My two cats won't get along. Not sure what to do.

[persephoneia]

I have a almost 5mo old kitten and a 7yr old cat. They've been living together for about a month and a half. Neither are exactly the resident cats because I moved into my apartment with both of them and have just been keeping them in separate parts of the apartment most of the time. The thing is I'm not sure what to do now because they seem stuck. If I haven't fed them their wet food in the morning they don't pay much attention to each other and can eat next to each other, but any other time my younger one chases my older one. They haven't fought because anytime my older one hisses or swats at my younger one the younger one backs off for a minute or two. It's just so frustrating because my older one doesn't seem to particularly care about my younger one because if I'm holding the younger one or she's asleep my older one will just wander around no problem. It's just my younger one being an asshole. They're also both spayed. 

Also this is how close they'll get when they're eating: Also they would probably eat even closer since they will just try to eat off of each other's plate if I don't stop them, but I'm not exactly willing to put them within slapping distance of each other. 

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• persephoneia
• Mar 2, 2016

What should I try to help them get past this? 

 

[2kttes]

Hi
I just recently came across a similar issue.  I have two 2 year old Persian kitties they are docile by trait not to mention older kitties are less playful.  I fostered a 3 week old kitten for the local shelter and kept him separate while he was very young then at about 8 weeks I decided to keep him.  I got all his shots up to date and let them be together well it was insanity for about 6 months.  The small one would jump one of the others anytime he caught a glimpse of them.  They were tormented and they did not fight back at all just whine and run often with a tiny terrorist dragging from their fluffy tail or riding on their backs.  He wrestled and jumped them and bit them and it was all really a bit rough on them.  My vet suggested I get a toy about his size and when he went after my adult cats to shake or squeak it at him.  It is becasue normally they grow up in a litter and by play with kittens their own size they learn boundaries.  You have to let it play out and just intervene when necessary.  Long story short.  Foster (his name) is now bigger than they are and a bit of a pain to them but they are okay with it.  He is very active and playful and wants everything and all the attention.  they tolerate it and everyone kind of is getting used to it.  I still have to stand by and make sure my Persians Bodhi and Serena get to eat and separate when things get to rough but basically they know  the deal now (about 7 mos.)
As long as their is no real problems a little tussle is how they will set boundaries and with little ones sometimes it takes a while to get the hint.

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• 2kttes
• Mar 2, 2016

foster ladies man.jpg

• 2kttes
• Mar 2, 2016

 

[persephoneia]

That sounds similar to my problem. Before I moved and just took my cat and her, she was with her mother and littermates and they were absolutely nuts, so I definitely think that she expects my older one to be like her mother. she has a favorite toy (not her size, but she's like a dog with that thing) that I try to distract her with, but she's obsessed with my older cat's fluff so it only works until she sees my cat move. It's kind of hilarious because the second she sees my older cat's tail move she gets that look like it's the best toy she's ever seen. I've thought about just letting them work it out, but what's not obvious from the picture is just how much bigger my older cat is compared to my younger one. My little one was the smallest of the litter and is still pretty tiny. Only weighs a little over 4lbs. My other cat is massive. She's probably 10lbs if not more. I'm very nervous about just letting them do that because my older cat could seriously hurt my younger one even if she didn't mean to. Also while sometimes my younger is clearly wanting to play other times I'm not sure she's not being aggressive. Normally when she wants to play she'll mostly just jump around my older one and put her paws on her to try to get her to play with her. Other times she notices my older cat and just takes off chasing her. 

 

[fhicat]

If I haven't fed them their wet food in the morning they don't pay much attention to each other and can eat next to each other, but any other time my younger one chases my older one. They haven't fought because anytime my older one hisses or swats at my younger one the younger one backs off for a minute or two. It's just so frustrating because my older one doesn't seem to particularly care about my younger one because if I'm holding the younger one or she's asleep my older one will just wander around no problem. It's just my younger one being an asshole. They're also both spayed. 

If this is all that is happening, there is absolutely nothing to worry about! What you're describing is actually play (again, assuming that's really all that is happening).

Kittens are generally assholes. They like to test boundaries with older cats, annoy them until they get "scolded" by the older cat, via swatting and hissing and then backing off, as you've seen. It's part of their social development. They learn how much play is acceptable and they learn that actions have consequences. They learn how much "force" to use while playing.

Your cats are getting along. They may not be best buddies at the moment, but they're not hating on each other either. It's perfectly normal, and sometimes they may even "fight" (playfighting) while playing. Keep an eye out for signs that things are getting aggressive, such as howling, growling (hissing is fine), fur sticking up, flattened ears, but otherwise, they seem to be getting along just fine.

 

[persephoneia]

There's just so much hissing from my older cat it makes me nervous as well as the fact that she's so much bigger I just worry that she'd hurt my younger one even during play fighting. But that's good to hear, and it makes sense because she's acting incredibly different than how she acted with my kitten's mother (that was incredibly clear that she was being aggressive towards that cat, kept sneaking up on the cat and hissing at her and was constantly staring and swishing her tail around her). 

I still plan to keep them mostly separate because my younger one is way too much energy for my older one to handle, but it's good to know things are pretty much fine. I just wasn't sure because it wasn't anything like when I was dealing with the kitten's mother & my older cat. It was absolutely clear when they were being aggressive & when they were okay with each other. 

 

[fhicat]

There's just so much hissing from my older cat it makes me nervous as well as the fact that she's so much bigger I just worry that she'd hurt my younger one even during play fighting. But that's good to hear, and it makes sense because she's acting incredibly different than how she acted with my kitten's mother (that was incredibly clear that she was being aggressive towards that cat, kept sneaking up on the cat and hissing at her and was constantly staring and swishing her tail around her). 

Yes, for the most part, it's quite clear when things are getting physical instead of playfighting. Furs flying around, flattened ears (very good indicator), and yes, swishing tails (if swishing is not normally seen).

I still plan to keep them mostly separate because my younger one is way too much energy for my older one to handle, but it's good to know things are pretty much fine. I just wasn't sure because it wasn't anything like when I was dealing with the kitten's mother & my older cat. It was absolutely clear when they were being aggressive & when they were okay with each other.

I think that's not a bad idea either. Ideally both cats should have sanctuaries -- places they can go to avoid the other cat. This can be something as simple as a very tall cat perch that the kitten cannot reach, or a completely separate room with lots of hidey holes. Especially for multi-cat households, hiding places are crucial to their happiness. Many of us have cats that don't really get along well with each other, but for the most part, if they have their own spaces, they can tolerate each other.

Here are some articles for extra reading if you're interested.

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[anmllvr]

I just dealt with this same thing, my cats could eat 6 inches from each other, but once the food was gone, the hissing and the spitting would begin.  In my case, it was due to non-recognition aggression from a vet visit.  In the end, it was an accidental escape from the bedroom while I was at work that solved the problem after a month of feeding them close together.   All the experts say "don't let them fight it out...cats don't solve their issues that way." and I think they are right, but it is o hard to know how far to let things go.  Because at some point, you have to let them interact a bit so they can learn each other's boundaries. 

Here are a some things I learned with my cats that maybe can help yours...

-There were times of day where the feeding was calmer than others and the cats seemed more relaxed.  So I tried for longer intro's at those times.

-Also, I have a mostly unused second bedroom. Both cats were more at ease in that room than anywhere in the appartment.  So if you are going to let them be together more, find as neutral of a place as you can to do that so no cat feels territorial.

-Your mental stress does affect them.  I don't think I realized how much that was until one escaped from the bedroom while I was gone and was out for who knows how long.  I was so stressed that I'm sure the cats could read it.  If there was a single hiss or stare, I started to intervene.  Unfortunately once or twice when I didn't intervene I let things go too long, and chasing ensued. So of course, the next few days my stress was up and therefore so were the cats.  So have an additional (neutral)  person with you for play sessions with your cats (or a cuddle session with one, play with the other, or whatever works) when you try them together without food. That relieves you of having to monitor both cats and gives you and opportunity for splitting your attention-meaning if you are having a conversation with that person you can't be so focused on the cats your stress behaviors affect them.

-Finally, try moving the food closer, BUT do it in tiny increments.  And mark the location of the plates with blue painter's tape or some such thing.  It will give you a visual of how close your cats are getting each day and you can see progress that way in even the slightest increments.   

-According to Jackson Galaxy, cats need it proven to them over and over and over that the other cat won't harm them.  So even if you are just moving the tape 1 inch every three days, you are proving to the cats that the other is okay.  And that is important. 

I hope that helps.

 

[persephoneia]

 
All the experts say "don't let them fight it out...cats don't solve their issues that way." and I think they are right, but it is to hard to know how far to let things go.

-Your mental stress does affect them.  I don't think I realized how much that was until one escaped from the bedroom while I was gone and was out for who knows how long.  I was so stressed that I'm sure the cats could read it.  If there was a single hiss or stare, I started to intervene.  Unfortunately once or twice when I didn't intervene I let things go too long, and chasing ensued. So of course, the next few days my stress was up and therefore so were the cats.  So have an additional (neutral)  person with you for play sessions with your cats (or a cuddle session with one, play with the other, or whatever works) when you try them together without food. That relieves you of having to monitor both cats and gives you and opportunity for splitting your attention-meaning if you are having a conversation with that person you can't be so focused on the cats your stress behaviors affect them.

This is a major problem I know I have because my older cat did get into a two fights (and a few almost fights when one of them dashed out of the room) with the kitten's mother when they were all living in the same house. The second fight was the one that scared the **** out of me and causes me to be so cautious now. But I also have a problem determining where I should intervene because my older cat's behavior towards my younger cat is much different than it was towards her mother. It's a lot less clear. As for getting a neutral person to help out, that's not possible for me at the moment. I've moved to a completely new state where I know no one, so it's just me dealing with these cats. I do try to distract myself though by getting on my computer while their in the room together that way I'm not hovering or unconsciously body blocking but still close enough to grab them if things start to get hairy.

I don't think moving their food closer is going to change anything because they would eat off the same plate if I let them. When I feed them, whoever I feed first the other always tries to eat theirs so their both eating off the same plate until I move one of them. Neither seem bothered by the other one being right there nor are they trying to fight over food. I keep them at their current distance just so there is some space in between them.

Also the only neutral territory in my entire apartment is my bed. If I put them both on my bed they just sniff each other and my other cat mostly ignores my younger cat. It's the only place where they seem cool with each other though it only last for a few minutes or so.

 

[anmllvr]

 Kittens are bundles of energy.  And that may take a while for it to grow out of.  A Feliway diffuser (if you aren't already using it-I don't remember) will help some.  It takes several weeks to work though, so don't expect instant results.  If you can afford it, I have found for my cats, the Feliway spray helps within a few minutes but it doesn't last very long, so you go through a lot of it. It needs to be applied at least 2x a day.

The other suggestions I have would be to do your best to do the impossible-exhaust the kitten.  Play with her a lot-have her run, chase, jump, etc appropriate things. 

Then get some kind of cat tree, shelf, etc. where your older cat can get away from the kitten.  Cats often find comfort in being up high.  They can watch and observe but are not as threatened.  Cat craft cat tree makes a $40 cat tree that is 8 feet high (can go as high as nine if needed) if you need an inexpensive option.  It can be found at Walmart.  Or you can build something, or even put furniture near a bookshelf, so the older cat can climb on top, etc. While I'm sure it will be hard to keep the kitten off it, if you can establish it as one cat's territory or get the older cat to understand she should run there-which would be an easier place for her to defend herself and the kitten then would have a harder time "playing" with her if she is up and the kitten is lower. 

I hope that helps.  I know the mental stress this can bring and it is awful.  Good luck!