New roommate concerns

[solaritybengals]

Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom

I've just turned 21 myself, and honestly I don't see what you are bothered by. If she were under 18, it would be a huge deal. Police in a college town don't really care if 20-year-olds are drinking in their own apartment. I guess knowing that someone a few months away from being a legal drinker is drinking in the apartment might be some kind of misdemeanor... But when the university assigns roommates typically even if she does get in trouble you won't.

Yah I agree with you here. I'm 23 now but when I came to college...I mean underage drinking was everyhwere and not a big deal. I don't know about having huge parties at your place but nobody is going to know if she is drinking otherwise. I'm not into partying but did drink socially even under 21. It was never an issue. My roommates underage or not could care less.

 

[krazycatlover]

I agree that you should ask her not to drink. You can get ticket if someone in your house is drinking underage wether you supply it or not in fact in some states anyone that is at your house with you that is 21 or over can get ticketed wether they supply it or not. She shouldn't have a problem Im sure iif you were polite about it she will be fine.

 

[lunasmom]

Typically school housing assignments are a lottery...it's very very random. I'm surprised that there isn't a 21+ housing at the school. The ones around here have that.

Anyhoo, I understand the concerns...but what she does in the apartment (i.e. drinking) doesn't mean that the police are going to smell alcohol from the outside and bust in to arrest her and you. More likely it would come from having a party (maybe while you're away) and a neighbor complaining. In which case you might be questioned about the provisions, but usually you won't get arrested unless they have direct proof (or she says you bought the alcohol).

I would just make it clear to her that you won't provide (if you haven't done so already)...you don't have a problem if she drinks or how she gets the alcohol, but that you don't want to provide. Then I would avoid keeping drinks around the house unless you know she is gone. Then there won't be any direct chance of her obtaining alcohol from you.

 

[krazycatlover]

Anyhoo, I understand the concerns...but what she does in the apartment (i.e. drinking) doesn't mean that the police are going to smell alcohol from the outside and bust in to arrest her and you. More likely it would come from having a party (maybe while you're away) and a neighbor complaining.
QUOTE]

Yeah I agree. A police officer cant bust in anyway you have to give them permission unless the have cause which they can't just break in cause someone says that someone is a little loud.

 

[coolcat]

Originally Posted by EricaNicole

You made your wishes perfectly clear. if she cannot abide by that then ask for a new roomie.
Good luck!

...Good luck!

 

[rumpleteazer]

Originally Posted by SolarityBengals

Yah I agree with you here. I'm 23 now but when I came to college...I mean underage drinking was everyhwere and not a big deal. I don't know about having huge parties at your place but nobody is going to know if she is drinking otherwise. I'm not into partying but did drink socially even under 21. It was never an issue. My roommates underage or not could care less.

Ok, I'm going to state like I did in other posts, I personally don't care! Most of my friends drank before 21, and I didn't care as long as they didn't drink and drive. I know someone who was killed by as drunk driver, which is why I will tell my roommate to call if she ever needs a ride home or doesn't feel safe. The state of Washington is cracking down, and I can get in trouble. I'm not ratting her out, I'm looking out for myself on that count.

 

[phenomsmom]

I think you got some really sound advice from everyone here. I hope everything works out for you. It sounds like your new roomate will be fine with not drinking in the apartment. Good Luck!!

 

[rumpleteazer]

Originally Posted by catlover19

Wow, American schools are strict. I really have no opinion on this because here legal drinking age is 19 so most people who go to college are already old enough to drink. I was only 18 my first year of college and I would drink and nobody seemed to care.

I forget sometimes that other people on here aren't always on this coast or in this country!

So you don't always hear the same news as us.

The reason they are cracking down is because of a school in the eastern half of the state called Washington State University (WSU, aka Wazzu). Several years ago, there was a huge party at a frat or something, and it spread out into the streets and turned into a full out riot. Cars and buildings were set on fire. A lot of people were hurt in fights, or attacked, I think one person may have died. The riot went on for days, the campus was totally wrecked, they said on the news. The fallout from this was that the whole country knew about it. The school's good name was ruined. People who graduated that year reported troubles getting jobs because employers, "Didn't want to hire party animals and rioters." Which was unfair cause not everyone at WSU took part in the party or the riot.

The fallout has been humongous, and yes, unfair. WSU is now known as the school to go to for hot parties. Western Washington University (WWU), Central Washington University (CWU, my school), Eastern Washington University (EWU), and University of Washington (UW), have made statements that they do not want to be the next "Wazzu," and have taken steps towards banning alcohol and parties in campus housing. Strict policies have been put in place, one strike you're out kinda thing. And they're working together with the police and have stepped up police forces in college towns, with the express purpose of cracking down on loud parties and under age drinking.

I hope that explains why WA state is so strict. It's not fair, especially to hard working WSU students, but that's the way it is, and why it is.


My reason for starting this thread was cause I'm not good at putting my foot down about stuff, and I'm worried she's going to hate me, and I needed a little back up! Which I got, plus some good ideas about laying down apartment rules and stuff. And for that I thank you! And for all the good lucks!

 

[fwan]

Weird, anything over 18 is an adult, and i find it ridiculus that youre making a big deal that she drinks at 20!

Silly laws,
Anyway not all 20 year old are bad!!

 

[squirtle]

I don't think there was any way to avoid the discussion of underage drinking in this thread... You have to remember that people aren't always going to agree, especially on a large forum. I actually like that you get a chance to see all points of view, especially on a topic like this, when a thread is posted here. If your new roommate gets upset with your email at least you will know where she is coming from

Did she give you any response yet?

 

[kaleetha]

Originally Posted by fwan

Weird, anything over 18 is an adult, and i find it ridiculus that youre making a big deal that she drinks at 20!

Silly laws,
Anyway not all 20 year old are bad!!

She's not.

Nor is she making a big deal over the fact that she's 20 and drinks.

In fact, she stated several times that she doesn't care if the gal drinks -- and said she'll offer a ride home if the roomie's too drunk to drive.

Here in American you can get ticketed if someone in your house is drinking... regardless if you provided the alcohol or not... you can be guilty by association.

She's not making a big deal out of anything, she just doesn't want to get a ticket. And I think that is fair.

She came asking for advice about how to deal with a roommate situation, not whether it's legal or right for her roommate to drink or not.

Good grief people!

 

[shengmei]

I would be more worried about financial aids and scholarships. The university can take them off if one of your roommate is found to be drinking underage.

I bet the day she turns 21 you will breath a huge sigh of relief!!!

 

[shengmei]

P.S. The police know that everytime they bring a drinking violation to the university's attention, it would be the end of the educational career for the student. They are usually extremely lenient, so if your roommate wants to drink she should be very quiet as not to arouse too much suspicion.


Better be safe than sorry, no?

 

[starryeyedtiger]

Good luck with everything.

 

[icklemiss21]

Originally Posted by shengmei

I would be more worried about financial aids and scholarships. The university can take them off if one of your roommate is found to be drinking underage.

Since when was it your responsibility to change the actions of someone else, IMO, the actions of someone the university places with you (and you have not chosen) should be up to that person and the university. They can take away scholarships from the underage person, but not the poster/roommate... and the poster would be able to argue this.

 

[crystal211]

I think what you did was right -- when I was in college, anyone aware of the situation is as guilty as the person doing it. If she got caught and in trouble, you could have some issues.

I had issues with my roommate in college, too...we were vague about the room rules at the beginning of the year...and apparently allowing your boyfriend to spend the night while the other roommate is there means you can get down and dirty with them and make the situation uncomfortable. Ugh. You're better now to get everything out in the open so she knows where you're coming from.

If she's got to drink THAT bad where she can't respect how her roommate feels, she's got issues, IMO. I understand it's her life...but you both have to share an apartment, which means you both should be comfortable living there.

 

[hopehacker]

Personally, I don't think the age gap between 20 and 25 is a big one. You're basically the same age, or at least in the same age brackett. However, if you feel you'll be judged by her underage drinking, then by all means see if you can request another room mate. It doesn't seem fair to me, that anyone would expect you to police her, nor does it seem fair that anyone would blame YOU if she decided to drink. In fact it seems unreasonable.

 

[shengmei]

Originally Posted by icklemiss21

Since when was it your responsibility to change the actions of someone else, IMO, the actions of someone the university places with you (and you have not chosen) should be up to that person and the university. They can take away scholarships from the underage person, but not the poster/roommate... and the poster would be able to argue this.

You are absolutely right, except that universities are EVIL and they want to take scholarships away for any darn stupid reason.

Why else do they raise tuition and fees by 12% every year?

 

[crystal211]

I've never seen anyone get anything taken away from them in school because of someone else's innapropriate behavior. If this girl wants to drink underage and the gets caught, SHE will get in trouble, not her 25 year old roommate.