Need Advice

[jaliisah]

Hi! It's great to meet you all.

I have a cat problem and desperately need advice. I have four cats, one senior male, his seven year old son, Danny and seven year old daughter Zoee and a forth seven year old male Mica who came from another source. I have had the younger ones since they were kittens and all three grew up together, all four are of course, neutered. They are strictly indoor cats as it has never been safe for them to go outside (traffic and coyotes).

In the last year, Mica and Danny have been fighting. Danny is emotionally unstable and Mica is usually the aggressor. Danny has taken to peeing on the walls and my furniture. I just spent and hour scrubbing my sofa with a CO2 cleaner. I am cleaning walls multiple times daily. Danny has had health problems but is well now. He grieved horribly for nearly a year after his buddy cat died and has never been quite the same since. Mica is a sweet cat, other than his issue with Danny. He talks a lot and follows me around and is a great pet. Danny is also sweet, other than his behavior issues, which are becoming unbearable.

Both cats have been health checked. I tried keeping Mica in the spare bedroom at night but Danny peed on the door and it didn't help the living room situation. Short of keeping someone in a kennel full time, I don't have any other separations options with the configuration of my house. Someone has to go. With Danny's problems I'm he isn't adoptable and am not sure he could handle it. Mica should be adoptable. The question is this: What are the chances that Danny's behavior will improve if Mica is removed? If I keep Mica, I think Danny will have to be put to sleep. I hate both of these options but don't know what to do. I could sure use some help.

 

[rubysmama]

Hello and welcome to TCS. Sorry though for the situation that brought you here.

Did the aggression between Mica and Danny start after Danny's buddy died? Or were there any other changes in the home that might have instigated the aggression?

 

[Furballsmom]

Along with rubysmama's thoughts, I've read your post several times and am wondering why you're commenting that Danny's emotionally unstable. Whichever the case, he definitely needs a lot of extra playtime and love to help increase his confidence which has been shattered by the constant attacks from Mica.

Also, have you considered any calming products? There are a lot on the market now in addition to diffusers, which in your case I wouldn't suggest. They have been known to make this type of situation worse. Bachs Rescue Remedy, Only Natural Pet's Just Relax, or even CBD oil if it's legal-ish in your area.

I would also suggest cat music, there is Spotify that has a collection of harp music called Cat In My Arms, there's youtube and Alexa that have cat music, and there's RelaxMyCat and MusicForCats as sources to try out and determine what works best for Danny.

I copied this below from a TCS article - it and the additional articles that are linked may have some tips for you;

Next on our list of common complaints is another form of feline aggression. This time we’re talking about cats that attack other cats and sometimes other pets in your home. You might be dealing with sporadic attacks, often following a visit to the veterinarian.

Or you could be dealing with an ongoing war between two or more of your kitties. Sometimes cats simply don’t get along with one another, especially if they were not properly introduced or if they need to compete over access to food or litter boxes.

These situations can be very stressful for the cats involved, as well as for the owner.

The solution
Again, you need to figure out what’s wrong and address the root of the problem. Make sure the cats have enough space, including access to enough food and an adequate number of litter boxes.
If the cats were not properly introduced, you might need to temporarily separate them and then go through the introductions phase again.

These guides may help you solve the issue (apologies for any broken links, we're undergoing site maintenance and are catching up as fast as we can ):

Why do cats attack

Redirected aggression in cats

How To Deal With Non-recognition Aggression In Cats

How To Fix An Unsuccessful Cat Introduction

Spraying: When Your Cat Uses Urine To Mark Territory – TheCatSite Articles

Stress in Cats – The Ultimate Guide – TheCatSite Articles

How To Remove Cat Urine – TheCatSite Articles

 

[jaliisah]

I have felt that Danny is emotionally unstable because the depth and length of his grief. Maybe he is just shy. I did try several calming products to no avail. The cats grew up together from the age of about 8 weeks old. There have always been intermittent squabbles but the escalation has been getting worse and worse. Andy and Zoee get along with both Danny and Mica but both have lost fur in the squabbles.

 

[Furballsmom]

I'm thinking out loud here, but would Danny benefit from a catio?

 

[jaliisah]

Hello and welcome to TCS. Sorry though for the situation that brought you here.

Did the aggression between Mica and Danny start after Danny's buddy died? Or were there any other changes in the home that might have instigated the aggression?

It was well over a year after Jack died. No other changes in the household.

 

[Furballsmom]

It was well over a year after Jack died. No other changes in the household.

You might consider, (--including whether a catio would work) that you have stray/feral cats and/or other animals outside your house and Mica is redirecting his frustration and upset on Danny.

A situation outside can be dealt with in a couple of different ways, or both together.

A camera would be useful to determine for certain what's happening, and motion-activated sprinklers as well as pieces of cloth scattered here and there outside the range of the sprinklers, that are saturated with lemon scented furniture polish can deter any interlopers (these will need to be maintained/freshened).

 

[jaliisah]

I just want to thank you all. Some of your suggestions were very good but so far beyond my budget that I just can't try them. I went down to my local animal rescue and a long talk with them. They think Danny may just be very timid and would benefit from being an only cat or possibly with one buddy. At the end, I turned him in to be rehomed. This shelter is where I adopted him as a kitten, it's a no kill shelter and will keep him until they find the right home for him. Peace has descended over my household. Now I have to go have a good cry and try to deal with my feeling guilty for failing him.

 

[Furballsmom]

Now I have to go have a good cry and try to deal with my feeling guilty for failing him.

You didn't fail him, not at all. You put time and effort as well as a lot of thought into what to do, and in the end you-all are giving him a new chance to find the same peace you now have. Bless you for that

 

[jaliisah]

Thank you, that means a lot.

 

[rubysmama]

You didn't fail him. You worried and stressed, and reached out for help. Now the shelter can fit him with the purrfect family for his needs.

 

[jaliisah]

Well, it's been a day since Danny went to the shelter. No fighting, no fur balls all over the house and no pee where it doesn't belong. Still, I miss him but know that it was the right thing to do. Thank you so much for your support.

 

[Furballsmom]

Thank you for the update, I have been thinking about you !