Question re second marriages

[natalie_ca]

 
I know somebody who held a wedding shower--and registered for gifts--for her FIFTH wedding!  

   Now that's tacky.  

Sounds like my cousin!  She's been married 4 times and is now living with a guy. They do plan on getting married at some point.  Her first marriage was a shotgun wedding as she deliberately got pregnant at 17 years old. Yes, deliberately because her Dad didn't like her boyfriend and wouldn't give her permission at 17 to get married. So she got pregnant so that he would give it.  Anyway, for her 2nd and subsequent weddings, it was an all out affair. White wedding dresses, bridesmaids, groomsmen, big party.  PLUS bridal showers before each wedding.  I went to the first wedding, but begged out of the others.

 

[stewball]

I don't think we have bridal showers here. At least I've never heard of one.
My daughter'a second wedding was very low key. They had it at home with family and special friends and they had it catered. It was all very nice.

 

[artiemom]

I may be living in my own little world, but I also feel that a shower for a second marriage for both bride and groom is tacky. Registering at Williams Sonoma for it is every double tacky.

I have always believed that if invited to a shower, of any kind, if you do not attend, for any reason at it.; you are not obligated to send a gift. Even for family. 

And for going all out for a lavish second wedding, when it is not the first for either is tacky. and living together for almost a year, with kids, Is unbelievable to me..

It just seems a way of asking for money or new things. 

Not a celebration of a new life together, and husband and wife. 

I alway thought a second marriage should have a reception for that reason...not for gifts. not mandatory...

If you have to drive mega hours both ways just to attend a  shower , I would not go. and I would not send a gift.  and I would not spend extra on a "Second" wedding gift. I would just do a nominal type of gift ~ nothing outrageous at all. Just a small token of good luck...nothing elaborate.

Especially if they have been living together for a while. They have already set up house keeping and integrated households and kids..........no way! 

The utmost of tackiness. I mean, is there anything more outrageous than asking for NEW kitchen items.. to set up a new kitchen for an entire family!!! NO!

just my opinion

I like the idea of sending a donation in their name to a charity.. that would be my wedding gift...it is an easy end and also helps the needy....

A shelter, be it for humans or animals...i would probably give to a human charity...a lot of people would not understand  animals... A homeless shelter sounds good to me. Seems like a Win-Win.........

 

[stewball]

I may be living in my own little world, but I also feel that a shower for a second marriage for both bride and groom is tacky. Registering at Williams Sonoma for it is every double tacky.

I have always believed that if invited to a shower, of any kind, if you do not attend, for any reason at it.; you are not obligated to send a gift. Even for family. 

And for going all out for a lavish second wedding, when it is not the first for either is tacky. and living together for almost a year, with kids, Is unbelievable to me..
It just seems a way of asking for money or new things. 
Not a celebration of a new life together, and husband and wife. 

I alway thought a second marriage should have a reception for that reason...not for gifts. not mandatory...

If you have to drive mega hours both ways just to attend a  shower , I would not go. and I would not send a gift.  and I would not spend extra on a "Second" wedding gift. I would just do a nominal type of gift ~ nothing outrageous at all. Just asmall token of good luck...nothing elaborate.

Especially if they have been living together for a while. They have already set up house keeping and integrated households and kids..........no way! 
The utmost of tackiness. I mean, is there anything more outrageous than asking for NEW kitchen items.. to set up a new kitchen for an entire family!!! NO


just my opinion

I like the idea of sending a donation in their name to a charity.. that would be my wedding gift...it is an easy end and also helps the needy....
A shelter, be it for humans or animals...i would probably give to a human charity...a lot of people would not understand  animals... A homeless shelter sounds good to me. Seems like a Win-Win.........

I'd love to see the couple'a faces when they see that wedding gift lol. But I perfectly agree with you.

 

[Winchester]

Talked to my SIL again on Saturday night while at dinner; she is definitely not going. However, she did say that if I really, really REALLY wanted to go, she'd go along, simply so that I didn't have to make the drive alone. But she doesn't want to go. We checked and it's about a 4-hour drive, one way. Traffic in that area is more than a bit of a bugger, too, which makes it that much worse. It would definitely be pretty much an all-day thing.

I thought there was a phone number to call, but after looking at the invitation again, I couldn't find one....just the email address. So I emailed the person last night, sending my regrets. I thanked whoever it is (I have no idea who it is and don't recognize the email addy) for sending me the invitation, but said that I could not attend the shower. I'm not sending a gift either. I'll just add whatever I'd spend on the shower gift to the wedding gift and let it go at that. And I think that will just be a gift certificate to Williams Sonoma.

 

[larussa]

 
I thought there was a phone number to call, but after looking at the invitation again, I couldn't find one....just the email address. So I emailed the person last night, sending my regrets. I thanked whoever it is (I have no idea who it is and don't recognize the email addy) for sending me the invitation, but said that I could not attend the shower. I'm not sending a gift either. I'll just add whatever I'd spend on the shower gift to the wedding gift and let it go at that. And I think that will just be a gift certificate to Williams Sonoma.

This is fine and you don't need to spend extra money because you're going to miss the shower.  Eight hours of driving for a shower for a second marriage is totally ridiculous, you made the right decision.

 

[Kat0121]

 
This is fine and you don't need to spend extra money because you're going to miss the shower.  Eight hours of driving for a shower for a second marriage is totally ridiculous, you made the right decision.

   I agree 100%. I wouldn't give extra for not going to the shower either. Just give whatever gift you were going to give before. Spend the rest on the cats. 

 

 

[artiemom]

 
Talked to my SIL again on Saturday night while at dinner; she is definitely not going. However, she did say that if I really, really REALLY wanted to go, she'd go along, simply so that I didn't have to make the drive alone. But she doesn't want to go. We checked and it's about a 4-hour drive, one way. Traffic in that area is more than a bit of a bugger, too, which makes it that much worse. It would definitely be pretty much an all-day thing.

I thought there was a phone number to call, but after looking at the invitation again, I couldn't find one....just the email address. So I emailed the person last night, sending my regrets. I thanked whoever it is (I have no idea who it is and don't recognize the email addy) for sending me the invitation, but said that I could not attend the shower. I'm not sending a gift either. I'll just add whatever I'd spend on the shower gift to the wedding gift and let it go at that. And I think that will just be a gift certificate to Williams Sonoma.

That would have been an extremely long trip. there and back.. If you were going, it would have been better to spend overnight. Driving in the dark, when you are tired from sitting, is not a good idea...

Also, it is kid of tacky to provide just an e-mail address and not a corresponding telephone number; or even a reference to who the person is that you are supposed to contact.

I am still of the opinion that it is not necessary for you to give additional money towards a wedding gift, just because you are not attending the shower..Just my opinion.

Because it was my idea, I still like the thought of giving to a homeless shelter...it would be true celebration of their marriage. To provide food, housing for the homeless, is a gift from the heart. Something they can share in.....

sorry If I offend anyone.

 

[MoochNNoodles]

 
This is fine and you don't need to spend extra money because you're going to miss the shower.  Eight hours of driving for a shower for a second marriage is totally ridiculous, you made the right decision.

 

[stewball]

I agree with everybody else. You don't need to add any extra money to the wedding present for the shower you are not attending.
I like the idea of a donation of your choice for the wedding gift. After all they already have everything. It's just greed.