Really Hard Decision I Need Advice

[Catlady1795]

hello all,

So I’m an avid animal lover. Have been my whole life. Freshman year of college I got a cat off of craigslist for $25. She had her shots and the owner was sad to give her up. She unfortunately didn’t have the test that tested for feline leukemia and I ended up having to put her down. My next cat from Craigslist was not long after and she was free but tailless. I met The owner at a Walmart and she pretty much just rushed to give me the cat and said she didn’t have the money to feed her. So here I am Three years later with a tailless cat. I fear That the previous owner cut her tail off though because of how timid she is. My Cora, the cat I try to give all my love to barely let’s me touch her for more than a minute. She is so aggressive towards anyone but me and even then I have To be very careful around her. It’s impossible to clip her nails and in the past doctors have had to put her to sleep to even examine her. At this point I’m living with my boyfriend of two years and he loves her. The only issue is she has began to hiss at him at every chance she gets. He can’t even walk around without Cora attacking him. I unfortuantely Just don’t know what to do anymore and I’m becoming emotionally stressed out over this. I honestly couldn’t even give her to a shelter because I fear They would put her down. What would you guys do? I need Some clarity to the feeling she’s never going to heal from the trauma and I will Have to put her down.

 

[weebeasties]

It would be helpful to know what you have already tried to help this poor girl.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

First, welcome to TCS, although I hate that something this distressing brought you here. YOU ARE NO LONGER ALONE! Take a deep breath. Although it is hard to believe when you are in the middle of it, this is probably not as hopeless as it seems.

I think that you are right about what happened to Cora before she came to you. I think she was probably a sensitive cat to start with, and her early mishandling certainly made things much, much worse.

First, I'm going to give you links to several articles. It is going to look like a lot of reading, but it really isn't. They are all clear, concise, and easy to understand. Once you have read them over, come back and ask any questions that have come up, so we can begin to fine-tune things for you. This is generally faster and more efficient that starting out by taking shots in the dark.

How To Help An Abused Cat Recover
16 Top Cat Experts Share Tips For Dealing With Timid Cats (timid cats often act agressively out of fear)
10 Must-know Tips For Happy Living With A Shy Cat (see above comment, LOL)
Is Your Cat Stressed Out?
Potential Stressors In Cats - The Ultimate Checklist
Six Surefire Strategies To Reduce Stress In Cats
Cat Aggression Toward People

Now, one of our members is currently having very good luck with Feliway diffusers. She bought one, and was so impressed that she has ordered one for every room in her house. I'd start with trying just one, as they either do a GREAT job, or have no effect at all. I've also heard good things about the calming collars that are out now...but I'm not sure how your girl would take to a collar. I'm thinking it would not go well at this point.

Again, you and Cora (and your poor, beleagured boyfried) are no longer alone with this.

Let me know if you have ANY questions about the information in the links, and for goodness' sake, let us know how you guys are doing!

 

[Catlady1795]

It would be helpful to know what you have already tried to help this poor girl.

I have Tried so much, being patient with her, trying to teach her positive petting through treats. I’ve tried everything but behavior medicine because I cannot Afford it. Please do know I do Care about her beyond measure. I’ve been trying for three years. I just Don’t know what more to do

 

[weebeasties]

When you took her to the vet, what did they think about her tail? Did they think it had been removed? Did it heal correctly? Sometimes nerve endings at the site of an injury can cause lasting pain.
If the vets can find no source of physical pain, then I would look into Feliway as Mamanyt1953 mentioned. There are also calming treats as well.
Does she play? Playing with a wand toy could boost her confidence.
As far as behavior medicine, if she would benefit from it, you could try getting the perscriptions from your vet and filling them elsewhere. My vets usually charge more than online pet pharmacies. That may be a more affordable option.
Please just don't "release her to the wild" as you mentioned in your poll. She has been living inside with you for 3 years and that would be incredibly cruel.
There is hope, you just need to find out what works for her.

 

[tinydestroyer]

I think there have been some great suggestions above. Unfortunately, this poor girl has been through a lot, but she can't work through it alone. She needs you. I bet it's exasperating trying different things with no response, but the members here at TCS are super knowledgeable, and I'm sure there are some great things to try that you might not have thought of. Sometimes, it just takes the right combo of treatments until you make any progress. And a ton of patience, too. All hope isn't lost! Let us know if you have any questions after looking at the checklist. Good luck!

 

[KarenKat]

So sorry you are dealing with such a stressed out kitty! It’s obvious you and your boyfriend care for her, but also that you can’t live with being attacked. Hopefully we can find something to help with!

How is your home - her territory - set up? If you look around the space and see where she likes to lay or jump, does she have enough space to retreat to? Vertical space allows for a lot of confidence for a scared or timid cat, they are able to survey their domain securely and safely. Or if she has pain or balance issues because of the tail, maybe a nice little cave bed or other furniture would help.

All of the other suggestions are great, maybe add a little spying to see where she is most comfortable and creating more spaces like that.

Regarding your boyfriend, is he being too eager for her attention and not respecting boundaries? Often the people that care deepest for the cat can be too intense with their affection and be seen as aggressive from a cat’s perspective (even if from a human perspective he is a loving and awesome person that obviously only wants the best for the cat).

 

[maggiedemi]

Hi. So sorry you are going through this. How is everything in the litterbox, does she go okay?

 

[Catlady1795]

The vet did think it had been removed. I did Not ask about it healing nor did they mention it. She actually just moved with me to a much bigger space than she had the last two years. A very large cat tree, plenty of space to hide. I’m very thankful I know When Cora is becoming mean but others are not so lucky. I cant Even have guests over without them being afraid of her. I’m going to try and buy the feliway. I’m just at a loss. My boyfriend cant walk anywhere near her without her freaking out and trying to scratch him. She does not find comfort in laying with me either. She’s an independent cat and I respect That but now hat her and my boyfriend are dealing with this I’m just not sure what to do.

 

[Catlady1795]

Hi. So sorry you are going through this. How is everything in the litterbox, does she go okay?

She does! I know With tailless cats this can be an issue but she poops and pees regularly and even tells me when I need To change it. The cats so smart she even know how to wake me up at 6am for food. I just don’t know what to do anymore

 

[Catlady1795]

She’s beyond adorable. I hate She had to experience what she did. I just Need some serious help!

 

[maggiedemi]

Do you think she might be in pain? In my experience, cats don't usually attack unless they are in pain or sick. Has she been treated for fleas and worms? I'm trying to think of things that make my cats not feel good and get ornery.

 

[Catlady1795]

I do Treat her for fleas! She has had them previously so I’m on top of that. I thought this also but she isn’t sick. She’s been extremely sick before and I almost Had to put her down but she pulled through it. She’s a miracle cat.

 

[maggiedemi]

What about worms? Or other parasites? Have you done a stool test?

 

[jen]

I missed if you said her age... Also, what was wrong when she was extremely sick before? When is the last time she was actually at the vet? If it has been more then a year or if she hasn't been since this behavior change toward you and/or your boyfriend I would get her back in, when you schedule the appointment tell them that she needed sedated to be seen last time and see if there is something you can either give her before you come in, or at least give a heads up so that she can immediately have some sedation ready to go as soon as you get there with her.

At the appointment, have them try to determine if she is in any pain or discomfort, check the tail site, check her bloodwork, her fur/skin for fleas, her mouth and gums, have them express some of her urine to check also. Do the full work up and rule everything out. This will also give you a good base for the future when she needs senior bloodwork and everything. Once anything medically is ruled out, purchase some Feliway plug in and sprays (good to have asap really, spray is good for the carrier you put her in to travel to the vet, spray a towel and place it in the carrier 10 min before you put her inside), calming collars, etc, then in the future you might have to move on to medication.

 

[mikameek]

I still think it's possible she's in pain without being sick or the vets noticing it. Cats are incredibly good at hiding it and using a pain medication wont put you in a worse place than you are right now.

I would never resort to releasing her into the wild or euthanizing. She's scared and while it may feel like a long time for you (the 3 years), you don't know the full extent of what she's really gone through and this may only be a short time for her.

I would also add that the calming collars are a great idea as well. If you were told she needed the medication, would you be able to save for it?

 

[rubysmama]

Hello and welcome to TCS. Cora is beautiful. So sorry for whatever may have happened to her before you rescued her. Hopefully with your vet's help, and the knowledgeable members on this site, you'll find a solution to some of her aggression.

At this point I’m living with my boyfriend of two years and he loves her. The only issue is she has began to hiss at him at every chance she gets. He can’t even walk around without Cora attacking him.

How long ago did she start hissing at him? Do you recall if anything unusual happened around that time? Did anything in your lives change? Anything new in the house? Different cleaning solution? Etc.

There was a thread a while back from someone whose cat had suddenly become aggressive towards them. Turned out he'd started volunteering at a cat shelter, and his cat could smell the other cats on him when he came home, thus causing aggressive behaviour.

So there may have been a trigger for Cora's recent aggression towards your boyfriend. Just have to try to figure out what is was/is.

 

[maggiedemi]

I agree, she might be in pain. The vet would know what kind of pain killers are safe for cats.

 

[MrHandsomesMama]

Though I hate to ask, is it possible he has been at all abusive to her? Or perhaps have had a "violent" reaction towards her or something she did? Either in the form of yelling or swatting, etc.?

Perhaps he has strong reactions to things that have nothing to do with her but she is (or has been) nearby when he is like this and so feels threatened? I have no basis for thinking this other than the aggression being new-ish, and directed at your boyfriend. Is there a way you can keep an eye on their interactions discreetly, if you think it may have to do with his approach toward her?

And if you think it's possible he is actually harming her, or has, I would say she is unsafe living with him. And so may you be.

Again, I know these are baseless insights at this time. I don't mean to accuse anyone, enflame anyone or push that theory you or anyone else. These are just questions that popped into my head while reading your post.

Whatever the problem is, I wish you and Cora all the best luck in resolving it and resuming happy, peaceful lives! <3

 

[Catlady1795]

I have Thought the same thing. I’ve covered all my basis. I even Go to the extent to say did you kick/hurt her while I wasnt Here because that’s going to cause trust issues between the both and he assured me he doesn’t. My boyfriend has no anger problems and compared to my last abusive ex I have To say I feel Safe with him and trust he’s not doing it. We were previously in a super small space for two years so when we relocated to this bigger apartment where she has two bedrooms, bathroom, closets, couches, a cat tree and many different places brought out the place set up for her. She’s well taken care of and I’m thankful my boyfriend deals with it. He doesn’t know what to do to help her or me either

Though I hate to ask, is it possible he has been at all abusive to her? Or perhaps have had a "violent" reaction towards her or something she did? Either in the form of yelling or swatting, etc.?

Perhaps he has strong reactions to things that have nothing to do with her but she is (or has been) nearby when he is like this and so feels threatened? I have no basis for thinking this other than the aggression being new-ish, and directed at your boyfriend. Is there a way you can keep an eye on their interactions discreetly, if you think it may have to do with his approach toward her?

And if you think it's possible he is actually harming her, or has, I would say she is unsafe living with him. And so may you be.

Again, I know these are baseless insights at this time. I don't mean to accuse anyone, enflame anyone or push that theory you or anyone else. These are just questions that popped into my head while reading your post.

Whatever the problem is, I wish you and Cora all the best luck in resolving it and resuming happy, peaceful lives! <3