Not sure what to do about MIL's cat...

[undergunfire]

My MIL moved to Wisconsin (from Arizona) in December - we moved into her house and are renting it from her because she plans to move back here in 3-4 years. Well, she decided it would be more convenient to only take 1 of her cats with her. She gave her "adopted stray" to my SIL and left her male cat with us to take care of. The male cat, Marvin: wasn't neutered, no shots, inside/outside cat, 3-4 years old. I made her pay for the shots, testing, neutering before leaving the cat with us.

Well...4 months later my 3 cats still aren't accepting Marvin, he chases my rabbit that can't be caged (hes too spoiled), and doesn't get along with my husband or I (doesn't like us petting him and will try to bite if we do).

My MIL hasn't asked about him either. I know she probably cares about him, but the way I see it....she dumped her cat on us. She thought it would just be convenient to leave the cat with us then try to find him a new home.

I think this house is too small for 4 cats (only a 2 bedroom with an AZ room) and that's causing issues with my cats getting along. The other issue is that Marvin wants to go outside REALLY bad....he bolts to the doors when they open, sits in front of an open window for hours, and follows us all around the house because he thinks we are going to open the door to let him outside. I know the cat is really unhappy with us.

The problem is is that I refuse to let him go outside and then come back inside. I don't want fleas in my house because of my rabbits (and the expense to get rid of fleas!) and I also am afraid Marvin will get a disease from being outside with other cats and infect my kitties who are inside only.

I guess what I am asking is....would it be that bad if Marvin was an outside only kitty (he was practically that 4 months ago) or should we look into rehoming him to someone where he can be the only cat and go inside/outside? I just know he hates being inside and its probably torture to him....I can just feel his frustration/sadness.

We live in a non-busy neighborhood, never see any stray dogs...but around the block from us is a small Indian reservation where I know coyotes are. I don't think Marvin would venture that far, but who knows....he did survive outside for 2 years when my MIL had him. Our yard is also fenced in, but I do suppose Marvin could jump the fence if he really wanted to.

 

[white cat lover]

Well - if you wish to make him outdoors only, have you considered something like Purr-fect fence? I am always incredibly hesitant to have an outdoor only cat in a city.

In regards to re-homing him, you'll have to take into consideration: will anyone want him? If he doesn't tolerate being petted much & bites - a lot of people would just turn around & dump him outside or re-home him again.

 

[undergunfire]

Unfortunately we don't have the money to spend on a fencing system for him. I am not working because I am going to pet grooming school full time (which is costing quiet a bit, too). Besides, he isn't our cat....he "belongs" to my MIL and she wouldn't pay for anything like that because she doesn't see anything wrong with him going outside. She is one of those "Oh, I have kitties and I love them....but if they run away then that's life." type of people.

I really am not the person to have outside cats because I don't think it is entirely safe, but Marvin is very unhappy being locked up inside of a house where 3 other cats hate him (and pick on him) and he's used to going outside.


Marvin was totally fine with my MIL and also fine with us for the first 2 weeks...but once he settled into us being here (and the other animals)....he decided he didn't like us. This is why I think he would be perfect as an only kitty with a single person/quiet couple. Of course, if we could rehome him...then it wouldn't be the first person to hand over a small rehoming fee....we would make sure he is going to a very good home.

I am not sure if my MIL would even give us the "okay" to rehome him (we haven't asked yet), since she does plan on moving back here in 3-4 years. I guess it is a tricky situation right now....but I just know we can't keep Marv in the house anymore, so having him be outside-only would still make it so we can be sure he's getting good food & vet care while my MIL is living in WI.

 

[strange_wings]

Is there an existing fence at all? Are you or is anyone else who could help you handy - and has tools?

If I had wanted to use Purrfect fence it would have cost me $1k+ to do my smaller back yard. I managed to DIY it for around $250.

 

[undergunfire]

We have a pretty large back yard that does have an existing fence. I just don't have $250 (shoot...even $50) to make the fence cat proof.

 

[mystik spiral]

Aw, poor Marvin.

It is SO great that you are trying to help him. It really sounds like he just needs a safe place to be outside. Is there a local shelter that you can work with so that you can foster him until they find a more appropriate home? Personally, I just couldn't have a cat who was able to roam outside wherever they please. There's just so much danger to them.

 

[undergunfire]

I wouldn't get the local shelter/rescues involved, as I can find him a new home for him on my own if I have to. Plus....it isn't their deal and they have A LOT of cats and will soon have more with spring coming up.

I don't like the idea of him going outside either, but it is pretty clear that he can't be inside 24/7 and I can't allow him to come in/go out because I don't want to risk illness/fleas to my cats (and other pets).

I just want to know if anyone would think it would be that bad, since he was pretty much an outside-only cat 4 months ago and I don't have a lot of options if my MIL won't let us rehome him for her.

 

[strange_wings]

Originally Posted by undergunfire

We have a pretty large back yard that does have an existing fence. I just don't have $250 (shoot...even $50) to make the fence cat proof.

I had to spend the extra ~$200 because I had to section off half of my backyard because our driveway is back there. and DH wanted it to look really nice.

2/3rds of the yard had wooden fencing, though, and I did this. That leaves you with proofing gates if there are any. Welded wire (what's used around the top of the fencing) is cheap, especially if you find it on sale. You may even know someone with some extra laying about unused. The rest is just staples and time.

 

[mystik spiral]

Originally Posted by undergunfire

I just want to know if anyone would think it would be that bad, since he was pretty much an outside-only cat 4 months ago and I don't have a lot of options if my MIL won't let us rehome him for her.

Hmm... unfortunately I don't have any advice here since my cat is indoor only, and she's an only child. You should talk to your MIL about rehoming him... If she moved so far away and felt it convenient to only take one cat with her, I can't imagine she would object. I mean, honestly, if she's not going to be back for a few years, if she cared that much about him she would have taken him with her.

I can see it's such a sticky situation with you renting her house, and having your own animals. But she really shouldn't expect you to "keep" Marvin for her until she moves back. Especially since you've had so much trouble between him and YOUR kids. Good luck, I hope you find a solution for the best of you AND Marvin!!

 

[undergunfire]

Sorry, we just can't spend any extra money to make the yard "cat proof"

.

I'm going to have my husband talk to his mom. If she's okay with rehoming, then Marvin might have to go outside until we can find a home. I just don't think my cats (and Marvin) can take the stress anymore....its pretty bad here.

The only other thing I can think of is trying (that's going to be hard) to find a place in this small house for the cat's huge rubbermade bin cat box and allowing Marvin to use the AZ room as his space...and have a cat door allowing him to go outside. The only problem is that that will take away space from my kitties.

I think its best to just rehome him, but that's up to my MIL unless we just tell her he ran away (

).

I really wish we could cat proof the fence, but we just don't have the money/time to do so...and the fact that it is my MIL's house/fence.

 

[dusty's mom]

I adopted a stray 5 years ago. Since she was used to being an outdoor cat, I knew that she would be unhappy as indoor only. Fortunately fleas don't like her, and she has never had fleas or mites.

Several months ago we adopted a kitten who is indoor only. Seven months later I can't say they are the best of friends. Dusty only mildly tolerates Squeak, even though Squeak would love to be her playmate.

Dusty goes in and out at will, but I always try to have her in at night.

My suggestion is that you allow Marvin to go outside, and if you are worried about fleas, then treat him with Advantage. Since he is current on his shots, and since he doesn't get too close to your other cats, I don't think there is a huge worry about disease.

There is no reason you can't have one that spends time outside and inside with your indoor kitties. If I had acquired Dusty as a kitten, she would also be inside only, but she was at least 2 years old when she adopted us.

 

[undergunfire]

Marvin does get close to my cats....close enough that they end up beating the crap out of him and then he turns around and tries to beat them up. We break up little cat fights at least 2-3 times a day

. We thought over time it would get better, but it definitely hasn't. Since having Marvin around, it has caused my own kitties to fight sometimes. He has just thrown off the "cool" in the house.

I'm just not comfortable with Marvin coming in and out. Even though he has had shots, can't he still bring in illnesses? I can't afford to treat him monthly for flea meds (that will actually work) and I know my MIL won't pay for it. I already have to pay for his food...which is an extra $20 per month and I'm not even feeding the "best" food out there (mainly Authority/Friskies/SophistaCat for wet and Chicken Soup for dry).

Hopefully my husband can talk to his mom tomorrow and we can make the decision as to what to do. If a good home doesn't come along, then he is just going to have to live outside. I really don't want that to happen, but I don't know what else to do.

 

[strange_wings]

If you can't have him in, don't want him out, and can't even afford to spend $50 on him you really should look into rehoming him and not taking on any other animals.

If your MIL hasn't asked about him in months, she's not going to. If she cared she wouldn't have dumped her cats on family in the first place.

 

[undergunfire]

Well, when it comes down to making sure MY own kitties/rabbits/dog are fed and happy...then $50 will be spent, but I can't blow another $20+ extra a month on a cat for flea meds that isn't mine and my MIL apparently doesn't care about. And no one mentioned getting any other pets. Believe me (while it was a great suggestion)....I'd love to spend $250+ on a cat proof fence for my own kitties, but that's not possible either.

My husband is going to talk to her today to find out if we can rehome him. I'm just betting she is going to say no and will tell us to just put him outside "because she's coming back in 3 years and those years will just fly by" (yeah, she is that type of person). My parents told me we can bring him to their house, but he will mainly be an outside kitty there too and my parent's aren't exactly responsible pet owners. I guess my MIL is coming back here for a visit this summer (oh joy), but I doubt she will spend the $140 or so ("ticket" & health check) for Marvin to fly back with her.

But....I guess in the end he was pretty much dumped on us, so we can just say he ran away and we can find him a new home. I just hope we can get him a new home ASAP because the "cat stress" in this house can't last for much longer...I'm scared this is going to permanently ruin my cat's relationships.

 

[mystik spiral]

Honestly, if your MIL does say no to rehoming him, I would rehome him and just tell her he ran away.

Keep us posted on Marvin!!

 

[undergunfire]

Just letting you guys know that I ended up letting Marvin outside on Friday before I left for grooming school at 9:15am...when I got home at 4:30pm he was still hanging out in the backyard sun bathing. I let him out again all day yesterday (Saturday) and he stayed in the back yard. He was also outside today already for a few hours and never left the yard. So, hopefully we can continue to do this out in the backyard during the day/inside at night thing and it will all work out because he seems happier that he gets his "escape". We have a gate (was installed when we moved in) at the drive way that is about 4ft tall and when we pulled up yesterday he was meowing and trying to find a way to get over it to get to us, but he couldn't and ended up walking away...so let's hope he can't get out at all, LOL.

My little Quil was so jealous watching Marvin outside, that I put him on a harness and leash and we walked around the backyard...he loved it

.

 

[bunnelina]

That's good news! I was very worried as I read about your problem.

I hope this helps settle everyone down so they aren't fighting.

My advice to you is to continue to trust your instincts and do whatever you think is best for all of the cats. And don't worry about lying to your mother-in-law if you ever have to do it to give Marvin a happier life and save your own domestic situation. I hope you won't have to, but cats deserve happy homes more than MILs deserve total honesty.

 

[staceyloobug]

Originally Posted by strange_wings

If you can't have him in, don't want him out, and can't even afford to spend $50 on him you really should look into rehoming him and not taking on any other animals.

If your MIL hasn't asked about him in months, she's not going to. If she cared she wouldn't have dumped her cats on family in the first place.

I agree with this, and if you are so strapped for cash that the $20 is hurting you, I'd ask that the MIL pay for that. Why do you have to pay for her cat? You didn't ask for it!

 

[undergunfire]

Why do I have to pay for her cat? Hrm....I have been asking myself the same question for almost 5 months

. Oh yeah...because she dumped him on me

!

For now everything is fine....Marvin goes outside all day on nice days and it seems to be making him happier when hes in the house. So far he still hasn't figured out how to get outside of the yard, which is a good thing! At this rate...I doubt he wants to leave the yard.

 

[undergunfire]

I didn't let Marvin outside yesterday or today, but there is such a difference around here! I'm glad I decided to start letting him outside in the back yard then rehome him

.

My one kitty, Tibi, still beats on him whenever they cross paths in the house...but other then that, things have been really great. Marvin is more loveable towards my husband and I & with the other 2 kitties.

Does anyone have any suggestions on "bonding" Marv and Tibi? If they could just get along, then everything will be totally fine!