Non-Attention Seeking... sad kitten... HELP!

[knikoleellis]

Still have my shelter kitty... I've had her a week today & she's still shy. She's in her kitty room (my spare bedroom) with a few toy, food. water, and a litter box.

She won't poop in the litter box. 

The purpose of this post however is.... how much attention should you give your cat a day, because I don't know what to do?! Everyday after work I sit on the floor in there & wait for her to come to me, lure her with food or toys and she'll come after maybe an hour or two and let me rub her for 10 minutes tops (and that just started yesterday morning) but if I move too fast she runs away. 

Other than that she only stays in the corner & stares at me. This morning she wouldn't let me touch her at all. I changed her water & food bowl, and sat on the floor with her some before work, and she just looked at me. 

I really want this to work out, because she is my first pet.... but I don't think she likes me... and she won't use the litter box, maybe she misses her shelter friends? I don't know what else to do. Help

 

[Kat0121]

 
Still have my shelter kitty... I've had her a week today & she's still shy. She's in her kitty room (my spare bedroom) with a few toy, food. water, and a litter box.

She won't poop in the litter box. 

The purpose of this post however is.... how much attention should you give your cat a day, because I don't know what to do?! Everyday after work I sit on the floor in there & wait for her to come to me, lure her with food or toys and she'll come after maybe an hour or two and let me rub her for 10 minutes tops (and that just started yesterday morning) but if I move too fast she runs away. 

Other than that she only stays in the corner & stares at me. This morning she wouldn't let me touch her at all. I changed her water & food bowl, and sat on the floor with her some before work, and she just looked at me. 

I really want this to work out, because she is my first pet.... but I don't think she likes me... and she won't use the litter box, maybe she misses her shelter friends? I don't know what else to do. Help

It's very soon in the relationship. You're going to have to give it time but all will work out. 

How old is she? 

is she eating, drinking and using the litter box for #1? Some cats do not like to use the same box for both. Try bringing in another box to see if she will use that one for #2

Try looking at things from her point of view. She came from being at a shelter with lots of activity, noise and other cats around. Now she is in a whole new place full of new sights, sounds and smells plus a new person. It can be frightening at first. The way she is behaving is normal. It is NOT personal. She will relax as she gets used to her new environment. 

The fact that you gave her a safe room is good and you're on the right path by using toys and yummy treats to help her associate you with good things. You are also correct in letting her come to you. You clearly did some research prior to bringing her home and I applaud you for that!! Many people do not do this!

You are going to be a fantastic cat parent.  

Cats are not small dogs. Most dogs give their love and trust indiscriminately. Cats do not do this. A cat's love and trust must be earned. This requires time, patience and lots and lots of love. The fact that you reached out to us for advice tells me that you really want this relationship to work. Since you do, you are giving off that vibe to her so she knows that you care. She knows how you feel. She's just not ready to make the leap over to you yet but she will when she is ready and it will likely be out of the blue. 

Be patient. Talk to her. Tell her you love her and that you are happy she is with you and that you want her to be happy. Cats are very intelligent animals and I believe that they understand far more of what we say to them than a lot of people give them credit for. 

Keep giving her control of the relationship. This will help ease her anxiety and make her want to seek you out. 

Use the slow blink. When you look at her, do not look her right in the eyes as this is seen as threatening to cats. Look just to the side or right above her head and close your eyes for a few seconds before reopening them. This is the slow blink and all cats know this. It is one of the ways that cats greet one another. It tells them, " Hi! I see you and I am not a threat to you!". In time you will see her return this to you and the day will come when she does this first. Cats also use this to say, I love you". 

Keep playing with her and when she behaves in a way that you want, give her lots of praise and a yummy treat. Positive reinforcement, 

There will be times when you feel like you are doing everything wrong. That it's you and it must be that she just doesn't like you. I know. I've been there with my boy Henry. I had to mentally put a hand in front of my face and say STOP! I had to force myself to relax and let the relationship between us progress the way it was supposed to. As soon as I did that, he started to progress and we bonded more. Remember- she is (hopefully) going to be with you for a long time so let things progress naturally. She will come around, she will come to you when she is ready and the two of you will form a friendship that will absolutely last forever. In the meantime, be kind to yourself too. You aren't doing anything wrong and she does know how you feel about her. 

 

[knikoleellis]

She's 5 months old. I haven't seen any wet spots on the rug (or spelled any pee & I've read that cat pee STICKS) so I'm assuming she's going in the litter box & she poops right next to the box. 

I'm glad the weekend is here so that I can just sit in the room with her for more hours on end & hopefully she'll slowly come around even more. I fell in love with her because she jumped into my arms the first day I met her & then 3 days later when I went back, I couldn't even get her out of the cage. 

She's definitely eating & drinking. I just don't want her to be depressed, because I want to keep her. Her first vet visit is next weekend so I'm going to check with them to to make sure everything is okay and it's normal kitty behavior as well. 

 

[Kat0121]

 
She's 5 months old. I haven't seen any wet spots on the rug (or spelled any pee & I've read that cat pee STICKS) so I'm assuming she's going in the litter box & she poops right next to the box. 

I'm glad the weekend is here so that I can just sit in the room with her for more hours on end & hopefully she'll slowly come around even more. I fell in love with her because she jumped into my arms the first day I met her & then 3 days later when I went back, I couldn't even get her out of the cage. 

She's definitely eating & drinking. I just don't want her to be depressed, because I want to keep her. Her first vet visit is next weekend so I'm going to check with them to to make sure everything is okay and it's normal kitty behavior as well. 

OK. Have there been pee clumps to scoop out of the box? If so, she is definitely using it. i'd definitely suggest bringing in another litter box to give her an option to use it for poop if that is what she prefers, 

When you spend time with her, get as close to her level as you can by sitting or lying on the floor. Standing or "looming" over her is threatening to a cat. 

Try reading to her. I bought some toddler books from a local thrift store and read them to Henry. I'd read the text then show him the pictures and explain them to him. He has a very expressive face and he often looked at me like he half thought I was completely nuts and half as though he was thoroughly amused by me. I really think he liked it. 

I don't think she is depressed. Not at all. I think she is just getting adjusted. Cats are like people. They all handle things differently. It's going to be OK and one day you will look back at these days and you won't be able to believe that it's the same cat! Spend time with her, play with her, tell her exactly how you feel about her and let her know that you are there for her whenever she is ready. Everything will work out. 

You can also consider using something like Feliway plug ins or sprays. These mimic the feel good pheremones that cats give off and many cats find this to be soothing. If you're interested, Amazon has the best prices I have found. 

 

[di and bob]

She's just scared and unsure of everything, a week, even a month, is not long at all in cat time. Cats HATE change, and she's had a LOT of change lately. She'll come around, you are doing everything  right so don't stress, she get more comfortable as time goes by. I agree with the second litter box, the fact that she goes next to the box is telling, she wants to go in the box but something is stopping her. It wouldn't hurt to try. She might not like the litter, you might try changing that. Just go through your normal routines and ignore her for the most part, cats become more relaxed around people if they feel they are not being paid attention to, that's why cats seem to navigate towards people who don't care for cats. Try not to make sudden, loud moves, more like reading, being on the internet, or watching T V in the same room. She sounds like a perfectly normal cat that is scared, to put her at ease just talk to her and play with a feather wand across the room, she will become interested and want to play eventually, Try to stroke her back when she is eating, I've finally got near and stroked wild cats when they were eating and couldn't get near them any other time. Now may be the time to offer some really yummy treats, pieces of hot dog, or packaged cat treats. There aren't too many cats that turn down tuna or the meat out of an Arby's sandwich either. You are doing fine, it just isn't  going like you imagined. But it will in time. Like it was said above, you EARN a cat's love and it is so rewarding it is well worth it. You will be blessed for caring so much, and we will help wherever we can, don't hesitate to contact this site with ANY questions, especially where you haven't had a cat before. Believe me, she is learning to love you all ready, she just can't trust you enough yet to believe that you aren't going to go away, she hasn't had a permanent home yet! All the luck, and keep us posted!

 

[hellomisskitty]

I agree with all of the advice you have been given. I think having more time together over the weekend will be helpful. You are doing all the right things and in time this will all pay off
Stay the course (except I would add a second litter box and some Feliway into the mix) and things will start to progress!

 

[hellomisskitty]

I found this article on shy cats in the "articles" section:

http://www.thecatsite.com/a/10-must-know-tips-for-happy-living-with-a-shy-cat

 

[knikoleellis]

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• knikoleellis
• Aug 12, 2016

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• knikoleellis
• Aug 12, 2016

She's getting better about coming closer.... But she won't play with me. She'll play by herself & let me rub her at a distance. (Arms length at most)

 

[knikoleellis]

Arms length or half an arms length is as close as I can get [emoji]128514[/emoji] She loves to be rubbed & purrs like a motorboat & lifts my hand if I stop. She is a sweetheart & never scratches or bites or snarls at me, she just runs away if I move too fast or get too close lol

 

[hellomisskitty]

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• knikoleellis
• Aug 12, 2016

image.jpeg

• knikoleellis
• Aug 12, 2016

She's getting better about coming closer.... But she won't play with me. She'll play by herself & let me rub her at a distance. (Arms length at most)

Awww...what a little muffin [emoji]10084[/emoji]️

Do you have a wand toy? Something like this:

http://m.petco.com/shop/en/petcostore/da-bird-feather-teaser

If you don't, I would suggest getting one. She may be more inclined to play with you if your hands are far away from her. Also, sometimes it can take a little trial and error with figuring out what kind of toys your cat likes. For example, my cat loves balls and anything resembling and bug or mouse. She could care less about feathery toys. Your job is to try different types of toys and observe her response to each different type. It won't be long before you realize that she has a definite preference for some things over others.

 

[kittypa]

I agree with the other folks here who say you are doing the right things. She will get better and better in time. There is no substitute for spending time with her. I call it putting hours in the trust bank. 

 

[detroitcatlady]

She looks like a sweetie! So adorable. I wouldn't worry too much, she's just adjusting to her new environment. Try some different kinds of litter too. Every cat is different when it comes to what litter they like. If you find adding a box doesn't help, try putting a couple of different boxes in the room with different kinds of litter in them and see which one she prefers.

 

[Kat0121]

Arms length or half an arms length is as close as I can get [emoji]128514[/emoji] She loves to be rubbed & purrs like a motorboat & lifts my hand if I stop. She is a sweetheart & never scratches or bites or snarls at me, she just runs away if I move too fast or get too close lol

She may not have been socialized at the shelter. That's how it was with my Henry but his case was a lot more extreme than your little one's. He was there from 3 months to 8 years of age.

She is beautiful little girl! I agree about getting a wand toy. Hands free playtime is great for bonding. My girls LOVE this one

http://www.walmart.com/ip/Our-Pet-s-Play-N-Squeak-at-Night-Cat-Toy-Cats-Cats/20846223

 

[knikoleellis]

I decided to let her out to explore the main rooms of the apartment since it's an open layout and she loves it! I've never seen her move around and run and play so much.

If I stand up, she runs to her safe room, so I think I'll let her explore for a few hours every night and on the weekends while I'm home and hope that helps since it's just me. Since the room she's in is empty she probably gets lonely with the quietness.

 

[DreamerRose]

I've got a new kitty, too, and she is also in a safe room for a while. She comes to greet me when I open the door (she's learned I'm the food person), but she runs under the bed when she sees my feet and how tall I am - to her. So I agree the height of a human is threatening to a cat. Keep on playing with her sitting down. That seems to help my Lily.

 

[knikoleellis]

I've got a new kitty, too, and she is also in a safe room for a while. She comes to greet me when I open the door (she's learned I'm the food person), but she runs under the bed when she sees my feet and how tall I am - to her. So I agree the height of a human is threatening to a cat. Keep on playing with her sitting down. That seems to help my Lily.

I'm 6'2 so that definitely makes sense. She's been enjoying these last few goes out and exploring however. I'm going to put her back into the safe room before I got into bed, but I'm glad to see her not hiding but out in the open even if she is away from me.

 

[DreamerRose]

Have you tried sleeping with her? Or rather, letting her sleep on your bed? That's another opportunity to bond with you. I'm sleeping with my Lily and wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[hellomisskitty]

Have you tried sleeping with her? Or rather, letting her sleep on your bed? That's another opportunity to bond with you. I'm sleeping with my Lily and wouldn't have it any other way.

I was just thinking the same thing as I was reading these great updates! I always leave my door open for my girl in case she decides to come sleep with me. Most nights she does and I miss her on nights she doesn't. Plus your little one is still a baby and might really want someone to snuggle with.

 

[stephanietx]

One trick I learned from a lady who fosters kittens is to NOT leave food down all the time.  Each time you go into the safe room to visit, take food with you.  That way your kitty will come to associate you with a positive thing (food).  Of course, if you're gone to work all day, you need to leave food down, but when you're home don't leave the food down.  You might also want to invest in a calming agent, such as a Feliway plug in and run it 24/7 and see if that helps her calm down and de-stress a little bit.

 

[knikoleellis]

She won't let me pick her up without scratching (I don't think she means to, she's just trying to get away) lol & she's not a jumper. She tried to jump on the couch and fell so she won't make it onto my bed and if she wanted to get down she won't make it. Lol