Question Of The Day, Friday, May 12

[Winchester]

Good morning! And Happy Friday! I'm ready for the weekend, even if it is supposed to rain all day tomorrow.

My question this morning deals with Thank You notes (and my thanks to @catsknowme for talking about what to get for a wedding gift because that got me thinking)

Do you send out Thank You notes? Do you receive them when you gift somebody at a wedding or for a birthday, anniversary, graduation, etc.? I lurk on another board and most of the women there are quite older, I think, and their favorite pastime seems to be lamenting the "lack of manners" shown by many people these days. There were 20+ pages of posts from women who discussed no longer receiving Thank You notes from anybody and talking about how society's morals have gone so far downhill because of it.

Many many moons ago (OK, 46 years), I wrote out Thank You notes for the wedding shower gifts, wedding gifts, and then baby gifts that I received from people. My sister sat with pen and paper writing down who gave what, so that I could acknowledge properly. (My MIL was adamant that notes would be mailed out.) And during the last baby shower that I went to, the same thing was done; in fact, I was the "recorder" at that shower. We still get Thank You notes from people. So not only was it expected way back when we got married, but our family still acknowledges gifts and such.

When our grandkids were younger, our DIL always sent out a Thank You note after Christmas and their birthdays to thank us for our gifts and she always enclosed a picture of the kids (or the birthday kid) enjoying his or her gift. Now that the grands are older, they write their own Thank You notes to us. My granddaughter and I spend a lot of time baking together and, last Christmas, she gave me a beautiful little candy dish that she spent her own money to buy. When I wrote her a Thank You note, she was thrilled.

So....what's your opinion on Thank You notes or the lack of them?

 

[Columbine]

I try to write thank you notes/cards/emails to people, but usually only if I haven't seen them to thank them in person. People I mostly talk to online (emails/TCS friends) tend to get a thank you email/conversation, or an ecarf. People I'm not so close to (family friends/my godmother etc) generally get a card...though I have to say I was bad this year and didn't manage to send out physical cards to them

In terms of receiving thank you notes, I generally get cards from my godmother and one family friend, ecards from my young cousins, and emails/conversations from my online friends.

It's always nice to get a thank you 'note' of some sort (whether physical or digital), but I certainly don't expect it, especially if I gave the gift in person. The biggest bugbear for me is one particular friend and her kids - I hardly ever see them, so always mail birthday and Christmas gifts. I don't expect a thank you note, but it would be nice to know that the gift got there ok! I think that's what drives me crazy the most.

When I was a kid, there were certain family friends and relatives that would get quite cross with mum if I didn't send a thank you note (or call them to say thank you). I hated writing those notes or making those phone calls back then - not because I was ungrateful, but because these people were virtual strangers to me and I found it hard to make the connection (and yes, I was a bratty little so-and-so at times ).

 

[neely]

I had a similar upbringing as you and always sent thank you notes to relatives and/or friends for gifts I received. Of course, that was before e-mail, text, etc. I still think it's common courtesy to write a thank you note because it adds a personal touch and makes the person who gave you the gift feel it was appreciated. However, I don't take it personally if they don't, times have changed, as long as as they acknowledge receiving the gift whether by a phone call or e-mail.

 

[Freedom]

I always send a Thank You note; and an email does not take the place of the written sort, sent via post. And I seldom receive them, nor do I even receive acknowledgement of the gift. Needless to say, I have stop gifting to many people.

I also always send a thank you after I've been an overnight guest. "Thank you for your hospitality," is a nice gesture. Hallmark used to make cards for this.

 

[Kieka]

I think anything formal still requires a written thank you note that references the item. Weddings, baby or bridal showers, 1st birthdays, baptisms, graduation, etc. But just a regular kids birthday or Christmas not so much. If your throwing a birthday party for a kid then party favors and thanks as they leave works. Acknowledging the gift verbally or on Facebook or a phone call works for Christmas. I don't think you have to be formal with those people you see all the time or are with frequently (which would be who normally gives you a birthday or Christmas present).

 

[Mother Dragon]

My granddaughter committed suicide on February 1, just two months shy of her 16th birthday. Several of our friends sent cards to her parents and a few attended her celebration of life. Should I send thank you notes to our friends (who I have already thanked personally several times) or is it my daughter's and son-in-law's responsibility? She and I have a very delicate relationship at the best of times, so I know it's not wise to ask her if she's sent out thank you notes.

 

[micknsnicks2mom]

i don't send out thank you notes. but then, i haven't been to any weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, or such in many years. i do always acknowledge and thank (usually either by phone or via email) gifts received by me or my cats though.

i also thank people in the general course of life -- like the bus driver, the post office worker who gets my package for me, cashiers, and etc. and i almost always add 'sir or ma'am' or the person's name, out of respect.

 

[kashmir64]

I don't send out Thank You notes. But then I live 20 miles from town. I usually thank someone in person. Or at the very least, a phone call.

 

[di and bob]

I usually thank a gift giver in person, or over the phone, but every once in a while I send a thank you card, especially at Christmas or if someone has especially helped in some way. My daughter is great at sending little cards, and has my grandson do this too, it IS nice to receive them in the mail, it is never the same when as an E-mail.

Mother dragon, I am so very sorry for such a crushing loss, my heart breaks for you and your family. I can't even imagine the pain you are going through. I'll pray for you all.
If it helps to write those cards of thanks in any way, by all means do so. You were the grandmother, and to tell someone how much their presence or help meant to you would not be considered inappropriate in any way. May you be comforted in any way possible in this time of sorrow.

 

[denice]

My granddaughter committed suicide on February 1, just two months shy of her 16th birthday. Several of our friends sent cards to her parents and a few attended her celebration of life. Should I send thank you notes to our friends (who I have already thanked personally several times) or is it my daughter's and son-in-law's responsibility? She and I have a very delicate relationship at the best of times, so I know it's not wise to ask her if she's sent out thank you notes.

I am so sorry. Under the circumstances I would just leave it be. I don't think anyone would expect the usual niceties under those circumstances. If someone does then they have issues one of them being a total lack of compassion.

I think a thank you in some form is a necessity. It doesn't have to be a formal thank you card but a thank you in some form is necessary.

 

[AbbysMom]

If it is a large more formal event, I think written thank you cards are necessary - wedding showers, graduations, etc. Other than that, I think an email or in person thank you is enough.