I'm having trouble integrating 2 new cats into my home. Some background, ten years ago my partner and I adopted a 3-year-old male, L, and a 6-year-old female, M. They were not besties, but they got along. They played together, but mostly just cohabited in peace. Flash forward nine years, M has passed and L has been an only cat for around 6 years. L, now 13 years old, is the sweetest most docile cat, but in the past year has started meowing during the night and knocking everything off the counters. We ultimately decided that he was bored and lonely. We looked for another cat, but nothing felt right. Then my cousin told us he had two cats that he can no longer keep due to a sudden health issue. After thinking about it, we agreed to take them.
A, a male, and J, a female, are both 2 years old and definitely a bonded pair. We started them off separated with A and J in a sanctuary room and fed them all on opposite sides of the door, scent swapping, switching rooms, and eventually worked up to feeding them relatively close to each other on opposite sides of a baby gate with no real instances. We then introduced them and things did not go well. J and L had an altercation, no major fighting, but hissing, growling, and swatting which ended in a baby gate falling over so everyone scattered. We continued to try to put them all together and they were able to eat on opposite sides of the room, but A and/or J would chase after L once they finished eating. We tried distracting them with play or treats, but they are so interested in L and getting up close to him. L will always run from them, jumping onto a counter or trying to hide, hissing and growling the whole time. One-time L got under a dresser to hide and A kept trying to get in L's face or charging towards him. L was frozen, but would hiss/growl if A got too close.
Now L is terrified of A and J. If he gets a glimpse of either he'll run which prompts A and J to chase. L won’t even be in the same room with A and J in carriers. We've started over and separated them with no interaction. We've also started using Jackson Galaxy Peacemaker and while A and J seem a little more chill, L is still scared. We've just gotten L to start eating food outside their closed door, but he'll still run off after a few minutes. We both come from "dog people" families so they think we're being too fussy or sensitive and should just put them together and let them "work it out." We know that is wrong, but we're at our wits end. It's been almost 2 months and we're worse off than when we first got A and J. This is all compounded by the fact that neither of us have really bonded with A or J. We like them and they are sweet to us, but there is no real connection. Perhaps it's too soon or we're unconsciously viewing them as the reason for all the stress, but I feel like a failure. This has been supremely more stressful that I ever anticipated.
I'm afraid L will be traumatized and our sweet docile cat will hide all day in fear and that A and J are being neglected put away in another room. We constantly talk about whether this is going to work and about re-homing A and J. I'm afraid that even if we get A, J, and L living peacefully together that it still won't feel right. Is there a way to make this work? The thought of re-homing A and J breaks my heart, but I feel like we're reaching a no turning back point. I'm afraid of making the wrong decision. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
A, a male, and J, a female, are both 2 years old and definitely a bonded pair. We started them off separated with A and J in a sanctuary room and fed them all on opposite sides of the door, scent swapping, switching rooms, and eventually worked up to feeding them relatively close to each other on opposite sides of a baby gate with no real instances. We then introduced them and things did not go well. J and L had an altercation, no major fighting, but hissing, growling, and swatting which ended in a baby gate falling over so everyone scattered. We continued to try to put them all together and they were able to eat on opposite sides of the room, but A and/or J would chase after L once they finished eating. We tried distracting them with play or treats, but they are so interested in L and getting up close to him. L will always run from them, jumping onto a counter or trying to hide, hissing and growling the whole time. One-time L got under a dresser to hide and A kept trying to get in L's face or charging towards him. L was frozen, but would hiss/growl if A got too close.
Now L is terrified of A and J. If he gets a glimpse of either he'll run which prompts A and J to chase. L won’t even be in the same room with A and J in carriers. We've started over and separated them with no interaction. We've also started using Jackson Galaxy Peacemaker and while A and J seem a little more chill, L is still scared. We've just gotten L to start eating food outside their closed door, but he'll still run off after a few minutes. We both come from "dog people" families so they think we're being too fussy or sensitive and should just put them together and let them "work it out." We know that is wrong, but we're at our wits end. It's been almost 2 months and we're worse off than when we first got A and J. This is all compounded by the fact that neither of us have really bonded with A or J. We like them and they are sweet to us, but there is no real connection. Perhaps it's too soon or we're unconsciously viewing them as the reason for all the stress, but I feel like a failure. This has been supremely more stressful that I ever anticipated.
I'm afraid L will be traumatized and our sweet docile cat will hide all day in fear and that A and J are being neglected put away in another room. We constantly talk about whether this is going to work and about re-homing A and J. I'm afraid that even if we get A, J, and L living peacefully together that it still won't feel right. Is there a way to make this work? The thought of re-homing A and J breaks my heart, but I feel like we're reaching a no turning back point. I'm afraid of making the wrong decision. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
