Hi All,
I am looking for MIL advice on behalf of a good friend of mine. She came to me this morning with the issue (which I'll explain in a sec), which I guess I could offer advice on but I'm not sure it would be the best. So I bring to you all b/c I can be guaranteed I will get extremely good, impartial advice (which I'm afraid I can't give b/c I know everyone involved)!
So here's the problem...
My friend and her bf have been together for 5 or 6 years (lived together for 3 of those years). Durning this whole time her and her MIL have gotten along perfectly, has great respect for each other, etc. But lately there has been an "issue". Ever since my friend and her bf have moved into their newest apartment (around the first of July '05), her MIL has been over EVERY weekend they've been home (they've only gone away three or four times). And when I mean every weekend I mean EVERY weekend. And I can just imagine what you all are thinking...Why is that such a big deal, that her bf's mom vists often!?! Well every weekend they are home (which is basically all), she'd show up at 2 or 3 p.m. Saturday afternoon (sometimes earlier) and not leave until 12:00 a.m. in the morning, then come over Sunday afternoon around 2 or 3 p.m. again and stay until 8 or 9 p.m. This almost every weekend they were home, there were times a couple of times where she only came over on Saturday's. Not to mention the weekends when her MIL would leave her work on a Friday, go directly to my friend's apartment, stay till 10 or 11 p.m., show up again on Saturday, and again on Sunday!!!
This has been going on since July! It's gotten to the point where my friend and her bf have got to leave town in order to get time alone on the weekend! I know this seems drastic but in the last couple of months her MIL has even started just showing up at their apartment, not calling first or if she had called and there wasn't any answer (they really weren't in the mood for company and didn't answer the phone) she'd still just show up! My friend says, she's constantly invites herself over for dinner. Almost everytime my friend and her bf speak about going somewhere, she itries to invite herself along. Her MIL has even tagged along when they went grocery shopping, numerous times! Not to mention the time my friend her bf were going to go out for a nice romantic dinner on her b-day, just to two of them, next thing she knows her MIL invited herself along! I myself even think it's a bit much!
My friend is very understanding, perhaps too much so b/c she's let this get out of hand in my opinion. And the kicker is her bf doesn't seem to care that his mom is over so much! I mean come on, he's a grown man! It's either that or he would just feel too bad to say anything to her, which I can easily believe b/c he's a very nice person. My friend wants to bring this up to her bf and have started too a couple of times but he's extremely sensitive and protective about his mom (she is a single parent), and gets really defensive when she says the slightest thing, even if it's not really a negative thing. Now don't get my friend wrong or anything, she really likes her MIL, she also understands that this is the first time that her MIL has EVER lived alone (the woman is 40 yrs old) and she's probably lonely. She's even said, the would love it if her MIL came over every Sunday for dinner or every Saturday for a couple of hours but not this, not what she's doing now. Another thing is her MIL, will NOT try and make any friends or even find herself a bf (or companion) of her own! She tries to hang around with all of us! We are in out 20's, she shouldn't want to hang around with people our age and she certainly can't meet anyone her own age trying to hang around with us ALL the time!
My friend is trying to tread lightly, b/c this type of situation can defintely blow up in her face! Being fully aware of this and the fact that I know her MIL (and I really like the woman myself too) I am kinda iffy about giving advice! All I can think of is for her to try and sit down with her bf, and gently (without verbally "attacking" his mom) and explain how's she's feeling, how the situation is really starting to wear on her. I can even seen a difference in her when her MIL is around. She's snappy and irritable, and she hates becoming that person. I understand where's she's coming from, being around one person THAT much all the time, the person is bound to get on your nerves!
So does anyone have any other advice? Something she can do that won't pee of her bf or her MIL?!? If that's even possible...
I am looking for MIL advice on behalf of a good friend of mine. She came to me this morning with the issue (which I'll explain in a sec), which I guess I could offer advice on but I'm not sure it would be the best. So I bring to you all b/c I can be guaranteed I will get extremely good, impartial advice (which I'm afraid I can't give b/c I know everyone involved)!
So here's the problem...
My friend and her bf have been together for 5 or 6 years (lived together for 3 of those years). Durning this whole time her and her MIL have gotten along perfectly, has great respect for each other, etc. But lately there has been an "issue". Ever since my friend and her bf have moved into their newest apartment (around the first of July '05), her MIL has been over EVERY weekend they've been home (they've only gone away three or four times). And when I mean every weekend I mean EVERY weekend. And I can just imagine what you all are thinking...Why is that such a big deal, that her bf's mom vists often!?! Well every weekend they are home (which is basically all), she'd show up at 2 or 3 p.m. Saturday afternoon (sometimes earlier) and not leave until 12:00 a.m. in the morning, then come over Sunday afternoon around 2 or 3 p.m. again and stay until 8 or 9 p.m. This almost every weekend they were home, there were times a couple of times where she only came over on Saturday's. Not to mention the weekends when her MIL would leave her work on a Friday, go directly to my friend's apartment, stay till 10 or 11 p.m., show up again on Saturday, and again on Sunday!!!
This has been going on since July! It's gotten to the point where my friend and her bf have got to leave town in order to get time alone on the weekend! I know this seems drastic but in the last couple of months her MIL has even started just showing up at their apartment, not calling first or if she had called and there wasn't any answer (they really weren't in the mood for company and didn't answer the phone) she'd still just show up! My friend says, she's constantly invites herself over for dinner. Almost everytime my friend and her bf speak about going somewhere, she itries to invite herself along. Her MIL has even tagged along when they went grocery shopping, numerous times! Not to mention the time my friend her bf were going to go out for a nice romantic dinner on her b-day, just to two of them, next thing she knows her MIL invited herself along! I myself even think it's a bit much!
My friend is very understanding, perhaps too much so b/c she's let this get out of hand in my opinion. And the kicker is her bf doesn't seem to care that his mom is over so much! I mean come on, he's a grown man! It's either that or he would just feel too bad to say anything to her, which I can easily believe b/c he's a very nice person. My friend wants to bring this up to her bf and have started too a couple of times but he's extremely sensitive and protective about his mom (she is a single parent), and gets really defensive when she says the slightest thing, even if it's not really a negative thing. Now don't get my friend wrong or anything, she really likes her MIL, she also understands that this is the first time that her MIL has EVER lived alone (the woman is 40 yrs old) and she's probably lonely. She's even said, the would love it if her MIL came over every Sunday for dinner or every Saturday for a couple of hours but not this, not what she's doing now. Another thing is her MIL, will NOT try and make any friends or even find herself a bf (or companion) of her own! She tries to hang around with all of us! We are in out 20's, she shouldn't want to hang around with people our age and she certainly can't meet anyone her own age trying to hang around with us ALL the time!
My friend is trying to tread lightly, b/c this type of situation can defintely blow up in her face! Being fully aware of this and the fact that I know her MIL (and I really like the woman myself too) I am kinda iffy about giving advice! All I can think of is for her to try and sit down with her bf, and gently (without verbally "attacking" his mom) and explain how's she's feeling, how the situation is really starting to wear on her. I can even seen a difference in her when her MIL is around. She's snappy and irritable, and she hates becoming that person. I understand where's she's coming from, being around one person THAT much all the time, the person is bound to get on your nerves!
So does anyone have any other advice? Something she can do that won't pee of her bf or her MIL?!? If that's even possible...