Our play aggressive cat is getting worse...should I rehome?

[anna12]

Hi All,

I've written here 3 months prior about our adopted cat Mouse, that was extremely play and physically aggressive towards my boyfriend and I. We got some GREAT advice and started implementing them immediately and also followed the advice of the shelters cat behaviorist. Unfortunately, nothing seems to be working and actually might be getting worse.

We visited a vet, and nothing seems to be wrong with her physically so it's not a health issue.

At this point in time, Mouse has given my boyfriend and I both scratches and bites that we've had to go see a doctor for. There weren't provoked, usually happens after we play and feed her. She'll pounce with ears back, and when we sternly say "NO" and push her away, she will continue attacking until one of us scruffs her and puts her away in a bathroom. These have been happening with increased frequency, and the only solution anyone will give us is to play with her more.

We're already playing with her for 1 hour a day broken up to 3 sessions, but honestly sometimes I just get so frustrated. As a first time pet owner, I can't touch this cat, I'm getting beat up by her, and it's putting a HUGE amount of stress on our relationship. 

I honestly don't think it's normal for a cat to actively jump into the shower with you, claw the crap out of your leg, then run away. 

My guess is that she has not been properly socialized, and that her behavior is now pretty much learned. We sometimes invite friends over, and give them treats to give her, but she'll usually just bite/scratch them. 

Her body language is also strange, she doesn't seem cornered or angry when she attacks, she just does. She never purrs at anything, and only has her tail up when she attacks or eats.

We have her on Feliway plug-ins for 1+ month now but are not seeing results. Anyone know what else we can do? We're seriously considering returning her to the shelter, as we've exhausted all options. We rather put her on my boyfriend's mother's farm to see if she'd enjoy that open space, but is that ethical? We're pulling out our hair and to be completely honest on this anonymous internet forum, I frankly am having a hard time bonding with her and don't particularly enjoy having her as a pet.

 

[jcat]

Is it a no-kill shelter? If so, and you haven't bonded with her, returning her (with a detailed explanation so they can try working with her) would probably be best.

What's "unethical" about allowing her to be an indoor/outdoor or barn cat, provided that she's safe and receives proper care? Our shelter has a large managed feral colony, and just last week we added a non-feral cat to it because of his aggression. His behavior is totally unpredictable, and he's already sent four staff members to the ER, besides giving "minor" bites to others. If he were at a "kill shelter" he would have been euthanized by now.

That should probably be the deciding factor.

 

[anna12]

Yes it's a no-kill shelter. I just feel so sad about her, we just want her to be happy. But she's only happy when she can play rough. We've thought about getting another kitty for her to play rough with, but not sure if that would make the situation worse or better. 

 

[anna12]

Also to expand on the ethical dilemma, the shelter we got her from explicitly told us that if we were going to allow her to be outdoors we would not be considered there. They told us that she could be killed if allowed outdoors, and impressed upon me that it's cruel to let cats outdoors. I'm guessing that they greatly exaggerated? We'd love to put her on our family farm, it's beautiful and has 1 other cat there. It'd also be nice to visit her occasionally and know that she's doing well...

 

[Columbine]

I know shelters have to be careful about ensuring good homes, but I do think they're being a little rigid in this case. Cats can live outside, especially as farm/barn cats, and be perfectly safe and happy. It all depends on the location and the carer(s).

With the cat, several things come to mind. Firstly, it seems probable from what you've said that she did have a lack of socialisation in the past. From the intensity of her play, I'd guess that what she missed out on was very early life with mom and her littermates. That's when they learn appropriate methods of physical play - from mom and the other kittens making it clear what is and isn't acceptable. She can relearn this to an extent, but will most likely never be as reliable as a cat without her disadvantages.

Next, I think you and your boyfriend need to think long and hard about whether you're prepared to keep her and keep trying. I would always advocate keeping the cat and working things out, but sometimes that just isn't realistic. As it is a no-kill shelter you're not condemning her to death, but she's not going to find another home easily with the problems you describe.

There are a few things I can think of that might help. I apologise in advance if you've already tried them. First off, get her fitted with softpaws claw covers so she can't hurt you so easily.

Secondly, have you tried flower essences - either a custom Bach Flower Remedy blend, or a Jackson Galaxy Spirit Essences pre mixed blend? I've seen them make a real difference with various animals over the years. Calmers such as Composure liquid or treats might be an option, but I'm not sure about using them long term.

Have you tried freezing and hissing at her when she attacks? Cats will automatically understand a hiss - especially if you can mimic a cat's hiss facial expression - where they won't understand a 'no'.

Are you able to create a 'catio' for her? Safe outdoor access might help her use up some energy without hurting anyone. Harness training and walks might help her too.

I do appreciate this is all a big commitment - far bigger than you thought you were signing up for with her - and that you've really been trying hard to overcome these issues already. There's no shame in admitting that you can't cope with her - I promise. I'm just trying to give you some options that, maybe, you haven't tried.

 

[mingking]

Aside from the wonderful advice given above, if I had to choose where to rehome a cat, I would choose the farm. Knowing that there is a lot of open space and one other cat, tells me at least your mom/family understands how to care for a cat and that the place is safe enough for a cat to roam around. I would only be concerned with territorial disputes between the resident cat and your cat if you were to rehome her at the farm (although with such a large amount of space, I'm sure they will work it out sooner with little harm).

Another concern I would have is if your cat is "street-smart". She may be aggressive and seem very capable of defending herself in your home, it might become a different story when it comes to the outdoors (what with raccoons and other animals). So I would find out what wild animals roam about the farm if you don't know already. 

Also, does your family farm allow the resident cat to come inside the home or the barn? 

I'm glad the shelter is a no-kill shelter, if you do choose the shelter in the end. I don't think either decision is worse or bad if you are seriously considering re-homing. 

 

[xisare]

I'm so sorry for you and Mouse. I know how frustrating can be to want to bond with a pet and not being able to do so... At least with Akodo things improving in that department, now he comes for a cuddle whenever he wants. But before that he brought me to tears once in frustraition of feeling he did not want me.

Maybe Mouse is just too wild for a house, I think that he would be very happy in a farm, with lots of things to hunt and stalk, and he can burn as much energy as he wants.

In my humble opinion is better than return him to the shelter, because who know when another person might want to adopt him.

Just my two cents.

 

[anna12]

We REALLY want to keep her. Occasionally in a blue moon she's cuddle up and it will nearly bring me to tears. We're taking your advice and making her a catio, that she'll hopefully go out on. Currently she only pokes her head out and refuses to leave the apt. She's going to stay with my parents while we go on vacation for 2 weeks, and we're considering putting some soft claws on her. Hopefully then she won't maul my elderly parents...

Is there anything else we can do for her? Do you think some kitty prozac will help? Is there a SUPER low dose we can start her out on? I don't want to give up on her, I just really want her to be more nice and not be an attack cat. 

 

[Columbine]

Definitely get the softpaws fitted ASAP. That will keep everyone much safer. I really would try her on Composure or Zylkene before heading down the psychiatric drugs route. Composure (comes as a liquid or treats) and Zylkene (comes as pills) are vet approved calming supplements. They have a similar basis. I've never had cause to use either myself, but they both have good track records. Try one of those, possibly even in conjunction with Spirit Essences, before resorting to prescription meds.