I'm not usually one to spill my guts about personal stuff on the internet, but today I need to. I moved to Long Beach, CA 2 years ago from Pennsylvania. My mom was visiting me for a few days over last weekend, which was awesome. My stepmom called me on Monday to tell me my dad, who's had lung cancer for 3 years or so, is doing really badly, and if i can get a flight home in the next day or 2 I should. So I flew home with my mom on Wednesday, just got a one-way ticket. I have no problems flying alone, but it was nice to have my mom with me this time. My bosses said to take whatever time I needed.
Now it's one thing hearing about your dad being in really bad shape, that he's most likely in his last days, but it's a whole different thing to walk in and see it. He's at home, trying to stay comfortable, but man, I never saw someone dying from cancer before. And it's my dad. We're not the closest, but I still love him. I feel like I don't know how to act, I just keep crying when i go over there. I talked to the hospice nurse yesterday about what's really happening, and she said it's spread to his bones and brain, but she thinks it's the lung that's most agressive that'll take over. He had a 'good' day yesterday, was a bit more alert and awake and talking a little than the past few days, but it could either be kind of like a high before the crash or it could be a reprieve for a while. Can't tell really I guess. In the meantime, I just feel like poo. But i can't even begin to imagine what my stepmom feels like, she's been home from work taking care of him 24 hours a day since January.
So I don't know what to do about work and obligations like that. I know my boss said to take what time i need, but I don't feel like i can just stay here. But it's a day-by-day thing with my dad right now. Already he called today asking what's going on, I don't know if he meant like when am I coming back or just inquiring about the status of my dad and things. I should email him telling him just not to pay me for this month (we get paid once a month), or if it's a hassle to change stuff with the payroll company that I'll pay him back when i get back for the time i took off.
My boyfriend was supposed to go to Florida for work this coming Sun-Thu, but he cancelled that trip because of taking care of Genever, I feel bad about that too. He said not to feel bad about that though, he didn't really want to go anyway because he's got too much work to do in the office.
I hate to fly back to CA in a few days only to have to fly back to PA a day later. I just don't know what's going to happen or when.
No real questions or anything here, I just needed to get this out, from reading other posts in here I know you're a kind and understanding and compassionate bunch. I need hugs, even virtual ones.
Now it's one thing hearing about your dad being in really bad shape, that he's most likely in his last days, but it's a whole different thing to walk in and see it. He's at home, trying to stay comfortable, but man, I never saw someone dying from cancer before. And it's my dad. We're not the closest, but I still love him. I feel like I don't know how to act, I just keep crying when i go over there. I talked to the hospice nurse yesterday about what's really happening, and she said it's spread to his bones and brain, but she thinks it's the lung that's most agressive that'll take over. He had a 'good' day yesterday, was a bit more alert and awake and talking a little than the past few days, but it could either be kind of like a high before the crash or it could be a reprieve for a while. Can't tell really I guess. In the meantime, I just feel like poo. But i can't even begin to imagine what my stepmom feels like, she's been home from work taking care of him 24 hours a day since January.
So I don't know what to do about work and obligations like that. I know my boss said to take what time i need, but I don't feel like i can just stay here. But it's a day-by-day thing with my dad right now. Already he called today asking what's going on, I don't know if he meant like when am I coming back or just inquiring about the status of my dad and things. I should email him telling him just not to pay me for this month (we get paid once a month), or if it's a hassle to change stuff with the payroll company that I'll pay him back when i get back for the time i took off.
My boyfriend was supposed to go to Florida for work this coming Sun-Thu, but he cancelled that trip because of taking care of Genever, I feel bad about that too. He said not to feel bad about that though, he didn't really want to go anyway because he's got too much work to do in the office.
I hate to fly back to CA in a few days only to have to fly back to PA a day later. I just don't know what's going to happen or when.
No real questions or anything here, I just needed to get this out, from reading other posts in here I know you're a kind and understanding and compassionate bunch. I need hugs, even virtual ones.