My Best Boy, Conker

[Sylvashia]

After an almost 2 month battle, today I lost one of my best friends. Conker was diagnosed with FeLV and an unidentified mass in his lungs in early November. We were told he had days to live and we were devastated, but being the good boy he is, he didn't want us to worry and he made it a little over 6 weeks. Finally last night he showed us nothing was working anymore and we could see he was struggling.

So today we packed him up and took him on one last tour of our house, and a walk around the block in the fresh air. I'm choosing to have that as my last memory forever. Him looking up at us in wonder then back at all the vast outside.
I'm not sure how to live this new life without him. I'm sad but the only comfort I want is to feel him crawl over and plop down on top of me. Knowing I wont feel that again is overwhelming. I'm scared that in 10 years or 20 years I'll forget the little details about him. I want to remember his voice and his funny quirks forever. He was the most unique cat I've had and the shortest lived. I miss him so much already.

Conker:
7 years ago you found Jon and wouldn't leave until he took you in. I was so excited to meet you Conker, I loved any cat I could get my hands on, but as fate would have it, you were the one cat I didn't fall in love with right away. You were loud and pushy, you didn't give me any space and you wouldn't stop dragging everything you could find across the house. I just didn't know how to feel about you. Then we moved in together, and my sweet boy Pep came with. He was my little soulmate and I was worried you would fight. But instead you fell in love with him, despite him hissing in your face you followed him endlessly until he gave up trying to get away from you. You became his best friend. And just like that you melted my heart and I fell in love with you. I suddenly couldn't fathom why I had felt standoffish with you, you had so much love in you. I let myself get to know you and you were so sweet. I was absolutely obsessed with you. I never thought I could love another cat as much as Pep, boy was I wrong. Pep is my soulmate kitty but you were the love of my life kitty. I don't think I can ever find someone as pure, funny, absolutely weird and intelligent as you my love. I will miss you until the end of time Conker. I'm so happy we got 7 healthy years with you. I hope you come back to us in some form, our little family will never be the same without you.

 

[di and bob]

My heart goes out to you, these first dark days seem endless without them. To always remember, write down every little thing you can think of about him, you have a very good start in your beautiful tribute. That last tour you took with him is a memory that is a treasure. These beautiful memories will eventually bring you comfort when you need it.
You couldn't let him suffer, somehow you found the strength through your love to know when his joy in living turned to existing, to one filled with pain. It is always better to end that pain one day early than to be one day too late. And you are right, time helps us to distance ourselves from the pain of a broken heart. Time helps to soften the sharp edges of grief. Although most memories are etched into our hearts forever, some become lost, especially the day to day ones we remember right now.
Don't let those last few moments rule your world. They should never be made to have more importance than his life he lived with you. Concentrate on the good memories, on your love, because he is as near as your thoughts and prayers, and he needs to know the one he loves so much is OK. Just as you would want for him if you were the first to go.
The bond of love you have built over those 7 years is incredibly strong. Nothing can take it from you because it is spiritual and will endure forever. "Death cannot take that which never dies" and your love never will.
Pass on his legacy of love he left you, he taught you what love can bring. There are many different loves as you have found, each one as unique as a snowflake. Each one a treasure for your soul.
He lives on through you now, so open your heart to another love in the future and know you are bringing him peace by doing so. because that is what love is.
Take care of yourself, it is easy to lose yourself in the darkness of grief. Let the comfort of those who emphasize with you share your burden. Let the distraction of your families day to day living be a light to draw you back. And the hope for the future be your guide.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, you are not alone in your grief. Please come here whenever you like to seek comfort and reminisce, we will always be here...... RIP precious Conker. You will forever be a sweet boy, you will forever have a secure place in a loving heart to bring you peace. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

 

[Maria Bayote]

I am so sorry. Each time there is a similar post like this here it does break my heart, too. I can imagine your pain and sadness, but it is ok to grieve.

You have given your boy a good life. That is all that matters to him. He was loved, and will always be.

You can cry, write about him, talk about him, to at least lessen the hurt a little. But I was once told by a friend in one of my moments of grief: as long as it still hurts it is ok, because it means we still carry that love even if the ones we loved have passed away.

Be strong. Hang in there. I myself cannot imagine my life without my pets, but the reality is usually they always leave ahead of us. And each time one departs, they leave paw-shaped holes in our hearts.

Hugs and prayers.

 

[les26]

I am so sorry for your loss, what a wonderful boy he was and you were wonderful for taking him in and taking care of him and he gave you lots of love and fun memories in return and memories last forever. He is fine now, just fine, and you will see him again one day and it will be beautiful.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless.....

 

[mama africa]

Such a wonderful tribute to Conker, the cat of your life, Sylvashia . Don't worry, you will never forget the little details about him. Take care.

 

[LisaT.]

What a beautiful tribute. I'm so very sorry for your loss, Sylvashia. Conker was absolutely adorable. Like mama africa said, you wont forget the little details. I promise. Even in 10 or 20 years.
RIP sweet Conker.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Conker, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

Forever, Darlin. You won't forget. You may lose a few tiny details, but you will remember Conker. The essence of him lives in your heart. How could it not? Love does not die, you know. It only changes form and continues on, still Love. Love abides. Although you miss Conker's physical presence so much that it tears at you, he walks by you still, and always. Love abides. Love abides.

 

[solomonar]

Our Friends who leave us here on Earth, either Humans or Cats or whatever Creatures, did change our life and continue to change it by their memories.

These memories are a great gift, which grow more and more precious in time, like the old wine.

Tears and hugs!

 

[Kflowers]

In the future, in the quiet times when the pain has eased, without trying you'll remember little things -- his expression when you gave him a new toy, or when he found a new 'toy' by his definition, not yours, when he lay beside you and floppy a paw on your face. All the little things that make a whole are never gone from you. The remain tucked away in little boxes in your mind, gifts you and Conker give to you as the years shift from one to the next.

 

[will2002]

Not to worry...You will remember.

Christmas night as I was setting in my den, surrounded by five sleeping kitty friends, I was thinking of all of the wonderful cats we have cared for that have crossed that Rainbow Bridge. I could recall in great detail funny and amusing moments of the ones that had passed twenty and thirty years ago. I must have spent three house or more lost in the past, visiting with those fine little balls of fur. Some were old and some young, very young when they passed. I remembered each one of them the way they were in life. We, the wife and I, loved every one of them, and they returned the favor ten fold.

So don't be concerned. As others on this thread have posted before me, you will never forget your "Best Boy Conker", not even if you had nine lifetimes.

Rest in Peace Conker. You were very much loved!

 

[catsknowme]

Condolences to Pep and you on losing Conker. Your loving tribute was moving. I created a journal after I lost my soul kitty Joey in 2009 - it really is a treasure to read all these long years later. I can still recall Joey's strong, compact body & remember his purring warmth on long winter nights; Joey would roam the house with long, mournful mrrreowling whenever my grandson (who was 400 miles away, except for 3 times a year for month-long vacations with us) was ill or in pain. It helps me to read the supporting, comforting comments here in our lovely online community - I hope they are helping you, too.

 

[Sylvashia]

Thank you everyone for your compassionate replies. It really does help to know that others care. Everyday is still very hard, there is a big empty spot in our house, but we are helping each other through the rougher moments.