Moving in with a boy for the first time

[carolpetunia]

Living together beforehand allows both partners to discover and deal with countless potential pitfalls while you're still in "test" mode -- which greatly relieves the pressure on the eventual marriage.

Considering the agonizing legal entanglements of divorce, I think it's foolish to marry anyone you haven't lived with, argued with, and gone through hell-and-high-water with for at least a year or two.

Marriage is extremely painful to take apart. You don't want to put it together until you're as certain of success as it's humanly possible to be, and living together is the only way to be that certain.

Having said that, however: please don't let your friends's horror stories scare you! Your relationship (whether married or just cohabiting) can be whatever the two of you decide to make it! If you and your beloved consciously choose every single day to be honest, caring, and kind to one another, you will not repeat the failures of others.

Good luck!

 

[mews2much]

I moved in with my Husband in 1999 and we had been together since Feb 1994.Of course we argue sometimes its normal. We got married in Dec 2003.

 

[jack31]

My piece of advice:

Appreciate the job/chore/task if it gets done, regardless of whether or not it was done to your "standard". For awhile you may find yourself redoing it, at some point you'll realize its a waste and accept it as is.

I didn't live with my husband before we were married and I don't regret that for a minute but I don't judge people by the choice they make.

Good luck and may you always check the toilet seat before you sit down in the dark

Leslie

 

[oscarsmommy]

Travis and I were together for 2 years when we first moved in together- I was 19 he was 20. I will warn you....it was ROUGH! I grew up a very spoiled person. I got everything handed to me and didn't really have chores to do. I did work part time when I lived at home but if I needed money, my parents were ALWAYS there. Travis and I fought a lot because I felt I never had to pitch in and help with chores. I did get a full time job-I just wasn't responsible with money. He pays the rent since he makes waaaaay more than me and I pay ALL the utilities. We had that figured out since DAY ONE. I have never needed his help to pay the bills.

One night after a big fight-me not doing chores AGAIN, we talked and decided that we should go to counseling or we were not going to make it together. Couseling SAVED MY RELATIONSHIP! After 3 and a half years of living together we have never been happier and don't fight very often anymore. Although I still am the WORST housewife EVER! But he loves me regardless and we don't fight about it anymore....It's just not worth it.

My grandma gave me the greatest advice when I asked her she and my grandpa were so happily married after 60 years. She said "PICK YOUR BATTLES. When you have a fight, ask yourself 'Is this really worth fighting about?' 9 out of 10 times it won't be!" And she is soooo right! I will have to find the email she sent me and post it. It was filled with wonderful advice and obviously made me cry. I want so much to be like my grandparents were that Travis and I work so hard at our relationship!

After all this time together-5 and a half years-I know that Travis is the man I have been waiting for. We have been through A LOT together! Know that sometimes you WILL have to work at it but DON'T GIVE UP! ESPECIALLY if you know it feels so right!

 

[goldenkitty45]

I noticed a lot of you mentioned about the living together and fights.

Because we didn't live together and got to know each other by phone/computer and talked EVERY day to each other; asking millions of questions........I am proud to say that we have NEVER had a fight in the 6 yrs we have been married.

I know a lot of you will find it hard to believe or I'm lying about it, but its 100% true. We have not had a fight like other couples. If we have a disagreement about something, we talk about it and discuss it to mutual agreement.

This was especially good when we had situations involving the kids and what they could/couldn't do - we first discussed it with each other and then presented a united front for the decision for the child involved. Many times they didn't like the answer and tried to pit one against the other, but we were a lot smarter then they thought we were

We learned the art and necessity of COMMUNICATION. And we both had enough of the yelling/screaming/crying/fighting in the 1st marriages that we honestly did not want to ever go down that road again.

Think about it.

 

[carolpetunia]

Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45

We learned the art and necessity of COMMUNICATION.

Absolutely fundamental, yes ma'am!

Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45

And we both had enough of the yelling/screaming/crying/fighting in the 1st marriages that we honestly did not want to ever go down that road again.

Exactly! A training-wheel period is invaluable in learning how to conduct a happy relationship. For some people, it's living together; for others, it's a first marriage that fails, but teaches you how to make the second one better.