Well, I am glad to hear you are confident that's NOT the issue, and that you are with someone you feel safe with! That's an excellent place to start from, with regards to helping Cora.
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Really Hard Decision I Need Advice
- Thread starter Catlady1795
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*and in general
Cora is beautiful & I am sorry you are having such a hard time with her.
While I am glad that everyone else is helping you figure out the issue, here is a different train of thought than the poll... Do you think there is an option that somebody else adopts her? There might be people vastly more experienced in dealing with cats & they might be able to find a way to get along? This is suggestion only if none of the above works.
Also, you have not included option to change your boyfriend in your poll. Many people here would vote for that option. (Ignore this, just trying to lighten the mood).
While I am glad that everyone else is helping you figure out the issue, here is a different train of thought than the poll... Do you think there is an option that somebody else adopts her? There might be people vastly more experienced in dealing with cats & they might be able to find a way to get along? This is suggestion only if none of the above works.
Also, you have not included option to change your boyfriend in your poll. Many people here would vote for that option. (Ignore this, just trying to lighten the mood).
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I have Often thought about trying to locate someone to adopt her but I dont Know who would be willing to or be able to handle her. I fear Anyone else would put her down automatically.
You know, she's acting very much like a feral cat. She really is. You might want to read some of our articles about dealing with ferals, as well. There are several good ones. I'm also wondering about pain being a factor in this. Especially with her tail issue. There might be some nerve damage from that. Just a thought.
And another thought, although I do NOT know how practical this would be, as involves giving oral dosages, but chamomile tea might help her calm down a bit. The correct dosage for a cat is 1-3 teaspoonfuls (you can go higher if she's a very big cat), up to 3 times a day orally via syringe. Brew the tea, chill it, and administer. The tea will keep fine in the fridge for up to three days, then brew more. But a box of 20 bags is only about $4, depending on where you live. Just be sure to use the commercial tea bags from the grocery store, as those are ALL made from German chamomile. The English variety is not useful medicinally, and it is also toxic to cats.
And another thought, although I do NOT know how practical this would be, as involves giving oral dosages, but chamomile tea might help her calm down a bit. The correct dosage for a cat is 1-3 teaspoonfuls (you can go higher if she's a very big cat), up to 3 times a day orally via syringe. Brew the tea, chill it, and administer. The tea will keep fine in the fridge for up to three days, then brew more. But a box of 20 bags is only about $4, depending on where you live. Just be sure to use the commercial tea bags from the grocery store, as those are ALL made from German chamomile. The English variety is not useful medicinally, and it is also toxic to cats.
My brother had a cat of unknown history for years that never adapted. It would hiss if a stranger tried to gently coo at it, offer a treat, look its way or ... well anything really. I am therefore not assuming your BF did anything wrong whatsoever. Ruling out medical is always *very* smart, but I don't assume it has to be that either.
How big is your place? Can you reset the cat's home base to somewhere out of the way so you BF interacts only when he has time to be still & quiet. Like let the cat out of the home base room when you are guys are reading and associate special food with coming into the living room where you guys are? I think the issue with some damaged cats is that ordinary daily living is noisy...I know you said BF is live-in, but maybe he works longer hours, so he comes home and all of a sudden there is talking, TV, romance ... its not bond-building with a cat with deep issues. So my idea with a home base room is to have the cat be fully comfortable somewhere, and only interact with BF when you guys have time to be patient and quiet, say dorking out on your phones while the cat gets the courage to wander.
If all else fails, there is probably an old cat person somewhere with the money for vet care including meds, that doesn't get many visitors, that is naturally quiet and can be sufficiently patient. A no kill shelter could help you find a match.
How big is your place? Can you reset the cat's home base to somewhere out of the way so you BF interacts only when he has time to be still & quiet. Like let the cat out of the home base room when you are guys are reading and associate special food with coming into the living room where you guys are? I think the issue with some damaged cats is that ordinary daily living is noisy...I know you said BF is live-in, but maybe he works longer hours, so he comes home and all of a sudden there is talking, TV, romance ... its not bond-building with a cat with deep issues. So my idea with a home base room is to have the cat be fully comfortable somewhere, and only interact with BF when you guys have time to be patient and quiet, say dorking out on your phones while the cat gets the courage to wander.
If all else fails, there is probably an old cat person somewhere with the money for vet care including meds, that doesn't get many visitors, that is naturally quiet and can be sufficiently patient. A no kill shelter could help you find a match.
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Going to try and transition her space of things to my bedroom. My boyfriend has his own here, it’s quiet spacious. Going to give all of these things a try. All valid points. I hope I can figure this out. I have a doctors prescription for a emotional support animal so I’m hoping I can fix this before it becomes detrimental to both Cora and me.
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Something Else important I believe! I’ve been watching my cats behavior the past couple days because I’m going to try whatever I can Before giving her away. The one place in the whole apartment Cora associates with positive petting is on the toilet. I dont Mean she doesn’t get it anywhere else and there’s no bad petting but she enjoys sitting and laying on the toilet EVERY time I shower. I have To put it down if I’m in the shower and she comes in or she’ll climb on the side of the tub to tell me too. (I have A smart cat who mimics my personality) she does not scratch me or my bf when she’s on the toilet. She wants the love, it’s lile it’s a safe space for her. How can we make that for the whole our apartment? This is my only hope right now. I just took a video to show how nice she was but she had laid down and decided no more petting which I dont Mind but it’s too large to post. I just Want this to be the more common theme than her attacking us for no reason. We leave her be.
Great detective work! Maybe it’s a territory issue? I read Jackson Galaxy’s book Cat Daddy and he had a consultation case where the cat would hang out he stairs and attack every guest. Even Jackson got some new head scars that day. I guess what they figured out was that the upstairs had a baby (who the cat loved) and all the baby stuff was up their along with all the cat toys, litterbox, beds etc. Jackson said to the cat this was the Alamo where everything was and he had to protect it. What they did was distribute some of the baby stuff and cat stuff downstairs, so everything felt like his territory and he didn’t need to defend a small space and could expand.
Your issue may be entirely different, but I thought I would share. Maybe have your boyfriend Only interact with Cora in the bathroom and feed her treats and give pets, and then try and slowly expand out? I’m just guessing, hopefully someone will have some good ideas.
Your issue may be entirely different, but I thought I would share. Maybe have your boyfriend Only interact with Cora in the bathroom and feed her treats and give pets, and then try and slowly expand out? I’m just guessing, hopefully someone will have some good ideas.
Maybe she likes the sound of running water? Is there a soap scent, or some other product scent that calms her? Is there a window?
About the video, here's How To Upload And Add Videos To Your Posts in case there's anything in there to make it uploadable.
About the video, here's How To Upload And Add Videos To Your Posts in case there's anything in there to make it uploadable.
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It could be the sound of running water. That’s usually what propmpts her to come in and sit on the toilet. No window, and no special scents! I’m going to get my boyfriend to start petting her there and maybe help build that relationship up. I’m also going to move her bowl from where it was because perhaps she’s becoming territorial over that area. Thanks so much
If you think it might be running water, you can also try getting some little fountains for other areas of the house. Either for drinking or just for decoration and noise.
Good luck. Keep us posted. And, I'm thinking the same as
KarenKat
, try getting her a water fountain, or even get a decorative fountain for around your home.
Also, here's an article on Handling Feral Cats. I know she's not feral, but maybe there's some tips your boyfriend could try to help make her less aggressive around him.
KarenKat
, try getting her a water fountain, or even get a decorative fountain for around your home.Also, here's an article on Handling Feral Cats. I know she's not feral, but maybe there's some tips your boyfriend could try to help make her less aggressive around him.
I disagree, only a little, because I think A LOT of cats have "a spot" so assuming its the water or whatever isn't necessarily warranted. It could just be that the bathroom is a chill place where the only noise is comforting and there is no jarring TV or loud conversations. Here is my recommendation: (1) BEFORE you turn on the water call her to the bathroom by shaking the treat bag and making some kind of call noise (coo, click, anything, just be consistent); (2) turn on the water, shower, bathe w/e. By doing steps 1 + 2 we are associating other more portable cues we use elsewhere. (3) use your portable cues to summon the cat somewhere where you are typically quiet and chill, like the bed, at a time when you are prepared to be chill, and see if the cat will allow petting there. If this works, you have a second spot, and you can then try to use the cues somewhere similar, like the couch when you are quietly dorking on phones. This is the concept of gradual expansion, and at least one forum user thanked me for it and reported it worked.
P.S. A little embarrassing to say, but don't use the bed where the romance happens! Because, you know, want the cat to associate the cues with being summoned to a quiet chill place for petting, not the place the cat is excluded from where scary noises come from.
P.S. A little embarrassing to say, but don't use the bed where the romance happens! Because, you know, want the cat to associate the cues with being summoned to a quiet chill place for petting, not the place the cat is excluded from where scary noises come from.
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ArtNJ--- LOL @ scary romance noises. That was funny!
Oh man, I wish this was my issue! The first 5 min of any romantic encounter involves pushing, prodding, cajoling and finally carrying Trin out of the room and closing the door. In addition to scary noises are cat meows, yowls and scratches at the door. Siiigh. 
I finally gave up and left my former cat, Berry, in the room. It didn't seem to have scarred her little kitty psyche any, although mine has a few. Since I've had Hekitty, I've lived the life of a nun, however. It's a non-issue.
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Just checking, but is she spayed?
Also, anti-anxiety medicine is really not expensive. Talk to your vet and look into some online pharmacies. She may not need it for life, but meds could help to reset her anxious behavior.
Also, anti-anxiety medicine is really not expensive. Talk to your vet and look into some online pharmacies. She may not need it for life, but meds could help to reset her anxious behavior.
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LOL Mamany! A nun? You guys are funny today. Got my dose of laughter for the week in one day. 
