Really need advice on cat no longer affectionate

[samantha knapp]

((WARNING: This post will take some explaining and back story so I apologize, because I'm new to this site, but I'm grateful to get any advice))
 

I want to start this off by saying that growing up my family only had indoor/outdoor cats because we lived in a fairly rural area, so we had very independent cats. Some of them were much more affectionate than others, but we still had the occasional loner-cat, so I'm not unaccustomed to cats being reclusive.

Anyway, close to two years ago I ended up saving this cat, whom I named Charlie. His previous owner was a drug addict who would shove huge amounts of food and water at the cat and then literally leave for him alone for a week to 2 weeks at a time. Despite this, when we rescued him, he was incredibly sweet and friendly. Much more so than almost any other cat I've met. When I got him he was around 2 years old (he is purely an indoor cat because we live in a very urban area). 

Very shortly after I rescued him I had to move to a new apartment with my friend. My friend originally didn't have any pets, but she had to go home for a month to Kentucky because her Grandfather was dying, and when she returned she had a brand new baby kitten she had rescued from a highway. The kitten was beautiful, but a serious handful, and she would torture Charlie. Charlie's previous owner had him de-clawed and despite the fact that he is half Maine Coon, he never once got mad at the kitten or tried to hurt her. If she bothered him too much, he would usually hiss and just run away. Whenever she calmed down though, he would come over and be a loving parental figure and clean her and all that jazz. When Charlie and I lived with my roommate and her kitten, Charlie was still very affectionate and loving. Sometimes it seemed like Charlie felt the need to compete for our attention. He only ever got upset when we picked him up. (He has always had issues with being picked up. Our vet said he may have been thrown or dropped frequently by his owner) 

After 9 months or so we had to leave that apartment because of our negligent landlord and my roommate and I were forced to go our separate ways. Charlie suddenly went from a 2 cat household, to being the only pet like he had been before. I lived with my boyfriend and my boyfriend's roommate for about 3 months while I was trying to search for new apartments and Charlie (whom is accustomed to both my boyfriend and I being his co-owners) was still pretty affectionate. Maybe a little less-so, but nothing seriously significant. 

Last spring, I moved into a new larger apartment with this girl Maggie. Since then, Charlie has slowly but surely become less affectionate and I'm not sure why. My roommate, though scatter brained, does not abuse Charlie; and she is rarely at the apartment because she's very busy. My boyfriend is  with us nearly 24/7 so Charlie's life hasn't been turned totally upside-down. It's overall just very strange. He whines alot more (he's very vocal), he's alot more pushy and moody and he's much quicker to fake-bite us. He never truly bites, just blandly sort of gnaws and plays. Since the day we got him, he's never been a very active cat, he's a lounger. When we rescued him he was 15 lbs and my vet said he definitely needed to lose around 2 lbs to fit his Maine Coon-sized frame, which he has done since then and he's much healthier. 

We feed him well, we give him love but also his space since I know indoor cats can get super-cooped up and we frequently try to play with him to keep him active. He'll still be affectionate from time to time, and he's always really excited to see us when we get home from work, but jeez he's so moody. I was hoping in the next year or so to adopt another cat, hopefully a younger one because Charlie instantly turned into a sweet mother hen around the other kitten. Also, the kitten made him get much more exercise because they would play together, and I think the socialization helps him. 

I'm not sure what to do. I know this was extremely long and maybe alot of it wasn't needed for this explanation, but I just want my pets to be happy and kind. I know Charlie is not one of those nasty-by-nature cats because most of the time that I've owned him, he's been sweet and affectionate. He is still the kind of cat who almost 24/7 needs to be in the same room as my boyfriend and I or he gets upset. 

I'm sorry. I'm rambling. I just wanted to make sure that his history was properly explained because it's definitely a complicated one. If anyone bothered to read this and has any advice to give, I'd by so happy to hear it. 

 

[mani]

I'm wondering whether there were 'other cat' smells in the apartment and that, or maybe just it's newness, may have upset Charlie and set him up for a change in character.  It may also be, as you suspect that he's missing his mate.  But usually cats will settle down.

Firstly, even though it has happened since the move and that seems to be the main factor, it's a really good idea to get him checked out by the vet, as illness is definitely something that could motivate this kind of behaviour.

Other things I recommend are a Feliway difuser... it could help to make the environment more friendly to him.  And I'm rather fond of flower essences as a calmative (bach flower rescue remedy is good.  I ask my naturopath to make it up without the alcohol, and often she can make a special blend that suits the cat's circumstances).

Cats love to be in their own space... moving a lot is quite hard on them.  It may just be that he misses having the company and the playmate, but there's no guarantee there, and taking on a new kitten is a big committment.  How settled are you now? 

So I'd be going with vet check first, Feliway second.

And good luck.. you obviously love Charlie very much..

 

[samantha knapp]

Thank you for the advice! I do love Charlie a lot, little punk that he is. This is a picture of him while we had to stay at my boyfriend's (bachelor-pad type) apartment during last spring. Obviously, he's a pretty lazy, but happy boy. And, he's gigantic. 

858007_10101392499262344_807639090_o.jpg

• samantha knapp
• Mar 6, 2013

 

[mani]

What a gorgeous, big tabby!

 

[blueyedgirl5946]

Thank you for the advice! I do love Charlie a lot, little punk that he is. This is a picture of him while we had to stay at my boyfriend's (bachelor-pad type) apartment during last spring. Obviously, he's a pretty lazy, but happy boy. And, he's gigantic. 

858007_10101392499262344_807639090_o.jpg

• samantha knapp
• Mar 6, 2013

He needs a bigger chair.

 

[katluver4life]

He really is a beautiful big boy!

I agree about having him checked out by a vet, just to be on the safe side. Other then that, I believe he will eventually settle back to his old self given time if it's not health issue related. So many changes can certainly put him off. Cats are very routine oriented and changes can stress them. My male orange tabby is a bit high strung and so I keep feliway diffusers going all around the house and have found it helps him tremendously. They really do have a calming effect on him.

Good luck and keep us posted.
 

 

[jschwe]

Everyone's given great advice already, I just wanted to add that our two cats (who are normally very affectionate, especially our male) pretty much ignored us for a full three months after we moved.

Also, our male was just at the vet with a blockage from having crystals in his urine, and we didnt really realize until after how much it had affected his personality, since it was such a gradual development. We had assumed he was just getting lazy now that he wasn't a kitten anymore, and thats why he hardly played or cuddled and sort of kept to himself. However, since being treated last week, he has completely become the cat that we knew (and missed!) and is more affectionate & active than ever.

 

[stella123]

hey,once you find a home you can settle into for a very long time your cat will relax...all that moving would upset me too...moving is stressful for us as humans...but even more so for a cat..

my cats about 1 yr old..i only got him about 2 mths ago..i was his third home too..so he'd been moved around alot..

now he's settling in..and i am now training him to be picked up and handled...and he is becoming more effectionate..just takes time..

mine's a tabby too..gorgeous they are...your cats a stunner..

i predict once you have settled somewhere permantly and are relaxed...your cat will be too..just give him more time...we understand what moving from home to home is....your cat won't.....in a few mths..your cat will be back to its self ....

 

[tammyp]

You've got great advice from everyone here!

Im going to give you my favourite site for all things cat.  I think, as there are a few questions/worries, that browsing through this site will be really helpful and hopeful.  It helps a lot in understanding cat psyche, has useful info on how to 'make my cat more affectionate' and really helps translate between cats and humans!  It will also give you awesome advice for when/if you contemplate a new cat, and good guidance on whether he actually would benefit from a friend.  (Personally, at this stage, I think it is just settling in and feeling at home in the new place, and if you aren't yet settled, it may not be time for another little one.)  So, here's my favourite cat blog: http://www.wayofcats.com/blog/

Best wishes!

 

[Dian]

I’m wondering if you have an update? I’m curious because We adopted a 5 year old cat who was super affectionate for the first month and then stopped. He followed us around, sat in our laps constantly. Then just stopped. He’s only interested in getting attention first thing in the morning when he’s waking me up and the rest of the day he ignores us. Sometimes if we try to pet him, he will nip at us to stop- which he never did before.
I found out AFTER we adopted him that he used to be an indoor/outdoor cat and had a “sister” he was separated from (although they said he could “take her or leave her). So I’m trying to figure out if he is less affectionate because he has just settled in or because he is lonely or Just bored. We have bought every toy made and he has NO interest except the laser pointer from time to time. He spends a lot of time staring out the windows and trying to follow squirrels or sitting next to the door to go out outside (the first month he meowed and scratched a lot at the door). Being outside isn’t an option because I live in a busy area and don’t feel safe having him outside and I don’t think a catio will satisfy him

I worry that he has gotten depressed or withdrawn. I’m sad that he is no longer affectionate and hoping with time he reverts back. I’m not really sure what else to do. And I don’t want to take on another cat if it won’t matter/that’s not the issue.