My Feral Cat Is Herding Me. And Other Behaviors I Don’t Understand. What Should I Do In Return?

[Echolane]

I have been befriended by a feral cat. She has gone from completely wild to semi-tame. The taming was initiated by her because I had been feeding her for some time. Her first signs of real progress were brushing against my pant leg which I gradually exploited by brushing against her with my hand and then very gradually moving to pet her. Just today she started letting me pet her around her head and ears. It’s taken over a month of gradualism to achieve this much. If I move too fast or in unexpected ways, she will flee. She has occasionally batted her paw at me if I try to touch anything besides her back. That I can understand! It’s some of her other behaviors that have me baffled.

Now she throws herself down in front of me and rolls over while making eye contact. It looks like she’s flirting with me, but she doesn’t let me touch her. Still, I think she wants me to do something. What should I do?

She also herds me when I attempt to leave the area where she is being fed. She herds me by walking in front of each foot as though to stop my walking away from her. What am I supposed to do in return? She also marks everything surrounding me. Vigorously! It’s like she owns me. I don’t know what to make of this behavior.

 

[jcat]

Several of the more socialized cats in our shelter's feral colony exhibit the same behaviors. Very, very few of them allow you to touch them, but they do like it when you talk to them and stand around and watch them eat or just sit down and hang out with them.

It's taken a lot of them years to want that much interaction with humans and they're choosy about which people they'll interact with, so a month is great!

It's probable that she lived with humans at one time, possibly when she was quite young, so you might see her initiating more physical contact when given the opportunity. I'd let her set the pace while spending more and more time with her. Does she meow at you?

 

[Echolane]

Yes, she meows at me. If I call her and she’s in the area she will answer with a meow when she gets near. If she’s already there waiting for me to feed, she will meow when she sees me.

It all started with me talking to her.

Judging from her behavior, she is an exceedingly wary/wild sort, so it’s hard to imagine anything but born wild, but of course we can’t ask her. But her wariness has served her well because she has managed to survive this long in my dangerous neighborhood. Just a half block away begins a semi wild area that continues that way or wilder for many miles of coast range. I can hear coyotes calling almost every night. Mountain lions have been sighted a block away from my house, and I hear owls calling every night. Any of them are a nightly threat. And there is plenty of auto traffic and people who use rat poison. So she must be smart as well as wary. I fear for her life but unfortunately I can’t take her in.

We did trap her and her kittens and my neighbor trapped the father of the kittens. Miraculously, that didn’t stop her coming for food every day. So I started talking to her, avoiding eye contact, moving slowly, etc. This has been going on for six months or more with no apparent progress. It’s only recently, in the last month or so, that she has initiated this closer contact. That part, once started, has progressed fairly rapidly. Of course, I am absolutely beyond thrilled that my methods have soothed her enough that she has befriended me. But she must think I’m terribly stupid because I don’t respond to her cat behaviors, throwing herself down and exposing her undersides to me, or herding me.

She has been especially afraid of my hands. I’ve been able to pet her on the back so long as I don’t approach her withers or head and neck area. Then she’ll hiss and swat at me. So I decided to see if her fear about my hands would abate if she would learn to eat out of my hand. It took a week of patience and talking and now, as of yesterday, she will eat out of my hand. And already that has led to her allowing me to pet her head area just a bit. But she liked it! So I think that will progress too.

Of course, I want more! I’m dying to cuddle her. She is so pretty! She’s a tiny little thing. Only about 6-7 pounds. And with the most endearing mannerisms! Like using her paw to pull her food closer. She has even put her paw on my hand while she eats!

It’s so hard to be patient and it feels like I might never get much beyond where I am with her right now. She won’t play. Toys frighten her. My husband can’t get anywhere near. She won’t eat anything but kibble.

 

[fionasmom]

She is a beautiful cat and might progress to really being friendly. Last summer I TNRed several cats who were in the area and one of them is now to the point where I can pick her up and carry her in the house, although she does not want to stay inside. A year ago this time she was hissing and spitting at the sight of me.

We went through all the stages you describe, including the toys frightening her, other humans frightening her, and now she waits for me to offer her toys and is comfortable hanging out in my back patio area. You have to let your cat progress at her own rate. The sister of the cat I described prefers dry kibble only despite being offered wet food.

 

[Echolane]

Thank you so much for telling me about how much you were able to accomplish with your feral cat. That encourages me enormously and will help me to continue being both patient and hopeful. I find it especially hard to be patient! And I so hope you are right that she will progress to being friendly. I especially want to be able to pick her up.

Today she readily ate from my hand, again putting her paw on my hand. These little things she does are so endearing!

She also let me pet her a little more around her head and ears! So we made a little more progress.

It continues to puzzle me that she is so vigorous and seemingly obsessed with marking everything around us. She will regularly stop eating to mark. I talk to her rather incessantly and I keep telling her to quit rubbing her little face so hard against everything, that its is going to wear the hair off! I’m actually surprised she hasn’t worn off some hair, she rubs so hard.

 

[fionasmom]

She is really coming around! The face scent marking might be to let everyone know that this is her home and you are her person. You are better off going a little too slowly and taking all cues from her which seems to be exactly what you are doing. I had a cat once who face marked so vigorously that she could knock someone over if they did not see it coming.

 

[Echolane]

She is coming along! Which is thrilling me as I’ve never befriended a wild thing like this.

You made me laugh when you described the cat that would mark so hard she could knock someone down!

I hope you will tell me how you managed to get your cat tame enough to be able to pick her up?

I think I can figure out how to make progress with toys, but picking mine little one up seems like a long way off at this point.

I have a couple of other goals I’ll want to work on. One will be to get some flea treatment on her. She’ll have to allow me to put the liquid on her. The other thing will be to worm her. That’s impossibly harder because it involves pilling. Doesn’t sound very likely! I paid extra for her to be wormed at time of neutering, but I expect she is continually in danger of picking up worm eggs. I think her typical prey is the little lizards I see less and less frequently around my house. I saw one in her mouth yesterday. That’s the ugly side of feral cats.

 

[CreamsiclePuff]

What a pretty girl! This is such an irresistibly sweet time when you both have gained mutual affection and are just waiting for the right moment to progress to the next level. So much like a first kiss. Such a precious time. Savour every moment of this as you have most definitely won over her heart and it will only be a matter of time before mutual trust allows this friendship to deepen.

Rolling on her belly shows you trust. The soft belly is one of the most protected areas and her exposing this soft side to you is letting you know that you have earned a level of trust with her. If you can gather a picnic blanket and pillow and lay down near her, with your eyes closed she would be most grateful. It sounds like she would like to come up to you and have a good sniff when you are at your most vulnerable and non threatening pose. Sleeping. That's like you telling her that you trust her too. The herding is to keep you safe. She would do this with her kittens if she had any. This tells you she cares about you.

When she rubs on things, spreading her pheromone's around, it has a dual effect. It provides a calming area and a sense of well being, and also lets others know that this area is 'her' area, which she's made apparent that you are welcome in. She would believe it also lets you know what is a safe area. She is treating you like she would treat her own kitten. It's very sweet.

 

[Echolane]

The unthinkable has happened. My beautiful, adorable Romy has disappeared. I am inconsolable.

 

[Sidewinder]

Oh, no... I hope she reappears, maybe she's just resting up somewhere. Or maybe she was picked up by Animal Control? Have you tried calling the local shelter(s) to see if she was picked up recently? That would be my first step in this situation.

 

[Echolane]

Animal Control doesn’t visit our little town unless to respond to a call. I live in a very dangerous area for small creatures. We have coyotes and mountain lions and bobcat and lynx and fox and owls and autos and people who use poison. I’ve been frightened for her all along but comforted by her obvious wariness as she would alert to the slightest noise. I wanted so much to bring her inside but I have two indoor only cats, siblings, and I’ve been afraid to upset that established pair. And I didn’t think she was quite ready to make the attempt. Hindsight.

 

[Sidewinder]

10-4, here's hoping she reappears... good luck to both of you!

 

[Echolane]

A miracle happened this morning!!! Romy was there when I turned the corner of my garage to look for her, pessimistically expecting it to be empty of her for a third day, but still hoping for a miracle. What an ecstatic moment when I saw her there in her usual spot!! I had been in tears most of the last two days and the tears flowed perhaps even more copiously at the joy of seeing her!

Could she have been trapped in someone’s garage? She has never missed a morning in the year I’ve been feeding her. I’ll never know where she was, but oh joy, my darling little girl is still here!

 

[Catzmeow]

I am so happy for you and kitty!!!!

 

[Maria Bayote]

I am literally crying on that part when you saw her again! Tears of joy!

Can you build a catio for her, so at least she would be safe and you won't need to worry that she'd be gone again, and maybe slowly you can integrate her with your 2 cats? I can sense that you have already bonded with this girl.

 

[Echolane]

I am literally crying on that part when you saw her again! Tears of joy!

Can you build a catio for her, so at least she would be safe and you won't need to worry that she'd be gone again, and maybe slowly you can integrate her with your 2 cats? I can sense that you have already bonded with this girl.

The tears of joy have been flowing all day. This little black cat has brought me great joy and has me wrapped around her little finger, that’s for sure. Of course it’s been a thrill to partly tame a wild creature, but in addition she has such an endearing quirky personality. She completely captivates me with her funny little mannerisms. Like putting her paw in her food dish to draw her food closer and then when I occasionally make a dish of my hands to feed her she rests her paw on my hand. How cute is that.

Or when she interrupts her eating to busily scurry around me and vigorously mark everything surrounding me while her tail vibrates like mad. And I could go on! How would it be possible not to fall for her. It’s just as Creamsicle said above, it’s like a romance. That first kiss. And then the next one.

My husband and I definitely discussed a catio today! It would be a wonderful treat for our indoor cats, if nothing else. But it won’t be easy. The only suitable location is on our deck and its shape does not easily lend itself to an inexpensive structure. For one thing it would need three, maybe even four doors. My husband could definitely build one but once built how will I lure her there? Right now I feed her in the covered dog run at the opposite end of the house. It would take weeks and weeks to lure her to a distant catio. I wish I could pick her up, but we are a long way from that just now. I would have to hope that gradually moving her food dish in that direction would eventually do the trick.

And then there would be the challenge of trying to keep her in at night and then introducing her to our two indoor cats. Lots of things to hope would go right.

 

[Maria Bayote]

I would have to hope that gradually moving her food dish in that direction would eventually do the trick.

Yes this would do the trick, slowly but surely it will work.

I am excited to see her enclosed in a catio and be safe with you.

Thank you for caring for this cat.

 

[Sidewinder]

Excellent news!!!

 

[Echolane]

Sometimes my love affair with Romy makes me feel disloyal to my beautiful indoor cats, a much loved brother and sister. Timo and Gem are 2 1/2 years old rescues, bottle raised from the age of 2 or 3 days of age. Timo is a ticked blue tabby I am told and Gem is all brown. Maybe one day I can introduce them all, though they will dwarf Romy in size as they are quite literally more than twice her weight without being the least overweight.

 

[Maria Bayote]

View attachment 301304 View attachment 301305 Sometimes my love affair with Romy makes me feel disloyal to my beautiful indoor cats, a much loved brother and sister. Timo and Gem are 2 1/2 years old rescues, bottle raised from the age of 2 or 3 days of age. Timo is a ticked blue tabby I am told and Gem is all brown. Maybe one day I can introduce them all, though they will dwarf Romy in size as they are quite literally more than twice her weight without being the least overweight.

Beautiful cats!