- Joined
- Nov 9, 2012
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- 106
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Hello everyone. My baby Merlin died on Monday, April 13th at about 8:45 am. He was 15 years old.
A little back story. Merlin had a really bad coughing attack on March 28th. We took him to the vet and they said he had an upper respiratory infection and looked as if he had asthma (and had it for some time) He had coughed before, off and on for years, but it was never very bad. Vet's told me if he didn't get any worse not to bother with treatments as it would just traumatize him.
Well he never really improved. He would get somewhat better, but slowly he went down hill. We had him to the vet several times over the two weeks, even to an internal medicine specialist. We had him on liquid and inhaled steroids. He lived his last two days in the vet hospital.
Saturday evening he started to have another attack. My husband bundled him into our car and drove him to the vet. I was so upset, and had been that I didn't go with him. He decided to keep him. On Monday we called and the vet, who said he had been improving said he had another attack. We were going to go that night and visit him, pet him and decide what to do. 5 mins later the vet called and said he was having a siezure of some sort and became non responsive. Instead of forcing the poor baby to stay alive until we got to him, we allowed the vet to help him go.
The vet said he was very calm the entire time he was over there, purring and being the good boy he always had been, but they said his lungs probably had remodeled and he wasn't improving.
I did everything I could for him, I know that. But what bothers me still is that I didn't go with my husband to the vet that night and my husband or I were not able to be with him as he crossed over. I am having a hard time letting go of this. I wasn't sure I would have been able to be with him anyway, and watch him go. I had gotten a cancer diagnosis on 4/9 and lost my baby on 4/13. I was at the end of ability to cope.
My greatest pain about this that he was with strangers when died and that he felt abandoned by the person he loved most, me. If he had been home he would have struggled so much and suffered more. He was able to have oxygen at the vet and got medication. We had to know if it would help him or not, so I know we had to do it, but I can't let go of this.
I guess I just want to talk to people that understand. People have been kind to me, but they have no idea how this is crushing me. I had merlin for 13 years and he is the closest thing I think I will ever have to a real child. To coin a phrase from my Irish friends. I am simply gutted.
A little back story. Merlin had a really bad coughing attack on March 28th. We took him to the vet and they said he had an upper respiratory infection and looked as if he had asthma (and had it for some time) He had coughed before, off and on for years, but it was never very bad. Vet's told me if he didn't get any worse not to bother with treatments as it would just traumatize him.
Well he never really improved. He would get somewhat better, but slowly he went down hill. We had him to the vet several times over the two weeks, even to an internal medicine specialist. We had him on liquid and inhaled steroids. He lived his last two days in the vet hospital.
Saturday evening he started to have another attack. My husband bundled him into our car and drove him to the vet. I was so upset, and had been that I didn't go with him. He decided to keep him. On Monday we called and the vet, who said he had been improving said he had another attack. We were going to go that night and visit him, pet him and decide what to do. 5 mins later the vet called and said he was having a siezure of some sort and became non responsive. Instead of forcing the poor baby to stay alive until we got to him, we allowed the vet to help him go.
The vet said he was very calm the entire time he was over there, purring and being the good boy he always had been, but they said his lungs probably had remodeled and he wasn't improving.
I did everything I could for him, I know that. But what bothers me still is that I didn't go with my husband to the vet that night and my husband or I were not able to be with him as he crossed over. I am having a hard time letting go of this. I wasn't sure I would have been able to be with him anyway, and watch him go. I had gotten a cancer diagnosis on 4/9 and lost my baby on 4/13. I was at the end of ability to cope.
My greatest pain about this that he was with strangers when died and that he felt abandoned by the person he loved most, me. If he had been home he would have struggled so much and suffered more. He was able to have oxygen at the vet and got medication. We had to know if it would help him or not, so I know we had to do it, but I can't let go of this.
I guess I just want to talk to people that understand. People have been kind to me, but they have no idea how this is crushing me. I had merlin for 13 years and he is the closest thing I think I will ever have to a real child. To coin a phrase from my Irish friends. I am simply gutted.