Need Advice Regarding The Mentality Of Letting My Cat Out

[Katbeats]

Hi everyone. I adopted a beautiful female Siamese mix (3 yrs old) a year ago. Over the year, I've become her closest friend within my family. I do most of the work keeping her happy; playing with her morning and night, feeding her morning and night, brushing her(she hates it), buying her new toys, etc. She is very trusting and friendly to new visitors, which makes me believe that she probably was never severely mistreated by people.

We live in a relatively roomy house. 5000 square feet (top and first floor). There is a huge balcony that overlooks our garden, where I let her out and she watches birds and rabbits throughout the day. She is very eager to catch them. She's even fallen off the balcony one time standing on the edge of it. It's not high enough to hurt her severely, but high enough to dissuade her from jumping down.

Over time, I realized she understands very well what my tone means. I've trained her to eat treats out of a small china plate, where she won't eat the treat until I say "good!" I would call her name and she would immediately come almost 90% of the time. She also knows she shouldn't be on the counter/table, and is submissive when my tone shifts.

Now for the real problem: She Really Wants To Get Out.

There was one time where she got out through the front door, and she knows that she shouldn't be out there. The moment I went out, she made sure to keep a good distance from me where I can't reach her. She knew I was out there to get her back in, and she ran from me. Her head lowers, and I could immediately tell she wasn't willing to listen or come back. The only time she came back was when I had her favorite treats.

Fast forward today, I realized that keeping a cat in against her will is not what I want. I've built up our relationship enough to the point that I feel I can trust her to come back when I call her, at most with the help of treats. So I decided to let her out under my supervision. I made sure to be friendly and loving when I held her in my arms, and then gently let her down into the our yard. She was really enjoying herself, exploring the bushes and all. I gently pet her and talked to her while she was exploring to let her know that I wasn't there to restrain or catch her, and that it was ok to be outside. It was all good for a bit, until she saw a small hole in the fence. Again, her body language shifts. She would keep a good distance from me, and her head is lowered but I can tell she is keeping an eye on me to make sure I don't catch her. While she was trying to get through the small hole, she checked on me multiple times. I was calling her name, shaking the treats, and she simply looked at me, and left. The whole time, I kindly called out to her, with the treats. She circled around a few times, looked at me, and just continued walking. She stayed out there in the bushes for around an hour, and she could hear me just fine as I continuously called for her for around 40 minutes.

My heart was shaking, but I really wanted to see if she would come back on her own. My mother however was very concerned and wanted me to get her back. I also second guessed myself, thinking about how I would not forgive myself if something happened to her. So I geared up, got a piece of microwaved chicken breast in my hand, and jumped the fence to my neighbor's backyard (she has a dog inside and I'm not sure if my cat would be safe there). My cat saw me, quickly jogged away, until I held up the piece of chicken. Then, she slowly came to me, examined the piece of chicken extensively, and then slowly rubbed her body on my legs. At this point, I couldn't risk letting her bolt off again, so I quickly grabbed her made the trip back home, going through the neighbor's yard door. During our walk through the neighborhood, she started making the threatening meow noise to put her down. I had to keep a tight hold on her until we got home...

Right now I'm very conflicted. What I want is a companion, that respects me as a friend and is willing to come to me when I call her name. For the past few days, I increasingly feel uncomfortable with the fact that she is super affectionate, loving, and loyal... until she gets a chance to go outside. When she goes outside, it's as if I'm just a stranger. She heard me call for her all that time, yet didn't make a single sound, didn't bother to come around, and avoided me unless I had a treat. Not gonna lie, I'm really hurt. In hindsight, I am a fool for believing that our bond could alter instinct, but come on... not even a meow to respond?

Letting her go would be irresponsible as a pet owner, but I almost feel justified to let her go because it's what she wants and I should respect that. If she doesn't come back, if she gets hurt, it's her choice. This experience also made me feel that at the end of the day, the bond and loyalty of a cat is fragile and easily broken. I wasn't even trying to catch her until she ignored me for nearly an hour. Please give me some advice regarding how I should approach this situation?

 

[susanm9006]

Plain and simple, allowing your cat to go outdoors, especially without being on a leash, puts her life at risk. Some owners choose to take that risk and others do not. It does not matter how well trained your cat is, there are cars, predators, things that frighten them into running away or getting lost and a host of other hazards that can kill or injure your cat. Your cat isn’t making the choice, you are.

If you really want to provide her with an outdoor experience, consider building a catio enclosure that keeps her secure when she is outside.

 

[1CatOverTheLine]

If she doesn't come back, if she gets hurt, it's her choice.

K Katbeats - Cats are sentient, but not reasoning in the same fashion as are Humans. Were she to be injured, it would certainly not be by her choice. Likewise with a toddler who wanders away while in our care. Children and animals don't choose to come to harm; they come to harm owed to poor guardianship.

the bond and loyalty of a cat is fragile and easily broken.

More fragile still are the bones of a cat, struck by a motorcar.

We are the stewards of the animals who come under our care, and as stewards we have responsibilities and obligations to keep them safe in every situation.

If you feel that she enjoys the out-of-doors, you can certainly take her out on an harness and lead, or build a catio or a wholly screened, landscaped conservatory, where she may enjoy the "outdoors" securely. There are quite a few TCS members who've done this on various scales. For the large-scale version, please see post #19 here:

Making Our Cats A Tree House.

illustrating basscat 's Bobcat enclosure.

Please don't allow your cat to roam; these things never come to a good end.
.

 

[KarenKat]

I understand your conundrum. Olive was an outside kitty for a year or two, and we kindly explained to her that in exchange for three meals a day, heat, blankets, cuddles on demand and all the treats and toys she must give up her outdoor life. It fell on deaf ears, lol.

Cats don’t understand the danger and risk of roaming (and they roam not in the wild, but in a human world with unnatural dangers like cars and jerks with BB guns - yes, Olive came to us with a BB in her head). Their instinct tells them this is where they should be, and they will try and explore. Olive door dashes still, once in a while, and I have to scoop her up. I feel the moral dilemma of restraining them to indoor and denying them something they want. But since they are not qualified to decide, we must. Letting her out does put her at risk for a shorter lifespan, and you need to be more ok with that than her frustration at being inside.

I remember Olive living in her dirt hole in the backyard, where there was no shelter from cold and rain. She actually looked depressed and did not have a lot of energy and was underweight even though the neighbor fed her. We though she was an old kitty. When we adopted her, the Vet said she was 2-3 years old. Over the last 7 months she has transformed into this amazing, rambunctious, brave little cat. Because of the love and protection from being indoors. Yes, she misses being outside sometimes and does whine at the door and windows when she’s bored. But when she has escaped a few times, she has been gone less than an hour because she wants to be home.

I think your cat has some wanderlust, but with the bond you described she would be heartbroken to not be with you. The outside is such a stimulating place (smells!!! Wind!! Sounds!!) it’s no wonder she was disobedient. It doesn’t mean she loves you less.

 

[Furballsmom]

By the way, is she spayed?
So, are you now treating her differently, with less unconditional love than before, because your feelings got hurt?
If so, she doesn't deserve that.
She deserves you to understand her nature, to respect her, and to look out for her well being in EVERY situation, and to be a responsible human being and protect her.

She should NOT be allowed to roam. You yourself said she hasn't been mistreated, so she has no awareness of bad people. She is precious and wonderful. She is also very smart, young, and in the prime of her life. She is going to test the boundaries, like any youngster does. It is up to you to be like a loving parent during these times, no matter whether you become frightened, frustrated, peeved, or disgusted.
She needs you. It's a really rough, sometimes awful world out there. Your meezer baby needs you to keep her from harm

 

[Katbeats]

I understand. Thank you all for your time. I am going to take her on a leash next time in compromise.

I've always seen her as a companion more than a pet, so I get worked up about giving her freedom.

 

[talkingpeanut]

I understand. Thank you all for your time. I am going to take her on a leash next time in compromise.

I've always seen her as a companion more than a pet, so I get worked up about giving her freedom.

Is she spayed?

She is your companion, but you are also her guardian.

 

[sabrinah]

I understand how hard it is keeping them in when they want out. My cat was allowed to roam as she pleased for 10/11 years until I moved out and was finally able to keep her safe indoors like I wanted. It's been 4ish years of indoor-only life and she hates it. She's constantly trying to escape. I take her out on a leash at night when all the kids in the neighborhood go to sleep and the people in the massive trucks are done showing off, but it'll never compare to letting her roam like she did for most of her life. It's for her own safety though.

 

[molly92]

I just want to emphasize the leash as an excellent, excellent option!

When I was little we used to have a beagle mix that was a sweet dog and loved us and we loved him...and he would run away at every opportunity. It's not personal! He was just following his nose, because that's what beagles do. It was as natural to him as breathing. We also did everything possible to keep him contained, because we knew he would not be thinking of his own safety or how to get back home when he smelled something good. But there were times when a guest accidentally let him slip by out the door, or he managed to dig under both the fence and the 2 feet of chicken wire under neath and ignore his electric fence. Fortunately we found him every time. Unfortunately, one of those times he came back and something seemed off. A vet visit revealed that he had been hit by a car and his stomach and intestines had all migrated up into his chest and he needed major surgery. We're very lucky he made a full recovery and lived for several more years. But he didn't know how to stay safe from cars--why would he? He's a dog. It was our responsibility to keep him safe.

Letting a cat roam where they like is just the same as letting a dog roam where they want. Sure, they might rather not listen to us some times and want to go do their own thing. But giving a human child everything they want wouldn't be good for a child either. It's true that some cats are a lot more resistant to indoor life than others, but there is a lot that can be done to make the adjustment easier for the cat. Essentially it's all about finding ways to engage a cat's instincts in an indoor environment. This is called enrichment. It's more work for you, but that's an important part of owning a cat.

This is an excellent article with different enrichment suggestions that will stimulate your cat's mind and body:
Cat Enrichment: Toys, Puzzles, Aromatherapy and More

And again, outside time doesn't have to disappear completely-a leash and harness is a wonderful, safe way for a cat to explore the outdoors!

 

[basschick]

every outdoor cat i've owned or lived with died an early death by car, tractor, wild animal or one by poison. then there are parasites and diseases, dirty water and more. i haven't let any cat go outdoors for more than three decades, and every cat except for our heart patient lived longer than any of the others. the ones who had been outdoor cats got over it, and i always made sure they had lots to do and check out, and new stuff to experience like a new box. and yeah, some have nagged to go outside.

btw, our current cat is almost 20, but when he was a sturdy kitten about 8 to 10 weeks old, before my husband adopted him, my husband found him in the next door yard annoying a pit bull!

 

[samyoz]

I'll tell you my experience when I was thinking like that,
I let Tiger 'male 9 months old' going outside and enjoying himself because I knew that what he wanted, and I let him go outside as long as he wanted, after a short while everything indoor was irrelevant to him, including me, he would not let me pet him or play with him or anything I do seemed no interested to him (we have a strong bond we even share bed xd) , I was like 'it's okay as long as he's happy, he will be "normal" with me again', but he kept ignoring me 24/7. and was the same as your cat fearful of me outdoor, and I thought I can live with that, till someday I regretted that I let him out at all, I was walking in the yard and he was exploring and didn't know I was around, when he saw me he immediately ran off to the street that when I went crazy to catch him and fortunately I did. but what if I couldn't and a car hit him? I would feel so guilty of letting him do what he wants.
from my story only you can see that the more she goes outdoor the more your relationship with her become less interesting to her. and you're risking her life by letting her does what she want, you can trust her choice if she were in the wild where there is open space to run from bullies and predators, and there are no cars.
and also she is much much safer than outdoor cats in term of infections and diseases.

 

[Katbeats]

I'll tell you my experience when I was thinking like that,
I let Tiger 'male 9 months old' going outside and enjoying himself because I knew that what he wanted, and I let him go outside as long as he wanted, after a short while everything indoor was irrelevant to him, including me, he would not let me pet him or play with him or anything I do seemed no interested to him (we have a strong bond we even share bed xd) , I was like 'it's okay as long as he's happy, he will be "normal" with me again', but he kept ignoring me 24/7. and was the same as your cat fearful of me outdoor, and I thought I can live with that, till someday I regretted that I let him out at all, I was walking in the yard and he was exploring and didn't know I was around, when he saw me he immediately ran off to the street that when I went crazy to catch him and fortunately I did. but what if I couldn't and a car hit him? I would feel so guilty of letting him do what he wants.
from my story only you can see that the more she goes outdoor the more your relationship with her become less interesting to her. and you're risking her life by letting her does what she want, you can trust her choice if she were in the wild where there is open space to run from bullies and predators, and there are no cars.
and also she is much much safer than outdoor cats in term of infections and diseases.

Thanks for sharing! The easily broken bond is what I'm struggling to accept right now. She is laying in my arms as I type this, and it's times like these that make every sacrifice worth it.

For some reason, I have always treated her as if she knew better/had higher intellect when she is just a pet that I chose to take care of. I need to set the boundaries and create a plan to make sure she can be happy and satisfied indoors.

 

[Katbeats]

Again thank you everyone for sharing their advice and stories. I am now mentally better prepared to tackle this situation.

This is the first cat I've ever owned, and I put my heart in everything I do for her. However, learning and understanding the true nature of my cat has been a process. Never knew how smart, yet manipulative they can be. Guess this is what I signed up for.

I will do my part as her guardian!

 

[Furballsmom]

You're doing really well - and kudos to you for that.
How To Make Your Home Bigger (at Least For Your Cats)
How To Set Healthy Boundaries For Your Cat

and just in case it helps;
First-time Cat Owner's Guide

 

[ArchyCat]

Katbeats --

When you do take your cat out on a leash, use a halter, not a collar. A cat can slip out of collar in about three seconds if they put their mind to it. From what I've read on this site, that it's best to put the halter on the cat indoors several times until they become accustomed to it. And then maybe even the leash indoors until they are accustomed to it. Then go for a walk outdoors. Good luck!

 

[basscat]

Our tabby used up 10 of his 9 lives outside. Seriously, he is the luckiest, unlucky cat in the world. Extremely brave and extremely stupid apparently. After his last near death experience which kept me awake every 2hrs for two weeks....He is now an indoor only cat. Don't really care how bad he wants out. He stays inside.
And after a year or so of that, he's pretty much accepted it just fine.

 

[FlawlessImperfection]

every outdoor cat i've owned or lived with died an early death by car, tractor, wild animal or one by poison. then there are parasites and diseases, dirty water and more. i haven't let any cat go outdoors for more than three decades, and every cat except for our heart patient lived longer than any of the others. the ones who had been outdoor cats got over it, and i always made sure they had lots to do and check out, and new stuff to experience like a new box. and yeah, some have nagged to go outside.

btw, our current cat is almost 20, but when he was a sturdy kitten about 8 to 10 weeks old, before my husband adopted him, my husband found him in the next door yard annoying a pit bull!

I’m sorry to ask an odd question, but are you from New England? “Door Yard” is something not many people out of the area say!

 

[FlawlessImperfection]

You’re doing just fine, and it sounds like you care for her very much! Your home is a great space, many kittlets spend their lives in a small apartment, it’s wonderful you have the space to work with! There are so many great toys to provide her, both that she can enjoy alone, and that you can do together! If you wear her out having fun, she’s going to be content for the simple fact that she having too much fun anyway!
Another suggestion is to get her a “pet”, such as a fish tank she can enjoy, or a bird feeder at a window for her to watch.
I will tag you in another thread about toys and you can see if she may like any people here find fun and loved by cats and their people!
You’re a great Mum, I can tell!

 

[1CatOverTheLine]

I’m sorry to ask an odd question, but are you from New England? “Door Yard” is something not many people out of the area say!

FlawlessImperfection - Now Whitman's elegy for Mister Lincoln will be rattling 'round in your head the whole day through.

 

[FlawlessImperfection]

FlawlessImperfection - Now Whitman's elegy for Mister Lincoln will be rattling 'round in your head the whole day through.

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Oh great, lol! That’s wicked annoying...