New Cat Mean To Resident Cat

[kathyfrank]

I could really use some advice. I had a 17 yo cat who passed away a year ago. This left me with a boy cat who is now 8yo. Moe has inflammatory bowel and is on meds. Since he got along so well with the previous cat, I went to a shelter and adopted a female cat, spayed 7 years old. She was a stray, but found by a family and lived with parents/teens/cat/and a dog for 7 years. The family lost their home and surrendered this cat (Lucy). When I brought her home she was restricted to a room of her own. She seemed very scared at first, but after about 2 weeks she started going into a room next to her room. At night she will now sometimes come downstairs. Moe (resident cat) was hissing at first, but has completely chilled out and basically just wants to be friends. Lucy hisses and growls whenever she sees Moe, and has tried to swat at him once - that I have witnessed. Lucy just has nasty behavior towards Moe, but purrs around me. She is kind of spastic though - like I can't pick her up much at all, and she bites lightly sometimes, and is very reactive if I suddenly pet her or move fast etc. It has been a month now, and all that is happened is that Moe has adjusted and Lucy has gotten probably a little meaner towards Moe. Does anyone have any feelings about how long I let this go on? If it isn't going to get better, I feel I need to return her to the shelter. She is upsetting Moe, and stress is going to work against his medical condition. Right now he is afraid to eat his wet food unless he is put up on a counter. I feel horrible contemplating bringing Lucy back to the shelter, but my apartment is small and this has been a constant problem. It seems like a month is long enough to have some idea if they will get along - but maybe not. I think I am going off of the fact that Moe had a normal response of being upset at first, hissing, getting used to it slowly, and acceptance. Any suggestions, ideas, experiences etc would be greatly appreciated. I have looked online until my eyes hurt, and I have gone to the vet (he said it takes time - shelter said it likely won't work out). Thanks for any help you can give!

 

[duckpond]

Cats time frame can work very different to ours. For some cats a month would be enough time, for others it is not, they can take quite a bit longer. You could give them longer to adjust, they will most likely work it out, it just may take some time. Or you could try separating them and doing a new introduction phase?

How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide

 

[Timmer]

I'm sorry your cat passed away. I just lost Timmer in January. It's hard to say if it will ever work out, but I got into a situation where one of my cats died and I brought home another cat (Timmer) for my female and they fought so badly I had to keep them separated for 8 years. I'm not kidding. Timmer ended up being the love of my life -- my soulmate cat -- and I'm glad I didn't take him back to the shelter, but if you are not in love with this new cat, you think it stresses out your resident cat -- then return the cat. It doesn't sound like they are killing each other, but it's up to you. If you think this is bad for your other cat then don't feel bad about returning the cat, particularly if the shelter thinks it won't work out.
I mean some would say a month is not long, and it isn't in the big picture, but that's my opinion. Now, if it would break your heart to do it, then keep trying.

 

[kathyfrank]

TY Timmer for your response. The cat that died (Hobbes) was my 'once in a lifetime' cat. He had been sick for a long time, and so it was time, but nonetheless so painful. I loved him so deeply. So Moe and Lucy are not fighting badly at all. They keep themselves separated most of the time. Moe just lays around all of the time, and if Lucy is out and Moe walks by or comes anywhere near her, she is the one that hisses and growls. Moe just looks at her and is quiet and sweet. I really do think he would like to be friends. I don't know if Lucy is doing this out of fear (and thus it will eventually settle) or if she wants to be the alpha cat. She is very skittish and jumpy, and it all seems to be about her being afraid. Another wrinkle in all of this is that I had the vet over and he said she has a bad tooth. I called the humane society where I got her, and they said it is now my issue (unless she is returned, then they will treat her). So, if she was working out I would definitely take care of this without even thinking twice about it. But, being that everything is iffy, I can't afford to spend the $400+ it will take to fix this if I am only going to turn around and bring her back. I think it is another reason why I am feeling under the gun to make a decision and figure out what to do. Btw, I could not IMAGINE separating cats for 8 years!!!!! WOW!

 

[kathyfrank]

TY Duckpond for the response! I have wondered if this is more of MY impatience and I should give it more time. Maybe I am more upset than Moe is.....Idk. I wish I had a crystal ball. One thing I have been doing is spraying Lucy with water when she hisses/growls. Not all of the time since I don't have it with me at all times, but it does get her to stop. Idk if that is a good idea or not. I have read that it is a good idea, and that it is not....online. I think you can find whatever answer you want online....which makes it very difficult to figure out what is the best to do.

 

[duckpond]

If she has a tooth problem it could be that she is having pain, and that may be why she is cranky? If her teeth were taken care of she might calm down. I know this is a fairly big IF. but i think if you are attached to her it might make a difference. And talk to the vet, ask if she thinks this could be the case. Or if something like an anti anxiety medication, short term even, would help?

 

[duckpond]

TY Duckpond for the response! I have wondered if this is more of MY impatience and I should give it more time. Maybe I am more upset than Moe is.....Idk. I wish I had a crystal ball. One thing I have been doing is spraying Lucy with water when she hisses/growls. Not all of the time since I don't have it with me at all times, but it does get her to stop. Idk if that is a good idea or not. I have read that it is a good idea, and that it is not....online. I think you can find whatever answer you want online....which makes it very difficult to figure out what is the best to do.

I know, its always hard to know. Personally i would not spray her with water. Growling and hissing is part of how cats communicate. And spraying her with water will probably only add stress to an already stressful situation. She needs to learn to trust, that the home is safe and no one will hurt her. The water may go against that feeling of safe.

Moe may not want to eat around her, cats do not Normally like to eat together, for cats its a solitary activity. I would feed them separate. If there is no fur flying, no blood, everyone is eating and using the litter box, then i think they will work it out. It may just take longer than expected.

Best of luck. and do keep us updated with them. I now feel an attachment to them and will want to know how everything is going

 

[kathyfrank]

Thank you Duckpond. I will keep you updated. I have to tell you that you gave me a lot of hope. Yes, even when Moe was alone, he always wanted to eat alone. If I would stand around him, he would look at me like "Please leave" lol. I appreciate the suggestion about spraying water. I was feeling a little uneasy about it from the beginning. After hearing your perspective, and coupling that with how she is acting, I really do feel as though it could be as you said: adding stress to a stressful situation. I will see how things go at this point and report back. I have to say that both you and timmer have eased my mind a lot about some of this.....I think I need to give it more time.

 

[rubysmama]

Hello and welcome to TCS.
Condolences on the loss of Hobbes. RIP sweet boy.

We have a Crossing the Bridge from where you can post a tribute to Hobbes, if/when you feel up to it.

Sorry things aren't working out with Lucy. If she has a bad tooth, I'm sure that is affecting her behaviour. I don't suppose the Humane Society would consider splitting the tooth extraction cost with you?

I agree with duckpond that spraying water on cats is not a good form of discipline. TCS has an article 5 Reasons To Never Spray Water On Your Cat with more info.

We also have an article on How To Fix An Unsuccessful Cat Introduction

And one on The Multi-cat Household and How To Safely Break Up A Cat Fight

I hope things work out for you and your cats. If you want to "formally" introduce yourself, we have a New Cats on the Block forum. We love pictures, BTW.

 

[Timmer]

That doesn't sound the bad at all, actually. I am always surprised that people think that the cats should be cuddling together and grooming each other. I'm NOT saying that's what you are saying but I had two girls and they did their own thing, never cuddled together. Nothing. But after the initial hissing when I brought them home from the shelter (together) they were fine. My little tuxedo took some time to adjust and was on the defense a lot but then when she realized she was missing out on the fun the other cat and I were having, she got over it.

Yeah....$400 for tooth extraction. That's about what I pay. Seems like every time I take my one cat in she needs dental work.
I think I would hang in there with these two. It sounds OK to me.

And yes, living separate lives was not my idea of fun at all. I built a makeshift door at the top of my second floor thinking it would be only temporary til they worked it out but they never did. Timmer usually tried to kill her if she walked around. If she hid under the bed, he was fine. Talk about dominating! It was a lot of work for me because I switched them around twice a day so she could come downstairs and hang out. Then I alternated who got to sleep with me and you can imagine the sleepless nights I had when he was throwing a fit because I wouldn't let him sleep with me. Well, that's my story, anyway.

 

[duckpond]

I think some more time, let them work it out, no trying to discipline, and getting her teeth up to par, so she is not in pain will go a long way toward a happy household. However they may have a bad day or two after dental work. Mine all like each other, been together 3-4 years, but when one goes to the vet there are always hisses and swats for a day or so. I think they smell funny. And thats a thing to try, brush them with the same brush, especially around the face, and rub them down with a soft cloth, back and forth from one to the other. The more they smell like each other, and you, the calmer they will be with each other.

The last time i brought an adult cat in with existing cats it took months, may 6 or 7 before they quit hissing at each other, and occasionally bopping each other on the head. Never a flat out fight, but you could tell they didn't like each other. now a few years later you would never know there had been a problem. all 4 of mine get along great, not saying occasionally one does not irritate another one, they do...lol. But it never last long and its never bad. They will all cuddle or groom each other to varying degrees, some are cuddle cats, some are not. I expect yours will work it out, and at the least exist peacefully together, even if they do not cuddle and love on each other. But there is still hope for that as well Do keep us updated with your two!

 

[RufusGizmo]

HI. I got two kittens out of the woods in August, and brought them home to my old cats. we are still working at it. I think you might think more of the hissing and such than your boy does. my husband keeps telling me this is just typical cat behavior, and most of the time they are all pretty chill. but even now there is still some moaning and swiping at the each other. It definitely takes some time in some cases, and mine is one of them! give it time, if they are not doing anything horrible like actually hurting each other, or not using litter boxes, they are fine. in my case, I just keep saying one more month they will be best friends (been saying that for awhile) but i do see progress every day.

 

[kathyfrank]

These are all such excellent responses. I can't thank you all enough. It is so nice to get responses that are from people who have experienced this situation. I also appreciate the suggested links rubysmama! I think I am protective of Moe (the cutie in my profile pic) because he is sick and he just doesn't need this or any kind of stress. He has the inflammatory bowel, and the internist he went to also put him on a cancer med thinking that may be a possibility (non-contagious cancer). I think this is why I have a hard time with how horrible Lucy is being towards Moe. I hope she is not picking on him because she smells/senses his illness. Lucy is definitely very reactive. Its hard to know if this is all a matter of trying to be the dominate one, or fear. Maybe it is a bit of both.....? I just tried to pick her up to put flea liquid between her shoulder blades (vectra - needed in FL) and she COMPLETELY spazzed out! It was like she was afraid of me. She went so crazy I had to let her go. Makes me think she is very afraid. I can't hold her at all. She is just overall jumpy all of the time. I can't imagine this is her normal demeanor - she was raised in a home with another cat, a dog and teenagers. I'm sure the home was louder and very active. Well, I am going to stick it out a little longer after everyones input. I do have her scheduled to see a vet too. I can't get in for a week and a half, but at least it is scheduled. I'll def give you an update as things progress. Hopefully very soon!

 

[kathyfrank]

Hi again. I thought I would update about my situation. We are now going on a little over 2 months, and not much has changed. Lucy continues to hiss at Moe every time she sees him. If they are together in a room and Moe gets close, she will hiss and growl. I have an apartment that is a townhouse - upper/lower. It seems like Moe stays upstairs the majority of the time, and Lucy is always downstairs. Both levels have all a cat will need (food/water/LB). I do realize that it is good they are not actually fighting, but this does (I think) affect Moe. He will avoid some places, not come downstairs at time, looks sad when he is rejected etc. He avoids eating when Lucy is around (which makes sense). Lucy is just mean, and I have to say that when she is hissing/growling, she scares me. There have been times when I am petting her and she suddenly doesn't like it and will try to bite me. After watching interactions between the two cats, I don't think this is a dominance thing with Lucy. It just doesn't feel that way - feels more like a fear response or something else (like nasty female cat syndrome - lol). Thinking that she may be fearful and thus anxious, I have been giving her zylkene, homeopet anxiety relief, and bach flowers remedy that I got from the vet. Nothing affects Lucy in any way. When I bought the zylkene I was told to watch for over sleepiness and if that happens, cut the dose down. With Lucy - it is as though I gave her nothing at all. So, I guess now I am now wondering if this could possibly mean that it is simply a matter of this being her personality. The (new) vet told me that female cats can have much .... stronger ... personalities than males (i.e. can be quite b**chy). Btw....I took her to a new vet and this vet told me she needs a teeth cleaning but it is not as bad as the other vet said. She said it would be best to wait because it would just cause unneeded stress right now and it is nothing urgent. Thoughts? Thank you in advance

 

[rubysmama]

I've never had to introduce cats, as my family, and now myself, only had one cat at a time, so though I totally sympathize with what you and the cats are going through, I can't offer advice from personal experience.

One thought though. Have you tried giving them both treats, or something else yummy, when they're together in the same room. You know, something so Lucy will start to associate Moe with good things.

 

[kathyfrank]

Thanks rubysmama for the reply. I have tried doing the treat thing, and I would give one treat to one, then to the other, alternating.....and also alternating pets and praise. This is good at the time, but Lucy goes back to being nasty. There have been some of these moments, but she always defaults to her nasty position towards Moe. Also, she is nice to people and it is only Moe she is nasty to. I actually called the shelter for advice the other day (the day I took her to the vet) and they told me that cats are very unpredictable. I was told that a couple cats came into the shelter that lived together for many years and were lovey to each other, and a about a week after being at the shelter, the two cats who have been together for so long no longer would tolerate each other! I just am losing hope that she will mellow out. I don't care if she doesn't want to be best friends with Moe - but just not be so mean to him. Moe is just so gentle and sweet, and is trying to be friends. It is so sad to see. I keep hoping it will change but Idk if it will.....

 

[rubysmama]

Have you tried Feliway? https://www.feliway.com
I've never used it, but have read that some people find it helps.

Or calming treats?

 

[kathyfrank]

Yes - both. Feliway spray and diffusers

 

[kathyfrank]

And the calming treats....

 

[rubysmama]

Wish I had the magic solution for you to make them friends. Hopefully they just need more time.