Question of the Day - Monday, January 9, 2023

[MoochNNoodles]

Good Monday Morning/Afternoon/Evening wherever you are in the day. I just had breakfast and it's afternoon so .

My DD is getting older so I made a little joke about asking Dad when she can start to date the other day (not serious; but we talk about stuff). So she was asking me about how much I'd dated and things. DH was my only boyfriend outside of a couple other dates where there was just really no connection beyond friendship. It was nice to be able to keep guys as friends; unlike some friends back then who looked at every guy like a possible romantic connection.




Have you ever turned a date down? Or been turned down yourself? Do you think it was handled well?



I only turned someone down once. The poor guy was so shy about it he sent me a note through a pastor at our church. We'd never even talked. I think i handled it nicely. The thing was...he asked me to go to a NASCAR type race with him and his family. His mom is a pretty neat lady (though not someone I'd want for a mother in law either) but I'd rather walk naked and barefoot across a field of legos in front of a stadium full of people than go watch cars race.

My dad used to drag race. He'd take us kids to watch some races. I hated every loud, hot minute. So yeah; the poor guy really asked the wrong girl. I haven't heard from his family in over 15 years; but last I knew he did have a big family of his own. So that's nice to see. I hope he wasn't too embarrassed over it. But I wasn't raised to say yes to things just to make other people comfortable either. I hope I'm raising DD to be kind but firm too.

 

[strider rose]

yeah i was turned down, dumped and lied to many times in my life ... no it was not handled right and i sometimes think that they did it purposely to me ... oh well they are all getting what they deserve in life now

 

[misty8723]

Not exactly a date. Senior year of high school, there was this guy who would walk with me up to the bus stop. Then one day out of the blue, with the bus coming, he pulled off his ring and asked me to go steady with him. I panicked, said no, and got on the bus. We had never even been on a date, and I really barely knew him. I did feel bad with how I handled it, but I don't know what else I could have done except let the bus go by and talk to him. And it was a long walk home. He ignored me for a while and I had no idea what to say, so you would think that would be the end. But he started turning up at the restaurant where I was working when my shift was up and offer me a ride. I did take it a couple times, but just friendly. Then he asked me to the prom. I said no, but I told him I had no intention of going to the prom. It just wasn't something I had the slightest bit of interst in. The last bit was when he wrote to me from Viet Nam, and we corresponded for awhile. I don't remember much about what we said in those letters, but I didn't see him when he got back to the states. I later heard something about him getting arrested for stealing some wigs for his girlfiend.

 

[game misconduct]

not that i can remember things were always more like hey i am hungry wanna go out to eat someplace? or hey were gonna go do this you wanna go?i dont think that counts as asking for a date to me its just more like asking a friend to go hang outplus when i was young i wasnt much interested in having a gf or having that type of commitment.girls were a head ache and dead weight back then with all that crying and trying to make you stay home to not go out to do bad things.

 

[vansX2]

Only one such occurrence. I was working at a Retail store and learned that one of the single gals was a big "Cat Fan". She was particularly a quiet type. We worked different shifts. I gave her a greeting card asking her out for a simple Coffee. She was so put off she turned me into management for harrassment. To this day I believe she is still single, this was over 25 yrs. ago.

 

[MonaLyssa33]

I rarely date and all the dating I have done has started on dating apps, so it's generally implied that we will eventually meet. So with that, I've never been rejected myself because I've only ever asked on apps. I have turned down some people, either because I wasn't ready (via the dating apps), or I was at work and a patron asked for my number (keep in mind he was significantly older than me, so I wasn't going to ever be interested) and I told him I don't give out my number. He ended up giving me his and I threw it away.

 

[NY cat man]

Have I ever turned a date down? No. Have I ever been turned down/ dumped? More times than I can remember. Me being me, however, I shrugged my shoulders and got on with my life. Fortunately, I haven't had to deal with that situation for many a year.

 

[neely]

In college I tried to be polite and nice to a guy who kept asking me out so I finally went out with him once. Big mistake, he wanted to get more serious than I did, e.g. not date other people. Let's just say it didn't work out.

 

[iPappy]

Some guy walked into work, came to the front desk and flat out said "I'm looking for a girlfriend." I had no idea how to respond. Someone else came in with a quick question and I excused myself for a minute, and when I came back he was hurrying out the door. He was forward, but wasn't really rude, but it just threw me off guard so bad, so I'm not sure how I handled it but I'm still a little confused at how he just flat out said it.
I'm no longer interested in dating. Too many strange experiences and I'm not willing to deal with it.

 

[mani]

Grade Seven. Stephen Mason asked me to the school dance. He would have been my first boyfriend had he not then taken it back and asked my best friend, Vivien, instead. The fact that I remember all this just goes to show it scarred me for life.

 

[susanm9006]

I dated for a great many years, so yes, I have turned some men down. I dont know that I ever asked anyone out so not turned down myself. But there have been relationships I wish had continued so in that sense I have been turned down.

 

[silent meowlook]

I am an idiot. I once liked a guy I worked with. There was a cat named mistletoe and being 20, and stupid, I held the cat over my head and said to the guy “ what am I doing?” He said “ having a cat pee in your head!” as poor Mistletoe peed on my head. ( Mistletoe was not I’ll and was there for grooming. I still shouldn’t have done it. I was already kind of shy then ( got over that ) and spent the rest of the day working with cat pee hair. I definitely deserved it. Mistletoe never wanted anything to do with me again.

Does that count??

 

[Margot Lane]

I’m such a scruffy little tomboy who grew up like Mowgli, was never really sure what a date was…but knew that if a boy couldn’t appreciate my throw to home plate from center, we’d never get along.

 

[catloverfromwayback]

Only dated once, after talking on the phone. Neither of us was interested in meeting again.

 

[silent meowlook]

Grade Seven. Stephen Mason asked me to the school dance. He would have been my first boyfriend had he not then taken it back and asked my best friend, Vivien, instead. The fact that I remember all this just goes to show it scarred me for life.

Well, Stephen Mason was a total loser.

 

[Mia6]

I turned down a date to Didn't go well because I went with someone else.

 

[Maria Bayote]

From HS, college and even when I was already working (before I got married), I had to turn down many invitations to date. I even declined a marriage proposal. LOL. It was always hard because I did not want to hurt or offend anyone.

Funny because the relationships I myself chose to be involved in ended up being me as the one who got hurt.

 

[JamesCalifornia]

~ Both — in my "younger " days. Hurt feelings always result. Very awkward.
Wish I could apologize.

 

[Jem]

I've never been turned down, but I also never made the "first move"...I was way to shy. I have turned down a few lads in my day...most I felt like it was coming and simply avoided them so they couldn't ask, for me to say no. It's so much easier to play dumb then have to reject someone. Probably not the best way to handle it, but I didn't like confrontation. Like one time, my friends older brother was acting really weird around me one day, trying to flirt and stuff and when it was time for me to go home, as I was getting on my bike (peddle bike) he yelled after me saying he wanted to ride with me home as he was trying to get his bike out of the garage...I just yelled back, "Nah! that's OK, but thanks!" and booked it out of there as fast as I could. He hinted a few other times whenever he was around and my friend and I were hanging out, but eventually gave up. About a year later, my friend told me that her younger brother had a crush on me! He would make a point to be around us more often but thankfully, he didn't make any moves...
One instance in particular, I couldn't avoid though, and it was horrible. I was on a trip for spring break with a guy friend...and near the end of the trip, he told me he loved me. Thing is...I thought he was (closeted) gay...so yeah...no feelings for him at all. It really put a damper on our trip home, super awkward. We drifted apart after that. Then several years later I ran into him and low and behold...he told me he was gay...well bi anyway, and really played up the acting with the lisp and hand gestures and the whole "you go girlfriend" bit. But then I ran into him just a couple years ago at the grocery store and he now has a wife and kids and no longer "acts gay"...I just hope he's at peace with whatever feelings he was fighting with. He is such a nice guy.
When it comes to having been in a relationship...I have been dumped and have also been the dumper. Some went well and some not so well...most of the time feelings were hurt...but you just have to move on.

 

[MoochNNoodles]

I have been turned down once but I didn’t ask the guy to date because I had a crush. I wanted someone to go to homecoming with and we were casual friends. I knew we were both Christian and thought we could have fun more as friends who went together than anything. I was always comfortable around him. Maybe I should have put it that way.

I found out later that another girl had also asked him and I think he told us both no. We all ended up there without dates. I think he was just too nice to hurt either of our feelings. We stayed friendly till he graduated a year early. So it wasn’t a terrible disappointment; just a little embarrassing at the time.

Only one such occurrence. I was working at a Retail store and learned that one of the single gals was a big "Cat Fan". She was particularly a quiet type. We worked different shifts. I gave her a greeting card asking her out for a simple Coffee. She was so put off she turned me into management for harrassment. To this day I believe she is still single, this was over 25 yrs. ago.

You know that kind of extreme reaction makes me wonder what kind of trauma they might have gone through that THAT was their response!

DH has a coworker who is pretty southern in his ways where he just calls everyone “darlin” or something like that. A client reported him for sexual harassment so they reassigned him. I don’t care for that myself; but gosh I think I could tell the difference between flirting and cultural phrases. And id ask him to stop if it bothered me.

Some guy walked into work, came to the front desk and flat out said "I'm looking for a girlfriend." I had no idea how to respond. Someone else came in with a quick question and I excused myself for a minute, and when I came back he was hurrying out the door. He was forward, but wasn't really rude, but it just threw me off guard so bad, so I'm not sure how I handled it but I'm still a little confused at how he just flat out said it.
I'm no longer interested in dating. Too many strange experiences and I'm not willing to deal with it.

If I was quick on my feet I might have looked over my shoulder or around like I was trying to find someone for him!

I guess this thread proves some of us learn our social skills the hard way.