Ok...it's my turn to vent

[bren.1]

Shell, I am sorry you are going through so much right now. I think AA would help you and your family deal with your dad, or maybe Al-Anon. I think that's the one aimed more at families of alcoholics.

Don't be so hard on yourself, things will improve. As for your bf, is there any way you could be closer so you could see each other more? Maybe by transferring like you mentioned. Any relationship is tough to maintain at times, distance makes it harder.

Just remember, all of us are hear to help you out. Hope things get better for you soon.

 

[krazy kat2]

I just saw this post, and wanted to say that I am so sorry you are going through this.
You mentioned that you could transfer to another city on your job. The best thing I ever did for myself is get out of my hometown and put some distance between myself and my parents. They were very difficult people, and never had a kind word for anyone. We got along much better after I was gone for awhile. It gave me a chance to start over without the judgemental attitudes of some small towns. It was a big adjustment, but I never regretted leaving. My parents are gone now, but I think if I had stuck around, we would have never mended any fences. It may not be the same way in your family, but it did mine a lot of good to have some miles in between us. Whatever you decide, best of luck to you, and please keep us updated.

 

[valanhb]

(((((HUGS))))))

First of all, you WILL get through this tough time!

Having gone to college in Seward, Nebraska I can relate to your situation in Fairbury. The towns are similar in size, and if it like everywhere else in Nebraska there's a bar on every corner. It is very difficult to convince someone who has been in this society all his life that it isn't normal, but it can be done.

As for moving out, pick the closest big town around and see if you can find apartment listings there. Beatrice isn't too far, even Lincoln if you wanted a radical change, and college towns always have decent apartments for cheap! I also understand your predicament with the people you know there. You're right, by 26 most of them are married and having kids, left for greener pastures, or you just don't want to live with them! Spread your wings!

Go for something new, even if you have to wait until July to do it. July really isn't that far away, really.

 

[adymarie]

Shell - just remember that no matter what you are not alone - you have all your friends here who love and care for you and that will not change. I really can't add any other advice. What has been given is great. Even if you dad won't go and get help, you should start going to Al-Anon meeting because they can help you deal with what is going on and maybe help set up an intervention. I really hope that things work out fo you!

 

[debby]

Oh sweetie! I am so very very sorry you are going through all of this! I just now read it and it made me cry for you. You are such a kind gentle person and do not deserve to be treated this way. I am so sorry your father is acting this way...I'm glad he wasn't hurt in the accident, but he does need to get some help it sounds like. i think Detox might be the best thing for him. I hope things will get better for you (and him) very soon! You are in my thoughts and prayers...I love you...please know we are all here for you anytime you need to talk to us. **HUGS**

 

[auroraviva]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, Michelle! ((((HUGS)))) We all love you!!! It's too bad that stuff like this happens to such good people.

I know what it's like to live with parents with problems. It eventually got to the point with my dad and stepmom that I moved out; I have been on my own since my Junior year of high school. So, I also know what it's like to live on your own. I was in high school, jointly enrolled in college (taking advanced classes), in clubs, working 5 days a week, and doing all the work involved in keeping an apartment running.

I can tell you, it was really tough, but sometimes that's what you have to do. Personally, I'd say do what you have to to get out of there, even if it means taking a second, part-time job. The strongest words you can say to someone are "Good-Bye," and that's what I did with my dad. That, coupled with other problems he finally ran into, brought my dad back around to the light. We now have a good relationship, and he respects me completely as an adult and an equal. Plus, if you remove yourself from the situation, you'll have a clearer head when you do try to go in and deal with him.

 

[ldg]

Aw, Shell, I'm just reading this. You've already gotten really good advice, and there's not much I can add. Gary was an alcoholic - but he'd already straightened out by the time we got together, so I don't have any experiences to fall back on (thankfully!). I know it must be so difficult, and you so don't deserve it!!!!

All I have to say is vent all you want. There are so many people here who love and care about you - and hopefully all of this has helped at least a little bit. Hang in there!

 

[ghostuser]

Somtimes you just want to stop kicking when you get up to your head in the water, but what would that do? Just ruin your hair, so keep swimming and soon enough you'll find shore. I didn't read everyones response but I think the AA idea is a good one to say the least. Even if just the rest of the family goes and Dad doesn't, maybe they can help you to understand his diease better. No matter I know it's difficult, but stick it out, and (I hate when people say this to me but it is true so) remember how lucky we are, it could worst like in iraq they have all our problems and more.

And as for the bf thing, I think your much to pretty of a lady to be bogged down in a long distance relationship. This I can say from experience, I too was scared to be alone and stayed in a crappy relationship 6 mths to long, then one day it blewup, hurting even more.I wish I could have been an adult and took advise from loved ones but again I was AFRAID to be a lone, and after the blowup, not only was I alone but lonely also.

I know it's hard to keep 'truckin' but we all

you, and you just have to go slow and take everyday as a blessing. (I hope I wasn't to preachy, I know that can be annoying)

Go and get some Ben&Jerry's icecream, grab some kittys and together eat the whole thing. It always helps me.:flash: