so I got another kitten so they could at least be alone together, which has seemed to work out very well for the original. the problem is now that my roommate is upset about the second cat because she's allergic to cats...but has a cat herself...(even though it's basically mine because I take care of her and she's not allowed in my roommates room ever so she also sleeps with me)...please send help

 

[kashmir64]

I'm sorry, but are you not paying half the rent and utilities? (that was sarcasm) She sounds like she has some control issues.

 

[kissthisangel]

This is ridiculous. Your roommate who got a cat to begin with is now upset that you (50% homeholder) also got a cat, to keep her original cat company since she will not stay there and you are the sole carer of both cats? Kick her out and get a roommate that understands that animals take time and care. You've done your best OP time to say goodbye to your bratty roommate.

 

[Kieka]

As someone allergic to cats but with cats I can 100% understand her upset.

On a basic level as roommates something that affects both of you (like adding an animal in the home or buying a new dishwasher or deciding to paint the living room) should be decided together. It's one thing if what you are doing only affects your space in the home. But when it affects both of your spaces it should at least be communicated in advance. Add on that it sounds like you did this while your roommate was out of town. AND that it sounds like you feel that your roommate wasn't properly caring for the kitten since it *needs* a playmate and the roommate didn't provide so you went ahead and did it for them? I couldn't agree more with your roommates upset at the situation.

As to the allergic but has a cat so cats are good mindset. It doesn't quite work that way. Now everyone is different but for me different cats cause different reactions, size matters, breed matters, fur matters, all of those aspects matter. And I am the one making the decision for my health on what risks I am willing to take and what discomfort is worth it. I have gone to shelters and run into cats that cause instant reaction. I have run into ones who cause more of a respiratory response or a physical (itchy) response. I have run into ones that are fine at first and then hit hard and sudden. When you are allergic and decided, on your own, to live with the reaction for years you spend a lot of time picking out the cat that is worth the discomfort.

When I go into someones home that has a cat I have about 30-45 minutes top until I have to go. Unless I prep first and sit near an open window and then I can sometimes stretch it out. So if I am visiting people I usually offer to take them out to dinner or meet up at a coffee shop so we can visit longer. Good friends who help me out by cleaning or accepting that it is better to talk at the dining room table where there is hardwood instead of cloth couches that hold allergens (and realized I might have to suddenly leave) I might visit at their house. But two of my cats sleep on my bed every night.

Why? Well one thing is that my cats are both pointed which means they are lower allergen genetically. I got them at young ages so I adjusted to them as the level of allergens they gave off increased. I got them a year apart. The first 3 months with each of them was hard on my allergies. Over time my body got adjusted to each of them. So the reaction became less and less. By the time I got the second one I was fairly well adjusted to the first. Despite that when I added Rocket into the house I had to add a nasal spray into my daily routine (on top of a daily asthma control and daily allergy pill) to help combat the allergies that spiked with her arrival. Those first few months with her there were some really bad days. Now it is level (after two years) and I am trying to ween off the nasal spray. But I still have challenges with my allergies as a direct result of having my cats.

But I made that choice to add cats and take on the side effects.

Adding a second cat in a household where someone is allergic to cats is not a choice to be made lightly. But you already have. You made a wrong assumption that having one cat meant that a second one would be fine. Your roommate has every right to be upset as you not only crossed the line but also set your roommate up for additional discomfort. The first cat was your roommates responsibility and it was their responsibility to care for it. Which included making the choice to get a second one to keep the first company. In my personal opinion being home alone for up to 8 hours isn't an issue provided you play and provide toys for the cat while gone. Honestly, they adjust to sleeping while you are gone in my experience.

Let us not even mention what will happen if you guys are no longer roommates. Unless you plan on living together for the next 15-20 years. You will be taking two kittens who are now two cats apart from each other. What if they are bonded? You are either setting your roommate up for having two cats, yourself for having two cats, or tearing apart two cats who have known each other their whole lives.

I don't want you to feel like I am picking on you and plenty of people will disagree with me. But from my perspective it was a bad move on your part.

 

[kashmir64]

I would agree with you Kieka if this was an older cat that the roommate had for years and had adjusted to. But it doesn't sound like this is what happened. The OP had every right to bring in a kitten since she is paying half the bills. It is not fair to just take someones money and not let them have any rights.
Yes, maybe this should have been discussed, but the roommate has no more right to say 'no' than she would if the OP brought someone home to spend the night. Especially, since the roommate is never there and the OP is caring for them both.

 

[Kieka]

I would agree with you Kieka if this was an older cat that the roommate had for years and had adjusted to. But it doesn't sound like this is what happened. The OP had every right to bring in a kitten since she is paying half the bills. It is not fair to just take someones money and not let them have any rights.
Yes, maybe this should have been discussed, but the roommate has no more right to say 'no' than she would if the OP brought someone home to spend the night. Especially, since the roommate is never there and the OP is caring for them both.

It would be ten times better, if I was the roommate,if it was an established cat first and now a kitten. I know that my system couldn't physically handle two new kittens at the same time. It doesn't matter that they are just kittens. Two brand new kittens at once would make it so I was basically trapped in my room (and has before when my Mom rescued two orphan kittens).

We can't say the OP has the right to bring in a kitten. Is OP paying half the rent? Does the lease have pet restrictions? Were there discussions prior to getting the first kitten? How long has the roommate been gone? Is the roommate coming back? Why is the roommate gone? Obviously the issue of allergies has been brought up before, so was there some sort of discussion or agreement about animals predating the kitten? We don't know enough about the situation to say the OP has a right to add an animal.

The OP is likely paying money, yes. But that only gives them the rights outlined in their rental agreement. For example, my brother has a roommate who rents a room out of his three bedroom house. My brother has a dog and a cat; but the roommate isn't allowed to have any. It was the agreement when he moved in. My brother could add 50 animals and the roommate still couldn't add any. The roommate watches the dog and cat from time to time. But watching the animals does not give the roommate a right to make decisions for the animals welfare in the long run. Conversely the roommate has no monetary responsibility for the animals. In you logic my brother is defying his roommates very rights by saying his roommate can't have animals even though my brother does. But paying money to live somewhere doesn't give you the right to do whatever you want. It gives you a roof over your head and whatever you agreed to with your landlord or roommate was acceptable. And yes, the roommate and OP could even have an agreement about no overnight guests, no smoking, no drinking, no balloon animals and whatever they agreed to is what is binding regardless of how much either pays.

I still strongly dislike the implication that the OP is caring for the kitten while the roommate is out of town and therefore has the right to make decisions as if the kitten was the OPs by getting a second kitten for company with the first. The logic of the why is disrespectful. Its basically telling roommate that they abandoned the kitten so OP will do what they want. With the added bonus of a large "I don't care about your health" thrown in. AND the bonus short term planning because of the long term situation of what happens when they aren't roommates and the kitten you got to keep the first company is now ripped away.

If the OP truly feels like the roommate has abandoned the kitten and the home then a different discussion should have taken place. But not adding a second kitten under the limited information provided about the situation.

 

[kashmir64]

Agreed that we don't know enough about the situation. That being said, your brothers situation is different, presumably. Your brother rents a room from his house with his name on the deed. These two (once again, presumably) have both their names on the lease. This does give the OP the right. Assuming the lease agreement allows pets.
And like I said before, yes, it should have at least been discussed with the roommate.

 

[Kieka]

I wouldn't be surprised if the roommate is more upset about how it happened then exactly what happened.

It is one of those situations that it is very hard to judge from the outside with only one side of the argument.

 

[kashmir64]

The funny thing is, we can debate could've/would've/should've all we want. But the OP has yet to come back on this thread.

 

[kittyhelp1244]

my roommate wasn't worried about her allergies at all when she got the kitten, she saw a post on Facebook from a friend, messaged her about getting her (nothing like seeing her and seeing if she was allergic to her specifically), picked her up the day we moved in and dropped her off at the house. both our names are on the lease. I had told her she was acting out while I was home no matter how much I played with her and tired her out and thought it might be because she's left alone for so long and gets bored. so I told her I was going to see if getting her a friend would help her behavior and if it did I would keep the friend. so she agreed to that but when I told her that it was working and I was going to keep the second that is when she became upset.

 

[kashmir64]

Well that settles those questions. I remain firm that you had every right and your roommate has control issues.

 

[Kieka]

Well that settles those questions. I remain firm that you had every right and your roommate has control issues.

With the additional details, I agree.