My friend's new cat won't come out from under the bed

[akira]

Hi everyone!

I really need your help. A friend of mine recently adopted her first cat ever, about a month and a half ago.

The thing is, as soon as she opened the door of the carrier the cat run and hid below the kitchen counter, and he wouldn't come out no matter what. He only seemed to venture out when he was totally alone to eat and use the littler box, but never in sight of anyone.

I told her this was normal behaviour, and that in a couple of days, a week at the most, the cat would begin to venture out around the house.

But the week went by and nothing changed.

I went to visit her sometime around the second week and she told me she didn't know what to do. She was starting to become impatient and told me that if the cat kept behaving like that for more than three weeks, she would begin to consider returning it to the shelter where it came from (it was in a foster home).

I was very sad to hear this, so I resolved to help her get the cat from under the counter. As I have had cats all my life and live with two of them, I have more experience than her in handling them. I put my arm under the counter and reached towards the cat, expecting some degree of growling or hissing, but to my surprise all I got was very loud purring.

I kept petting the cat for a while and when I sensed he was relaxed enough, I put both my arms under de counter and took it out. I held him in my arms for a while and though he tried to get back under the counter several times (without taking out his nails or trying to bite me a single time), the purring continued.

We took him to a bedroom, where he had his bed ready and all the toys and the scratching post. I sat on the floor and released him. He stuck by my side, very close to my body and purring, and I kept petting him for a while. He is one of those cats that pet themselves against you. I would extended my palm and he would rub his head against it, clearly enjoyin it. Until at some point he decided to run and hide under the bed.

I told my friend to continue this routine, coming everyday and petting him, and making him accustomed to her company, so that he will become less and less shy over time.

But three more weeks have passed and although she keeps spending lots of time with him, nothing has changed. He runs under the bed as soon as he can, and won't come out on his own. Only when taken out "forcefully". He's been over a month under that bed.

Now she's seriously considering returning the cat and it really saddens me because he is such a sweet, sweet cat like I've seen no other, clearly in need of so much love and caring, and he is about to miss this chance to stay in a forever home.

I'm out of ideas about how to help the cat become less shy and venture out more.

Do you have any suggestions? They would be greatly appreciated, I really want that cat to be happy and safe, it breaks my heart that she wants to return him.

Thanks and sorry for the long text.

 

[orange&white]

Tell her to block off access to beneath the bed, also under dressers or chests or any other space the cat will be difficult to retrieve.  The cat does need some "hidey holes", like a couple of cardboard boxes with a door cut out.  A cat tree with a cat den would be nice.

It's a shame your friend doesn't have more patience.  Some cats take more time, and some shy cats stay somewhat shy their whole lives.  When she does get the cat out, is it as friendly and purring as it was with you?

I had an extremely shy cat for 16.5 years.  She was very sweet, but did hiss every time she was picked up.  Like your friend, I had also wanted a more outgoing, socialized "fearless" cat.  Instead off giving up on shy Miss Tess, I adopted a second cat when Tess was a little over 2 years.  That was a good solution for me.

 

[madzoya]

It really sadnes me when I hear of people who want to give up an adopted pet, because they don't correspond to their ideal of a pet.

Each cat is different. Some are shy, some are fearless and crazy, some talk non stop. If she wanted a standardized version of a cat, why wouldn't she buy a toy one instead?

Having said that (excuse me, but it really gets to me), my Bruce was kind of like that. His first month was spent 80% under my bed and most times I needed to go pick him up myself. His first 48 hours were spent underneath our kitchen counter, imagine that!

Although he seemed a very social cat in the shelter, he prooved to be really shy when he got home. I was sad in the beggining, thinking that maybe he wouldn't be happy in our house. But we kept going, talking to him in a sweet voice and trying to engage him in play.

Eventually one day (after maybe a month, that seemed like forever) he clicked and came to us. He is now sweet, cuddly, crazy as hell and does not let us sleep one entire night because he 'misses us' and wants attention. (think twice before you wish for a loving cat ) He's with us since 28th January!

What I'm saying, it takes time to win their trust. If your friend is frustrated and mad, the cat will feel it and will retract obviously. If she really want this furry friend in her life, she need to have patience. If she is not willing to now, she might as well find a better home for him, because I cannot imagine what it will be if he gets sick or old and needs real care.

Sorry for the bluntness, but that's what it is.

 

[Brian007]

I agree with the above to block off all access to underneath beds, cupboards, sideboards, tables etc, put a nice soft cat blanket on the bed.  Put a blanket on top of the wardrobe and/or chest of drawers, window frame, table, shelves etc.  Put at least one cardboard box turned on its longest side, so its face is open, put in a snuggle blanket and a small cat teddybear, and place it out of the way, against a wall but within clear sight of the bedroom door, so he can see all around him and know who is coming into his room.  In addition, put in another cardboard box with a blanket in the bottom but leave this one upright and place it in the most secluded, safe spot.  Basically turn the room into a temporary cat bed showroom!  Make sure his litter tray is as far away from his food and water bows as possible.  Also place his water bowl in a different place to his food bowl.  Cats think of these three activities as fundamentally separate from each other.

She needs to quietly sit/lay on the bed for a couple of hours each day, at different times through the day, minding her own business, reading the paper or a book to herself or out loud to her cat, surf on her laptop, watch tv, listen to the radio, especially talk radio stations, knit, do a jigsaw puzzle etc.  She shouldn't expect anything from her cat or try to force him to like her.  She could, however, wave dangling wand toys, or pieces of string, enticingly over the bed, eventually his curiosity is bound to get the better of him and he will at least come for a wee sniff and a poke.  Sporadically pinging rolled up bits of paper across the room will also pique his playful nature.

The time it takes is up to him.  When I was a child my mum rescued a Burmese (known for their super friendly nature) who hid under the sideboard for three months.  When he finally emerged, he was, as if by magic, fully integrated into our house and a more friendly, loving cat you'd have been hard pushed to find.  Every other cat I've known has taken far less time but I'm just pointing out the extreme case.

Because her cat obviously really likes you, rubbing round the legs is only done to especially agreeable humans, then why don't you volunteer to hang out in the cat's room as often as possible yourself, either alone or with your friend. You could play a board game, cards, watch tv, or suchlike.  Also, if you are the same dress size as your friend maybe lend her some trousers and tops that you have recently worn and will smell of you, which the cat would probably appreciate.

Please try to soothe your friend's anxiety about her cat.  The more relaxed she is, the more relaxed will be the cat.  Try deliciously tasty valerian cat-calming treats, they work wonders in reducing anxiety and stress, and induce an enjoyable chill-cat-laxing state of mind.

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• Brian007
• Mar 24, 2017

I wish you all the best of luck.  

 

 

[lisa brady]

In 2009, I adopted my Russian Blue, Natasha. She hid under the bed for about 6 weeks. I do not know what breed of cat your friend adopted but certain breeds are more shy and nervous around strangers and strange environments. What I did is just gave her space until she was ready. I made sure I had one on one contact with several times a day and always approached her in a soft, non-threatening manner.
She eventually let her guard down and became my closest companion. Today, she only has a few "favorite" people she interacts with but, overall, she is a one or two person cat. Your friend's cat may be one, like Natasha, who is just shy by nature and may take a little extra time and patience.