My Cat Suffered In The Worst Way And Died While Being So Afraid.

[Jane Doe]

Hello. I am 15. I had a cat that died at a very young age due to congestive heart failure but I'm super depressed over how sudden he went. I was SO unbelievably busy this last month because of certain events taking place in my life. He died suddenly with no warning. I found him in a corner of the basement panting and crying so loudly. I never heard such a loud painful meow in my life. I was panicking so bad and my family and I rushed him to the vets. He was diagnosed with CHF and the vet guy wanted to put him down that night. It happened too sudden and I didn't want him to go like this so I picked him up and ran out the door. The vet gave my cat a lasix injection which reduces the liquid to help him breathe and then he gave my mom some pills to give him at home. The vet said he will go through this again but I took the chance anyway. Thankfully, he was back to normal for just one day and one night and I got to spend so much time with him. but then he started suffering again very bad. The worse part is he didn't want to go. He was trying so hard to puke but he couldn't (he thought he had to, but he didn't..it was the liquid in the lungs that was causing him to not breathe).

The symptoms of congestive heart failure are

• Difficult and rapid breathing
• Blue or gray gums or tongue
• Loss of appetite
• Weakness or lethargy (tiredness)
• Collapse
• Hind limb paralysis

He had all of these symptoms. His heart was failing to pump and this causes tons of liquid to back up into his lungs basically causing him to drown in his own body. He was always so healthy, he was probably so confused and scared when he was feeling this pain. He limped SO weakly downstairs to pee in his litter box but once he was finished, he hung his head down so low and stayed in there. I took him out and brought him back up to my bed while my family was getting dressed to bring him to the vets and put him down.

Like I said, since I was so terribly busy this last month, he didn't get the attention that I usually give him. It's been 26 days since he passed away and I still cry every second he crosses my mind and have terrible nightmares literally every night. I am falling behind in school work and getting bad grades because I can't bring myself to think of anything else besides my cat. I am so stressed I am starting to get severe sleep paralysis every night and my heart is either beating really fast or skipping beats and I get super dizzy and my chest hurts really bad. I am so stressed I am breaking out severely with acne(never had a pimple in about 4 years) and I'm also getting cold sores because of the stress.

I also feel SO BAD how he was so afraid in his last hours. It was a rainy thunder storming night and he's so afraid of the thunder. He is also so afraid of going into the car. He had to suffer through a long car ride with all that hard falling rain and loud scary lightning. Then we brought him into a unfamiliar scary place that was SEVERELY bright. We laid him down on the ICE COLD HARD metal platform and a stranger came up to him, shaved his leg, and injected him and then he died. When the woman grabbed his leg to inject him, he was breathing SO HEAVY and fast and his face was making a stressed expression with foam dripping down his little chin while he was staring at the wall. After he passed, I grabbed his paw and his claws were all the way out. He suffered so bad. I can only think of his last moments. I can't even think of happy moments because I instantly feel guilty how I took him for granted in his last month of being alive because I was so busy.

I need to know, is my cat going somewhere better after this life? Do cats go to heaven? I know pet owners like to tell themselves that their animal is crossing rainbow bridge, but I need to know the truth. I believe in God but I don't know too much about where animals go. Cats are so affectionate and loving and intelligent like humans, so it just doesn't make sense if they didn't go somewhere after this life on earth. Also, what does a cat think when they are suffering in pain? While I was comforting him, he kept turning his head away and crying. Does he think I was letting him suffer? Does he think I didn't know he was in pain?

 

[meelasmom]

I am so sorry for what you went through. Yes of course there has to be a rainbow bridge. I believe it. I lost my 10 month old baby three weeks ago today.

It sounds like your vets were cold people and to them this is what they do. They don't always think of what anyone else is going through.

Honestly it sounds to me like your cat was suffering. He wasn't alone though and you should try to take comfort in that. He might have been scared but it might have because he didn't know why his body was reacting that way. He obviously had no control. I am sure he just wanted the hurt to stop.

We all want to spend more time with them, especially if we even think that the time is limited. We also look back and find blame with ourselves for not being there, missing something or not doing more.

I wish I had grabbed my Meela and ran out the door at the vets because I am not convinced she had what the vet said or that her time was about up when I put her down.

Unfortunately yours did and death was imminent. I have to say for only being 15 you sound like a very mature person. You absolutely know what you are talking about.

I am proud that you were there for your cat and yes, the end looks and sounds cold but the hard cold truth is that no matter what you saw and felt the most important thing was not to see you cat suffer in any more pain. It sound's like it was really bad by what you described.

The claws out and all of that could just have been from the pain your experienced in the end from what he was suffering, not so much because of being put down.

I think your cat knew you were trying to help him. You should know that you stopped him from dying alone in grueling pain. You were able to do something for him out of love, even though the hardest part is life without that pet. You put him first. It was selfless act.

The pain after is excruciating. Believe me I know. All of us here know. We have all loved and lost. And with it comes guilt, what ifs, blame and shear pain.

I am still in all of that. I cry every day over Meela. Some days are worse than others. I have so much guilt because like I said I Believe I jumped the gun. I did not need to put her down when I did. I should have looked at all the options and weighed any choices I had. I did not and I have to live with that guilt and it's killing me.

You did nothing wrong. As far as the Rainbow Bridge, I have to believe there is one. I have to believe God is taking care of my girl until I can see her again. The Bible does have a few verses that refer to God taking care of everything he created, including animals

You sound like a tough and strong person. And I have no doubt you will get through this..as they say..this too shall pass.

You did nothing wrong and I completely understand why you feel like you did and have the questions you do. Think of it like this, where else can such a special part of our lives go? They are members of our families..it only makes sense that hey HAVE to go the most special place out there until we can see them again.

You will mourn your cat for a while..there is no timeline. I have never been part of a pet grief group before..never needed to. But this time I had to. These people are great and are her to help you if they can.

 

[amysuen]

I am so, so sorry. It's obvious how much you loved your cat, even when you were busy, and I'm sure he felt loved his whole life. Cats don't show that they're sick until they're REALLY sick, so don't feel guilty that you didn't notice it sooner. You were able to spend one last day and night loving him, and were with him at the end. No matter how sick or scared he might have been, he knew you were there and that comforted him. I know it's hard, but you did the most loving thing for him.

As smart as cats are I don't think they're capable of higher-level thinking. I don't believe he associated his pain with you at all, turning his head was probably his attempt to get more air (away from objects) and the crying was instinct. I'm positive he was comforted by your presence, even if he was too sick to show it. When our kitty was passing he meowed but would stop when we petted him and talked to him. He hung in until our daughter (his girl) came home from work and took him into her room. He passed in his sleep that night. I truly believe he was comforted by our presence, and stayed here to say goodbye to her. I believe just as strongly that your kitty knew that you loved him and was comforted by your presence in his last moments.

I believe in God and Heaven, and when we get there we'll have everything we need to be happy. So I believe that our beloved pets will be there too.

This is a really big thing to go through at your age. Give yourself time to grieve, and don't beat yourself up. Remember how loved he was his whole life, and find peace in that he knew you were there at the end. And when you're ready, consider getting another cat. Not that any cat can replace the one you lost - in my experience, a new kitten (or baby) won't take away the pain of the lost one because you never forget them - but will give you someone else to love.

Big hugs to you.

 

[di and bob]

What you are going through is called grief. Everyone of us handles it differently, but in the end it is unrelenting pain and all those should haves, could haves. No living thing wants to die, it is fought against by all, but the body has a way of shutting down the pain and suffering towards the end, and being with the one he loved comforted him in ways you will never know. You are at the age where you are just now understanding the permanence of death, what it means, and how it affects the ones left behind. It is a painful lesson of life. The one thing you must remember though is that sweet boy would never want you to be so sad because of him. Celebrate knowing him, loving him, and do not dwell on the end, it brings nothing but pain. Concentrate on what he taught you about love, try to think of the good times and bring happiness back into your life, for that is what he would want for you, just as you would want for him to be happy again if you were the first to go. Thank you for sharing his story and how you feel, that is the first step towards healing, sharing your pain with those who understand. You will never forget him, or the pain of losing him. We all have so many regrets, but know there is no going back. That is why we must all cling to the ones we have at the moment, to love them all we can right now,there are no guarantees of a tomorrow. You formed a bond with that little boy, a bond that binds your souls together for eternity.Because it is spiritual, as all love is, it can never be taken from you. He shared your life's journey for a little while and now he will follow a new path, paralleling yours until they cross again. Keep busy to occupy your mind, donate your time at a local shelter to help socialize kittens, raise money or contributions of food and litter to donate at a food pantry it will help you feel better about yourself and honor your little one's name. Pass on his legacy of love to another little one that so desperately needs someone to love, it can never be the same but like a mother with many children there is love for all.
Of course your little one went to heaven. Many people will deny this, saying animals have no place in heaven, but it says so in many ways in the bible, that God loves each and every sparrow, ALL the living things He created. Even the Pope has stated it is so. Love is what makes it so, what ties us and the ones we care for together for ever. It takes a long time to heal a broken heart, but ask your baby to help you, send your prayers and love to him and he will comfort you as he can, open your heart and you will feel him. His purrs on a soft summer night, his kiss on the breeze that sweeps across your face. He will never leave you because he is a part of you. Take care of yourself......RIP sweet little boy, you will never be forgotten and will reside forever more in a heart that will always treasure your memory. Sleep tight, little Prince!

 

[Mia6]

I am so sorry about your cat. Of course he is in heaven, sweet boy!!!
It takes awhile to grieve and everyone does it differently.

You have come to the right place as a lot of us have lost a kitty.

Hugs,
Mia

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Little One. Dream you deep.

Yes, he knew that you loved him and did your best. Absolutely I believe that. As I absolutely believe that we rejoin our beloved pets, and that they wait for us in a place of green grass, and gentle breezes and warm sunshine. If you are a Christian, I would also note that if you read Genesis in the original (Ancient Hebrew) language , the word that is translated into "creatures," describing the creation, is exactly the same as the word for "soul" as applied to Adam and Eve. It is only in the translation and interpretation that it is different. But...regardless of arguments by philosophers and theologians, I can't help but believe that if we treasure our animals, and we are bonded to them by love, then they WILL be with us, because...what's a heaven if those we love do not share it with us? So sweet, giving so much and asking so little...They are the essence of goodness, and surely have a place there.

 

[catsknowme]

Condolences on losing your precious boy. Thank you for sharing your story with all the sad details - that took maturity and courage. Many people read our posts and I know that you have let all of them know that you understand and that will make them feel less alone, even if they are too shy to join TCS.
Your situation reminds me of what I went through when my horse died of colic when I was 15yo. My horse took hours to die - my dad was at work in the field and our solo country vet was at the far end of the county so I was alone except for our 2 horses and colic is a terrible, excruciating way to die. Afterwards, my sister's horse kept neighing so loud and long, calling and calling for my horse, hour after hour, for days and I couldn't eat for 4 days and the first day, I was so hysterical that I had to get a shot from the doctor; eventually, my older brother drove me to San Diego with my younger brother, to stay for 2 weeks, which helped a lot. Grief cannot be put on a schedule.
About those last moments with your kitty, he was probably dealing with his breathing issues and wasn't aware of the cold table, the bright lights. I know, because I was bitten by a black widow spider in 2002 and went through much of the same thing - my mother is amazed because my body was clearly reacting badly but I was unaware of much except that I wanted to breathe.
It is very normal to grieve and you must be kind to yourself. You gave your cat one more day to know how much he was loved and wanted. Your family was so good to you and your cat, to drive in that awful storm to get him help from a veterinarian. That tells me that both your cat and you are very, very special to them - you must be such a wonderful person to know! And the spirit of your kitty goes on.
As far as Heaven goes, King Solomon, was the wisest man who has ever lived, and who will ever live, and you can read what he said in Ecclesiates 3:18-21. To paraphrase, he says that "man has no advantage over the animals...God tests people so that they will realize they are like the animals, with the same fate; all breathe the same air; all go to the same place and who knows if the spirit of the man rises upward and the spirit of the animal goes into the ground". So rest assured that your kitty is over Rainbow Bridge, safe with our Creator, and with all of our ancestors and those yet to be born.
We here at TCS are all very much family and we understand completely what you are going through. Do not hesitate to keep reaching out and let us know how you are doing. And please give your folks a big "thank you" for helping you in taking your cat to the vet - I realize that his passing was not easy, but it was a lot easier and quicker than if he had not had professional medical care.
Rest easy tonight, dear heart ~ Susan