Every time things start to look up they quickly look back down. I was doing better with the loss of our most recent baby...and knowing that we should have been parents this month to a beautiful baby...and then it starts again...
This morning starts with a phone call from two of my friends both calling to tell me they are pregnant one is 8 weeks the other is 16 weeks they are thrilled...While I am thrilled for them I am also bitter...I want this feeling of bitterness to go away...
I am especially thrilled for my friend who is 8 weeks pregnant she knows what Im going through and what this is like and how bad it hurts. She has been trying the past two years with 3 miscarriages...the one that is 16 weeks I am indifferent about her...they can barely afford the child they have now...and having another wont help them at all. All she has to do is look at her husband to get pregnant though...and she knows about the trouble kevin and I have had and yet she never misses a chance to ask when are you and kevin gonna have one? This really bothers me and Ive talked to her and her DH several times about it and yet they still ask..it has gotten to the point to where we barely go see them any more...
Everyday I wonder about the morning we lost our first baby...and What if it...What if I hadnt of went downstairs that morning...I wouldnt of fell I would of had a baby..I would have been a mommy now...I wonder what I did wrong...what I did to deserve that..when there are people out here who abuse their children but yet they get blessed as parents...but not people who truly want and deserve a child
Im sorry to vent on you guys so much here lately its just I need someone! Thanks for being there guys!
This morning starts with a phone call from two of my friends both calling to tell me they are pregnant one is 8 weeks the other is 16 weeks they are thrilled...While I am thrilled for them I am also bitter...I want this feeling of bitterness to go away...
I am especially thrilled for my friend who is 8 weeks pregnant she knows what Im going through and what this is like and how bad it hurts. She has been trying the past two years with 3 miscarriages...the one that is 16 weeks I am indifferent about her...they can barely afford the child they have now...and having another wont help them at all. All she has to do is look at her husband to get pregnant though...and she knows about the trouble kevin and I have had and yet she never misses a chance to ask when are you and kevin gonna have one? This really bothers me and Ive talked to her and her DH several times about it and yet they still ask..it has gotten to the point to where we barely go see them any more...
Everyday I wonder about the morning we lost our first baby...and What if it...What if I hadnt of went downstairs that morning...I wouldnt of fell I would of had a baby..I would have been a mommy now...I wonder what I did wrong...what I did to deserve that..when there are people out here who abuse their children but yet they get blessed as parents...but not people who truly want and deserve a child
Im sorry to vent on you guys so much here lately its just I need someone! Thanks for being there guys!