New kitty from a breeder and :( kitty not working out

[ziggysmommy]

Hello, Six weeks ago I bought a Siamese kitty from a breeder in CA. I am so sad because the kitty is not working out. I am exasperated trying. She bites and scratches, climbs everything (screen, ect) but it's the biting I do not like. I've bought toys, played, given time outs. This is my fourth cat, and only biter. I had the loveliest kindest (truly) Siamese for 11 years. Until he died of cancer in December. I could not have asked for a better cat. I see now how truly blessed I was to have had him, although I always knew it. I loved him like he was my child. I waited nearly 5 months to get another. I had high hopes with this kitty and tried really hard. I finally wrote the breeder and my was she hostile. She told me I was "toxic" not liking a kitten.  I paid $765 for this kitty, and have recently had her fixed. What should I do?  It's so hard writing this. It's just not getting any better. 

 

[kkoerner]

Well she's a kitten....still learning and testing everything. If she is your only one, and you have the means to get another, having a playmate can help tremendously with the wild kitten behaviors. How old is she? You could consider adopting one near her age from a shelter. :-)

 

[ziggysmommy]

Thank you, but I cannot have two  cats. She is a week shy of 5 months.

 

[talkingpeanut]

It does sound as though she is a normal, energetic kitten. Perhaps you would be happier with an older cat? Would the breeder be willing to take her back?

I don't think that either of you have done anything wrong, but perhaps this isn't a good fit.

 

[boney girl dad]

Welcome to The Cat Site ziggysmommy. Sorry you're having behavioral troubles with your new kitty. If she was human, we would describe it as those terrible twos lol. I bet with patience and love that you will win her over. Being that young, everything is new to her and she has all that energy that the young have. Hope all improves for you both.

 

[skelekittycat]

If it helps, I recently got two boys. They were 8 weeks when we brought them home, and they've just turned 16 weeks old.

Pax is very chilled out and only bites when he's worked up and playing rough, but Orion is another story. He's very active, very pouncy and loves to climb absolutely everything. We thought the biting would be a problem, but we've persisted with him and he's actually biting less now.

Just encourage her to bite toys instead of you, and keep being firm. She'll learn eventually that loves are better than telling offs.

Persistance does win out, most of the time!

 

[ziggysmommy]

It's so hard. I have never had a cat like this, and I am just not bonding. I really wish I had never gotten her.

 

[ziggysmommy]

I had my Ziggy a seal point Siamese for 11.5 years. He never bit me, once. Not even when I had to feed him with syringes thru cancer.

 

[ziggysmommy]

It does sound as though she is a normal, energetic kitten. Perhaps you would be happier with an older cat? Would the breeder be willing to take her back?

I don't think that either of you have done anything wrong, but perhaps this isn't a good fit.

Thank you, I feel this is not a good fit either. The breeder has been just horrible. She told me out of no where, that I was toxic to the "kitten" and that there was no refunds. I never mentioned money. This has been a very disappointing experience. I do not think I would ever go to a breeder again. 

 

[sirentist]

Oh my gosh I can so relate to what you're going through! I had a similar experience with my cat, Isabel. I adopted her shortly after the death of my true-love kitty -- and good grief was I in for a surprise. I mean, I knew, intellectually, that no cat could ever be exactly like my perfect departed cat, but I can't tell you how many times I sat there crying and feeling like I had just made the biggest 20-year mistake in taking her home. In fact her very name, Isabel, comes from my early habit of calling her the "inadequate substitute," which got shortened to "I.S.," which turned into "Is" (pronounced "Izz"). Then when the vet came for her first check-up and asked what her name was, I was too embarrassed to admit I'd named her "Inadequate Substitute," so I said her name was "Is." The vet gave me a funny look and I thought fast and said "Uh, you know, like, Isabel." LOL! I realize this story doesn't show me in a very good light, but there you have it.

Anyhow, if you're not willing to go the route of actually rehoming her, then I do have a couple of odd suggestions of things you might try.

First -- make sure it's not about redirected aggression. Mostly this means making sure she doesn't have window views of other cats prowling around outside. My friend had a super bitey cat who always seemed ready for a fight and it turned out she was seeing other cats outside and having territorial reactions that she would then project onto her human. Removing her access to the windows made a big difference.

If that's not a factor, then maybe try this, if your kitty will tolerate it. It's going to sound weird, but it really did seem to help me and Isabel with our early bonding. I went all mom-cat on her. Meaning I would hold her down with my "paw" and use my nose as if it were a tongue to sort of roughly "wash" around her face and ears, in the same way I'd seen real mom-cats cleaning their rambunctious kittens. I would do a long play session beforehand with the laser light to tire her out, and then wait until she settled down from the excitement and took a nap. I actually only did it a few times all total, maybe five or six times? And it seemed to help.

Isabel was 6 months old when I got her, and it sounds like your kitty is much younger than that, so it might make a difference. Obviously, though, you shouldn't do this if it's going to result in your kitty tearing your face off! But it's worth a try if you can pull it off.

Also, for me and Is, things seemed to shift once I truly felt in my heart that no matter how imperfect the relationship was, I really was going to keep this rotten inadequate substitute cat and try to find ways to love her for her unique defective self. It took me quite a while to get there. Months, as I recall. Okay, fine, it might not have been until well into my second year of having her.

Honestly, in retrospect, I think most of the problem was with me. I was in such a state of shocked grief and I just wanted my "real" cat back, and poor Isabel just couldn't be anything other than her own self.

Over time -- it's been 11 years now -- things slowly changed and evolved. Isabel will never be the cuddly, sweet, perfect little companion that my previous cat was -- and oh how I miss falling asleep at night with that warm breathing weight of a cat alongside my chest, chin on my arm! -- but for real, now I can't imagine my life without her.

I wish you all the best in your journey with your little handful, there!

 

[ziggysmommy]

 
Oh my gosh I can so relate to what you're going through! I had a similar experience with my cat, Isabel. I adopted her shortly after the death of my true-love kitty -- and good grief was I in for a surprise. I mean, I knew, intellectually, that no cat could ever be exactly like my perfect departed cat, but I can't tell you how many times I sat there crying and feeling like I had just made the biggest 20-year mistake in taking her home. In fact her very name, Isabel, comes from my early habit of calling her the "inadequate substitute," which got shortened to "I.S.," which turned into "Is" (pronounced "Izz"). Then when the vet came for her first check-up and asked what her name was, I was too embarrassed to admit I'd named her "Inadequate Substitute," so I said her name was "Is." The vet gave me a funny look and I thought fast and said "Uh, you know, like, Isabel." LOL! I realize this story doesn't show me in a very good light, but there you have it.

Anyhow, if you're not willing to go the route of actually rehoming her, then I do have a couple of odd suggestions of things you might try.

First -- make sure it's not about redirected aggression. Mostly this means making sure she doesn't have window views of other cats prowling around outside. My friend had a super bitey cat who always seemed ready for a fight and it turned out she was seeing other cats outside and having territorial reactions that she would then project onto her human. Removing her access to the windows made a big difference.

If that's not a factor, then maybe try this, if your kitty will tolerate it. It's going to sound weird, but it really did seem to help me and Isabel with our early bonding. I went all mom-cat on her. Meaning I would hold her down with my "paw" and use my nose as if it were a tongue to sort of roughly "wash" around her face and ears, in the same way I'd seen real mom-cats cleaning their rambunctious kittens. I would do a long play session beforehand with the laser light to tire her out, and then wait until she settled down from the excitement and took a nap. I actually only did it a few times all total, maybe five or six times? And it seemed to help.

Isabel was 6 months old when I got her, and it sounds like your kitty is much younger than that, so it might make a difference. Obviously, though, you shouldn't do this if it's going to result in your kitty tearing your face off! But it's worth a try if you can pull it off.

Also, for me and Is, things seemed to shift once I truly felt in my heart that no matter how imperfect the relationship was, I really was going to keep this rotten inadequate substitute cat and try to find ways to love her for her unique defective self. It took me quite a while to get there. Months, as I recall. Okay, fine, it might not have been until well into my second year of having her.

Honestly, in retrospect, I think most of the problem was with me. I was in such a state of shocked grief and I just wanted my "real" cat back, and poor Isabel just couldn't be anything other than her own self.

Over time -- it's been 11 years now -- things slowly changed and evolved. Isabel will never be the cuddly, sweet, perfect little companion that my previous cat was -- and oh how I miss falling asleep at night with that warm breathing weight of a cat alongside my chest, chin on my arm! -- but for real, now I can't imagine my life without her.

I wish you all the best in your journey with your little handful, there!

I'm crying, really bad after reading this. "will never be the cuddly, sweet, perfect little companion that my previous cat was -- and oh how I miss falling asleep at night with that warm breathing weight of a cat alongside my chest, chin on my arm! " That was my Ziggy.

There are no other cats around here. 

I can't see this going on for two years, sigh. My Ziggy would talk to me, this kitty rarely, talks. I started out really wanting/trying to love her. From the first moment I saw/heard Ziggy it was love. And all it did was grow, grow so strong. I would have done anything to keep him alive. I put all of it aside when I got this kitty. But, she is so vacant, I know she cannot be Ziggy. That's not possible nor fair.  But, this is like having a cat, not a pet.  

Thank you so much for sharing this with me-Sirentist. I appreciate your sharing this, so much. 

 

[skelekittycat]

 
Oh my gosh I can so relate to what you're going through! I had a similar experience with my cat, Isabel. I adopted her shortly after the death of my true-love kitty -- and good grief was I in for a surprise. I mean, I knew, intellectually, that no cat could ever be exactly like my perfect departed cat, but I can't tell you how many times I sat there crying and feeling like I had just made the biggest 20-year mistake in taking her home. In fact her very name, Isabel, comes from my early habit of calling her the "inadequate substitute," which got shortened to "I.S.," which turned into "Is" (pronounced "Izz"). Then when the vet came for her first check-up and asked what her name was, I was too embarrassed to admit I'd named her "Inadequate Substitute," so I said her name was "Is." The vet gave me a funny look and I thought fast and said "Uh, you know, like, Isabel." LOL! I realize this story doesn't show me in a very good light, but there you have it.

Anyhow, if you're not willing to go the route of actually rehoming her, then I do have a couple of odd suggestions of things you might try.

First -- make sure it's not about redirected aggression. Mostly this means making sure she doesn't have window views of other cats prowling around outside. My friend had a super bitey cat who always seemed ready for a fight and it turned out she was seeing other cats outside and having territorial reactions that she would then project onto her human. Removing her access to the windows made a big difference.

If that's not a factor, then maybe try this, if your kitty will tolerate it. It's going to sound weird, but it really did seem to help me and Isabel with our early bonding. I went all mom-cat on her. Meaning I would hold her down with my "paw" and use my nose as if it were a tongue to sort of roughly "wash" around her face and ears, in the same way I'd seen real mom-cats cleaning their rambunctious kittens. I would do a long play session beforehand with the laser light to tire her out, and then wait until she settled down from the excitement and took a nap. I actually only did it a few times all total, maybe five or six times? And it seemed to help.

Isabel was 6 months old when I got her, and it sounds like your kitty is much younger than that, so it might make a difference. Obviously, though, you shouldn't do this if it's going to result in your kitty tearing your face off! But it's worth a try if you can pull it off.

Also, for me and Is, things seemed to shift once I truly felt in my heart that no matter how imperfect the relationship was, I really was going to keep this rotten inadequate substitute cat and try to find ways to love her for her unique defective self. It took me quite a while to get there. Months, as I recall. Okay, fine, it might not have been until well into my second year of having her.

Honestly, in retrospect, I think most of the problem was with me. I was in such a state of shocked grief and I just wanted my "real" cat back, and poor Isabel just couldn't be anything other than her own self.

Over time -- it's been 11 years now -- things slowly changed and evolved. Isabel will never be the cuddly, sweet, perfect little companion that my previous cat was -- and oh how I miss falling asleep at night with that warm breathing weight of a cat alongside my chest, chin on my arm! -- but for real, now I can't imagine my life without her.

I wish you all the best in your journey with your little handful, there!

Someone I know had her father buy her a cat after her beloved rabbit passed away. And boy, did she hate him at first.

I remember distinctly she would call my mum up, crying, every time he got himself stuck somewhere and telling my mum "I hate this cat he's nothing but trouble, he doesn't like me, he won't even come near me!" And my mum just told her to be patient with him.

Now, Romeo follows her everywhere, and she would do anything for him. He's not her rabbit, and he probably never will be, but the first time he hurt himself she actually cried through worry for him.

I think sometimes it does take a long time. But every cat has a little quirk somewhere in them and it's about finding that quirk and getting to know them. My uncle got a dog to replace his dog, same breed and gave him the same name. Not the same dog however, which has caused problems. And I left a cat at my parents house when I moved out. Sam will always be my number one boy, as much as he's never been a lap cat - because I've had him since he was 4 weeks old - and my two are definitely lap cats, but I love them all the same.

 

[keirarizu]

Im so sorry your going through this. When I brought home Bennie I worried Id made a mistake because the other cats were hissing and throwing a fit... Bennie was such a a real dream, he was affectionate, and loving, but if the other cats couldnt get along with him I was afraid that Id have to get rid of him

Thank god a week later and the three are fast friends. I know its not quite as stressful a situation as the one your in, but cat induced anxiety is rough.

You seem like your going through a cat version of post partum depression. Id suggest toughing it out, but if it really is too much try selling him/adopting him out to someone. Youll make some money back and your cat will be with someone who is better equipt to deal with his more.. Wild tendencies.

Regardless of what you end up deciding- but I wish you both the best.

 

[kittens mom]

 
Thank you, I feel this is not a good fit either. The breeder has been just horrible. She told me out of no where, that I was toxic to the "kitten" and that there was no refunds. I never mentioned money. This has been a very disappointing experience. I do not think I would ever go to a breeder again. 

You need to contact the breeder. Since the kitten is still young she can probably rehome it easily. And you might ask if she has some older cats that are not being used for breeding. Most good breeders stop at a fairly early age so it wouldn't be an old cat.  Any vet bills including spaying will likely stay on you but in consideration for a kitten she can probably resell she might just trade out for an older cat or even an older kitten.

Good breeders want their customers happy and their cats safe and loved.

 

[haleyds]

She just sounds like she isn't the right fit for you. My kitty is sort of aloof like your kitten is and it's something that I enjoy about a cat, of course she has since grown out of that awful biting stage. But my point is, everyone has their own taste for what they love in a cat. Not every cat is right for every person, and it's okay for her not to be the best fit for you. You need to find a big fat boy who's going to love you just like Ziggy did, and in time that cat will come into your life.
The best thing you can do is try and re-sell her, hopefully to someone with other Siamese because her personality type is best suited to play with other kitties who can put her in her place. You won't be out too much money that way, and you both can have a better life. Best wishes and I hope your heart is healed soon x

 

[catlogged]

"Thank you, I feel this is not a good fit either. The breeder has been just horrible. She told me out of no where, that I was toxic to the "kitten" and that there was no refunds. I never mentioned money. This has been a very disappointing experience. I do not think I would ever go to a breeder again." 

It sounds like you might have bought an inbred cat. I've had both inbred dogs and cats anonymously dumped on me(in the lot beside my house) over the years. No doubt, mostly by owners who could not manage them. The last was a whole litter(dumped by a back yard breeder?) of Siamese/Something(some looked totally Siamese). OMG! They were hyper aggressive. Two were constantly attacking my cats. Both of these were friendly to me but one would bite down to the bone if I wasn't quick enough to pull away. Needless to say, they aren't here anymore. After a couple of months I had had enough. I have never seen anything like it in a cat or a dog.

I'm sure a breeder will read this and take exception. Too bad, I've had to deal with this for decades. No one wants an aggressive animal and the county pound eventually ends up with them anyway. After they get dumped here, that's their next destination if they aren't normal.

Cut your losses. I'm sorry to say but you've been had. "No refunds"= something's very wrong. I would take her to small claims court simply due to the assinine attitude. 

 

[talkingpeanut]

"Thank you, I feel this is not a good fit either. The breeder has been just horrible. She told me out of no where, that I was toxic to the "kitten" and that there was no refunds. I never mentioned money. This has been a very disappointing experience. I do not think I would ever go to a breeder again." 


 
It sounds like you might have bought an inbred cat. I've had both inbred dogs and cats anonymously dumped on me(in the lot beside my house) over the years. No doubt, mostly by owners who could not manage them. The last was a whole litter(dumped by a back yard breeder?) of Siamese/Something(some looked totally Siamese). OMG! They were hyper aggressive. Two were constantly attacking my cats. Both of these were friendly to me but one would bite down to the bone if I wasn't quick enough to pull away. Needless to say, they aren't here anymore. After a couple of months I had had enough. I have never seen anything like it in a cat or a dog.
 
I'm sure a breeder will read this and take exception. Too bad, I've had to deal with this for decades. No one wants an aggressive animal and the county pound eventually ends up with them anyway. After they get dumped here, that's their next destination if they aren't normal.
 
Cut your losses. I'm sorry to say but you've been had. "No refunds"= something's very wrong. I would take her to small claims court simply due to the assinine attitude. 

I feel this is a bit extreme in this case. The kitten sounds normal, though she is perhaps more rambunctious than what ziggysmommy was looking for. I feel sure she could be rehomed. There is no need to involve a pound. This cat hasn't done anything wrong by not being Ziggy.

 

[kittens mom]

I feel this is a bit extreme in this case. The kitten sounds normal, though she is perhaps more rambunctious than what OP was looking for. I feel sure she could be rehomed. There is no need to involve a pound. This cat hasn't done anything wrong by not being Ziggy.

Almost no breeder offers a refund. Responsible breeders will often offer another cat although you will eat the difference between one you select and what they can sell the other kitten for.

While there are some telltale signs of inbreeding it's impossible in most cases unless you have the pedigree to be certain. This is a small tiny life that is doing nothing but being a rambunctious kitten. I totally agree with Talkingpeanut. This baby should likely go back to the breeder or since ziggysmommy purchased her take the time to make sure she is properly rehomed not dumped at a shelter.

 

[lovexrin]

It's unfortunate you're having do many problems with your kitty... and wow, how unprofessional of your breeder to be so rude.

I don't think I saw this mentioned here, so I'll add my own insight on biting based off my experience.

...ever seen Snow Dogs? The lead dog was mean and aggressive. So the musher bit his ear like people had told him to do. The dog then obeyed.

Many years later when I raised my first kitten, I actually tried this out when she bit me the first time. (Now I'm not saying chomp down on the ear. I just nipped it gently to teach her, hey, this hurts!) Shes 6 years old and has never bitten a second time.

Second kitten took a few times. He was a little devil for awhile.

Kittens three through five, a litter, took a few times to learn but I had them from newborns (didn't start until they were bigger! I wouldn't nip a wee baby) and once they were a few months old they dropped the biting habit too.