Hello all,
Its with a heavy heart Im posting my 19 year old kitty passed 3 weeks ago. I cant move past it. The guilt of everything is killing me. She had ckd and then they found a mass on her kidney the night she passed. For about a year we struggled with getting her to eat, miralax, bp meds , eye drops 6x per day b/c she stopped producing tears. My life was going to work and coming home to care for her. She started howling one night and breathing became shallow. I rushed her to what I thought was a 24 hr vet ER after calling them to let them know I was on my way. When I got there they were closed. This was a 20-minute drive with a dying cat. When I called them back they advised me that particular emergency room closes at 11 p.m. and the phones are forwarded to a different ER which was five minutes from my house. I opted to go to the first place because they had my cat's records and she was breathing not shalloow at the time but was breathing thru her mouth. She suffered 40 minutes longer than she had to because of my decision to go to the farther ER. By the time we got there she was barely breathing and they said it was hopeless so I had to make the agonising choice of euthanasia. Several months before this I lost my temper with Punkin. I yelled at her and I grabbed her and I asked her why won't you eat I'm just trying to help you. she went through so much. I was so frustrated. At any given time we would have 4 or 5 cans of cat food open. I heated the food. I tried everything. sometimes she would eat sometimes not. She was a pretty independent cat. She never listened to a word I said. So I'm hoping she didn't even notice I was angry. I even told her I was just sick of her. I apologized and told her I could never be sick of you and how much I love you I was just weary from the situation. Im crying as I write this. Im just in a place of despair. I did all i knew to do for her for almost 20 years. I dont know why
I cant focus on that. The guilt is eating me alive. RIP Punkin.
Its with a heavy heart Im posting my 19 year old kitty passed 3 weeks ago. I cant move past it. The guilt of everything is killing me. She had ckd and then they found a mass on her kidney the night she passed. For about a year we struggled with getting her to eat, miralax, bp meds , eye drops 6x per day b/c she stopped producing tears. My life was going to work and coming home to care for her. She started howling one night and breathing became shallow. I rushed her to what I thought was a 24 hr vet ER after calling them to let them know I was on my way. When I got there they were closed. This was a 20-minute drive with a dying cat. When I called them back they advised me that particular emergency room closes at 11 p.m. and the phones are forwarded to a different ER which was five minutes from my house. I opted to go to the first place because they had my cat's records and she was breathing not shalloow at the time but was breathing thru her mouth. She suffered 40 minutes longer than she had to because of my decision to go to the farther ER. By the time we got there she was barely breathing and they said it was hopeless so I had to make the agonising choice of euthanasia. Several months before this I lost my temper with Punkin. I yelled at her and I grabbed her and I asked her why won't you eat I'm just trying to help you. she went through so much. I was so frustrated. At any given time we would have 4 or 5 cans of cat food open. I heated the food. I tried everything. sometimes she would eat sometimes not. She was a pretty independent cat. She never listened to a word I said. So I'm hoping she didn't even notice I was angry. I even told her I was just sick of her. I apologized and told her I could never be sick of you and how much I love you I was just weary from the situation. Im crying as I write this. Im just in a place of despair. I did all i knew to do for her for almost 20 years. I dont know why
I cant focus on that. The guilt is eating me alive. RIP Punkin.