New here. Socializing a feral and introducing to indoor cat. How to mitigate hostilities.

[MoochNNoodles]

I have used a calming collar on Noodles when she was over-grooming.  It helped some; but the scent was pretty noticeable. I could tell when she walked up without seeing her.  It was pleasant to me; but not to her.  She ended up trying to groom it off so I just left it near where she liked to sleep.  My concern would be putting one on an outdoor cat.  The one we had was made like a flea collar; so it wasn't a break-away like a safety collar. 

 

[bless my cats]

Hello Calico and For Nana. I am terribly sad tonight. FC was waiting at my door. I fed him with RC on the inside of the door. He did spend some time on my lap, purring and rubbing against me. When RC came out, he hissed. But I repeated the play routine, string (laundry cord) in one hand, a cat dancer toy in the other. They both played and both kept an eye on each other. There are two apartments across the hall. Too many disruptive sounds came from one. My RC was clearly disturbed by the sounds. Not in my control. My neighbor in the other apartment came out to see FC. They have been getting acquainted. FC went into the neighbor's apartment and made himself comfortable on the bed. We had to politely put him back in the hall. RC tried to sniff his rear and FC hissed. At one point they approached each other and sniffed. Then RC backed away. When FC got frustrated, he chased RC into my apartment, hissed, and asked me to let him go back outside. I think the moodiness is directly related to his desire to come inside. He wants to come in and be welcomed. I was thinking of using the collar on my RC. She is the more high strung. It's funny and sad that she tries to sniff his rear and shows off for him when we play. These two would be great friends if FC would forgive her. A question. Theoretically, neutered males don't show hostility to females. Not always true. Years ago, my Alpha male hissed at the female that joined our tribe. Peaceful coexistence occurred when I showed her that I was Alpha and showed her the males were mine, not hers. Then we all literally became a happy family. One female plus three males with me as Alpha. FC doesn't want to let on, but RC has intimidated him. I have hissed when needed. Made little clicking noises to interrupt him when he hisses at her. The one thing I have thus far avoided is growling. Have used it in the past when it was needed to establish the hierarchy in my group or to break up serious hostilities. It is intense and honest, my growl. The last time I needed it was when my older street rescue cat was in his dying stages. My girl was reacting to the scent of his tumors and illness. She was clawing him in the region of the tumors. One day he snapped and the both started yowling. My cue to growl cease fire or I will kill you. The shock on her face spoke volumes. They stopped. And no more altercations. He went into crisis and met his gentle euthanasia after we had time to say goodbye. So my point here is that these two love me. What I need is for them to share me. Not something that can be explained with a growl. The growl is on reserve for breaking up hostilities. The look on RC's face when she saw FC in the apartment across the hall was one of complete astonishment. She clearly is interested in FC. The fact that they sniffed is good. And the reason I am sad is that the weather is turning. FC wants to come in. I had to leave him outside tonight. He interacted with some of the neighbors again. They petted him. He is mellowing. I have contacted a feral rescue group, just in case. Giving him up will break my heart. So that's where we are tonight.
I made sure to pet both of them and tell them I love them.

I plan to put the collar on RC for tomorrow's episode.

Headbonks. [emoji]128570[/emoji][emoji]128005[/emoji][emoji]128006[/emoji][emoji]128149[/emoji]

 

[calicosrspecial]

Hang in there, it is always hard and heartbreaking at times but all we can do is our best. It does take time, many times it is a step or two forward and a step back. But I think you are doing a very good job.

Positives:  

FC ate with RC on the other side of the door

FC spent time on lap, rubbing and purring. 

Played together

FC went into neighbors apartment and got comfy on bed

They sniffed each other

Negatives:

FC hissed when RC came out (but not uncommon and since it didn't go further than that it isn't that big a deal)

RC backed away (slowly? or more quickly?) and FC chased into apartment (maybe RC acted like prey?)

Overall I think it wasn't so bad. Usually I see the resident cat being more defensive etc when another cat enters their territory. This is different. I don't think RC is really the problem based on what I read in your last post. FC is feeling a bit insecure, doesn't know if RC will hurt him. What did RC do to intimidate him (FC) before?

I too have seen some neutered males show hostility to females. I have found they usually lack confidence but I have also seen it when a female was entering a home of the male so it was territorially driven.

Is RC acting like prey at all?

I am guessing FC is lacking a bit of confidence and still doesn't feel totally secure. Therefore the chasing. "I'll chase her before she can chase me". Keep up the play. After play feed. Keep up the love. Interesting that FC was confident to go into another person's home and make himself comfortable. So I think it is resident. So getting them together with no negative experiences should help. If they start staring etc then try to distract with food, play, anything. I think FC has a different impression than what RC really is. Just have to have him get comfortable using food, play, etc. It sadly does take time. But try to make sure every interaction is as positive as possible. If they are together and ignoring each other it is great.

I think there are a lot of positives. Cats are a lot more resilient than people think. I have ferals, some spend time in the homes I provide others go elsewhere (I have no idea where). But they do well.

Also, how are your emotions when you are with them? Are you anxious at times about how they will interact? Are you calm and confident? I truly believe cats take on our energy so please try to stay as calm and confident as possible (I know it is easier said than done). FC may have sensed you are more sad and he could be taking that energy on.

The fact he is letting the neighbors pet him etc is great. Make sure you really investigate the feral rescue. Given your attachment it might be best to have a neighbor have him if at all possible or you yourself in time. But I don't know how cold it will be by you. I would guess you have at least another month, no? I do think you may be closer than you think to bringing him in but it will take work. But I have a sense this can work. 

Have they ever fought?

 

[bless my cats]

Calico,
RC growled and evicted FC from the apartment the time he came in to explore. That was a while back. He was evicted by RC another time. He came in when RC was in the hall. She followed and threw him out. Am guessing that much of FC's hissing and growling is defensive and retaliatory.

RC approaches him to sniff his rear. That is not prey behavior.

Right now I think RC has not forgiven him for staking a claim on me. She smells him on me and it upsets her to varying degrees.

The feral rescue is an acquaintance of a friend. Will definitely take your advice.

FC is very sensitive. He wants to come in. Am concerned that he is feeling rejected when we put him back outside.
He grumbles to himself when he has had enough and goes to the door to request his exit.
Haven't given up yet. Just worried about him.
They have not fought thanks to my supervision. At this point, they cannot be left alone together.

RC can sense that I love FC differently than I love her. And as I said before, FC is jealous and insecure. That's what concerns me about keeping him outside when he clearly indicates he wants to come in. He meows a question sometimes when I escort him out. This is confusing him.


So we'll see how it goes tonight.

Thanks.
Headbonks.

P.S. When RC growls it is not defensive. She is giving a genuine warning. I think I mentioned that one time, when she smelled FC on my skirt, she started growling and biting it. I stopped her, of course.

She looks for him in the hallway even when he's not around. They have the potential to be great friends.

Food is only a partial motivator at this point. Have noticed that FC won't eat without me. It's a social activity for him. He wants to dine with me.

As I said, we have bonded slowly.

This is a tough one.

[emoji]128570[/emoji][emoji]128521[/emoji]

 

[calicosrspecial]

It sure does seem to me that FC is taking a proactive approach as he does fear RC given the previous incidents.

Does RC accept treats and love when you have FC's scent on you? Trying to associate his scent with good things.

If they are together and it starts getting a little intense do you try to distract with either food or play? Anytime they can be together without an incident it will be helpful to their relationship and getting along.

It is a tough one. I would keep on getting them to play and then feed. 

How cold is it getting at night for him?

 

[liz_patt65]

hi there, I've been reading this thread and wondered what the outcome was.