Please help - boyfriend who is really trying

[tarasgirl06]

Some experts in cat behavior say cats prefer substrate (what they use for bathroom) to be textured like coarse sand, and definitely unscented (cats' sense of smell is much more sensitive than ours and the fake chemicals used as fragrance in litter is much too strong!); we use So Phresh from Drs. Foster & Smith or Petco and have done so for a long time, with success.  As for treats, Drs. Foster & Smith have some really good quality ones that are quite affordable, Feline Harvest by Spot Brand in several cat-pleasing flavors.  Just suggesting 

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Just a couple of things to add here.

First, I am so glad that you are trying to rectify the situation.  Kudos.  Lots of people would throw up their hands and demand the cat go.

Second...Think about how big you look to her.  Spend as much time as you can around her sitting or lying on the floor.  You look far less threatening to her when you are down low.  Move slowly.  When and if she looks into your face, blink very slowly at her.  It is a sign of trust.  Read aloud to her in a soft voice (I beleive that has been mentioned).  You said she doesn't like treats.  Have you tried Temptations?  They are NOT especially good for cats, but ok in small amounts.  And there is a reason that so many of us here on TCS call them Kitty Crack.  It is the rare cat that will turn down a Temptation.

The other thing that occurs to me is, we have several articles here, and a forum, dealing with feral cats.  Now, your cat is not feral, but she reacts to you as if she were.  Possibly she associates you with an overload of change.  But if she is reacting to you like a feral, perhaps one of our experts on dealing with ferals might have some tips to give you on making friends with her.  Just a thought.  Find an article or thread entry that you like the sound of, hover over the blue arrow next to the name, click on "Send PM," and ask for help!  It is the rare TCS member who won't jump at the chance to help a cat live a happier life!

 

[ginny]

Here's another lesson learned in not chasing a scared kitty.  Several years ago, when Nat started having seizures I had to figure a way to give him the medicine the doctor ordered for him.  (He was feral at birth.) That meant hunting him down.  It was not fun for either of us.  I had to give up.  It wasn't worth it adding to his stress at an already stressful time for him (and for me because I moved my sick mom into my house a few days after Nat's seizures started.)  

The seizures went away on their own for a good long while without meds, but it took a long time for Nat to trust me again. 

It can't be repeated enough, cats require absolute patience when it comes to developing a friendship with you.  It has to be on their terms and their time.  

 

[ginny]

I hope we haven't lost the OP'er.  Maybe he's just busy right now.  

Good advice there from @Mamanyt1953  regarding treating your now scared kitty as a feral.  Maybe this will help too.  My mom had 2 very shy kitties.  They weren't socialized well as kittens and were practically feral when she got them.  They would come to her because my mom was really quiet and patient with them.  Plus usually there was no one in the house but her. 

One day her very talkative neighbor came over.  She didn't like cats, but she sure loved to talk.  So she totally ignored the kitties when they cautiously came into the room.  They started sniffing her shoes and wondering why she was paying them no attention.  Couldn't she see how cute they were?  They seemed to find being ignored very intriguing, and continued exploring her and the sofa she was sitting on, her pocketbook.  My mom said they were all over her and she just kept ignoring them.  The more she ignored them the more they loved her!

So, there's a thought too.  Not sure that works with all kitties, maybe just shy ones.  

 

[tarasgirl06]

Jackson Galaxy, feline behaviorist extraordinaire, has a lot of wisdom about cats, including on that very subject.  

 

[catminionjess]

 
Just a couple of things to add here.

First, I am so glad that you are trying to rectify the situation.  Kudos.  Lots of people would throw up their hands and demand the cat go.

Second...Think about how big you look to her.  Spend as much time as you can around her sitting or lying on the floor.  You look far less threatening to her when you are down low.  Move slowly.  When and if she looks into your face, blink very slowly at her.  It is a sign of trust.  Read aloud to her in a soft voice (I beleive that has been mentioned).  You said she doesn't like treats.  Have you tried Temptations?  They are NOT especially good for cats, but ok in small amounts.  And there is a reason that so many of us here on TCS call them Kitty Crack.  It is the rare cat that will turn down a Temptation.

The other thing that occurs to me is, we have several articles here, and a forum, dealing with feral cats.  Now, your cat is not feral, but she reacts to you as if she were.  Possibly she associates you with an overload of change.  But if she is reacting to you like a feral, perhaps one of our experts on dealing with ferals might have some tips to give you on making friends with her.  Just a thought.  Find an article or thread entry that you like the sound of, hover over the blue arrow next to the name, click on "Send PM," and ask for help!  It is the rare TCS member who won't jump at the chance to help a cat live a happier life!

I wouldn't say it's rare to not like Temptations treats. I have 3 cats that don't like them. They make 1 of my cats throw up. Mine prefer Greenies. They also like Natural Balance Perfect Bites and sometimes Orijen freeze dried treats. I've had 2 of them since they were kittens and they used to eat the soft Whisker Lickins or Pounce treats. Other than that, very good tips.