New here.. old cat, new behaviour

[jenaero]

So I've got 2 cats, ages 7 and 5, both were strays. One's a psycho, but I'm used to it so I'll post about his issues later. The older cat, a female, has been mellow yet attention loving since I've had her (got her when she was 2). She's fixed, though she had multiple litters of kittens before she lived with me. Not sure how much info is needed so I'll get right to the problem and hopefully we can sort it out. 

Her new behaviour is bothersome and worrying. My boyfriend just moved in a few months ago and I'm not sure if that would really effect her. If anything, they're both getting more attention now with two of us there. She follows him around ALL the time, demanding attention. He gives in a lot of times, but of course we have to set limits. The last month or so she's taken to clawing/meowing under the bedroom door at night. Our bedroom is the one cat-free zone in our apartment and we intend to keep it that way. It's full of snakes anyway. It's always been off limits even before he moved in so I'm confused. The clawing and crying becomes louder and more frantic if we ignore it. I've tried getting up, opening the door, petting her and saying goodnight and shooing her away. Maybe not the best idea.. but I feel bad telling them no or to go away. Fast forward to last night.. she came to the door 3 times or so. After not so politely shooing her away, I finally got out the spray bottle. About every ten minutes for almost an hour, every time she came crying/scratching at the door I opened fire. It eventually worked but I felt terrible. But really, we had to get some sleep right?

I grew up with cats and dogs and all kinds of animals, but these are MY first cats so there's still plenty I don't know. I tend to deal with issues as they surface. My concern is that she's unhappy for some reason or maybe she is trying to signal to me some kind of need that isn't being met?

Neither of the cats will be going anywhere, as they're totally my babies, but this is starting to get to me. 

Any insight is much appreciated!

 

[kkoerner]

I can't help too much... I don't really "set limits" in the attention department. They want some loving, they get it LOL. And my bedroom is not off limits.

However, since she was fine with it before, it does sound like it has to do with your boyfriend moving in. She may feel a bit pushed aside, even though you say she gets more attention with both of you there. Thing is, more attention because there is another person to give it, and more attention from YOU is not the same thing.

Try spending more time with her, just you and her. Tell her she isn't being replaced. You could also try a feliway plugin, or liquid composure to help calm her.

I'd definitely stop spraying her though. That will do nothing but confirm her worries and ruin your relationship. :-(

 

[jenaero]

Thanks for your reply

Like I said, I feel terrible for spraying either of them for any reason but sometimes they're so stubborn and they'll do things they know they shouldn't while looking right at me. 

I'll look into the products you mentioned. Are those brand names or? Another issue we're trying hard to break them of is scratching of the furniture. I've googled and tried pretty much everything and they still ruin all kinds of things. One issue at a time though I guess. 

The boyfriend definitely came in with rules that they never had before and I'm not sure if it'll get better or worse. He loves animals but also believes we deserve to own things that aren't ripped to shreds all the time. 

 

[kkoerner]

The Feliway diffuser can help with scratching things up too. Yes it is a brand. It is pheromones that help with stress-related behaviors. Another brand, Comfort Zone, includes Feliway. It is not immediate, and can take several weeks to show full effect. There is also a spray, made by comfort zone, that can be used directly on certain areas....like the couch, carriers, etc.

Liquid composure is not the brand, it is the product made by Vetri-Science.

Have you tried Sticky Paws tape on the furniture? What kind of scratching posts do you have-vertical/horizontal/material? And how many? I think I have about 10 scratching areas, in a 2 bedroom apartment and have 1 cat, and a new kitten. Most are cardboard, but that is just what mine prefer. I also have a cat tree with sisal posts... do you have a space that is just for the cats (like a cat tree). That definitely helps. It sounds like she isn't feeling too secure in her space with the new person and new rules all at once. It's kinda like kids...and a new step mom. It's not necessarily about breaking the rules, as much as it is about getting the "real" parent's attention...you are her momma afterall. Cats don't love change...but mixing things up, in more than one aspect of life, all at once is going to take some time to adjust. And will probably need help...using the diffuser and spending time with her.