New kitten regret

[Rayhuck]

I’m having a hard time and just looking for hope I guess. I have an 8 year old female (Evie), who is very sweet and affectionate and gets very sad when not getting enough attention. I contemplated getting her a friend her whole life and finally committed last week, though a new kitten was probably more for me than her at this point. We picked up a 3mo old boy (Finn) on Tuesday, and it has been horrible.
He has very bad separation anxiety having come from a house full of cats and dogs. He never stops crying. The only thing that makes him happy is Evie, but she is not a fan of him (yet, I hope). I have followed all the room separation/scent swapping etc and Jackson Galaxy guides, but Finn cries and scratches the door endlessly. He escapes and makes a b-line for Evie. She hisses at him but fortunately doesn’t attack just leaves the room. There has been no improvements or curiosity from Evie. She won’t even eat on the other side of his door. So Finn just cries and cries because he wants a feline friend. He is very cute and sociable and just wants cuddles. It makes it hard to keep giving Evie extra attention because I just be with Finn so he’ll stop crying. I have barely slept all week. I am just having major regrets. Evie was not like this at all at a kitten and happily settled in on the first night. She was happy enough I feel like I have ruined all of our lives including Finn’s who is not getting the companionship he needs. I know I just need to be patient but I am already considering re-homing him which i feel so guilty. Evie is not eating as much where she usually has a massive appetite. Finn is not very good at grooming himself and stinks. Please tell me it will get better. At what point do I give up.

 

[thefiresidecat]

It's only been 3 days it will get better the timeline for going as far as you have is way further out than 3 days. That should barely even know the other exists at this point. Get a stuffed animal with a heart beat for your baby and if you can get a towel or something with momma smells it will help him getting a second kitten would also actually help. It may seem bad now but it will improve. Feliway spray is also good give older kitty lots of treats. She is gonna be stressed it's part of the introduction. Also make sure baby is fully vaccinated tested fiv felv. It's gonna be fine. That older cat is reacting mildly after 3 days is actually miraculous and very positive

 

[FeebysOwner]

I agree. This is such a very short time to expect Evie to have adapted to Finn. You will likely have to juggle your time between the two and be tired for a while longer. Maybe there are some tips in this TCS artcle.
How To Introduce A Kitten To An Older Cat - TheCatSite

 

[Alldara]

Young male cats often groom less than female. You can teach them to groom themselves by using a warm damp cloth and placing it over one finger and stroking him with that finger, or using a damp toothbrush.

Admittedly, you may have a bit of trouble as you got one kitten instead of two (the energy difference may be quite vast for many years), but you won't know until he's older.

You could also try getting him a heartbeat toy or giving him one of those microwave heating pads.

But yes. VERY early days for you.

 

[BellaBlue82]

I agree with the above posts, it takes much time for two cats to integrate. We're three weeks in with our new 2 yr old Julian, and yesterday was the first day Sadie our 6yo girl was the one that initiated play.
Don't be discouraged, transitions can make us feel nervous for both existing and new pets. Each pet is different like humans, we sometimes have to sit back and let the kitties adapt to each other's personality.
Also keep in mind he's only a few months, cats usually don't settle into their adult personality until about 2-3 years old.
Keep your head up! Good luck with the kitties.

 

[Rayhuck]

Thanks all. Evie is now completely ignoring Finn’s existence, hiding, not eating, and has thrown up a couple times. Now that it’s effecting her health I feel even worse

 

[thefiresidecat]

Thanks all. Evie is now completely ignoring Finn’s existence, hiding, not eating, and has thrown up a couple times. Now that it’s effecting her health I feel even worse

Do you have some feliway? You can also ask your vet if you can get some gabapentin for your older cat to ease her stress til she is used to baby. You have gone way too fast here and that will stress them. Pull back on the introductions. Keep the kitten in the spare room a bit longer.older cat needs to adjust to the new smells. Time is needed for that

 

[Rayhuck]

Do you have some feliway? You can also ask your vet if you can get some gabapentin for your older cat to ease her stress til she is used to baby. You have gone way too fast here and that will stress them. Pull back on the introductions. Keep the kitten in the spare room a bit longer.older cat needs to adjust to the new smells. Time is needed for that

Yes I have Feliway. Evie has only seen the kitten a couple times by accident when he’s escaped, they’re not spending any time together. I can’t keep the kitten in the room though as he’s scratched the door so much he made his paws bleed so I have him out with me when Evie is asleep in another room

 

[Rayhuck]

Yes I have Feliway. Evie has only seen the kitten a couple times by accident when he’s escaped, they’re not spending any time together. I can’t keep the kitten in the room though as he’s scratched the door so much he made his paws bleed so I have him out with me when Evie is asleep in another room

Can’t keep him in all the time that is, he still spends the night in there but he’s out a few hours during the day

 

[thefiresidecat]

Can’t keep him in all the time that is, he still spends the night in there but he’s out a few hours during the day

wow yeah I can see how that would be very difficult to deal with. the scratching at the door til he bleeds. I'd call the vet and ask if you can get a small dose of gabapentin for your adult cat. and describe the situation including the bit about scratching at the door that desperately.

 

[Kwik]

Hi R Rayhuck
Nice to meet you,I'm sorry you're having such regrets and we are always concerned about keeping the wonderful family dynamic we have when introducing a new kitty.... it will always change but if "we"are constant things usually go back to pretty much how they were,between you and your long time companion
I am in complete agreement with everyone here except I might add that if you are really considering re-homing this kitten then now is the time to do it-may I ask why the people that had Finn gave him up,do they have Mama cat and he was one of her litter?He's just a little baby and he needs a forever home,if you really don't want him please let him go now before he familiarizes....
Your question was"Will it get better"?Of course it will and another little baby would make it even easier as someone did suggest (maybe one of his litter mates?)BUT still its not going to happen overnight & you must be willing to go through all the phases of settling in,the nights losing sleep,dividing your attention and supervising interactions-not out of "guilt" but because you love the little fellow...
I'm not giving my 2cents to discourage you ,be encouraged if you want it to work because it can.... just do what is best for Finn and for you I'm praying for you

 

[Rayhuck]

Th

Hi R Rayhuck
Nice to meet you,I'm sorry you're having such regrets and we are always concerned about keeping the wonderful family dynamic we have when introducing a new kitty.... it will always change but if "we"are constant things usually go back to pretty much how they were,between you and your long time companion
I am in complete agreement with everyone here except I might add that if you are really considering re-homing this kitten then now is the time to do it-may I ask why the people that had Finn gave him up,do they have Mama cat and he was one of her litter?He's just a little baby and he needs a forever home,if you really don't want him please let him go now before he familiarizes....
Your question was"Will it get better"?Of course it will and another little baby would make it even easier as someone did suggest (maybe one of his litter mates?)BUT still its not going to happen overnight & you must be willing to go through all the phases of settling in,the nights losing sleep,dividing your attention and supervising interactions-not out of "guilt" but because you love the little fellow...
I'm not giving my 2cents to discourage you ,be encouraged if you want it to work because it can.... just do what is best for Finn and for you I'm praying for you

Thank you for your kind words. He is from a litter yes so all of his litter mates are gone too. I of course want it to work and know I just need more time for everyone to settle. But I wasn’t expecting it to be so hard and that everything bad that could happen would. Evie was such an easy kitten. I basically have a newborn baby how much he cries, i feel like I have a puppy how much poop he gets on himself and the floor, and Evie is not eating properly and vomiting now so I feel even more guilty for making her sick. I took him for a play date with a friends new kitten today and she didn’t want a bar of him either which breaks my heart and makes me worried if I rehomed him he still wouldn’t get what he needs.

 

[Alldara]

Your heart was in the right place but unfortunately cats don't really do playdates.

They play with trusted friends, which is why kittens usually need another kitten.

You're the only one who you'll really know if he's provided for in the way YOU would like. So it comes down to your decision in the end. It's a very difficult decision, but you are supported here.

Thank you for your kind words. He is from a litter yes so all of his litter mates are gone too. I of course want it to work and know I just need more time for everyone to settle. But I wasn’t expecting it to be so hard and that everything bad that could happen would. Evie was such an easy kitten. I basically have a newborn baby how much he cries, i feel like I have a puppy how much poop he gets on himself and the floor, and Evie is not eating properly and vomiting now so I feel even more guilty for making her sick. I took him for a play date with a friends new kitten today and she didn’t want a bar of him either which breaks my heart and makes me worried if I rehomed him he still wouldn’t get what he needs.

 

[Kwik]

R Rayhuck
You know it just might be coincidence that Evie is feeling under the weather,is it possible shd ate some of babies food & it upset her stomach or that she got into something(eg: plant )? Or is she so terribly stressed?If indeed she is that stressed then reel it back to square one with separation,not Evie of course but Finn.....it's okay to take steps back and often enough it's 5 steps forward,3 back & forward again..... some cats are much slower at accepting a new resident than others.And as you see,some kittens are very very needy while others seem to do very well themselves.....sounds like you are very worried about Evie,take her in to your Vet to be sure she's okay and perhaps he'll even prescribed a little something to relieve her anxiety
Alldara & others suggested a heartbeat plushy for kittens,they work well as do wind up tic tickets clock's and there's tons of cat music and sounds for kittens with separation anxiety,10,12,15 hrs uninterrupted.... try em all.
My little Sami (Bengal) was very ill as a teeny little baby so he was separated from all my cats for some time,I spent oodles of time with him ( worried he wasn't going to survive)& as a result of it I am the one he imprinted with,his first choice,it's not a bad thing-I kinda like it...
Where does Evie sleep?Can baby sleep with you or does Evie?I'm a doting pet parent with little ones as we all know it doesn't last long before they have better things to do,lol
It can work,you say you want it to work so then don't look back at what could been or how it used to be....it's all up to you so if you're going to commit your life to this baby then that's it- no regrets!
My Bella screamed morning,noon & night after her little sister was adopted & she wasnt,they were brought in to my Vet wrapped around each other tightly,any time was was picked up the other would scream-,so sad....everyone thought Bella was "funny looking" & they named her Eleanor... I told my Vet if they're not adopted together I'll take the one no one wants( I liked little Eleanor,the darker one).....
The last trip to the Vet for my boy Cheech(18yr old Hemingway ) was a day that was a blur but some little ball of fur came running into my arms as I was leaving with an empty carrier,hysterical crying...... they said it was the first time she stopped screaming in a week.... I renamed her"Bella" so she'd grow into her name!
Bella is still needy but she's my cuddle bum..... let Finn be your cuddle bum,Evie will be be okay and Finn with be fine with you as his playmate for now....love and patience my friend
Here's Bella-Finn is missing his siblings,soon to be forgotten

And then Bella now

 

[Rayhuck]

R Rayhuck
You know it just might be coincidence that Evie is feeling under the weather,is it possible shd ate some of babies food & it upset her stomach or that she got into something(eg: plant )? Or is she so terribly stressed?If indeed she is that stressed then reel it back to square one with separation,not Evie of course but Finn.....it's okay to take steps back and often enough it's 5 steps forward,3 back & forward again..... some cats are much slower at accepting a new resident than others.And as you see,some kittens are very very needy while others seem to do very well themselves.....sounds like you are very worried about Evie,take her in to your Vet to be sure she's okay and perhaps he'll even prescribed a little something to relieve her anxiety
Alldara & others suggested a heartbeat plushy for kittens,they work well as do wind up tic tickets clock's and there's tons of cat music and sounds for kittens with separation anxiety,10,12,15 hrs uninterrupted.... try em all.
My little Sami (Bengal) was very ill as a teeny little baby so he was separated from all my cats for some time,I spent oodles of time with him ( worried he wasn't going to survive)& as a result of it I am the one he imprinted with,his first choice,it's not a bad thing-I kinda like it...
Where does Evie sleep?Can baby sleep with you or does Evie?I'm a doting pet parent with little ones as we all know it doesn't last long before they have better things to do,lol
It can work,you say you want it to work so then don't look back at what could been or how it used to be....it's all up to you so if you're going to commit your life to this baby then that's it- no regrets!
My Bella screamed morning,noon & night after her little sister was adopted & she wasnt,they were brought in to my Vet wrapped around each other tightly,any time was was picked up the other would scream-,so sad....everyone thought Bella was "funny looking" & they named her Eleanor... I told my Vet if they're not adopted together I'll take the one no one wants( I liked little Eleanor,the darker one).....
The last trip to the Vet for my boy Cheech(18yr old Hemingway ) was a day that was a blur but some little ball of fur came running into my arms as I was leaving with an empty carrier,hysterical crying...... they said it was the first time she stopped screaming in a week.... I renamed her"Bella" so she'd grow into her name!
Bella is still needy but she's my cuddle bum..... let Finn be your cuddle bum,Evie will be be okay and Finn with be fine with you as his playmate for now....love and patience my friend
Here's Bella-Finn is missing his siblings,soon to be forgottenView attachment 452110

And then Bella now

Bella’s crying face looks just like Finn’s! I am certain when he grows up he is going to be such a sweetheart. I mean he is now but hopefully a less screaming one. Evie sleeps with me at night so no room for Finn yet sadly. I usually bring him in bed in the morning after Evie leaves. We are going to the vet today. They both have diarrhoea now so maybe Finn could have brought something in. I am definitely going to get a heartbeat toy and have been playing YouTube videos for Finn. I’m glad Bella mellowed out that gives me hope! Thank you so much for your help and encouragement. I just want everyone to be happy even if they never get along as long as they can co exist.

 

[thefiresidecat]

Th

Thank you for your kind words. He is from a litter yes so all of his litter mates are gone too. I of course want it to work and know I just need more time for everyone to settle. But I wasn’t expecting it to be so hard and that everything bad that could happen would. Evie was such an easy kitten. I basically have a newborn baby how much he cries, i feel like I have a puppy how much poop he gets on himself and the floor, and Evie is not eating properly and vomiting now so I feel even more guilty for making her sick. I took him for a play date with a friends new kitten today and she didn’t want a bar of him either which breaks my heart and makes me worried if I rehomed him he still wouldn’t get what he needs.

you are stressing the kitten out more by taking him out of your house. cats aren't like dogs. a play date is a bad thing. keep the kitten at home reduce stress as much as possible. how old is this baby? even kittens take a day or two to get used to each other and new smells. some of the things you are saying have me concerned that you have a kitten that is way too young to be taken away from momma.
has he been to the vet and cleared of diseases? how is he on his vaccinations? the move, going away from other known housemates momma, new cats new house and then MORE new cats and more new surroundings is extraordinarily stressful on baby cat. (and adult cat. try and keep him as calm as possible and let him get used to the new smells.

he isn't litter trained yet? is he having loose stools?

there are a lot of diseases a cat can have that can be passed on to other cats. you need the quaranteen period to make sure those diseases aren't passed on to either cat. your older cat can have things that don't affect her but will effect baby and the baby can have things that will affect the new cat.

I see that you're going to the vet soon. that's good. hang in there. kittens are a lot to process. i'm going thru it with two kittens and two cats. we're at 12 days and still haven't introduced them yet because of quaranteens and vaccinations. one of our older cats has feline herpes and the final vaccination will protect them against that. my husband is sleeping in the kitten room with the babies and i'm upstairs with the adults. lol.

 

[thefiresidecat]

R Rayhuck
You know it just might be coincidence that Evie is feeling under the weather,is it possible shd ate some of babies food & it upset her stomach or that she got into something(eg: plant )? Or is she so terribly stressed?If indeed she is that stressed then reel it back to square one with separation,not Evie of course but Finn.....it's okay to take steps back and often enough it's 5 steps forward,3 back & forward again..... some cats are much slower at accepting a new resident than others.And as you see,some kittens are very very needy while others seem to do very well themselves.....sounds like you are very worried about Evie,take her in to your Vet to be sure she's okay and perhaps he'll even prescribed a little something to relieve her anxiety
Alldara & others suggested a heartbeat plushy for kittens,they work well as do wind up tic tickets clock's and there's tons of cat music and sounds for kittens with separation anxiety,10,12,15 hrs uninterrupted.... try em all.
My little Sami (Bengal) was very ill as a teeny little baby so he was separated from all my cats for some time,I spent oodles of time with him ( worried he wasn't going to survive)& as a result of it I am the one he imprinted with,his first choice,it's not a bad thing-I kinda like it...
Where does Evie sleep?Can baby sleep with you or does Evie?I'm a doting pet parent with little ones as we all know it doesn't last long before they have better things to do,lol
It can work,you say you want it to work so then don't look back at what could been or how it used to be....it's all up to you so if you're going to commit your life to this baby then that's it- no regrets!
My Bella screamed morning,noon & night after her little sister was adopted & she wasnt,they were brought in to my Vet wrapped around each other tightly,any time was was picked up the other would scream-,so sad....everyone thought Bella was "funny looking" & they named her Eleanor... I told my Vet if they're not adopted together I'll take the one no one wants( I liked little Eleanor,the darker one).....
The last trip to the Vet for my boy Cheech(18yr old Hemingway ) was a day that was a blur but some little ball of fur came running into my arms as I was leaving with an empty carrier,hysterical crying...... they said it was the first time she stopped screaming in a week.... I renamed her"Bella" so she'd grow into her name!
Bella is still needy but she's my cuddle bum..... let Finn be your cuddle bum,Evie will be be okay and Finn with be fine with you as his playmate for now....love and patience my friend
Here's Bella-Finn is missing his siblings,soon to be forgottenView attachment 452110

And then Bella now

an adorable kitten but just for the sake of future fyi. scruffing a kitten beyond very very tiny kittens is not the way to go. Is It OK to Pick My Cat Up by the Scruff? - Vetstreet it makes them anxious and can hurt them. it's always better to pick them up in a supportive fashion like you would a bigger cat

 

[Rayhuck]

you are stressing the kitten out more by taking him out of your house. cats aren't like dogs. a play date is a bad thing. keep the kitten at home reduce stress as much as possible. how old is this baby? even kittens take a day or two to get used to each other and new smells. some of the things you are saying have me concerned that you have a kitten that is way too young to be taken away from momma.
has he been to the vet and cleared of diseases? how is he on his vaccinations? the move, going away from other known housemates momma, new cats new house and then MORE new cats and more new surroundings is extraordinarily stressful on baby cat. (and adult cat. try and keep him as calm as possible and let him get used to the new smells.

he isn't litter trained yet? is he having loose stools?

there are a lot of diseases a cat can have that can be passed on to other cats. you need the quaranteen period to make sure those diseases aren't passed on to either cat. your older cat can have things that don't affect her but will effect baby and the baby can have things that will affect the new cat.

I see that you're going to the vet soon. that's good. hang in there. kittens are a lot to process. i'm going thru it with two kittens and two cats. we're at 12 days and still haven't introduced them yet because of quaranteens and vaccinations. one of our older cats has feline herpes and the final vaccination will protect them against that. my husband is sleeping in the kitten room with the babies and i'm upstairs with the adults. lol.

He is 13 weeks old. Had all his vet work and was cleared a week before I got him. I do think he wasn’t ready to leave home though. He’s litter trained but keeps stepping in his poop/dragging tail through it on the way out of the box. Loose stool. He’s very social he actually really enjoyed the outing and last night was the quietest he’s been since I’ve had him.

 

[thefiresidecat]

He is 13 weeks old. Had all his vet work and was cleared a week before I got him. I do think he wasn’t ready to leave home though. He’s litter trained but keeps stepping in his poop/dragging tail through it on the way out of the box. Loose stool. He’s very social he actually really enjoyed the outing and last night was the quietest he’s been since I’ve had him.

i'm going thru the loose stool thing too with my kitten. it's an anxiety thing mostly (if they've been cleared of parasites and what not) . the quietest he's been doesn't mean he's happy. it could also mean he's so overwhelmed that he's shutting down a bit. cats arent' like humans or puppys and they have odd ways of showing their stress. (or rather not showing it)

 

[Kwik]

an adorable kitten but just for the sake of future fyi. scruffing a kitten beyond very very tiny kittens is not the way to go. Is It OK to Pick My Cat Up by the Scruff? - Vetstreet it makes them anxious and can hurt them. it's always better to pick them up in a supportive fashion like you would a bigger cat

If you're referencing little Bella screaming photo she was not being ' scruffed' She was actually cupped under her little bottom by me as the Veterinarian assistant "scruffed" her little neck " ( her hand) so she'd let go of me to put her in my empty carrier after I just lost my boy...... things aren't always what they seem to be,unbeknownst to me the staff had been trying to get the poor little thing back in her cage-she got loose into the waiting room from her cage and one of the gal's took a photo when she sprung onto me ...I had no clue what was happening except a small kitten wrapped her arms around my neck-I said' do you want to come home with me?"And that's how Bella wound up finding her forever home....