Once of my cats was killed. How long should I wait before introducing a new cat to the household and

[totsytoes]

Hello All,

I'm new to the CatSite, although I am a little familiar with it as I read through many threads last year when my life was changed by an addition of two lovely kittens, Totore and Quincy, and I was learning how to take care of cats. Totore, aka Toto or Totsy, was a birthday gift (best ever) and was very tiny when I got her, estimated at 6-7 weeks by the vet. Apparently, she was found in a garden one day by the people who my partner got her from. At that time I was working a lot and long hours so I decided to it'd be best to get another kitten to keep her company - that's how Quincy came to our lives. They got along almost immediately, after initial shock and confusion, they were best the following day. They are (were) quite different characters - Toto grew up to be quite independent, rather quiet, very sophisticated and such a hunter, often venturing into the little "woodland" behind our garden for hours and bringing home her catch, be it a mouse or a bird. Quincy on the other hand was always very needy and vocal, more like a dog - always by my side, always reacting to his name being called, always needing attention, he loved to be petted and had me wrapped around his paw!

Quincy was killed by a car a week ago on Monday 17th October in the early morning hours, between 7-8am. We are still coming to terms with our loss. He hardly ever went to the road, except sometimes when I was leaving for work or shopping he would follow me to the front gate wailing and crying (he really loved his mummy being near him all the time, he also slept either in bed with us or on the fur rug by my side of the bed), and would literally follow me at which point I had to pick him up, turn around, get him indoors and distract him with a snack before making my escape. He was just under 18 months old when he died. Needless to say, his passing is having a profound effect on me and my partner, but also on Totore. Poor little thing is hardly eating, she's been clearly looking for him, sniffing all around the house and hiding under the bed when she's not doing so. She also became much more vocal. She's a little bit better today but the initial days after Quincy's death it was unbearable for me to watch her suffer.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How long does it take for a cat to grieve another? My partner seems to think that she needs a companion. Although she has always been quite independent, she and Quincy had a bond, they would still play together in the garden (Quincy loved to pounce at her from the bushes when she was least expecting it and then they would chase each other - there was never any hissing or fighting, it was all play), or sometimes nap together, they were also often fed together. I'm very worried that if we introduce a new cat or kitten too soon she might get even more stressed out.

Please share your experiences and words of advice.

Thanks,

Magdalena

 

[totsytoes]

** One of my cats - sorry for the typo in the title.

I'd be thankful if anyone could share any tip of how I can help the other cat with her feline bereavement. Thank you.

 

[Kat0121]

I'm so sorry for your loss. RIP sweet Quincy. 

Animals do grieve just like people do. The best thing that you can do for Totore is to talk to her. Tell her that her friend is waiting for her over at the bridge and will always love her. Let her know that you are there for her and that you love her. Reassure her that everything is going to be all right- because it is going to be all right- for all of you. 

There's no set time frame for how long she will grieve. I think that getting her a companion is a good idea. Another male around her age. Go to your local shelters and rescues and let the right one find you. Quincy will guide the right one to you. You already know that Toto is OK with other cats so I think that if you look for the right one and do the introductions properly that things will work out just fine. 

Another cat will never replace Quincy- not with you or with Toto. He or she will simply find their own little place in your hearts. Quincy will never be forgotten. he will watch over you from the bridge with nothing but love. He'd want all of you to be happy. 

 

[Primula]

If you do get another cat, please keep them indoors. As you know, it is too dangerous outside.

 

[totsytoes]

 
I'm so sorry for your loss. RIP sweet Quincy. 

Animals do grieve just like people do. The best thing that you can do for Totore is to talk to her. Tell her that her friend is waiting for her over at the bridge and will always love her. Let her know that you are there for her and that you love her. Reassure her that everything is going to be all right- because it is going to be all right- for all of you. 

There's no set time frame for how long she will grieve. I think that getting her a companion is a good idea. Another male around her age. Go to your local shelters and rescues and let the right one find you. Quincy will guide the right one to you. You already know that Toto is OK with other cats so I think that if you look for the right one and do the introductions properly that things will work out just fine. 

Another cat will never replace Quincy- not with you or with Toto. He or she will simply find their own little place in your hearts. Quincy will never be forgotten. he will watch over you from the bridge with nothing but love. He'd want all of you to be happy. 

Thank you for your kind words Kat0121.

I'm trying my best to be there for her and do all those things you mention. However, she's just not herself. I must say I was hysterical when I learned about Quincy's death and really cried a lot and loudly. I think that must have stressed her out a lot. Not only her brother is gone, but her mommy is acting like she has never had before :-(

Things are slowly getting back to normal. I still cry, I cried every single day since he was killed, but my cries are getting more subtle and private.

We are thinking of getting a new cat and will register with rescues as you suggested. We might get a kitten or we might get a slightly older cat. Quincy was 18 months but he acted younger. I think Toto misses his antics. She used to be the more quiet, graceful, independent one whereas he was just a little boy, meowing lots, still jumping and rolling on the floor etc etc. Perhaps getting a kitten will help her. I think she might enjoy watching outbursts of energy. And perhaps this is a bit selfish on my part, but I feel that getting a younger cat will help me better too - our house is really quiet and still without him. I think bringing back a little ball of energy will keep me occupied more than a grown up cat. Which ever it will be, younger or older I just hope that as you said Quincy will guide as to the right kind of cat.

 

[verna davies]

I'm so sorry for your loss, loosing a pet is heart breaking.
Last year my 15 year old cat died leaving my 17 year old on her own. She grieved constantly for two months; calling and searching. It was a really hard time as I was grieving also and felt bad because I didn't know how to help my other cat.

Like yourself I wanted to make the right decision for my remaining cat as well as myself. I waited until the worst of the grieving past and considered all my options. I eventually got a two month old kitten as I felt that an older cat might appear as a threat. It took two months for acceptance and they were company for each other but it was difficult at the start.

Ultimately the decision is yours so take your time making up your mind. Both you and your cat need time to adjust . If you do decide to have another kitten/ cat choose carefully and decide which would best match Toto. If you get one from a rescue centre, ask the staff about their personalities and be prepared to go back several times.

I think that Kat0121 is right about getting a male but please don't rush. In the meantime give Toto lots of time and love, it will help you both .

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

 

[totsytoes]

I'm so sorry for your loss, loosing a pet is heart breaking.
Last year my 15 year old cat died leaving my 17 year old on her own. She grieved constantly for two months; calling and searching. It was a really hard time as I was grieving also and felt bad because I didn't know how to help my other cat.

Like yourself I wanted to make the right decision for my remaining cat as well as myself. I waited until the worst of the grieving past and considered all my options. I eventually got a two month old kitten as I felt that an older cat might appear as a threat. It took two months for acceptance and they were company for each other but it was difficult at the start.

Ultimately the decision is yours so take your time making up your mind. Both you and your cat need time to adjust . If you do decide to have another kitten/ cat choose carefully and decide which would best match Toto. If you get one from a rescue centre, ask the staff about their personalities and be prepared to go back several times.

I think that Kat0121 is right about getting a male but please don't rush. In the meantime give Toto lots of time and love, it will help you both .

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

 Hi Verna,

Thank you for for sharing your experience with me, I already know that we will be getting a male - I think introducing another female in the circumstances could add to the stress for Toto, she's used to a male. When we find the right cat, the introductions will be gradual. I am intending to  keep them separately at first and introducing her to the scent of the new kitten/cat before she finally meets him. That way she should be already familiar with his scent and hopefully will not get confused or reject him. I just don't know when that will be. I am waiting for her eating to improve - that should be a sign that she is better.

I will let you know how things progress.

 

[di and bob]

A male would be better, I agree that a female would add to her stress. I'm so very sorry you lost Quincy, I know the heartache well. Adding another kitten/cat would be a welcome distraction for you both. A younger cat or a kitten would be more readily accepted. Toto is grieving for the loss of her brother too, but I am so happy you are passing on the legacy of love that Quincy left to you, he only wants love and sunshine in the hearts of those he loves so much. The bond you have will never be taken from you, use it and your precious memories to bring you comfort. Another cat will never replace what you shared with Quincy, but will forge a new, separate love, like that of a mother with several children, each one dear to the heart.  We can never change the past, but we must live for today, and for the happiness the future is capable of if we open our hearts to these little fluffy angels. You will be blessed for being strong enough to want to heal that broken heart by letting another little soul enter, my prayers are with you all, may you all find the happiness and love you so richly deserve.