- Joined
- Apr 25, 2016
- Messages
- 53
- Purraise
- 20
So I have an issue I would love some advice on if you guys don't mind. I'm currently struggling with what the right thing to do is and and if there even is a "right" thing, maybe it all just comes down to preference and how you're feeling.
*Also if this is the wrong thread please let me know, I wasn't sure where this question would fit in as it does deal with grief but also general cat advice*
So I lost my baby of 12 years to cancer in late July this year. I still think about him every day, and always at night before bed. I still cry sometimes, I remember for the first 2 months after I cried every single day. It hit me extremely hard as he was my best friend and he had been with me since I was a kid - we went through college together, my first apartment, my first airplane ride, me getting married, my first house... he was truly my best friend. Tearing up while typing this now, also if I happen upon a picture of him I start to bawl... so I still miss him terribly.
To my surprise, I happened upon a kitten that needed a home just a week after putting my baby to sleep. He looked exactly like my baby, and while dealing with immense grief, I thought that maybe this would be a good coping mechanism for me. I'd never been without a cat before, I've had them around my entire life, and life felt pretty empty with just a dog. I knew I wanted a new kitty but I wasn't sure on questions like, when is it the right time? When do you know? Is it insulting to my baby's memory to get a kitten so quickly after? But I decided to adopt him and it felt great.
So my dilemma now is that this kitten isn't necessarily working out for me? I've had him for 5 months now and there's not really a connection. Sometimes the whole look-alike thing backfires and it just makes me hurt, really, really badly. It's like seeing my baby again but not really... especially when he acts out or knocks things over, y'know typical kitten things that are going to happen, because my baby would never act like that. I was thinking, in getting a kitten (and I know everything won't be the exact same of course), that I could train him and raise him up to be just like my baby, and I'm sure that can still happen, but the whole energy in the house has changed and I'd just like it to be quiet again. In having an older cat, they have their 'routines', they love to sleep and sometimes cuddle, there's no worrying about them tearing things up or knocking plants over, they know your routine... we adopted an older dog instead of a puppy for this same reason. My husband is also very stressed dealing with the kitten during the day since he works from home, we like our quiet, lazy, cozy house.
So I'm not saying he's a terrible kitten (well sometimes ), but I just wish I had a lazy best friend again. My baby would always calm me down whenever I was around him, it was extremely therapeutic, and I don't have that anymore. So does anyone have advice for me? Been through a somewhat similar situation? I'm thinking there isn't a right or wrong here, it's just preference, but I still feel baeven thinking about rehoming our kitten and you could also get an older cat that isn't a good fit either, so I'm looking for guidance. I also feel like there should have been a connection so far and there's not much, then again I went through what I'm going to call the worst time of my life, so that very well could have left me pretty numb or scared of forming such a strong connection again.
*Also if this is the wrong thread please let me know, I wasn't sure where this question would fit in as it does deal with grief but also general cat advice*
So I lost my baby of 12 years to cancer in late July this year. I still think about him every day, and always at night before bed. I still cry sometimes, I remember for the first 2 months after I cried every single day. It hit me extremely hard as he was my best friend and he had been with me since I was a kid - we went through college together, my first apartment, my first airplane ride, me getting married, my first house... he was truly my best friend. Tearing up while typing this now, also if I happen upon a picture of him I start to bawl... so I still miss him terribly.
To my surprise, I happened upon a kitten that needed a home just a week after putting my baby to sleep. He looked exactly like my baby, and while dealing with immense grief, I thought that maybe this would be a good coping mechanism for me. I'd never been without a cat before, I've had them around my entire life, and life felt pretty empty with just a dog. I knew I wanted a new kitty but I wasn't sure on questions like, when is it the right time? When do you know? Is it insulting to my baby's memory to get a kitten so quickly after? But I decided to adopt him and it felt great.
So my dilemma now is that this kitten isn't necessarily working out for me? I've had him for 5 months now and there's not really a connection. Sometimes the whole look-alike thing backfires and it just makes me hurt, really, really badly. It's like seeing my baby again but not really... especially when he acts out or knocks things over, y'know typical kitten things that are going to happen, because my baby would never act like that. I was thinking, in getting a kitten (and I know everything won't be the exact same of course), that I could train him and raise him up to be just like my baby, and I'm sure that can still happen, but the whole energy in the house has changed and I'd just like it to be quiet again. In having an older cat, they have their 'routines', they love to sleep and sometimes cuddle, there's no worrying about them tearing things up or knocking plants over, they know your routine... we adopted an older dog instead of a puppy for this same reason. My husband is also very stressed dealing with the kitten during the day since he works from home, we like our quiet, lazy, cozy house.
So I'm not saying he's a terrible kitten (well sometimes ), but I just wish I had a lazy best friend again. My baby would always calm me down whenever I was around him, it was extremely therapeutic, and I don't have that anymore. So does anyone have advice for me? Been through a somewhat similar situation? I'm thinking there isn't a right or wrong here, it's just preference, but I still feel baeven thinking about rehoming our kitten and you could also get an older cat that isn't a good fit either, so I'm looking for guidance. I also feel like there should have been a connection so far and there's not much, then again I went through what I'm going to call the worst time of my life, so that very well could have left me pretty numb or scared of forming such a strong connection again.