my kitten ignores one of us

[mocahbugs]

Hi, there. This is my first time using this forum but I find the information here quite helpful. I do have a question that some of you may know the answer to. My boyfriend and I just brought home our persian kitten named Menchi last Friday. Menchi comes to me when I call him, purrs and begs for affection. However, he doesn't do this with my boyfriend. When my bf pets him, he tries to get away from him and he hardly comes to him when he's called. My bf is of course a little jealous of the attention that I get but confused as to why this is so. He's been trying to get him to feel comfortable by spending time with him alone, playing with him etc.. but he still remains aloof around him. At the same time, he's warmed up a lot more around me. Is this something temporary? Does anyone have advise on how to get the kitten to like everyone in the home? Any explanation for this behavior? Thanks in advance.

PS: we also have a siamese kitten that we adopted 6 weeks ago. he easily got attached to both of us. i tease my bf about liking the siamese more (since the kitten likes him back) and that menchi may be sensing this!

 

[yosemite]

I'm sure you'll get some expert advice here (not from me), but my own experience has been that cats bond with whomever THEY choose. Bijou is really the first cat we've had that has bonded with my husband. All our other cats were basically MY cats.

As I said, there are some really experienced folks here that will probably be able to answer your question.

 

[okeefecl]

Welcome to TCS! I've moved your question to our Behavior forum, where you should get a lot of good advice.

 

[elizwithcat]

Originally Posted by mocahbugs

Hi, there. This is my first time using this forum but I find the information here quite helpful. I do have a question that some of you may know the answer to. My boyfriend and I just brought home our persian kitten named Menchi last Friday. Menchi comes to me when I call him, purrs and begs for affection. However, he doesn't do this with my boyfriend. When my bf pets him, he tries to get away from him and he hardly comes to him when he's called. My bf is of course a little jealous of the attention that I get but confused as to why this is so. He's been trying to get him to feel comfortable by spending time with him alone, playing with him etc.. but he still remains aloof around him. At the same time, he's warmed up a lot more around me. Is this something temporary? Does anyone have advise on how to get the kitten to like everyone in the home? Any explanation for this behavior? Thanks in advance.

PS: we also have a siamese kitten that we adopted 6 weeks ago. he easily got attached to both of us. i tease my bf about liking the siamese more (since the kitten likes him back) and that menchi may be sensing this!

Just like people, cat decide who they like and who they don't like. It might not even be anything personal, but maybe the cat just prefers females over males. Have your boyfriend give him treats and be nice to him, hopefully it will change. The cat is still young so his behavior might change.

 

[kittylady]

Hi and welcome

I found with our kitten Misty that she favoured me for a while and then my hubby . She kind of went back and forth but more to me. I did mention to him that he should take turns feeding her instead of just me.

I was told by a vet years ago when I had a puppy that to bond him with my little son that he should feed him sometimes to as his scent would be on his food dish. I dont know if this applies to cats or not but Misty is now very affectionate with both of us.

Good luck anyway

 

[gilly]

Hello and welcome

Seeing as you have not had you kitten for long, maybe he needs some time to get used to the new environment, and that includes people etc. I am sure with a little time and patience, things will change.

 

[carla]

It could be that the kitten isn't used to being around men. You should get your boyfriend to take charge of feeding for a while and give her plenty (but not too much) attention. With her being so young, she'll probably get used to it and become much more friendly.

Also, I've heard that lots of cats prefer women to men ! apparently the higher pitched voice has something to do with it. this seems to be true with my cats. When mine gets in a mood, she always comes around if I put on a really soft voice !

 

[mocahbugs]

Thanks everyone for the advise. We'll definitely try out your suggestions. As to the breeder, it was a lady but I'm not sure who else lives with her although it sounds like there are kids in the home. I also thought that it has something to do with the voice as he responds to me whenever I use a high pitch voice. Anyhow, I'll let you know how it goes in the next few days. Thanks.

 

[nano]

Remember this site is 92% female, and as one of the 8% of males let me remind people that it is proven that the average cat responds more favorable to a woman's voice than to a man's. So the "head start" you have with the cat liking you more is probably a voice thing.

These are some things that might help:

Is it pronounced Menchii (as opposed to or Men-shee)? If so, your boyfriend should use a nickname for the cat that has an "ee" at the end. Cats like hearing human words that end in "ee".

Have your boyfriend work up a sweat in an old t-shirt and then place that t-shirt under the cat's food bowl. It will help the cat identify your boyfriend as a supporting caretaker.

Is your boyfriend a large guy? He can spend some time down on the cat's level by laying down on the floor and letting the cat explore him. I would take naps on the couch and wake up with a sleeping Nano curled up on my stomach or tangled up in my legs. This helped with bonding.



It is true that cats pick who they want to be friendly with, but it is desirable to have your cat bond with at least a few of your friends so someone could step in as caretaker if you were out of town for a week on an emergency. It is very difficult when your cat wants to avoid all human contact except for you.

 

[rosehawke]

"Menchi?" Is your BF, perchance, an anime fan? You do know how Menchi* translates? Maybe that's why he doesn't care for him if that was who named him!


*literal translation "mince", as in "minced meat"

 

[bigorangemenace]

Some cats are just different. My mom and I had my uncle, grandmother, my mothers boyfriend, his brother, and his parents over yesterday for mothers day. My kitten aerowyn went outside fine on the leash and was wantin gpettings. Elliot... however... had a "hissy fit" quite litrally. He was a bit scared when my mothers boyfriends mother (mouthful) petted him, but she spoke to him softly and nicely. Howeve.r. when I asked my uncle if he would pet elliot, elliot batted him on the hand (hes front declawed) and hissed O_O and then proceeded to freak out. Elliot doesnt like any strangers, but still likes women better. I think hes afraid of men because he knows my mothers boyfriend absolutely does not liek cats (except for aerowyn for some strange reason) O_O Elliot tries to rub on scotts legs sometimes and then walks away quickly sits down, and looks at him. My mom thinks he is being defiant, but he only wants to make friends with someone who doesnt like him (Moms boyfriend doesnt like orange males in particular for some reason) O_O Cats are just... different. they ahve different personalities that attribute to how they act around poeple. Do you know the place the kitten came from ? Maybe it hasnt had alot of male contact in its life, or maybe it had alot of negative male contact? It sounds silly but if you get your hubby to talk to the cat in a higher pitched, soft voice the kitten should respond better

if the cat spoke japanese maybe it would take offence to being called menchi or "minced meat" but it speaks cat persian so it wouldnt understand (Im being stupid right here Not being serious The cat would only speak cat persian if it was born in persia

)

 

[loveysmummy]

I would have the BF do everything for the cat for awhile. The feeding, the playing, the petting, the emptying of litter...and he might start to look at him differently.

I don't know if Lovey takes to me more than my BF because he has me "trained" better or not, but I think it helps !

 

[mocahbugs]

Menchi was named after this cat-dog character in an anime called Excel Saga. Until now, we didn't know that the literal meaning of it is minced meat. LOL -- Actually that's an appropriate meaning for it as in the anime Menchi is targeted a food supply by his female human companions. Anyway, the answer is yes -- my bf and I have seen enough anime that we decided to call our persian Menchi (he does resemble the cat/dog in that anime except he's gray, not white).

My bf told me last night that Menchi started playing more with him and giving him more attention although it's a slow process. Every day he's also warming to his siamese friend and myself. And as to the territory issues going on at home, my siamese has mellowed down a little. My bf and I still sleep in separate rooms because both of them need to have someone there but since they still don't get along fully, I have to be with one and my bf with the other. We try to switch cats every night (so menchi can bond with both of us and for Ichi not to feel neglected by either one of us). Other than the fights, the two share food, play and Ichi even grooms Menchi whenever he's in a calm mood. It's a little schizophrenic right now but it's getting better.

As with Menchi so far, i notice he likes to climb and be on top of things - like the tables, book cases etc... I'm not sure if he's the lap cat type as he tends to hang out by himself except in the morning when he tends to snuggle with me for a few minutes. He also tends to hid under the dresser, table etc.. which I don't think is a good idea? He seems to tend to shy away at times but perhaps that's because everything is still new? I hope he doesn't make that a habit though as I'd like him to be sociable and outgoing as much as possible like his feline friend. If you have some advise on how to do that, I'd aprpeciate it.

Again, thanks for some great advise. This site has been very helpful.

 

[rosehawke]

The husband figure is the one who's into anime. At least Excel Saga isn't dark like some of the stuff he watches (which I refuse to watch with him, life's dark enough thank you, I don't need any help!) "Cat-dog" covers it nicely I think. I've just come to the conclusion that Menchi is more dog than cat since he, sort of, barks and yips.

Most cats like to be up high so that they can look down and keep everything under observation. I think it's a tactical position

. If Menchi's warming up to him, even a little bit, it'll probably be okay. Sometimes they just have to get some age on them. My all-time best bud Shado was pretty aloof when she was a kitten, and as a young cat, but about the time she turned three or so seemed to undergo some sort of a life change and decided that not only was I all right, but that she'd rather be with me than anyone else.