Please help, aggressive cat

[grizzlysapien]

That is great news!

Now, remember how you felt when you "won her over"?? That's the feeling you should have at all times.. Even if she breaks something you value.. You keep that feeling in mind, so to be calm in the inside and the outside

 

[bailzcourt]

Sorry to keep bothering yall but I have a bit of an update followed by a request for input. As I said previously I am watching my dog until tomorrow- a two night stay. With that, both Betsy and Newbie have been... Well, skittish. Betsy, while she still has calmed down, has resorted back to staring me down, and when she's not hiding, she's walking by me extra slow with her hairs up. She only hissed at me once, which was today,because I slowly put some treats down for her and after she hissed I just kinda backed up, did the blinking thing and said "i know, I know. He will be gone tomorrow." She then went into her cage while I got them food, and I didn't know she was in there, but when I found her, she just stared at me... Didn't hiss or anything. I put her food down and just calmly said "im safe." After she finished her food, she went to newbies bowl and I nicely said "no Betsy, that's newbies food." So she walked away from it, and into the kitchen onto the counter. Bear in mind I'm eating with them,I felt it might be a good idea. Anyway while she was on the counter she kept staring at me, and I slowly blinked at her and said "Betsy you really are being a good cat and you look so cute over there." She seemed to have liked that, I think, because her eyes got lessbig and it was like she was mimicking my blinking, like the whole "im tired so I'm slowly dozing off" type of blinking. What my questions are is, with the very temporary dog-in-house situation, is all of this still a good sign that she is calming down toward me, and will they calm down once the dog is gone? I know I must continue to be patient and calm, but deep down I'm afraid the progress was all for nothing since the dog is here. Also, my boyfriend said that Betsy was calm around Tue dog while I was at work, and even shared the window with newbie (i was going to keep newbie and Betsy separate but newbie got super frightened of the dog and as a result left a huge scratch on my arm, not out of malice toward me, but because I was holding him while the dog was first introduced... Yeah dumb of me I know... Me and Newbie are friends still though, he was just loving on me just now, but I'm having to keep the dog in my room away from them.)

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Why, yes, it is a good sign.  She's slow blinking back at you.  If she were freaked at you, believe me, there would be no slow blink.  That's cattish for, "I like you.  I trust you."  Once the dratted goggy (cattish for dog) is gone, she'll relax again.  It might take a day or two to get over being miffed about you bringing that thing into her home, but she'll get over it.  Keep being patient.  You're doing fine.

Do you meditate?  That might actually relax her, as well, seeing you go into that deeply relaxed state.  Cats have Zen inbred in them.

 

[bailzcourt]

Lol are you sure? Because now she is in my kitchen blocking my cabinet and doing the slow blink thing, and I slowly went to open it to get honey for my tea and she warned me with a hiss.... Of course I've kept my cool and not been frustrated but now that I'm in another room.... Ughhhhhh this is really frustrating... And I understand she thinks I'm a problem but damn, can I just live in my home without having to tiptoe lol

 
Why, yes, it is a good sign.  She's slow blinking back at you.  If she were freaked at you, believe me, there would be no slow blink.  That's cattish for, "I like you.  I trust you."  Once the dratted goggy (cattish for dog) is gone, she'll relax again.  It might take a day or two to get over being miffed about you bringing that thing into her home, but she'll get over it.  Keep being patient.  You're doing fine.

Do you meditate?  That might actually relax her, as well, seeing you go into that deeply relaxed state.  Cats have Zen inbred in them.

 

[bailzcourt]

IMAG3018.jpg

• bailzcourt
• Nov 7, 2015

This would be Betsy. I'd show you a better pic but this is basically how she has been looking at me 

IMAG3016.jpg

• bailzcourt
• Nov 7, 2015

This would be Newbie. He was the one we just adopted. He was abused when he was a kitten, and except for when dog first showed up, has been VERY loving and sweet. Hes a year younger than Betsy and VERY fat

 

[mollyblue]

Hang in there.  It CAN and WILL get better.  Having the dog over was yet another change even while she is still adjusting to everything else that is going on, and even if the dog is only there a couple of days, it will be another change when she is gone.  So maybe you took a couple steps back, but no irrepairable damage has been done.

I am not sure I would let the cat keep me from getting honey... I would  keep talking to her as you are doing.  Sometimes I believe cats speak more human than we give them credit for - its just benefits them more to pretend they don't understand because if we knew  how much they did understand we would expect them to obey commands.  I am not sure if you are okay with her being on the cabinets and stove... or if you have shelves where you keep items you don't want her to break or knock over... and it could be very dangerous for her to be on a stove (if its hots or you are cooking something) or to break an incense  holder with a lit incense or lit candle.  Of course the choice is yours and if you are happy with her having access to every area, then thats cool... but if you are not okay with it, and you don't want her knocking your stuff over, you are going to have to provide some areas that are hers... and it sounds to me like she is an up-high cat.  Some cats like to be down on the ground... but some like to be up.  Being up off the ground offers a vantage point to view things from and makes some cats feel less vulnerable.  I have a cat that likes to sit on things... even i they are just six inches off the ground...  We are trying to buy a house and want to move soon so I have not invested a lot of money in cat trees that would be a pain and could possibly get damaged in a move, but I have give this cat boxes in every room.  You can also make cat walks, and cat shelves... that are specifically for her... she will begin to recognize these spots and I believe she will show more respect to your areas.  With my cats I leave them little treats on the stuff thats theirs. Cat nip on the kitty scratchers.  A temption treat mouse in the window seat.  (you put the treats in the mouse and then when the cat bats the mouse around, the treats fall out of some holes in the side).  They have a cat bed in the living room, and drawer in my bedroom.  It sounds like you have already given her a few options of spaces to claim for her own already and thats good, but you might let her make a couple suggestions too and that way you can be an awesome cat mom and compromise in a way that makes you both happy.  Its good experience for if you ever have skinned children in addition to your furry ones.

With all of the slow blinks she is gving you back, my guess is that she is trying to tell you she means you no harm, just like you are telling her you mean no harm, but I think you both still have a few feelings  of "I don't want to hurt you, but there are few things I still am not happy with here".... and thats normal anytime you share a living space with another creature.  You will get everything ironed out in a couple of weeks.  But just like you don't want to feel like you have to walk around on egg shells with her just to keep the peace, she is probably feeling that same way about you.  Just relax... take things one day at a time.

 

[bailzcourt]

You're absolutely right mollyblue. She IS doing better, just very guarded. She hashowever, approached me a couple of times to smell me but that's really it. We have made an appointment to get her spayed next week.finally. it's been a long time coming

 

[mollyblue]

I am glad you are seeing improvements, even if they are small.  Cats learn a lot by smell. It is a really good sign she is wanting to sniff you.  Maybe you can let her borrow an article of clothing that you have been wearing  for a day or two so she can sniff you without being scared of approaching you.  My cats know me, and still want to sniff my laundry basket if they get the opportunity.  I think we bring home scents from the places we have been (like work, or to the grocery store) many new scents for your kitty to think about.  Glad to hear she is getting spayed too!  It might take a couple weeks for her hormones to level out, but you will definitely see a more peaceful cat. 

 

[mollyblue]

On the article of clothing, I meant you could maybe leave it out where she can sniff it at her leisure when no one is around... not that you have to wear it that long to put your scent on it.. but if it is like jammys, or underwear, that is right next to your body, thats good and will have more of your scent than perfume or other masking scents.

 

[bailzcourt]

Ill go ahead and try that. She's still growling and hissing at me though. Really trying not to be discouraged. I'm really not stressing except for when she is in the same room because last time she hid behind our bed and when I went to grab something she attacked. I guess I see some improvements but she is still hostile toward me. I do have a shirt I've worn literally for two days. Maybe that.

 

[bailzcourt]

Update: Betsy is doing a TON better. I went ahead and put my shirt on the couch and left it there, kept doing the slow blink thing, and basically relaxed and stopped trying so hard. When I walk by I DO carry a spray bottle because she seems to know what it is (lol) but haven't had to use it. It's like she is saying "oh.... Yeah okay you're the boss." When I do walk by with it. Weird. She and I have graduated to "play" therapy with a laser pointer and a toy on a "fishing rod". (she's smart because she knows it's a laser pointer, every time I pull it out she looks at me like "really? You wanna play?" Or when I put it away she gives me a look like "but mama, keep going!" She does still hiss and growl at times but a lot less . She has also been caught covered up in my shirt. She IS starting to give attitude to my boyfriend now, but he's been doing what I'm doing, and she will be spayed in t minus 6 days. Thank you all for your advice. It's helped a TON when everyone else was like "oh Lord it's JUST A CAT." her little claws hurt for "just a cat"

 

[grizzlysapien]

Yeap, those claws are mean! LOL

I am soooo glad you're doing so much better! See??? they key was: 

 
basically relaxed and stopped trying so hard. 

If you feel like "the Boss", you will be "the Boss".. In a productive sense of course.. Not in a "make her life miserable" sense.. Now, it's just a matter of time for Betsy to get used to the idea that you are there to love and care for her. You've come a long way. But be patient. She still needs more time. And spaying her, will help you both, down the road. 

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I am so pleased that things are improving.  I'm sure that you relaxing is a huge part of that.

And, for the record, tell those who say it that there is no such thing as "just a cat."  They are little marvels, and, if we're being honest, pound for pound, they are apex predators.  One house cat loose in a neighborhood is the equivalent of a small ecological disaster, simply because those claws are so very effective.  Glad they're not being turned your way now.

GOOD FOR YOU!  Your patience and perseverance are paying off.

 

[mollyblue]

Im glad to hear things are coming along.  I am sure they will keep getting better.