Newly adopted cat... I need some reassurance

[will2btenor]

Hello everyone!!

I am so excited to be the owner of a cat. However, things are not going very well at all, and I know that it just takes time, but I was hoping that writing this would help me feel better, and I am looking for any advice.

Here is the story,


I was notified of a family that had a 3 year old cat, a tabby, that was just not getting along with their 13 month old, and they were worried about a baby along the way so they decided to give up the cat, to make it easier on the cat. The cat is neutered and declawed, and is in perfect help.

I went to pick up the cat and he took to me very quickly and we played for a minute, and I took the cat home. Well, the cat I met and the cat I brought home were completely different.

It has only been a couple of days, but he hisses and growls, who knew a cat could growl, at me and generally just does not show any interest in me. I unfortunately have to leave him at a family members house until my apartment is ready, so I have been going over every day to spend time with him, like hours at a time, and things are not improving, if anything, I feel that they are getting worse. He seems to be fine on his own, but when I am around it's completely different. This was a cat that loved people, and layed out in the middle of the floor with his stomach showing.

I know that it will take time, but I just worry that he will learn to enjoy living on his own, and not take to me. I will be taking him with me to my apartment in 2 weeks, and I just can't imagine how upset he will be with me there all the time.

This plus I was petting my family cat of ten years tonight and she hissed and snarled at me. I just am not feeling very loved right now.

 

[david's steph]

dude, it's only been 2 days! chillax, if this guy showed you his belly, he will be fine eventually..he also probably smells the other cat scents on you, and is all freaked out..I don't mean to be glib, but yes, TIME.. also, moving from house to house is very unsettling to him..just leave him alone for a while, he doesn't have to be on top of you, give him his space to settle in, let him alone if he wants to be, he'll come to you eventually, at his own time...TIME..he doesn't know you yet, let him adjust.

When I first took in my cat from the shelter, she was a terror to me and the resident cat here..hissing, spitting, it was horrible for a while, but TIME took care of it, that was 10 years ago and she now loves me and the other 2 cats who reside with us..

good luck! It will work out, you will see, be patient with him

 

[missymotus]

He can smell your other cat on you, just like the female hissed after smelling him on you.

In time he should calm down, it can be very unsettling moving not just homes but a new family too.

 

[carolina]

This cat is very very stressed out... Is he on the other house with the other cat? Or on his own?
Any cat will take some days to adapt to a new house - usually you let them stay at a small room at first with some hiding space, water, food and a litter box. After a couple of days, when they feel safer, you let them start exploring the house - setting them loose in a new house can be very overwhelming... And if there is another cat in there, you can multiply that stress by many times... You then need to do a slow introduction in between the two, where they don't see each other for several days.
Do not force yourself onto him... I would strongly advise moving him into a small, calm room with everything he needs and visiting him in there for a few days.
If there is another cat in there I would just leave him in this room for the whole 2 weeks...

 

[mystik spiral]

Hi, and welcome to TCS!

When I adopted my girl, she spent the most part of a week under my bed. She's my only cat, and she is a scaredy-cat. It took some time, but she's now a total mama's girl. I'm still the only person she will not hiss at and hide from.

Just let him go at his own pace. Let HIM dictate your interactions. Being in a new home is stressful for cats. He will probably be back to the cat you met before you know it. Just give him time.

 

[kailie]

Awww, poor thing is scared and not sure what's going on. He's been through a lot and it should get better with time. You mentioned though that he is declawed and I have known a lot of cats who have been declawed who act the same, who almost have like a Jeckell & Hyde complex because that is how they defend themselves. I truly believe that declawing alters a cats personality.

Give it more time though hun. As time goes by, he should get more comfortable and calm down a lot more. Good luck, and keep us update.

 

[phillygal]

I agree that the stress is making him a bit crazy and the scent of your family's cat is adding to that stress. It does take time. Please be patient with both him and yourself and take the time to reassure him that all will soon be well. Cats like their regular routine and become stressed at any changes - like moving furniture around!

They are quite sensitive to their surroundings.

 

[will2btenor]

Thank you for the replies,

I should specify, this cat lives in a house where he has a room to himself, and I am the only person that he sees and feeds him. The other cat lives with me at my current residence, not where my cat lives, so he is not constantly around the smell.

That, and my cat's name is Smithwicks. Anyways, more then anything I wanted to make sure that I was doing ok, and that I wasn't ruining my cat. I just hate to see an animal in distress, but yes I realize that it will take time.

Thanks everyone and I will keep you posted.

 

[darlili]

I agree - I was over anxious too when I adopted my babies - you just want everything to be perfect.

First, try to relax as much as you can. This poor boy has been through a lot (new baby popping in, losing the home he was used to, being in a new place, etc etc.). I think you're on the right path. But, maybe, next time you go to visit, bring a tee shirt or two - one nice and smelly of 'eau de you' and one with your other cat's scent on it, and just leave them in his room. Also, when I adopted, I would just go in with a book and read aloud to myself, letting them come to me - don't stare at him or try to attract him (although I know that's hard to do) - let him check you out and come to you. If you have a little treat or three in hand to give him when he approaches, all the better - and maybe bring some interactive toys, but don't be upset if he's not much up to playing. Just play with the wand or whatever by yourself - he may be so intrigued he'll come over to check it out.

Also, bring a towel or tee-shirt home with you that smells of new cat, so your family cat gets used to the odor. And, keep telling your family cat that you love her too - that new cat is not displacing her in your heart.

Also, my two cats are declawed (came that way) and are the friendliest cats you'd like to meet - my girl is not a lap cat, but loves to be petted and can be demanding when she wants attention, and my boy is just a cuddle bug.

Oh, maybe leave on, in your apartment and in the present room, a radio or something tuned to soft music - either light classical or new age or anything on that order. Also, you might look into Feliway diffusers to soften the transition.

BTW, if you can, be the one who feeds the cat, so he comes to associate your scent with being fed and a clean litter box and all that good stuff.

Good luck, and bless you for giving this boy a home.

 

[mystik spiral]

Originally Posted by will2btenor

my cat's name is Smithwicks. Anyways, more then anything I wanted to make sure that I was doing ok, and that I wasn't ruining my cat.

I love his name!

darlili and the others have given lots of good advice. You are NOT ruining your cat.

I can't even tell you how many times I broke down in tears after I adopted Holland wondering what I'd gotten myself into. And now, while she is not much of a lap cat or a cuddler, I love her more than anything.

I'm sure Smithwicks will come around in time.

 

[ruthyb]

Hi and welcome, I am sure in time this kitty will come round. I must say what annoys me is that these people gave up their cat because of a baby, I myself have 3 children and my cats came before my children and my children have been taught that the kitties are a part of the family too, it makes me sad. I hope he comes round to you, thankyou for adopting him.xx

 

[will2btenor]

Hey everyone,

Thanks again for the kind responses, your advice has been soooo valuable.

I have been taking all of your advice and have been visiting and pretty much keeping to myself and not giving him forced attention. I was with him for a few hours tonight and watched a movie and such. At first he calmly slept in the corner and didn't give me much attention, but after a while he was up and wandering around.

First he timidly went over and and ate some food, the first time he's eaten in front of me. And then he wandered around and found a place to sit and watch.

At this point I got up and moved over somewhat closer and lied down on the ground and continued watching the movie. He came right over and started rolling around on the ground beside me. I still didn't pay much attention as he was growing and whatnot the whole time.

After a while I decided to get a toy that I bought that we can play with together, a little mouse on a string, and we went crazy. I tried not to watch him too much, to let him play in comfort, and he came over and sniffed and lightly rubbed my hand, and no hissing or growling. I didn't want to reach out in fears that I might break the trust that is slowly building.

We played this way for a while longer and things went fairly well. Here's the thing, when I am silent he is more confident, but as soon as I speak or say his name, he starts growling and moves away. So silent playing it is for a while I guess.

Anyways, I will keep you posted.

 

[mystik spiral]

About talking to him - you may want to spend some time doing what you're already doing, but talking to him at the same time. So if he's in his room, you go sit on the floor and just talk, or read a book out loud, not really paying attention to him. This will get him used to your voice, and soon enough he will associate your voice as the one who feeds him and plays with him.

Good luck, and please DO keep us posted! It sounds like he's progressing.

 

[will2btenor]

Hello all,

Today was interesting. I was over to give him some food and change the water and what not, and he seemed thoroughly excited and interested to see me. At this point I got the toy that we play with, and he came right over and actually rubbed his face on my hand and... let me pet him lightly on the back a couple of times. This is the first time I have pet him since I brought him home. However, I went through the same steps again, and this time he hissed and growled at me, so I'm not sure if I made any progress, or if he just let his guard down for a moment.

I am going over later this afternoon for a long time, and we will see what happens.

 

[darlili]

Hey, that he head-bunted you is a huge step forward - he's trying to mark you as one of the family with his scent. Keep telling yourself baby steps - my vet told me once that cats have longer memories than we sometimes thing, and especially for slightly older cats that have moved from home to home, or shelter to home, it can take a while to believe that this is their forever human and forever home. So, this guy is really trying to believe, I think - but then he gets a little bit of cold feet. Just try to be consistent with your activities, and keep telling him you love him, all the stuff you're doing.

He might have been a little over-stimulated the second time - mine love being petted, but sometimes there's that one pet too many and I get a little hiss or 'stop, Meowmy' sign.

I applaud you - it's hard to stay strong when you're being growled at, but keep at it - I think you'll be rewarded and probably sooner than you think right now.

 

[will2btenor]

This is actually all quite interesting to me.

I am no longer frustrated, but am more interested in the process. It is so cool to see a relationship being built, and I feel like we are starting to understand each other. Maybe will have a stronger relationship in the end because of this.

Hopefully... lol

 

[stephanietx]

I've been reading this, but haven't commented until now because you've gotten some really good advise. I do believe that you will have a stronger relationship with your cat because of this experience. It's possible that your kitty was picking up on your stress and frustration and that combined with being in a new place is causing the growling and such.

The process of acclimating a cat to a new home is definitely interesting. Lots of patience, TLC, and accepting what the cat is willing to give (even if it's less than what you want) is the key. So relax, be patient, don't expect too much right now, and in the long run, you'll be more comfortable and confident and your kitty will, too!

We adopted a little boy kitty about a month ago. Just this evening he laid down on the couch beside me and fell asleep, all stretched out. Previously, when he was napping, he'd either be in the box or under the bed. I wanted him to be that comfortable 3 weeks ago, but he wasn't ready. Imagine my happiness tonight when he snuggled up next to my hand and napped! So, just take it slow and easy and you'll get there.

 

[will2btenor]

Hey everyone,

I hope I am not updating my cats status too much, but I thought I would post what went down today.

This afternoon I arrived for a long evening visit, and as soon as I walked into the room, we was at my feet rubbing along my legs and even let me pet him for about 30 seconds. At this point he got a little scared and moved away about two feet and made low growling noises. No hissing though. That's new.

So I settled in to watch some tv and he pretty much stayed away from me, but close by. I noticed him lying on the floor on the other side of the room, so I got up and and got down on the floor with him and continued watching. He stayed right there, yawning, and tired looking, and half fell asleep about 2 or 3 feet away. I just relaxed and watched tv and let him be.

I alos noticed that tonight I can walk by him without any growling or hissing, he just watches me go by and makes little chirpy noises.

Anyways, we played together with a string for a little while, and I say it was a pretty good evening.

 

[mystik spiral]

That's great!!

And I love to read the updates on Smithwicks.

If he let you pet him for 30 seconds tonight, maybe do like 20-25 seconds the next time. If you can stop petting him before he WANTS you to stop it, you should be able to increase the petting time that he will find comfortable. Not that he will necessarily become a lap cat or a cuddler... Holland will still only let me hold & pet her for a couple minutes (although it's free reign for me when she's sacked out in her bed...

), but he will start to feel more and more safe when you're around.

Very exciting!

 

[darlili]

Please keep updating - I bet those little chirpy noises were his welcome vocalization - my girl sometimes chirps like that when I come home.

I think you're really coming along - that he's rubbing up against you is a wonderful sign that he's claiming you as his human. He's lucky to have you.

Did you say you'll be moving to a new place in a bit? He may be unsettled again, but maybe when you do move, bring over some things from his room first, so he'll have a familiar scent around (a bed or blankie that he's used to, that sort of thing).