Peace No More

[aharris]

Hi, all, I'm new to this forum, but not to cats having had one or more in my life for as long as I can remember.

My husband and I started out marriage out with two cats who became as many as five over the years. During all that time, our kingdom has been a peaceable one with a happy kitty household. With our decision to start a human family, we decided to let our kitty family naturally reduce back to a manageable number of two. So, we now have two kitties in our family - half-feral tortie, Missy who is about 6 (she adopted us when she was 1), and half-Abyssinian shelter tabby, Peeps, whom we adopted at about 6 months (she is now 3).

Both of our ladies have lived together and gotten along fairly well until just recently. I can think of two things that have happened that might have caused the change. 1.) Gizmo, the last of our elderly males, passed away and 2.) Peeps had gotten grossly obese, so we put both ladies on diet. The aggression/bullying definitely began when Peeps began to lose weight.

In all honestly, Peeps has always been a bit of an instigator. She likes to jump at Missy from behind or pounce like a kitten from under cover and never comes at her from the front, so it may that her loss of weight has just allowed her to fully realize her inner bully. I don't think this is actual vicious aggression because while there is a lot of yowling and hissing and the first couple of incidents had a lot of fur flying, the more recent spats are all yowl with no bite and there has never been any blood (except mine when I got between them once early on). I would say that it seems like things are maybe starting to settle on their own except that Peeps also tends to fixate, and once she has decided that she's going to torment Missy, she doesn't leave off easily, and Missy gets no peace.

We've been using Feliway, and that got us past the initial misunderstanding between the two. I've been trying to play with Peeps, but either the toys we've gotten are all substandard, or I'm just not doing it right to keep her attention (in other words Peeps thinks I'm a dull playmate where the boys never complained). But I'd really like to get these two settled back down into something peaceful again because poor Missy has never been the most secure of cats, and this has really frazzled her. When Peeps first started bullying her, she was losing control of her bladder and bowels. Thankfully, that's cleared up.

So, any tips on restoring the peace? We're even open to adding a new cat (or a dog) if we thought that would help. The last thing we want is have to re-home either cat. Missy is tempermental and barely trusts me and my husband less so (she's half feral). She's the sort who is content to be in your presence and only wants to be left alone, very much the perennial wall flower. She wouldn't at all easy to re-home. Peeps is wonderful cat with lots of personality; she's incredibly tolerant of being mauled by our 2-year-old and very active and curious. Her problem is that she's sort of homely. Aside from her eyes which are drop-dead gorgeous, she has the same coloration as an overgrown sewer rat (brown tabby with no tabby striping) and is badly pigeon-toed in her back legs as well as being build rather stocky and square. Taking her to a shelter or rescue might just consign her to a life with them.

 

[mani]

Hi aharris, and welcome to TCS

You've written a really good account of your cats... they certainly have distinct personalities.  I'm sure you would just hate the idea of rehoming, and, as you say, it would be terrribly difficult to find good homes for them, and there is no guarantee that similar problems wouldn't arise.  So it's a matter of finding an answer to this problem so everyone can live in peace!

I'm just wondering how the diet situation works... whether they are fed seperately.. whether Missy receives more or there is any fighting over food?  I've never had to put a cat on a serious diet for weight loss (there will be many here who have though), but food is a pretty important part of a cat's life and it could be upsetting Peeps.

 

[aharris]

One of the reasons we waited so long to put Peeps on a diet was because we had so many cats. All of our old males were used to being free-fed and none had any special weight issues, and the logistics of trying to ration food for four cats was giving us nightmares. We also didn't think it would work well to try to put one cat on a diet when the others weren't. Plus Gizmo had some special health issues that already were causing him enough stress without suddenly having to cope with a radical change in his eating routine. Fritz had a stroke last winter and then Gizmo passed away from his own health problems about six months after, so we enacted our diet plan ASAP after that.

From my own research and vet advice, we determined that both ladies should do well on a diet of about half a can of wet food morning and evening. However, since neither was used to wet food, we modified it to half a can of wet and half a cup of kibble. They each get the same food at the same time. When the blow ups started, we started feeding them in different places where they all used to eat in the kitchen before. We also started putting Peeps downstairs overnight with her food which hasn't been a problem with her because that's where we started her introductions to our resident kitties in the first place. For the morning feed, we were feeding Missy on top of a special cat shelf we've built above my husband's computer. Until recently, Peeps hasn't been agile (or slender) enough to navigate her way up there.

Now that things have settled from open warfare to more of an armed truce with occasional flare ups, we are feeding them in separate bowls on the kitchen floor at night which they seem to tolerate fairly well with Missy occasionally poaching from Peeps who doesn't always finish all her wet, and Peeps will sometimes climb up and poach dry from Missy during the day because Missy doesn't eat all her food in one sitting.

The diet, at least, is working. Missy looks incredibly svelt, and Peeps even has some semblence of a waistline.

 

[mani]

Just re-reading everything.. do you think, overall, that things are getting very gradually better?

I know you said the toy thing doesn't go down so well, but distracting Peeps when she starts her aggressive behaviour is ideal (and I'm sure you've thought of it.)  There must be a dangly thing that is irresistable?

 

[p3 and the king]

I had a similar situation between my King Arthur and Phoebe that is just now starting to get better.  Out of the blue, Phoebe started attacking and bullying King Arthur (who outweighs her by about 15lbs!) and he was terrified of her.  So terrified that he would stay in the room with the litterboxes and rarely come out.  He also lost control of his plumbing a few times!  I would have to carry him out and put him on the fridge or the cat tree.  He wouldn't walk on the floor where Phoebe was. 

Now, they are getting back to normal.  King Arthur is feeling more confident and coming out on his own and he and Phoebe are getting along much better.  I still don't know what triggered it?  That isn't really the point.  The point is getting back to normal.  This is what I did. 

I took King Arthur and Phoebe to the vet.  King Arthur had a mild infection and Phoebe could smell it.  I don't know if it was this that triggered it but now that it is clearing up, she is not attacking him.  While King Arthur was on medicine, and Phoebe would attack him... I would tell her "NO!"  And then quietly crate her.  She would be in the crate for "quiet time" for about 15 minutes or so.  Before people jump all over me, she wasn't in any way mistreated.  It was the only way to separate and let her know I was not happy about her attacking King Arthur.  It got to the point when if I noticed she was about to do something all I would have to do is say "Phoebe. No."  and she would turn and go the opposite direction. 

Feliway never worked for me.  I have had some luck with the calming collar and a little with Rescue Remedy it seemed but Feliway has proven useless for me.  My advice is to take them both to the vet and see if they are in good health. 

 

[aharris]

I think they might be starting to settle out. For one thing, Missy is getting wise to Peeps and is even starting to lunge back at her some, and Peeps is completely unwilling to tackle Missy head on. I was sort of glad to see that actually because I never thought Missy was the sort to be buffaloed so easily, none of the big guys ever pushed her around; it was completely uncharacteristic which makes me think she might have been a little ill. She did go through a phase where she was very lap-oriented, something she normally isn't so much.

 

[mani]

GO MISSY

I'm really hoping they work this out. It's unusual not to in some way... difficult to sustain that level of spattiness

(and I do love your avatar...)