PLEASE HELP: On returning an adopted cat to the shelter (This is the absolute last thing I want to d

[mashaye]

While I have never owned a cat until this past week, I've spent a great deal of time cat sitting for friends and family & spending time with these beautiful animals. It hurts me deeply and absolutely breaks my heart to think of the far too many animals who are neglected, abused, and euthanized because of  human entitlement. 

I've been contemplating adopting a cat for about a year now. Two weeks ago, I visited an animal shelter that exclusively houses cats. The woman who runs the shelter does so out of her own home (she lives on vast farmland, just for clarification) and she has over 150 cats living there. They wander throughout her home, around her property, and roughly 50% of them have some sort of disability, illness, or circumstance that calls for special care and attentiveness (for example, she keeps cats with FIV or FeLV in separate, enclosed areas, she has a large pen in her backyard for more aggressive feral cats that have not been socialized, and on a separate note, she has many cats with diabetes or degenerative disorders that she cares for). She knows each and every cats name without having to pause to think about it, so she definitely is dedicated to these little buggers. 

Before visiting, I saw of her cats on PetFinder.com and was particularly taken by a two year old named Otis. Upon visiting the shelter, she informed me that Otis was born sometime around June 2013 an was abandoned with a large group of other kittens at a feral colony. He was trapped, and she adopted him when he was around five months old (November 2013). She told me he had obviously been socialized and was the friendliest of the group of three brothers he belongs to. Otis resided in "the palace," a large enclosed area with about 20-30 cats off to the side of the woman's property that contained a shed with a couch, several play structures and a good amount of room and high places for the cats to rest and play. I knew Otis was shy within the first few minutes of meeting him. He was under the couch (a place I now in hindsight think he rarely left). From the get-go he clearly didn't seem to be the most social cat ever, but I really didn't mind the shyness! She told me that he doesn't get a lot of socializing in "the palace," but that with a bag of treats, some time and TLC, he will turn into my best friend.

I looked around the shelter for about an hour or so, and maybe I just didn't ask enough questions or I wasn't direct enough, but she seemed to encourage my initial plan to visit and adopt Otis.

A little over a week ago, I brought Otis home. When we went to pick him up, I was a little anxious to see that he was under the couch again. I wondered if he ever got out to socialize with other cats. Otis is a beautiful, precious animal, and I know that re-homing is an intensely scary experience for all cats, but even after a week with him here, I'm starting to doubt whether he will ever feel completely comfortable in our home: 

When we first brought Otis home, he reacted much like I believe any cat would: he mewed a lot in his carrier on the car ride home out of fear, he immediately hid in the first enclosed area he could find, and he didn't come out much to interact with us, but certain behaviors have really worried me and make me feel like he is living in constant fear and discomfort here, which is truly the last thing I want to subject him to. It's been roughly nine days of living here and Otis has refused to spend longer than five seconds out in the open and refuses to take a hiding spot that doesn't have four secure edges protecting him (the two main ones he uses are in between the bottom shelf of my bookshelf and my laundry basket and a box of where I keep undergarments & a shelf in our entertainment center, behind two statuettes that assure he isn't directly out in the open). We kept him my bedroom for the first few days, which is a relatively normal size (10 feet by 10 feet), and he's explored the rest of the apartment when everyone is asleep, which is how he discovered the alcove in the entertainment center, but he wouldn't even dream of coming out while anybody is awake, even while they're quietly sitting, reading. When we try to gently coax him out of his hiding spots, he has been hissing and clawing A LOT. I don't think he is necessarily aggressive at all, rather very scared or hungry, which breaks me to another issue. He refuses to eat his food out in the open or to use the litter box while there is another person nearby (which I think can be solved by buying him a hood, but the woman we adopted from insisted we initially use an open litter box). We've had to bring his food to his hiding spots, otherwise he refuses to come out and eat and ultimately becomes very aggressive. A couple days ago, after I had fallen asleep, Otis left his bookshelf alcove and moved to the entertainment center alcove where I found him the following morning. I set out some fresh food and his litter box was clean, but he didn't leave the entertainment center at all the entire time I was home that morning. Neither myself or anybody else were home between 12:30 and 5 PM. When I returned around five, I sat in front of the alcove and spoke to him softly and tried to coax him out. When I reached forward to give him a treat, he hissed and bite me. It was then I realized he hadn't eaten all day (I figured he had because nobody was home and he usually is fine when we're asleep or not around). I brought his food to his alcove and sat in my living room. The poor boy ate the entire bowl in a few minutes, quickly darted out to go use the litter box, and went back to his bookshelf alcove. I tried to brush him after he had eaten and used the litter box, and he seemed less aggressive, but kept scooting back and pressing himself against the back edge of the bookshelf. 

This specific event has basically been repeated in various different forms for the past week and a half. When I adopted Otis, I made a commitment to him to keep him and was committing to giving him a safe, loving environment. It hasn't even been two weeks, so the mere thought of even taking him back to the shelter absolutely kills me. His aggression has been what has instigated those thoughts, and it hurts me to say that because I know in my heart he's not an aggressive cat and this is probably a result of experiences of which I'm unaware. The woman we adopted him from  expressed clearly that she just wants him to have a safe home and made it clear in the adoption contract that we promise to return him to her if we can't care for him for any reason. When he first started acting aggressive and refusing to come out into the open (which I have to clarify is not an exaggeration, I have literally not seen him upright, walking around and exploring, with the exception of the few times he thought I was asleep), I thought I would just persist with patience and love and see where he is in a month, if he seems more comfortable, but I'm scared for his well being and my own. 

I've been crying over this because I feel so much guilt even thinking about wanting to return him, especially after so short a period of time. There is a horrible part of me that wishes I'd somehow chosen a friendlier, more affectionate cat, but I truly do just want him to not feel the need to be aggressive or so afraid to the point which he would starve himself all day until someone brought him food to his hiding place.

PLEASE share your thoughts and opinions! Me and this poor cat seem to be suffering greatly! 

 

[mewtantmommy]

 
 It hurts me deeply and absolutely breaks my heart to think of the far too many animals who are neglected, abused, and euthanized because of  human entitlement. 

Same here.

Your returning Otis to the cat shelter you describe would be nothing like abandoning or returning him to a kill shelter.  He has lived there since he was a young kitten.  He may or may not have companions/friends among the cats there, but he would be familiar with his caregiver there, his place there. That may be the nearest situation to his having a comfort zone.  Because of his background, it is rather doubtful that he can make the adjustment to you and your home, to connect with you as a companion pet.

Right now he is afraid and probably feels very alone and in a place very strange to him.

To take good care of him, you need to be able to handle him, to comfort him, to get him to Veterinary care without undue stress for either of you.  Clearly, neither of you is anywhere near being at ease with the other.

 

 

[NewYork1303]

I would try introducing him to the home the way that you might introduce a feral or stray cat that you are trying to tame. This means getting him into just one room of the house. If you can lure him into a box or a cat crate this would be best. Give him a place to hide in the room (the same box or crate would be fine) and put food and water right outside of the food. Go into the room and spend time in the room just talking to him, not trying to touch him or anything. You can read out loud to him or just talk while you do something else while in the room. Don't make any fast movements and don't approach him. This will get him used to just being around you. Go slow with him and don't expect too much too soon. Try a Feliway diffuser to help make him feel safe as well. If he truly is a friendly cat like the lady at the shelter said, he just needs time to adjust to the new situation and get over a lot of the initial shyness.

 

[meowmmy_aprile]

I don't know if they will make you feel any better but I hope it does.

I have 8 cats all of them have been with me since they were babies, they are about 3 years old now. I just moved them from the home they grew up in to a brand new home 1500 miles away. They have been here a month and half and they are familar with me obviously because they grew up with me. Anyways I have 3 that in the month and a half we have been here has not come out of their hiding spaces. Two have found a place inside a bathroom cabinet and 1 hides behind the bathroom door, even with the other 5 out roaming around these 3 have not come out other than to eat and use the litter box and promptly go back to their spots. 

Some cats just take longer to adjust to new surroundings than others, add in you are a complete stranger to this guy and it may take a month or two of understanding from you before he venture's out. I talk to them and lay treats out just far enough if they want them they have to come out of their spots to get them. I do not try to mess with them when they do I am allowing them to eat their treats and take in the surroundings without making them feel crowded. I sit and talk to them but don't reach my hands into their area as that is their safe spot and I don't want to encroach. 

You might try laying something that smells like you near his hiding places so he can get used to your scent while still feeling secure in his spot. Lay some treats on the item or try to feed him on it so he associates your smell with good things. That may help him get comfortable with you as well. 

Two of them are just now starting to peek around the corners and coming out of hiding a little bit more. When they do I offer treats and pet them when they want to be petted but I don't push it.  

I wish you the best of luck. I wouldn't give up on him yet, give him a couple of months of patience and understanding. Don't push yourself on him let him come to you. You will be surprised that one day he will turn around all the sudden and be a great friendly loving kitty.

 

[silverpersian]

I have a relatively (especially as compared to my last) cat. He usually mingles with our guests and is generally very comfortable. I left him with family a couple of times when I had extended trips of around three weeks. He liked it there and was very friendly with everyone.

Both times, when we got back home, he behaved very similar to what you are describing of Otis, for at least a week. I had to leave his food under the bed, and he would only use the litter box when we were asleep. He wouldn't let me pet or brush him. Now this was a social cat, in his own home and with his usual humans. I can imagine that a shy cat in a new place would take a lot longer to adjust.

My last cat took over two months to come out from under the bed. Once he did, he was the most affectionate little guy ever. He was never more than three feet away from me when I was home and died in my arms.

You are clearly devoted to Otis and a very responsible person. I think you should give it time. In my experience, it is too soon to determine whether he will warm up to you.

 

[kittens mom]

I am first and foremost an old horse trainer. While the species is totally different there are aspects of animal training and socialization that overlap.  I was told a story long ago. I don't know if it's true of created to make a point.

An old cowboy had a wild bucking colt in the round pen , it was running as fast as it could around him staying as far away as possible. The old cowboy did nothing. didn't acknowledge it, pick up a rope make any type of eye contact he just let the horse spin. Someone came up and wanted to know when he was going to do something to break his horse. He told him I'm just waiting for an opening.

Without fail every horse will eventually stop and make eye contact with you. Instead of trying to walk up to the horse you turn your shoulder and ignore. All animals have an innate built in curiosity. As hard as it is. Let the cat come to you.

Is he eating ?

Using the litter box ?

If you see him out when you are up ignore him. Instead say his name and leave a treat and walk off.

Ask anyone who has befriended a true feral. It's a relationship you will never forget.

You will never convince any cat to come out and like you by grabbing or trying to trick it.

When you leave a treat or feed say his name and let it go.

Let your frustration go and look on this as a challenge.

 

[mtgal]

You've only had the cat for a week. That is a very short period of time for a cat to adjust. All of my cats came as rescues, some were sick or injured when they arrived. Some settled in very fast and others took much longer. One of my cats has been here a bit over a year. She came from a neglectful situation and was terrified for the first month or so. Because I have dogs, I set up a nice cat condo (cage) in the family room, next to the window. For the first month, the newcomer stayed in the condo. She had her own litter box, water and food dishes. I purposely chose a covered cat bed so she could hide - which she did. From inside the condo she could see the other cats and inspect the dogs, but not be bothered. When I was around, I left the condo door open so she could come out, but she preferred staying hidden. I pretty much ignored her for the first month. When she came up toward me, I would reach down my hand so she could rub, but if she didn't I just left her alone. Slowly, she began coming out of her bed and sitting where she could watch the other animals. Oddly enough, the first animal to accepted was my Pit Bull - but he's a true sweetie and never hassles the cats. Eventually, she came out of her condo and joined the rest of the household. But even now, after more than a year, if she hears a loud noise, she'll run back to her condo. She doesn't like the other cats, but loves the dogs. (Go figure!) and will sleep with either my Shepherd of the Pit. 

One of the problems we all face with animals is the tendency to expect them to behave and think like people. Your kitty is probably still somewhat shell shocked. Although the shelter setup may have been great, it also sounds somewhat confusing. Some cats just can't deal with confusion and resettling. I'd give her some space and allow her to approach rather than approaching her. As I said, a week is far too short to conclude anything about the cat. Even my most confident cat, my only male at the moment, took time to settle in and he is very confident. On the litter box: there is a belief among some that covered litter boxes harbor bacteria. There have been several studies on this and the conclusion is that if you keep it reasonably clean it won't harbor any more bacteria than a non-covered box. I use covered boxes (largely for the sake of the dogs) and have never had a problem. Time is your friend in this situation.  

 

[margd]

My cat Wesley was so frightened at the shelter he was afraid to come out of his cage but turned out to be very outgoing - I think it can be difficult to predict a cat's personality by how he or she behaves in a shelter or rescue.

Like others, I think you should give Otis some more time and let him come to you. It might take a long time for him to feel safe and to recognize you as the source of good things, maybe months. It seems to me that with your compassion and understanding, you are probably a good match for this little one.

 

[jennyr]

It would be amazing if an adult cat that has spent a long time in a shelter and was then suddenly moved to a strange house, with no other cats around to watch and copy, acted in any way than the way you describe. I am not sure why you describe him as aggressive, unless I have missed something. He let you brush him, even though he was obviously scared. He runs and hides, he does not fight. Has he scratched you? Does he hiss or growl? These would be normal behaviours for a frightened cat. I have had cats who have lived behind the sofa or on the top of a bookcase for literally months, and then have turned into the sweetest, most affectionate companions ever.

Do not rush him. His world is very confusing right now. The advice above is good, let him get used to one space, with easy access to food and litter. Sit near him, read out loud, do not make eye contact as this will be interpreted by him as aggression on your part, and let him get used to things at his own pace. Cats are not dogs - they will not run to the first person who feeds them. But to gain the trust of an abandoned, frightened cat is one of the most rewarding experiences anyone can have.

Do not give up on him - he sounds as if he has all the qualities you want but is scared to show it. Good luck.

 

[schrody]

He definitely needs more time. It's not fair to give up so early on. 

In the end the decision is yours, but here is what I suggest: 

1) Warn the shelter. Tell the lady you are having issues with Otis's behaviour, that you are going to try to fix them and make him feel at him at home, but that you will need her help to rehome him if it doesn't work out. This way she knows what's going on and I guarantee she will respect your choice of giving him back later on if you tell her you are trying everything you can first.

2) If you can, I suggest getting a feliway disufer. This will help bring down his anxiety.

3) Don't try to touch him, look into his hiding places, MUCH LESS groom him. Let him be, go about your daily life. You are doing it right by talking softly while near him, but don't look at him.  

4) Leave the food where he hides for now, the litterbox close by. 

5) Find out what he loves. For example try giving small bits of ham. If he goes crazy for it, every day put a few bits outside of his hiding area, but not too far.

6) Gradually spread out the daily special treats a bit more, and when he seems a bit more comfortable, start putting his food and litterbox a bit further away from his hiding place.

7) Once he starts to wander around the house, start hand feeding him treats, presenting your hand flat to him so he can sniff it. Take it slowly from there to build a solid relationship.

I would give it at least a couple of months before deciding to bring him back. Chance are you will have to go through a similar process with any cat you get anyway, if you want to form a bond with them, instead of them just tolerating you, even if they have a more outgoing personality.

 

[mtgal]

A bit of humor on introducing a new cat -- just something to lighten the mood and reassure the OP that all things pass:

My very best friend is an animal control officer and most of my cats come as a result of her rescuing them from precarious situations. One of the best cats I ever had came from her after she found him sick inside a dumpster. He was nursed back to health in the shelter and then needed a home. At the time I had an older dog that had health issues and two cats, both of them a bit older. I was also dealing with some health issues of my own. I really didn't want another cat, but when the shelter became crowded because of a raid, I agreed to take the male dumpster cat, temporarily.  My friend told me he was mellow and quiet. We didn't know if he had experience with dogs, but since my dog (A German Shepherd) was great with cats, I wasn't very concerned. So the cat came to my house and...well, it was interesting. We carried the carrier into the family room, made sure my dog was not in the room and opened the door. I expected the cat to emerge slowly and cautiously since he often acted shy at the shelter. Well, he came out like a shot, marched around the roo sniffing and then went through the gate into the kitchen. My dog came into the room and I held my breath worrying that the cat would be scared and would come running back into the carrier. Nope, he ran up to the dog and rubbed all over her! He then sought out the other cats, approached them without any reservation and didn't even care when one of the cats hissed and batted him. Within an hour, he owned the house. He adored the dogs and other cats, greeted everyone who came into the house, loved to get into all sorts of mischief and loved to play. For ten years he was an amazing cat that led the pack, taught my new German Shepherd puppy manners and helped raise a litter of kittens that were here for a couple of months. The only thing that ever scared him were thunderstorms. When one came, he climbed under the bed or couch and hid away. I learned quickly to leave him alone when he was scared because this seemed to help him more than my trying to comfort him. He taught me a lot about cats and about life. One important lesson was that you can never generalize about animals. Some come into the house acting as if they always lived there and others take months or even longer before they relax and settle into the routine. If we try to rush these things it usually ends in disaster. But when we allow the animal to find her/his own way, often things become very good. 

 

[nansiludie]

Maybe if you sat quietly in the room he hides in and read to him, or have some catnip, nearly every cat will eventually come around when they smell catnip.You do have to take into account that he's always been with the other cats and it being so quiet and different in your home, he's a bit shocked. I do think with time and patience he will come around.

 

[margaritacat]

Hi, I have had cats all my life and the last one was abandoned in the woods behind my place, had been living out there on his own for a while so I decided to take him in since my last girl had died of old age about 6 months earlier. It took about 5 to 6 weeks before this new cat would show himself to me openly, he hid behind the washing machine in the laundry room and no matter how much I talked to him and called to him, he just did not come out. BUT! he did eat out of his bowl, drank his water, and used the litter box, ALL of this at night after I had gone to bed. What I DID do was I closed the kitchen door at night so he would not prowl the whole house. This was, after all, a strange cat that I had asked in from the woods, I did not know him, or what he was capable of.

He started SLOWLY showing himself, then letting me pet him, I would pick him up and he would hiss at me so I put him down, but I continued that EVERY day for a while. He became THE most loving cat in the world.......I would pick him up and carry him around like a newborn baby and he would purr the whole time. The vet said he was about 12 to 16 months old when I adopted him. He just died of cancer 5 months ago and I am still devastated. He had just turned 9.

So please give Otis a chance....he lived in one place for a long time, he needs more time to adjust to his new life. Follow what the others have suggested about not coming up to him abruptly, let him hide as long as he feels he needs to. He WILL eat, drink and use the little box so I would not cater to him by bringing the stuff to wherever he chooses to be. Believe me, he will not starve, that is plain survival. Continue visiting him in his hiding place, talking to him, if you have not done so yet try some catnip on a spot around where you generally sit and relax, like by your feet on the rug, or rub it on a scratch pole. They LOVE catnip. Do not force yourself on him, let him come to you. It is too early to return him, and I feel you do not want to return him. You can give him the perfect home. Do allow him the time to get to know you and his new home....AM

 

[lykakitty]

Like others have said, give it time. Otis is in a very new place with a stranger and some cats take a very long time to adjust to that. I'll share with you the story of my cat Maya and I hope it brings you some hope.

In early November of 2012 I had just lost my boy Caspian and I needed another baby in my life to get me through it. After looking at shelters in the area for a couple weeks I came across the story of a group of cats rescued from an abusive owner by a local rescue group. 6 cats had been found: an intact approx. 4-year-old male, an intact approx. 1-year-old female, and the female's young litter of 4. All 6 were starved and sick, and both adults had been beaten who knew how many times and were suffering from multiple injuries each. 2 of the kittens passed away within a day of being rescued due to the severe conditions they had been in their whole lives and both of the adults eventually passed away as well, despite the people in this group doing everything possible for them. The 2 remaining kittens were raised by a foster parent and recovered very nicely.  About 4 months after being rescued they became available for adoption and I went to see them. The male was exactly like any kitten you could imagine; he ran around and played and jumped all over me for attention. His sister, who you can see in my avatar, was absolutely terrified of people. She hid in a corner and wouldn't come anywhere near me and I knew immediately that I had to adopt her. The day I brought Maya home she went straight for the couch and wouldn't come out all day. That night I set up a box tipped over on its side in the corner with food, water, and a litterbox next to it and left her and by the next morning she had moved her hiding spot to there. She didn't come out except to dart to the litterbox and back when I wasn't looking for the next week. I fed her in the box and left a blanket that I thought smelled like me and some toys in there for her but she ignored them. Every day I would spend a little bit of time just sitting in the room and talking to her, not trying to touch her or coax her out or anything. Sometimes I would l would lay on the floor on the other side of the room and read out loud. My other cats stayed away from her and I didn't try to bother her. After the first week I started to hear her coming out at night but never saw her. After about another week she would come out if I wasn't in the room but run right back to her spot if she saw me. One day, after she'd been home for a little over a month, I was lying on the floor reading and she finally came out. I made sure not to move or look at her or anything, even though I really wanted to, and she very slowly made her way across the room, sniffed me, and curled up right up against my side. She's slept next to me every night since, and even though she still loves little, dark hiding places she's just about the sweetest cat I've ever met and I couldn't imagine living without her.

So you just need patience. It may take another week or another month but if you're gentle and patient and don't try to force anything he'll come around. And once he does you'll be glad you didn't give up on him. I know it's hard to see your new baby hiding from you and there were times that I wondered whether Maya would ever come out and if it would be better for both of us if she was in a different home. Just stick with it and you'll have the best friend you can imagine soon enough