This is a painful question for me. When we got married, almost 25 years ago, there was no question at all about kids - we wanted 2, being in favor of "zero population growth". Unfortunately, after several miscarriages and hormone therapy, we finally had to recognize the fact that it wasn't meant to be. When I was in my late twenties, this was such a big issue that I even almost avoided friends who were having babies, and came to hate my in-laws, who were putting a tremendous amount of pressure on me to "carry on the family name". My own parents were very supportive, although I'm sure they were disappointed, because my older brother also didn't have kids.
My sister has four kids, and my husband's brother has two. They are very much "our kids", too, and now I think that fate probably meant for us to be there for them. My sister has been through two bad marriages, with little or no financial support from her ex-husbands, and her second husband was/is violent. We've always tried to be there for the kids, so that they have some real stability in their lives, and know that not all relationships are bad, that not all husbands beat their wives and spend their paychecks on themselves, rather than paying off the mortgage. My brother-in-law's wife is schizophrenic, and his kids have needed a "home away from home" for extended periods all their lives. Thus, we've always been sort of "back-up parents", aside from having given numbers of pets a loving home. As a teacher of teenagers since 1980, I've had ample opportunity to be nurturing, stern, encouraging, etc., etc..
We probably haven't missed too many of the joys of parenthood, although we don't have biological children.
My sister has four kids, and my husband's brother has two. They are very much "our kids", too, and now I think that fate probably meant for us to be there for them. My sister has been through two bad marriages, with little or no financial support from her ex-husbands, and her second husband was/is violent. We've always tried to be there for the kids, so that they have some real stability in their lives, and know that not all relationships are bad, that not all husbands beat their wives and spend their paychecks on themselves, rather than paying off the mortgage. My brother-in-law's wife is schizophrenic, and his kids have needed a "home away from home" for extended periods all their lives. Thus, we've always been sort of "back-up parents", aside from having given numbers of pets a loving home. As a teacher of teenagers since 1980, I've had ample opportunity to be nurturing, stern, encouraging, etc., etc..
We probably haven't missed too many of the joys of parenthood, although we don't have biological children.
