Nikita's Affection Issue...

[Nature9000]

So, those of you familiar with my frustration thread know that Nikita's not very affectionate as she was when I first got her, but still a bit affectionate while Prince has become much more affectionate...Well I've discovered something, and my friend, Nicole, brought up a point I hadn't thought of:

I had Nicole over to visit and see the cats, and she got them playing and so forth; well Nikita, though she is still somewhat affectionate with me but more independent and aloof now, is friendlier and more affectionate with Nicole (though as I type this, Nikita has just jumped into my lap). Nicole then suggested from my saying Nikita was taken care of by a female foster parent, that she may just be more used to women than men.

If that's the case, how do I get her to be more affectionate towards me, is that just something that time will depend on?

 

[Draco]

some cats aren't affectionate, she may be one of them?

Do you play with her? Give her treats when she's snuggly? Maybe you are overwhelming her and she needs some space?

 

[catlover73]

Your friend Nicole could be on to something. You could try using play time to get her more comfortable with you. If she is more used to women then yes this is something that could change with time. One of my friends has a cat that prefers women. When she moved in with her now husband Biscuit would not go near him at first. She had Jim feed Biscuit and play with her more. Biscuit did adjust. She was the same way around my husband to at first and then one day she just climbed in his lap. Years ago I adopted an cat that had been abused and abandoned. She was definitely more comfortable around women. I had a male room mate at one point and she was scared of him. He ignored her until she got used to him being around. Once she stopped hiding from him. He started throwing treats around his bed room. Next he used a long shoe lace to engage her in play from a safe distance. He was only around may be 3-4 months but Baby-T did get comfortable with him. She also was scared of my hubby when we moved in together. He just let her be and used play-time to get her to learn he was not a threat. He would also throw treats to her when she was not hiding. Eventually she became very bonded to my hubby. She developed her own rituals with him that were unique to them. I believe Nikita can learn to be more comfortable around you but it will take time and patience. If she will play with you that is a great way to get her more comfortable with you. You can also give her treats even if you have to throw them to her.

 

[Neo_23]

I don't think Nikita has an affection issue. Cats will be affectionate when they choose to be. You can't make them be affectionate to you. Some like cuddles and being pet, others don't. Some prefer some kinds of people over others. Just like humans.

 

[Nature9000]

I disagree, and no she is and was affectionate. It's more shying away from being petted sometimes. Even her foster lady said she was always a lap cat, the first one that hopped into her lap whenever she sat down; and when I first brought her home, she was the same way.

I think it's just a combination of new home, the ear mites and Prince's hyperactivity. Because I'm noticing more now today that she's hopping into my lap and I'm able to pet her without her moving her head away from my hand. Today's been more of a calm day around the apartment and I'm off work for the weekend. I've also gotten a treat that she actually likes, those Applaws chicken/salmon/etc treats that are whole meat treats rather than the dry treats she doesn't care much for. (unfortunately with that, Prince can't resist them either), so she's been letting me pet her when given those. So I'm able to treat train her. So she IS affectionate, follows me around everywhere and whatnot, but probably more so with women as displayed last night with Nicole visiting.

Though that brings up an amusing side note. Prince, who is used to strangers, though no one's come in the apartment for a while, was on the floor waiting to greet me when I entered. The second Nicole stepped in, he jumped up and bolted away a few feet like he got startled by a ghost or something.

 

[catlover73]

Prince could have reacted that way because he was expecting cuddle time with you at that moment. It is also possible that he smelled something on Nicole that he did not like. Cats are very sensitive to smells and it could be something as simple as Nicole had on a perfume he did not like the smell of. Our cats run away from my hubby when he puts on hand lotion or a certain after shave. They do come back later but is almost like they are startled by the scent temporarily. One of my friends came over and she was wearing a different perfume. My Casey loves hanging out with her and jumps in her lap right away usually. She was here on her way home from work. Casey bolted upstairs at first then he came back down to cuddle with me. He sniffed my friend and ran away again. My friend decided to try spraying herself with Fabreeze after she did that Casey came back down stairs and sniffed her again. After that he was back to hanging out in her lap. He must not have liked the smell of the perfume. She will not wear that perfume any more if she is coming to my house.

Ear mites can may a cat uncomfortable and could certainly influence behavior. Are you doing ear washes and medication at home? When I had to do this with Starbuck when she was a baby she was definitely less affectionate right after treatment time. Sometimes she would hide from us for about an hour or two after treatment.

You mention Prince is very hyper. Have you tried doing one on one play time with Prince with an interactive toy to expend his energy? When my Starbuck was a baby kitten I had mature adult cats that loved her dearly. Sometimes she could be too much for them though. I would distract her with a wand toy if she was too hyper for them. I would play with her until she showed me she was warn out by plopping down and not moving. Sometimes the play sessions could last a couple hours. Extra play time with Prince could help him be less hyper and it may help Nakita feel more comfortable.

 

[Draco]

I cant tell you how many times I hear "This cat is a true lap cat, loves cuddles and snuggles!" From fosters and shelters. seems like 80% of the time they say that just to get people to adopt. Many of my friends are disappointed they they don't have a lap cat like the shelters promised. I was in the market for a deaf cat and the shelter assured me the cat I adopted from them was deaf. she was not.

On a side note, my boy was not affectionate at all when I got him. Only about a 2 years ago (he's 9 now), he became affectionate, wanting cuddles more and more. Sometimes cats affections changes as they age.

 

[Nature9000]

Right, Nikita is fat more comfortable now than she was a few weeks ago when we first discovered ear mites at her initial vet appointment. She doesn't lean away as much when I go for the top of her head and work my way to her jaw, but I did pet her a few times when the mites were more painful, so...

Ironically Prince has not gotten the ear Mite at all but he didn't have them right when I started treating him and I had to treat him when Nikita was discovered to have them, and that was right when I brought her home. 4-6 weeks, the 21st is the follow up, so that will be six weeks...also meaning, I've not had Nikita for a month yet, so any shiness she has may still be present...

Also Prince, yeah I think he reacted that way because he was expecting me to do as always: put my stuff down on the counter and love on him. Nicole walked in and it was like "WHOA new stuff". He came to her a few minutes later, I produced treats and she had both of them playing within minutes. (She had cats before, and admittingly, knows more about them than I do, like she let Nikita come to her and start licking her arm). She doesn' wear perfume or anything, I think it was just Prince not expecting someone to walk in with me.

 

[Nature9000]

Also princes hyperactivity...I've created a thread for advice relating to that here in the behavior forums "play separation", not wanting to repeat everything, you could go read that. I can't seem to get a full play session with him anymore, Nikita takes over and is clearly the dominant playtime cat. He's a stalker/Hunter, she's a chaser. Which means he will be getting ready to pounce when she comes charging in...and I have a small studio apartment where my only door is the bathroom door. I don't like the idea of locking one up in there...I used to have Prince going for 50 minutes (and he was still going), now I can' give him a fair session longer than 5 minutes

 

[catlover73]

I will look at your play separation thread too but probably tomorrow. I have to go to bed early tonight since I get up at 4:30 am for work tomorrow. I agree with you that Prince reacted that way because he was not expecting someone to walk in with you. I have had the same thing happen with my Casey and he too is a people cat. He reacted the same way Prince did with the hiding and coming back out pretty quickly. He will also do that when someone rings the door bell. If we have company I tell them to call or text upon arrival instead of ringing the doorbell.