my sweet cat is resting now

[diaz41]

Well I came home from work yesterday and looked up cancer in cats,cause I keep thinking to myself did I jump the gun. All these mixed emotions and how my sweet boy def was sick he seemed alright to .he did stop eating dry cat food,but I gave him wet cat food and he did eat it not a lot at one time and he was a cat with a great appetite. But when I came home from work day before I had him put down he had thrown up looked like there may have been blood in it but can't be certain.anyways I'm tortureing myself with what ifs.its driving me crazy.well I looked up cat cancer I saw cats who seemed not sick but very much was I also read that cats have this thing that they mask their sickness as much as they can cause in the wild that's what they do.one Kitty I saw was playing and his owner was on his way to be put down. It may sound nuts but I'm trying to find comfort in what I did.I preyed with my cat two days before I had him put down asked God if he can't be healed please take him don't let him suffer.and I woke up that day with the decision to have him put down that day.anyways I'm copeing a little better but heart still heavy and empty

 

[susank521]

Sweetie, there's not a person on this site that doesn't sympathize with you and relate to what you're feeling right now.

 It is so easy to drive yourself crazy with the what ifs. You prayed for an answer and you got it, you did the best thing that you could for your friend, and as badly as you're hurting right now, please just hold on to the knowledge that he is not. It will get less raw as time goes by. I had to put my precious Festus down in Jan. 2011. He had cancer, too. Sometimes I still get tears when I think of him, but they're not tears of pain any more, they're joyful tears. Joy that I had the pleasure of his love for 10 years. It doesn't feel like it right now, but your tears will be joyful one day. I hope that day comes soon for you.

 

[diaz41]

Hugs Susan for your sweet kind words. And one more hug for your baby you had lost.ty so much.I'm glad I m not alone in how I'm feeling.although I wish nobody had to go thru this.

 

[susank521]

@catlover16  I am so very sorry for your loss of Rita.

 She was such a beautiful girl. You are so right, it does take strength to to what's best for them.

Maybe, when you and diaz41 feel up to it, you might like to make a memorial page for your little ones.

 

[susank521]

Hugs Susan for your sweet kind words. And one more hug for your baby you had lost.ty so much.I'm glad I m not alone in how I'm feeling.although I wish nobody had to go thru this.

Thank you for the hugs. You are definitely not alone, hopefully that's some comfort. Wish there were some majic words to make it easier for you.

 

[diaz41]

ty again susan.im slowly getting better and actually am coming to terms with myself over my decision.i know I made the best decision that I could make for my sweet boy.although he is missed dearly and not one day I have not thought bout him and his sweet ways I will hold them in my heart and mind always.he def was my cat everyone always knew well the ones he would warm up to and actually come out smiles.he wasa skiddish cat of strangers.when I got him I went to this ladys house who rescues cats.he was abused and abandoned by this man.i never thought I would choose a orange cat but when I picked him up and he buried his head under my arm I knew he was the one.the lady said oh wow hes never done that before.so he chose me and I chose him.i brought him home right away I took him to the vet and he had that rhino desease got it cleared and he was good to go [emoji]9786[/emoji] from that day on for 13 years he brought me many smiles and a lot of warmeth.so when I came to my decision to have him put down I did prey for some kinda answer my exact words were as i held my cat please god if you cant heal my cat make him all better then please take him I cant and wont watch him suffer are get worse then what he is now.well wow that answer came two days later when I suddenly decided that morning to go ahead and take him to put him down.i cant say what force was with me in helpin me make that decision cause I heard no voice sayin do it I jus felt it in my mind and soul to do it.i do feel better talkin bout it.i do miss him so terribly much.and my bed and room s so empty without him.im used to layin down and then him jumpin on my bed and coming to lay on my head are beside me in the bend of my belly and arm.then hearing him snore lmao.trust me when that 15 pound cat jumped on ya bed you knew it hehe.i miss him knudgeing my face and rubbing his head and face on mine he would do that a lot.well I hope everybody has a safe and happy new years .I will be glad to send off 2013 as its been a very tryin year for me im sure others to.hugs everyone