Question for the men...

[trouts mom]

Originally Posted by theimp98

word of advice, how this may not be all men.

If i am, bad mood LEAVE ME alone, i dont want to talk, i dont want anyone to touch me. etc. just deal with it, its teh way most men are bulit. Its hardwired in are brian. bugging me about whats wrong is just going to piss me off worse.

let us relax some, then if we want to talk then do something togther,
play a video game, work around the house. Most men do not want to sit and have a heart to heart talk, but many will open up, and talk about stuff, how they are working or doing other stuff
who we are active with other things

until then let us alone in are man caves.

Yup, that sounds like my ex

 

[theimp98]

Originally Posted by Trouts mom

Yup, that sounds like my ex

please note i am not her ex.

i just wanted to point that out, before people started throwing things at me

 

[tink80]

Originally Posted by theimp98

please note i am not her ex.

i just wanted to point that out, before people started throwing things at me

ROFL!!!!!!

 

[arie85]

I'm M but just 22, and when I'm tired I always say to my gf to leave me alone, but if it's something that makes me sad then I'd rather like to share it with her, yep

 

[noludoru]

Originally Posted by mybabyphx

Sorry I'm female, but I thought I would put my opinion on this one..


This really bothers me, because when my boyfriend gets upset.. I want to talk, discuss, soothe, and understand the problem! But he always tells me he would rather be alone, go for a walk, and get away from me. He says the more I bug him, the more he gets mad.

I thought i was trying to help GUESS NOT!

I think you have to feel that way yourself to truly understand it. When I am upset (I'm female--unless things down there have changed) I tend to brood and want to be on my own, take things out on myself rather than other people around me. Just wait till he calms down a bit next time, and then try to talk things over. You have to have some control over your emotions to discuss things civilly, so giving him so cool-down time will help.

Then if he is not the type for a heart to heart (as theimp said) do something. Go play some sort of sport... go on a run with him... see if he'd like (okay, bully him into) helping you clean/garden/cook dinner. Making chili I've found is a big favorite, lots of veggie and meat cutting and hot spices filling the air, opens things up to talk. It just depends upong how he is.. you've gotta use your judgement there.

 

[essayons89]

Originally Posted by theimp98

hmm, i am thinking of putting a cat door in my cave.

A pool table and a wet bar would make a nice addition. Party at my cave.

 

[starryeyedtiger]

i'm a girl, but i've found when colin's had a bad day it's best not to pester him with questions. i just fix him a nice cup of his favorite coffee and give him a quick little neck massage while he plays his favorite pc game - that always puts him in a better mood...and then i just leave it be. when he's ready to talk- he talks to me about it

it's best to let them just cool off for a little bit and have a bit of space- they'll talk when they're ready to.

 

[carolpetunia]

Originally Posted by theimp98

word of advice, how this may not be all men.

If i am, bad mood LEAVE ME alone, i dont want to talk, i dont want anyone to touch me. etc. just deal with it, its teh way most men are bulit. Its hardwired in are brian. bugging me about whats wrong is just going to piss me off worse.

let us relax some, then if we want to talk then do something togther,
play a video game, work around the house. Most men do not want to sit and have a heart to heart talk, but many will open up, and talk about stuff, how they are working or doing other stuff
who we are active with other things

until then let us alone in are man caves.

That's the best advice I've ever heard for dealing with men -- not just husbands and boyfriends, but ALL of 'em. That should be on the first page of all the Mars-and-Venus books...

 

[felton]

My DW will make a statement and than leave me alone.

"Having a bad day?"

Whereupon I may open up or more likely go to the computer room and play a video game for about 15 minutes. I'll have redirected my energy by that time and Tigger or one of my other masters will come in and distract me into the good zone. Masters (and my Alaskan Malamutes but they have crossed the Rainbow Bridge now... sniff) are good at that.

 

[tari]

It's taken me 15 years to figure out how to deal with my grumpy DH. I'll ask him if he wants to talk about it and, after he says "no", I'll tell him that he knows where to find me when he does. Then I'll leave him alone in his man cave, except when it's time to feed him

. (That's actually exactly what we call it. I've decorated the basement for him in sports stuff and the big screen TV's down there.) If I know that he's cranky because he's tired or overworked, I'll do whatever I can to help him with stuff around the house so he can get some rest. I'll pitch in with yardwork or mow the lawn or whatever.

The exception to this rule, though, is if he decides he's going to be nasty and take it out on me. He can be as mad as he wants at the world, but I'm not going to put up with taking the brunt of it unless I deserve it. Then I'll push back. (But after 15 years, a simple "Hey...let's remember I'm on YOUR side here" usually does it.)