Hello. Not sure if this is the most accurate category to post in, but here goes. First, I wanted to say I'm really appreciative of this site. I've found great solace and support in the last few days combing through every possible post about adoption anxiety and possible regret.
I don't know how to start other than I am a person who is VERY careful with decisions. I lost my dog a year ago and don't know how I remained standing, but I did. I thought I coped pretty well considering, and knew it would be some time before I was ready for another pet. I couldn't rush anything as I already obsess over decisions and over-analyze everything I do. For the past few months, I've been going over whether I'm ready or not to adopt. An apartment became available not too far from home, and since I'd been on waiting lists and all packed up for months, I was ecstatic. I dealt with immense loneliness and homesickness the first month, despite being ready to live on my own for years and not always feeling safe at home (bad memories of verbal abuse, but it's changed some). I adapted though, made the apartment my own, and finally felt comfortable. That's when I decided to research about cats and what kind of litter is best and how to introduce them, etc. I spent weeks planning my Chewy list and eventually ordered and set up things around my apartment. I think my mistake was adopting the day I went to the shelter when I needed time to process even visiting a shelter, but I had the carrier ready, had told myself and others I wouldn't rush and only if it felt right, not realizing I need more time to process things. Ended up adopting a 7 and 1/2 year old female domestic shorthair who's a sweetheart.
She's adapted surprisingly well. I've talked with her, given her space, and she has gotten cozy in several spots. No behavior issues. She had concerning appetite issues which I consulted with the vet after her check-up and doing blood work/urine tests (all came back good). She's much better now that I transferred to a cat water fountain and she's on an appetite stimulant. I felt very confident during all that. We have many great vet options and I was a good advocate in asking questions, making sure I was doing the best. It's only been 2 weeks. Maybe I'm too hard on myself. She's gotten snuggly a few times and nudges my chin and I talk lovingly to her, but the last few days I've had anxiety attacks and literally cannot go almost an hour without crying. Of course, I looked up that anxiety or worry you'll do something wrong is common after adopting, mostly with kittens or puppies, but still, any big life change. I think I've also been denial about my suicidal ideation (I mask a lot to family and quit a retail job recently because it was affecting my work and I was miserable). I'm better after having left the job and had savings for my cat, thought everything through, but I have no idea what I want to do with my life. The 1-year commitment of my lease freaks me out, because I have no idea if next year, I'll renew. I've been lying to myself that since I'm functional, can feed myself, clean myself etc go on walks that I'm stable. One note: with my previous dog, he became my reason to stay alive, and I knew going into adopting another pet, not to put that pressure or adopt for the wrong reasons. Subconsciously, maybe that's what I did, to keep me from attempting suicide or feeling like I can just run away.
Two weeks is nothing. I know that. I've read the success stories on here. I wonder if I'm punishing myself by setting myself up for failure when she has all she needs and just because I don't feel a close bond, doesn't mean she's not well taken care of. I have a routine for the most part, offer toys, scoop litter 4/5 times a day. I was prepared and ready for the responsibility, but what I wasn't prepared for was this gut-wrenching feeling of not wanting another pet based on the trauma of what I went through with my dog. This cat is healthy and I had so much relief after a thorough vet visit and the tech explaining the blood work, so it's not like I'm thinking of everything that can or will go wrong as she gets older. I just feel like I'm regretting every decision. And realizing I never got professional help for dealing with the trauma of losing my dog (adopted him as a senior and he had many health problems over the years we managed with our amazing vet).
Now, I feel nothing short of stupid for not having thought of foster-to-adopt programs first, instead of this commitment. I have one side of me saying that even on my worst days of anxiety and depression, I would still push myself to get out of bed to change litter, but it still feels so forced. I know it may not always be like this, but I'm so stupid for adopting when I'm just beginning to get mental help at the end of this year (was on a 3-month waiting list to even be assessed). I fear the judgment of re-homing back to the no-kill shelter, but have thought of discussing this with a shelter worker and asking for advice or even if I could foster until they approve a new home.
I feel so distraught and so lonely. I want nothing more than to move back home, but I signed a 1-year lease, which stresses me out incredibly. How did I ever think I could handle a 5-10+ year commitment for my cat's remaining years if I'm regretting a 1-year lease, which seems like an incredibly long time? It's not like my cat hides, or is the opposite, and too clingy. There is nothing wrong with her. I just feel I spent so many months agonizing and doing pros and cons of if I was ready for a pet, that when I felt ready, I rushed it, and now it's settling in that I can't handle the emotion of caring for another living creature after everything I went through with my dog.
Not to mention, and I've read other people have thought this too, but trust me, I still feel shame and guilt... of thinking how many more years left, like counting down the time. And thinking no cat should be in a place with that mindset (it's me, hi, I'm the problem it's me Taylor Swift moment).
I feel safe sharing here and hope I didn't ramble too much or share too many personal things. I'm planning on talking with my mom this weekend when it can just be the two of us. She's my best friend and I think the first step is admitting to her how much I've been masking my depression and suicidal ideation. I've struggled to eat the past few days and I really think I've been fooling myself into thinking I was ready when I know that for me, any big change like this, is extremely hard. Thanks for reading <3
I don't know how to start other than I am a person who is VERY careful with decisions. I lost my dog a year ago and don't know how I remained standing, but I did. I thought I coped pretty well considering, and knew it would be some time before I was ready for another pet. I couldn't rush anything as I already obsess over decisions and over-analyze everything I do. For the past few months, I've been going over whether I'm ready or not to adopt. An apartment became available not too far from home, and since I'd been on waiting lists and all packed up for months, I was ecstatic. I dealt with immense loneliness and homesickness the first month, despite being ready to live on my own for years and not always feeling safe at home (bad memories of verbal abuse, but it's changed some). I adapted though, made the apartment my own, and finally felt comfortable. That's when I decided to research about cats and what kind of litter is best and how to introduce them, etc. I spent weeks planning my Chewy list and eventually ordered and set up things around my apartment. I think my mistake was adopting the day I went to the shelter when I needed time to process even visiting a shelter, but I had the carrier ready, had told myself and others I wouldn't rush and only if it felt right, not realizing I need more time to process things. Ended up adopting a 7 and 1/2 year old female domestic shorthair who's a sweetheart.
She's adapted surprisingly well. I've talked with her, given her space, and she has gotten cozy in several spots. No behavior issues. She had concerning appetite issues which I consulted with the vet after her check-up and doing blood work/urine tests (all came back good). She's much better now that I transferred to a cat water fountain and she's on an appetite stimulant. I felt very confident during all that. We have many great vet options and I was a good advocate in asking questions, making sure I was doing the best. It's only been 2 weeks. Maybe I'm too hard on myself. She's gotten snuggly a few times and nudges my chin and I talk lovingly to her, but the last few days I've had anxiety attacks and literally cannot go almost an hour without crying. Of course, I looked up that anxiety or worry you'll do something wrong is common after adopting, mostly with kittens or puppies, but still, any big life change. I think I've also been denial about my suicidal ideation (I mask a lot to family and quit a retail job recently because it was affecting my work and I was miserable). I'm better after having left the job and had savings for my cat, thought everything through, but I have no idea what I want to do with my life. The 1-year commitment of my lease freaks me out, because I have no idea if next year, I'll renew. I've been lying to myself that since I'm functional, can feed myself, clean myself etc go on walks that I'm stable. One note: with my previous dog, he became my reason to stay alive, and I knew going into adopting another pet, not to put that pressure or adopt for the wrong reasons. Subconsciously, maybe that's what I did, to keep me from attempting suicide or feeling like I can just run away.
Two weeks is nothing. I know that. I've read the success stories on here. I wonder if I'm punishing myself by setting myself up for failure when she has all she needs and just because I don't feel a close bond, doesn't mean she's not well taken care of. I have a routine for the most part, offer toys, scoop litter 4/5 times a day. I was prepared and ready for the responsibility, but what I wasn't prepared for was this gut-wrenching feeling of not wanting another pet based on the trauma of what I went through with my dog. This cat is healthy and I had so much relief after a thorough vet visit and the tech explaining the blood work, so it's not like I'm thinking of everything that can or will go wrong as she gets older. I just feel like I'm regretting every decision. And realizing I never got professional help for dealing with the trauma of losing my dog (adopted him as a senior and he had many health problems over the years we managed with our amazing vet).
Now, I feel nothing short of stupid for not having thought of foster-to-adopt programs first, instead of this commitment. I have one side of me saying that even on my worst days of anxiety and depression, I would still push myself to get out of bed to change litter, but it still feels so forced. I know it may not always be like this, but I'm so stupid for adopting when I'm just beginning to get mental help at the end of this year (was on a 3-month waiting list to even be assessed). I fear the judgment of re-homing back to the no-kill shelter, but have thought of discussing this with a shelter worker and asking for advice or even if I could foster until they approve a new home.
I feel so distraught and so lonely. I want nothing more than to move back home, but I signed a 1-year lease, which stresses me out incredibly. How did I ever think I could handle a 5-10+ year commitment for my cat's remaining years if I'm regretting a 1-year lease, which seems like an incredibly long time? It's not like my cat hides, or is the opposite, and too clingy. There is nothing wrong with her. I just feel I spent so many months agonizing and doing pros and cons of if I was ready for a pet, that when I felt ready, I rushed it, and now it's settling in that I can't handle the emotion of caring for another living creature after everything I went through with my dog.
Not to mention, and I've read other people have thought this too, but trust me, I still feel shame and guilt... of thinking how many more years left, like counting down the time. And thinking no cat should be in a place with that mindset (it's me, hi, I'm the problem it's me Taylor Swift moment).
I feel safe sharing here and hope I didn't ramble too much or share too many personal things. I'm planning on talking with my mom this weekend when it can just be the two of us. She's my best friend and I think the first step is admitting to her how much I've been masking my depression and suicidal ideation. I've struggled to eat the past few days and I really think I've been fooling myself into thinking I was ready when I know that for me, any big change like this, is extremely hard. Thanks for reading <3
Sorry though for the reason that's brought you here. 
