I am so sorry to hear this, I hadn't seen the post that said he only had 2 weeks left. I really wish that the chemo had worked and that he could have had longer with you. RIP little one, and do send a message down to show that you are safe.
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My beloved Buster is gone
- Thread starter blast-off-girl
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- #22
Thank you everyone for your kind comments and letters. I'm sorry that I have not been on the board much but I have been very heartbroken. I am back at work now and trying to normalize my life but it's been hard. I miss Buster and it hasn't got much easier since last week.
I have a lot of regrets about how I handled last week. Although Buster could not urinate so much, the oncologist predicted that he had about one more week to live. She wanted to prescribe heavy painkillers and some drug to expand the urethra. However, the tumor would ultimately cause a total blockage. I didn't want to wait and see that happen. At the time, I felt very confident that I made the right decision. I work very long hours and worried that I would come home and find Buster in pain while trying to urinate. However, I still wondered if I should have given him some more time. I know rational people see that I have done the right thing but I am an emotional wreck. Maybe I'll come to realize I made the right decision in the months and years to come. However, I am still riddled with guilt.
I have a lot of regrets about how I handled last week. Although Buster could not urinate so much, the oncologist predicted that he had about one more week to live. She wanted to prescribe heavy painkillers and some drug to expand the urethra. However, the tumor would ultimately cause a total blockage. I didn't want to wait and see that happen. At the time, I felt very confident that I made the right decision. I work very long hours and worried that I would come home and find Buster in pain while trying to urinate. However, I still wondered if I should have given him some more time. I know rational people see that I have done the right thing but I am an emotional wreck. Maybe I'll come to realize I made the right decision in the months and years to come. However, I am still riddled with guilt.
As a veteran of UT problems myself, I can honestly say that you did the courageous thing for Buster in giving him the comfort of a peaceful passing. Those problems are truly some of the worst that I have ever encountered - and I've had 2 children without any pain meds whatsoever; I've experienced neck injury & dental problems galore, but...
bladder problems are the worst
Buster was a true friend to you and I am sure that right now, Heaven seems very far away, but please know that your unending love still shines all the way over the Bridge and Buster happily plays there, healthy again, and looking forward to that happy day when you two are reunited again, this time forever
Buster was a true friend to you and I am sure that right now, Heaven seems very far away, but please know that your unending love still shines all the way over the Bridge and Buster happily plays there, healthy again, and looking forward to that happy day when you two are reunited again, this time forever
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- #24
Thank you for your encouraging words. It's interesting because something unusual happened to me during the week of Christmas. I developed a UTI for the first time in my life (I am 35 years old). I never realized how uncomfortable and yucky it made me felt. I couldn't believe that Buster may have experienced that while suffering from bladder cancer (prior to removal of the tumor and towards the end of his life). I think there was some sign out there to show me what it felt like for him and it wasn't pleasant. I am glad that the vet gave him antibiotics to help out at least.
I am so very sorry you lost Buster
I think if you came home to find that Buster was in excruiating pain and you had no idea for how long, you would have realized that you did make the right decision. Please dont be hard on yourself
Rest In Peace Buster
I think if you came home to find that Buster was in excruiating pain and you had no idea for how long, you would have realized that you did make the right decision. Please dont be hard on yourself
Rest In Peace Buster
You did the right thing. Would it have REALLY been worth giving him an extra few days, or if you're lucky, weeks, waiting for his urethra to get completely blocked? I think you know that the answer is no - you let him pass with dignity, and without putting him through the extra pain it would have inevitably caused.
You DID do the right thing, and of course you feel bad, it's part of the grieving process, but don't let it weigh you down
If you need to talk, just let me know.
You DID do the right thing, and of course you feel bad, it's part of the grieving process, but don't let it weigh you down
I am sorry things are still so hard for you, sadly guilt is part of the grieving process, but I think you did the right thing - yes, you could have bought him some more time with heavy painkillers, but that wouldnt have been for his benefit, it would have been for yours, he might not have been able to enjoy his last few days if he had been heavily doped, and there was still a risk he would suffer, and that would have been worse than letting him go with dignity as you did. I know what you mean about a sign though, I have had that happen to me.
I'm so sorry.
In the end you gave Buster a gentle passing out of love, just as while he lived you gave him a life full of love.
Unfortunately, I know this pain all to well. Grab all the best memories of you and Buster, the happy, the silly, the times you laughed - grab those memories and stuff them in the hole in your heart. It will be a rough patch at first but over time and as you add new memories it will hold and smooth over.
In the end you gave Buster a gentle passing out of love, just as while he lived you gave him a life full of love.
Unfortunately, I know this pain all to well. Grab all the best memories of you and Buster, the happy, the silly, the times you laughed - grab those memories and stuff them in the hole in your heart. It will be a rough patch at first but over time and as you add new memories it will hold and smooth over.
