Old cat won't relax

[wthellcat]

My GF has had her cat, Kitty (8-9 yo female, former stray) for about 5-6 years. We have lived together for 3 years. We decided to get a kitten (6 mo male) to try to keep Kitty company.

I was worried Kitty wouldn't like it because she seems so unique. She is almost like a person. ALWAYS has to be around us. Has us wrapped around her little finger. The GF thought we could make it work if we did a slow intro.

So we got the kitten on Saturday. He has stayed in my office except for an escape today. Kitty has done nothing but hiss and even attacked my GF at one point when she was trying to hold her. She has not and won't attack me, and the attack on my GF wasn't that horrible, but it really hurt our feelings. We are worried that Kitty is always going to be very sad.

Today the kitten got out and kitty was able to eat with the kitten about 15-20 feet away, but hissed and growled like never before when this tiny little kitten started to come close.

Will this behavior stop? How do we take the next step? Are there signs we are doing permanent damage to Kitty's personality?

Bonus question: I feel SUPER guilty leaving the kitten alone in the office. Especially when we are at work all day. Is this horrible? What can I do?

 

[yayi]

Hissing and some growling are normal reactions. Hurting your GF was the result of Kitty being upset at the newcomer and not actually angry with GF. Here is an article http://www.thecatsite.com/a/introducing-cats-to-cats  you can read. 

 

[wthellcat]

Unfortunately Kitty scratched the GF again tonight, which is not normal for her at all.

Is it possible that this cat will never accept a newcomer? Shouldn't a tiny kitten be easy to accept?

To me it seems that Kitty is scared about not being the dominant cat, which is silly because she is massive. She may never have been properly socialized as a kitten though.

 

[goholistic]

IMO, it is normal given the current situation. I have had my Boo since he was a baby, and he is an easy-going sweet boy (now a senior). However, when I brought two other senior cats home from the shelter, he was hissing and hiding and totally stressed out for two weeks, behavior that I never would have thought he'd display. But this was normal, given the change in his environment. He loves his buddies now.  

It hasn't even been a week since you've brought the new kitten into your home, right? Cats are creatures of habit and typically don't like change. Anything new or different can stress them out big time. This is normal for cats. You are doing a good thing with a slow introduction. Kitty can smell the new cat and knows it's there. So you have the kitten in your office. I think that is fine, as long as he has fresh food, clean water, toys, a bed/blanket, etc. (If he came from a small cage in crowded shelter, you can imagine how much of a relief the office would be. So try not to feel bad.)

Next try bringing out something that the new kitten has been playing with or laying on and letting Kitty smell it and inspect it.

When Kitty is checking something out, whether she's at the office door or smelling something of the new kitten's, do not approach her from behind or touch her without warning during these moments. She is on high alert and may turn out to scratch or bite whoever the next person comes along. This is called displaced (or redirected) aggression. I would recommend just sitting with her and/or talking to her to ensure her that all is okay.

It takes some time. Give her a chance. 

 

[wthellcat]

Thanks. Yes you're correct. Under a week. It's very hard though because we love Kitty a lot and hate to see her unhappy, and are also very upset at the thought that the sudden lack of socialization could hurt the little guy in the long term.

Since he has already beaten us a few times and gotten out... And Kitty has seen him... Did that do damage? She hissed and growled fake charged the last time. And the kitten is oblivious to the rules... He has tried both times to eat out of Kitty's dish. That really made Kitty mad, even though we stopped him right away.

Should we keep doing this you think? Anything I can do to make the little guy less lonely? We have all kinds of toys for him in his
Office.

Thanks for the advice! Really hoping this works out because returning him would SUCK

 

[vball91]

Yes, you should still keep them separated for now. If you follow the tips outlined in the article posted by yayi above, especially scent exchange anf feeding them food/treats near each other, they will become more accustomed to each other. Introductions should be done slowly. Have patience. It will work.

 

[goholistic]

No, it didn't do damage.

I think the scent exchange is important.

Just make sure you spend some time with the kitten in the office.

 

[kittykato]

I've never had problems with kitty introductions. The best that works for me is to keep them separated. I rub items/cloths on each cat to exchange the sent. My cats had no interaction at this point. Few weeks later they were playing footsies under the door which I knew was a good sign. I let the cat out but not unsupervised at night. They got along great. It's also important to love the first kitty once the second kitty is out. It reassures kitty #1. Never lock up kitty #1 because it will increase there fear. Hissing can be self defense so make sure you know who's causing the trouble. New kitties can be intimidating. There are lots of great suggestions online for intros as well. It can take lots of time more then just a week.

 

[kittykato]

Also everytime you introduce them to soon can result in a restart in the separation. Just play and cuddle with both cats.

 

[wthellcat]

Minor breakthrough! Kitty was able eat her dinner while the Kitten's door was cracked and he was eating.

image.jpg

• wthellcat
• Oct 10, 2013

 

[goholistic]

That's great!  

  Every bit of progress is a great accomplishment, no matter how small!

The photo made me giggle. It's a cute [covert] pic! 

 

[wthellcat]

Sorry for the 1000 questions, but I am wondering if it is bad for Kitty to SEE the Kitten? It has happened a few times now that kitten escapes when we are trying to go into the room.

Worse: earlier I was playing with the kitten in his room and the door was cracked (from when I tried to give them a slight glimpse of each other during dinner) and I noticed Kitty was watching. I thought this was an awesome sign so I cracked the door about face width and kitty hissed, growled, spat, hunched down, and made a few false starts like she wanted to come in and attack the kitten. I closed the door and came out and after a minute she was fine, but how bad was that? Something the relationship can overcome?

 

[ondine]

You might try to put a baby gate up at the doorway to the office.  It will give you time to get in before the kitten escapes.   He's obviously wanting to be out and about but for his own good, you need to take this slowly.

Have you tried Feliway or something similar?  Its a plug-in with cat pherenomes that will help calm everyone down.

When you do scent swapping, use the same towel - Kitty's scent on one end, kitten's on the other.  Then put the towel under the door with Kitty's end on the kitten's side of the door and vice versa.  Give them each a treat on the towel.

This will help them associate good stuff (the treats) with the other one's scent.

 

[wthellcat]

We have a Feliway diffuser, yeah. And she does eat with him in sight through the crack, but it seems like we are stuck there. She was really mad when I cracked that door open further.

Think I could carry him around the house?

 

[ondine]

I wouldn't for now, at least. If one of them gets upset, they may attack you. No sense in fueling an upset. Just keep things as they are for the time being and keep the intros slow and steady.

 

[kittykato]

Honestly you don't seem to be taking it slow so the hostility will be worse. They may never bond if it's forced. Just give them some time. Don't force them to bond if there not ready for it. Taking the kitten around may increase fears and make the kitten escape more often.